How to Make Connections that Count as a Midlife Woman with Guest Jen Corcoran

If you’d told me 10 years ago that I’d be sitting here at 57 with a band of fabulous cheerleaders, and nurturing wonderful new friendships, I’d have laughed in your face…

Because I was lonely. 

Friendships had drifted…

Circumstances had shifted.

And I didn’t have the confidence, or the motivation, to start forging new connections, whether for business or pleasure.

But it is possible… I’m proof.

And it’s a timely topic to explore as we kick-start September.

So I’m delighted to be joined for Midlife Unlimited Episode 102 by LinkedIn Strategist and trainer Jen Corcoran to talk about How to make Connections that Count as a Midlife woman.

Joining the dots can be scary, especially when a myriad of Midlife changes can be making us feel vulnerable.

From that wedding where you know no-one, to joining a new dance class, via the potentially overwhelming new networking event, Jen and I explore why temptation to choose JOMO over FOMO can cause us to miss out on marvellous opportunities to turn chance meetings into meaningful relationships.

We explore why quality over quantity is the way to go when forging Midlife friends.

Jen shares inspiration and anecdotes for her experiences as both an introvert and a super connector, and don’t miss our proven practical advice that you can use to start meeting people that light you up – whether at work or play.

And – it would be rude not to ask her – Jen walks us through how we can ensure our LinkedIn headline is a powerful tool for attracting connections that count.

Connect with Jen

Listener offer - 20% off Profile Roast Workshop on September 11th 2026 with the code VIP20OFF

 https://mysuperconnector.thrivecart.com/profile-roast-masterclass/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jen-corcoran-mysuperconnector/

https://mysuperconnector.co.uk/contact/

MySuperConnector.co.uk

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis Coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling it like it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So welcome to today's episode. Now, if you told me ten years ago that I'd be sitting here at 57 with a whole band of fabulous cheerleaders and nurturing new and wonderful friendships, I'd have laughed in your face. Because I was lonely. Friendships had drifted, circumstances have shifted, and I didn't have the confidence, let alone the motivation, to start forging new connections, whether for business or pleasure. But it is possible and I'm proof. And it's a great topic to explore as we kickstart September. So I'm delighted to be joined by my guest today, Jen Kakoran, multi-award-winning LinkedIn strategist and trainer, to talk about how to make connections that count as a midlife woman. So welcome, Jen. It's fabulous to have you here.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

Thanks so much for having me here today, Kate. And I think this is such a great topic that's going to really resonate with a lot of women.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

Well, that's it, because I say a lot of us will have our back to school heads on, but also it's something that is so applicable in our social circles as well, whatever they might be, whether they're dwindling, whether we're trying to give them a boost. Because I love now joining the dots, but it can be scary, can't it?

SPEAKER_01 2:13

Yeah, and I think I can only really speak for myself, but I know my energy has massively dipped in midlife. So for me, it's definitely about quality and not quantity. You know, I could have a lot more friendships when I was younger, you know, and fly around here and there, whereas now, yeah, there definitely has been a shift. And um, yeah, I'm definitely about quality friendships now, and not so worried about having loads of friends, it's just really having those good ones that you can rely on and trust and like minds, really.

SPEAKER_00 2:49

No, that's so important, and I know it can be tough. Um, you know, we'll be delving into this, and you'll be sharing your insights later on for personal and business. Don't worry, listeners, I'm not gonna let her escape without some good top tips for our LinkedIns as well. But I sometimes wonder, and this is the old me hat on now, the old Kate, which is scarier, a social situation, whether it be a big wedding or even walking into a bar or a uh club, I was gonna say, but no cafe where you don't really know anyone to meet up with a newish group, or what can be the drain, I mean now I love it, but the old me networking situations, and I'm sure it's different tactics, isn't it? For or are or is it the same things just with a different hat on?

SPEAKER_01 3:37

Yeah, I think it's probably the same thing with a different hat on. And I I know for me, um I yeah, I do get a bit daunted when I'm trying new networks, or like you're saying, new gatherings of friends, especially if you don't know them, if it's their neighbours or you know, a house party and you're thinking, oh god, I'm not gonna know anyone. Um, and I know for me, even if I know one person, that helps me to kind of relax. So I just kind of focus on that kind of first conversation, that first smiley face in the room. And it's usually whether you're networking or in an event, it's usually near the drinks, whether it's a coffee or a wine, it's kind of like go in, get myself a drink, look for a smiling face. And I think once you start that first conversation, I start to ease, but it's it's always the thought of it I find that's worse. And I've said to my husband like many times, even when I was back networking in London, oh, I won't stay long, I'll only be, you know, an hour and a half, I'll be back at X, and I'm usually one of the last kind of kicked out because I get relaxed and then I'm chatting, and you know, and it's the same for a social situation. I'll say, Yep, not going to be a long one, and then yeah, I kind of relax into it. But I I think finding that initial one person helps me versus thinking of the whole room. If I think of yeah, no, that's so true.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

Is it was a real a real takeaway from my conversation episode with Caroline Maguire as well, because it is about finding that I will say the phrase partner in crime really picks finding someone where you've got that common thread, it doesn't have to be a big thing, but just something you say to start that conversation, it breaks the ice. And this is a situation, particularly in personal uh friendships or budding friendships that's going to come up more and more because we talk so much about where do you go if you want to say not as I'm totally with you, quality over quantity when it comes to friendship. And really, I know boundaries is a word that comes up again and again, but really setting those boundaries, getting rid of people that are bringing you down and draining you because life is too blinking short for that, ditching the guilt, ditching the shoulds, anyone that makes you feel not good enough, anyone who you feel you can't be yourself with is not helping you. But I've almost forgotten what I was gonna say, but no, it is that situation sometimes though, when it you're going to the excuses come in, don't they? And you're tempted to go down the joy of missing out rather than the fear of missing out scenario. And I know sometimes, and again, as you say, if our energy's dipping, if we've had a long week, whether that whatever's going on, whether it's family things or professional things, it can get to particularly if it's an event, say on a Friday, you can think, really, really, or if it's something you think, well, I went to something similar, and maybe this is business thinking more applicable. Oh, I I oh, do I really have to go again? And it's hard to kick yourself up the bum, isn't it? To say, come on, because as you say, once you're there, it's always good, it's always enjoyable, in you'll always get something from it, but that motivation I mentioned in the intro, finding that motivation that can be a tough one.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

Yeah, I and maybe like I kind of give myself, I'm gonna sound like I'm a bit of a dog or something, but I like to give myself treats. So if I go to something like that, I'll get myself something nice after, you know, whether it's a coffee or a massage, you know, it's like kind of a tap on the back, especially if you didn't feel like you had the energy to do it. And I think I've just got a few things I do to help settle me in. Um, one is like if it is a networking event, always arrive early because when you arrive early, you get to chat to the host, and then the host knows everyone. So when the first person comes in, the host automatically introduces you to that person. So you're you're you know, you're kind of gently eased into it. Whereas if you come even a few minutes late, and if it's a new network or even an existing one, there can be little clicks, so it's quite hard, you know, breaking into those little groups. I personally hate that.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

So I think it is a thing, and there's always going to be people that know people and conversations that you think, oh my goodness, I've I've got nothing to contribute, or you don't know what the heck they're talking about. And as you say, if coming not even late to the party, but arriving at say if it starts at 10, arriving just after 10, and it may not be your fault, it might be good old trains or parking or whatever, but it can almost put you off on that flustered footing before anything, doesn't it? And have a we have a we before you oh definitely, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

And I think if you do arrive late as well, like I would always go up to the host, and I wouldn't have thought of that initially when I started networking because they want you to feel comfortable as well. So I would just look for them and say, Oh, I don't really know anyone here. Do you mind bringing me over? And they're delighted to do that because it's their event. Um, so yeah, if anyone's listening and they're nervous about any networking, just always go to the host because Pink, if it was your event, you'd want people to feel comfortable as well.

SPEAKER_00 8:56

So absolutely, I think that's a brilliant idea, and it's something that I say I'm in the process of putting together my first ever in-person event, but it's something I'm seeing increasingly with professional networking events, but also it's true of social events like parties, etc., where you don't necessarily know someone. Putting, I say, putting out feelers in advance, having a conversation, and I say not being afraid to say to the organizer if it is a networking or you know, whatever, a conference, you know, I'm coming on my own, I don't know anyone. As you say, they're more than happy to have buddies, if nothing else, because there's there's bound to be another person who's in a similar situation. It doesn't mean you've got to spend the whole event with them, whether whether it's a party, a wedding, or a say a conference, but it's just having that initial someone to have a cup of coffee with at the start, or someone to say get a drink with, and then just to go in the door, even.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

And I think that's the funny thing I've learned. I used to think it was just me as an introvert, kind of, but I think you know, it doesn't matter whether you're an introvert or an extrovert. I think we all kind of get a bit nervous in certain situations. And um, I've been in groups, you know, where there's been an event on like a conference, and it's always surprised me when people pip up, like say, I'm, you know, say that I'm coming alone, I'm getting the train from York to London, I don't really know London. Can anyone meet me? And then you see a whole flurry of women kind of going, oh, I'm the same. Um, I don't know anyone, I'd love to meet you. And some of them then, you know, arrange to meet at the train station or the tube. It always amazes me how many people feel the same. And I wouldn't have thought it of them, um, knowing who they are and their personalities. So yeah, don't be afraid to ask because chances are I would say at least 50% of people at that wedding or that will be feeling the exact same.

SPEAKER_00 10:47

Because it's so easy to let our little inner critic. I mean, mine's called Deirdre, everyone knows that by now. She'll step in and she'll go, Well, everyone will know everyone, and no one, you know, you've got nothing in common. What are you actually going for? And literally, you can be like, Why? Why am I going? What am I going to get from this?

SPEAKER_01 11:05

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's it is it is funny, definitely quality versus quantity for me. Like, I don't put the pressure on myself to work the room, you know, if it's a full conference, if I have just a few like nice conversations, quality conversations, I'm happy. And the same with like a personal like wedding or anything, I don't put the pressure that I have to, you know, become somebody I'm not, basically. And I think, especially if you are an introvert listening, like all the introverts will get this. I think just taking that pressure off yourself. And I remember years ago when I was back in corporate, I I won an award. Um, I was a personal assistant at the time, I won the title of the most networked PA in London. And I remember going to an event with a girl that um I was doing some volunteering with, and when we got to the just the door of the event, and she was like, right, are you gonna go off now? And I think she just thought I was just gonna chat to everyone in the room, and I was like, No, no, I'm an introvert, that's not the way I now work. So for me, it was literally just having that handful of quality conversations and um finding people before, like, especially in a business situation, finding them on LinkedIn first and connecting with them and kind of letting my profile be that first kind of introductory, you know, message. And so by the time I go to the event, they recognize me, and that eats the the kind of the cringe and the discomfort, if you will. Um, but it was funny because yeah, she was more extroverted and she was like, What? You're not going to like fly around the room, and I was like, No, I'm not.

SPEAKER_00 12:43

Well, definitely, I say I know midlife unlimited listeners, this isn't strictly a business podcast, but I know you'd agree with me that I would be a darn eegit if I didn't put Jen, not on the spot, but delve a little into her expertise later on. But I'd also like to explore your midlife metamorphosis story as well, but something that's just sprung to mind as well before we go into that. And I just wanted your view on it, and I think I can guess what you're gonna say because it is more of a networking slant, but I I'd be forgiven for thinking uh from the flurry of recent posts that come up on my Facebook and LinkedIn profile about how ill-prepared we are if we go to a networking event without a kind of an action plan of exactly what we want our takeaways to be. And I think those of us that don't adhere to this or can almost think, oh my gosh, not only am I not the centre of attention and the most powerful person in the room, I haven't even got a blinking plan of action, and that can make you feel even more ridiculous, can't it?

SPEAKER_01 13:52

Yeah, and I know I was the same when I started networking, I just I didn't even know why I was there, what was the goal.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

I just was kind of going along to the event, just for the nature of it, and I think for some of us, if if we are literally dipping our toe, and I say this could be a social event, well, I was saying earlier, when you are branching out, trying to meet new people, you're going to start going to new groups, take up new hobbies, like I did, taking up Sousa dancing at 55. I didn't know a blinking soul in that room. Yeah, but you know, you kind of vaguely might recognise someone from Waitrose or Sainsbury's or whatever. But in terms of starting those conversations, and again in a networking event, chances are you're connected with people on LinkedIn, you might recognise their photograph, which I'm sure this is going to be one of the biggest things. Make sure your photo looks like your photo. It's like a dating app to a certain extent, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 14:42

Yeah, definitely, because it is a profile, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

Yeah. So let's delve a bit into your because there was a phrase you used in our little pre-chat, and you know we love we love a little pre-chat here on Midlife Unlimited, that connections obviously is something very dear to you, and that you've always been a bit of a super connector. It's always been something that has come even as an introvert, something that's come naturally to you. So how how is it since childhood or yeah?

SPEAKER_01 15:14

Yeah, I I think even though I'm an introvert, I'm a chatty kind of connection-focused introvert. So I love people, but I love my alone time. And uh, I think the first time I really wanted to connect to people, I was around 10 and I put an ad in a little girls magazine. I can't think of the name of it. It was actually a UK magazine, at which I hear a PenPal. And I got wow, I got about, I don't know, 200, 300 responses from around the world. So I was like, I had Pen Pals in Korea, America, England, you know, all over. And it was quite funny. All my po like all my pocket money went on stamps. And then I think it was expensive, and I remember thinking after a while, like I loved it, and it was quite interesting. Like all the gals, it didn't matter whether they were in Korea or you know, UK, whatever. We were all chatting about, I love aha, I love Jura Jaram, whatever it was. It was quite funny. There were very similar letters, but I remember thinking after a while, I can't afford this with my pocket money, so I'm gonna have to get more intentional about the ones I want to keep in touch with. So I kind of whittled it down, but yeah, no, I've always I've always loved connecting with people.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

And you've lived in lots of different countries as well, haven't you? So I suppose you had to learn to make friends or at least connections quickly.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

Yeah, because you know, when I was back in Ireland, I never networked at all. And I know the first time I networked was when I was living in Australia for a year, and then I moved to the UK, and then I was like, Oh, I'm gonna have to network again, you know, and I did have to like force myself along to it because it wasn't something did it vary differently, very differently, it didn't even make sense.

SPEAKER_00 16:57

Did it vary a lot from country to country in terms of how people go about it, or is is it a global, a global approach?

SPEAKER_01 17:05

It's a global thing, really. It's it really is, and I think it's just finding the right group of people for you. So if it's a network, it's like finding the right network, you know, like this podcast, it's like finding this podcast, the one that works for you, and it's trial and error. So um, I personally, no offense to men, I love men, but I just I'm more relaxed at events, networking events when there are women. We we we all we usually all end up chatting about menopause or whatever. Um, but yeah, like I just prefer that. Whereas I've been in networking events with a lot of male energy, and it's just been totally different experience, you know, business cards being fired at me and lots of pitches, and yeah, it just didn't really resonate. So I think it's definitely trial and error, and I think it's the same with you know, friends and stuff, like the fact you've mentioned your salsa, like there's something you all have in common, so you've actually all got this massive thing in common to begin with, and it's highly likely you're gonna get on with everyone in that. And I think I found a lot of my friends in older age from doing things like acaobics, palates, and we're all the same kind of um demographic, and we're all we all have like similar vibes and similar energy. So I think, yeah, definitely, you know, trying to find your people and thinking, you know, what do I really love? If I prefer a small group of people, just go to events that have like 10 or 20 people. Don't force yourself to go to like conferences with 500 people if you hate that.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

And I think that even as someone who you know is quite not loud, but you know, confident and outspoken, I find a lot of these big, big, big events, you do need to take a bit of quiet time anyway, don't you?

SPEAKER_01 18:49

Yeah, it's a lot, especially if it's like a full day conference, a lot of noise, like a lot of information, a lot of chat.

SPEAKER_00 18:57

It can it's like getting to a full day, like a wedding as well, isn't it? Sometimes it's nice just to take a bit. And another thing as well that can be quite um not tricky, but can play on your mind when you're on your way to that party, to that event, is like opening gambit conversations. And there are certain areas that it's like not sensible, I don't like that word, but you know, don't overshare necessarily from the word go, or don't assume, as the journalist assume makes an ass out of you and me. Yeah, I always like to ask rather than like, oh, have you come far? Or I used I like to ask things that are a bit different, you know, what lights you up, what sparks you, or what are you doing at the moment that's really exciting? And just try and it extricate something a little bit different. But there are certain subjects perhaps that not everyone's gonna want to talk about, are they?

SPEAKER_01 19:49

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

And I I know for me, um, I don't have kids, so I find Well, I I was referring, I wasn't I thought is she gonna pick up the article that you had recently about you know people assuming, don't they?

SPEAKER_01 20:02

They just assume it just to me, um like I'm happy to share why, but it can it can lead to an awkward conversation, especially if someone's just met you and like one of the first questions is do you have kids? And then uh you know, it just can create an atmosphere because I'm not sure how to respond because I don't want to offend anyone, and yeah, I I just think it's a question I don't mind if I've actually built a rapport with someone, even over a few minutes, but I just wouldn't lead with it because Do you know what it reminds me of?

SPEAKER_00 20:36

It reminds me of when I went to university and I went to Exeter, I was a grammar school girl at Exeter, which was quite a minority there, but you know, very that's a selective because we were still 12 plus in Buckinghamshire. And I remember one of the the main conversations in Freshers Week was what does your father do? Oh wow and what A, I was you know, my father was a captain of the military, no, you know, I'm happy to say, yeah, he did this, but my instinctive reaction was why am I being defined by what my father did? And why as women, and this isn't a feminist stance or anything, but why are we being defined by whether we're a mum or not?

SPEAKER_01 21:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

And also it could be quite a sense, as you said, it could be because you know, it's just one of these things to bear in mind, isn't it? You know, like like drinking. I mean, I don't drink anymore. I make no no um secret of the fact I've been sober, come that for eight years now. Woo woo. Um but that can be a bit of a oh you know, go on, have what no, I don't I don't want one because I don't drink. End of. Let's change the subject, but again, it's reading the room, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 21:50

It's reading the room, definitely, and um yeah, it's something I try not to ask um people because you don't know who's kind of standing around. Around, like I I consider myself trial-free, but you know, somebody beside me could have tried to have kids, could have had like IVF multiple times. It can be in the middle of yeah, exactly. Um, somebody could have lost a child, so it's you know, I I get that it's just a societal kind of conditioning that it's just one of the go-to questions. But I I personally I would advise anyone listening, stop asking that as a default because it's not gonna make for a good chat. And I I really like the questions you're asking, you know, what sparks joy, what are you doing, you know, and even like even just simply asking, like, how do you know Mary who's getting married, or how do you know Anne who's running this event? That will lead to more interest in chat, you know, or even if it's just like commenting on somebody's accent or whatever, you know, like or something that I know that sounds dough, but you know, a TV show that you really enjoyed, or a you know, have you seen rivals?

SPEAKER_00 22:56

Are you excited about the new season coming out? That kind of silly things like that that kind of go, oh yeah, it's like it's not personal, but it's the kind of conversation that will get people going, Oh gosh, yes. It's like you know, it's the it's like a post I put the other day that was the most popular post of the week. I had the ch packet of chocolate fingers, I won't mention the brand, um that in the heat had all stuck together. I posted a picture of the chocolate fingers and posed the question, asking for a friend, obviously, if they're all stuck together, does that count as one biscuit?

SPEAKER_01 23:34

No, yeah, because we're all like human beings at the end of the day, and I just think take the pressure off and keep it light, you know. There's no reason why we have to be like super deep when we're networking, or you know, just ask default questions, just try and keep it light and breezy. And you know, you might end up going down those conversation routes anyway, and that's fine. Like I said, I'm happy to chat about it, but I need to, it's kind of like dating, it's like buy me a drink first, you know. I don't want to tell you my whole life story, like you know, within two minutes of meeting you is quite awkward.

SPEAKER_00 24:11

No, no, I'm completely with you with that because I say there are things that make a light conversation, and there are things that could be there's no saying that the conversation can't be had later on, but it's a matter of yeah, yeah. I mean, with whether it's business or pleasure, that probably is, I would have thought, one of the starting points said. You know, I won't say come in armed with one-liners and punch lines and that kind of thing, but perhaps have like in the old days when I used to be making you know phoning as a journalist, you always had your opening gambit questions or just conversation starters.

SPEAKER_01 24:47

Yeah, definitely. And I like her question about even rivals because I haven't watched rivals, but you've got me thinking about it now because I don't think I've got that station, but like oh Disney Plus. Okay, yeah, because I I I think even something like Traitors, do you watch traitors like this? Or strictly, you're coming into strictly season, just you know, uh to be honest, I am a TV geek, so I'm happy to chat about TV all day. Like that would be so. I think like think what kind of sparks joy for you, and like you were saying to you know, asking people what lights you up, because then you're gonna get onto a more fun conversation. So it could be if you're at a business event or a personal event, well, what's your main hobby? What do you love to do? Yeah, and someone says, you know, I love to eat, or what kind of food, where you know, or somebody else, I love to travel, you're gonna have a much more fun conversation and you're gonna connect with that person a lot quicker because you're chatting about something they love, it's gonna feel way more relaxed and comfortable as opposed to like in a vertical commerce networking style, you know.

SPEAKER_00 25:50

So but it's a really good way as well to find those common threads because if you throw out not necessarily random topics of conversation, but things that are interesting to you or things that are a little bit off the wall, a little bit different, the conversations that will come from that, and I always love the phrase, you know, it's when there are two versions of it, it's it's about you know what people say about you after you leave the room, but it's also how you make people feel, yeah, and your warmth or your caring attitude. I mean, one of my main hate, yes, it is actually, is when you're talking to someone and this happens at social events and business events, and you're having a lovely chit-chat, and you know that they're literally looking over your shoulder, oh yeah, scanning the room, because they've already, in the in the 20 seconds they might have given you, they've already discounted you as like, nah, Kate's got nothing for me. Kate can't help me, she can't help me, me, me, me, me. No, I'm an idea.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

Yeah, I've had that at networking events. It's yeah, it's really rude, isn't it? It's just yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:03

You think in today, yeah, you think nowadays there's always something. You know, you could at least, oh I don't know. That that is one of my pet hacks. Don't do that, listeners. Whatever wherever you are, whatever you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 27:14

Yeah, it's like make people feel special, you know. You hear things like about you know, politicians like Bill Clinton, he had this knack of making everyone feel like they're the only person in you know the room. And I think you if you are networking around an event, you have to do that. Like just give that person attention. But if you if you have to get away and you want it, if you are intentional and you know you want to speak to certain people at the event, you know, it's fine to say to that person, I've really enjoyed chatting to you now. Um, I've come here, you know, you know, specifically to meet XYZ. Um, I hope you don't mind.

SPEAKER_00 27:48

I'm gonna go over and just try and have a chat, but you know, because that's maybe I'll find see you at the cheese table later on or whatever. Yeah. Um and another thing as well that we're kind of I know we're gonna be talking about, and I'm looking forward to this because I'm sure mine needs a bit of a roasting, and you've got a really good offer as well for listeners. So tune in, keep listening, get your pen and paper ready. Um, but also having something perhaps in your LinkedIn headline or whatever that makes you instantly memorable or is almost a conversation starter, because then if people have connected with you and know you're going to an event, particularly if it is only going to be, say, 10, 20 of you, that can be a nice little conversation starter. You you know, if you're good, I mean, not everyone can remember everything, and I'm not saying let you go with notes, but to try and think, oh god, yeah, you're the one with a so-and-so. Oh god, I loved your post about blah de blah the other day. That really resonated. And nowadays, because people do post so much more about their personal lives, even on LinkedIn. I mean, I'm all for doing it differently, I'm all for putting a picture of your dog or your dinner or whatever on there, as long as it's relevant, as long as there's a message rather than just well, she says, the woman who posted on Facebook a bit a packet of stuck together chocolate biscuits.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Yeah, but it's it's fun. And people can, you know, people have all eaten loads of biscuits, so it's relevant.

SPEAKER_00 29:16

So in terms of I mean, do you go along with an action plan then? Whether it be to obviously specifically networking, because that's what you're all about. But but if you're going to a social event that you don't necessarily I won't say feel comfortable at, but you know, you're like, this is going to be new, you're not you're not going with your besties, you're going with people that you don't necessarily know. How do you prepare yourself?

SPEAKER_01 29:40

Yeah, if I if there is um a list of the delegates, and I know I've been to some lunches in the last year or two, and there has been a list of everyone's going and it's been circulated. I try and find them all on LinkedIn first and just have a tiny little chat, you know, like great to connect. I see you're going to like Laura's launch, looking forward to it. See you there. Just a little bit of chit-chat first, just makes it feel so much more for relaxed for me when I walk through the door. Uh, and I find when I do do that, nine out of ten people will go, Oh my god, I'm so glad you reached out. I don't know anyone either. You know, and we kind of have that chat, so that always like relaxes me. If I can't find the list, again, it's just chatting to the host, telling them, Oh, I'm a bit nervous, I'm coming on my own, I don't know anyone, and they always kind of make it their duty then to look after you. Because I went to an event, it was last month, and I was nervous, and there was probably only it's only about 15 people. It was quite an intimate lunch, but I think they could be more daunting though, yeah. But the host was so lovely, she knew I don't know anyone, so she you know, she connected me to people and she made me feel at ease.

SPEAKER_00 31:01

Um, so I think, yeah, just telling people you feel a bit awkward, um, because everyone's been in the same boat, whether you think it or not, and you might think, God, everybody here is so confident, they all know each other, but there will be people feeling one one classic example with that would be if it was an in-person networking event of say about 15 people that meet every month, and you've got a good friend who's a member, they can't go. So they ask, Oh, Kate, would you, you know, Jen, would you like to go in in your place? Yeah, and it is that feeling of God, everyone is gonna really know each other really well here. And even if you know some of them through the online world or whatever, that can be quite daunting, can't it? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:43

I think I I just kind of try to wear like brand colours so people go, oh yes, I recognize just things like that to make it easier, or just whether it's like having a kind of an unusual necklace, or it's just something that's a bit of a conversation starter. Um, because yeah, it's it's just finding that one person then easing into it and dropping a view, a few like serendipity hooks so you can kind of turn the conversation around to things that spark joy for you. Um, so yeah, I loved all your questions, like I said, about what sparks joy. And I think when you when you lead with those kind of things, um, it's just going to be much more pleasant. So the one I went to last month, it was actually a co-working space, so they were all members, and it was like their year, they've been in business a year, it was like their founders kind of brunch celebrating, and I was thinking, shit, I've all been to one of these, and they're all fair. But they were all lovely and all like mines, and as it's local, you can always end up chit-chatting about local stuff, you know, like oh, this new cafe has opened, or did you see this new shop? And and it ended up being all that kind of local dev in chat, you know.

SPEAKER_00 33:00

But that's when but that's when you get the juicy gossip as well, and that's when you get the insights that can lead, I say, joining the dots that can lead to, oh my god, Jen, did you know so and so they're not here today, but you need to meet, and again, that can be a social thing as well. It can be like you mention something you're interested in, and they can go, oh my goodness, did you know there's a group that, or did you know there's a local Facebook group that you can join that they do that as well? And before you know it, you're making connections, you're joining those dots. Yeah, you're joining those dots. Now, I have mentioned, and I'm gonna hold you to this LinkedIn headlines, LinkedIn profiles are probably something that a lot of our listeners either have just thought, I really can't be bothered to arse about with that, or they've tried it and then they change this and then they change that, and it's like, oh, and to the point that they've changed it so often that they've perhaps forgotten who they are, so let alone anyone looking, yeah, has forgotten who they are, and then the banners, do you do a banner? What do you put on the banner? Can we take a little a little while just to talk? Obviously, I know this is uh an audio podcast, so there might be me pointing at things and you going, no one can see you, Kate, no one can see you. But we will have the video podcast as well that we'll be recording to go out on the same day. But is it a matter of keeping it simple? Is it a matter of shoving as much as you can, bells, whistles, every brand colour you've got? Where do you start? Where do you start?

SPEAKER_01 34:40

I think yeah, keeping it simple is the best advice, and keeping it clear, and I find so many amazing women, they're either underselling what they do, they're not putting enough information into their LinkedIn profile, so they're being like super humble, um, or you know, like you've hinted, they're throwing the kitchen sink at it and they're putting like everything they have ever done or everything they ever do in their headline and their banner. So you're kind of like, oh my god, what do you do? I think I've got that on my there's too much text, you know. So I think um think clear and not clever, and I think a lot of it started on LinkedIn, you know, when we were back in corporate, so it was very much like the online CV, so it was all very formal. And you, of course, if you're going for a job, you want to come across as clever and academic. And I think there's a lot of that kind of hangover on LinkedIn, especially when people set up in business, they're still kind of it's kind of they're still talking all about everything they've achieved, but they're not really making it super clear as to how they can help somebody else. So I think like a quick tip I can give everyone listening today for their headline is think of these four things. And the first one is what's your title, you know, because if you do any comments on LinkedIn, people will only see the first few words. So you want to make it kind of clear from the off, okay, this is a brand photographer or this is a ghostwriter, you know. And then the second part is so the first is title, then the second part is who do you help? Because there's so many vague headlines and people saying, you know, I help people. Then it's like, well, what kind of people are they women? Are they men? Are they a midlife? Are they in corporate? Are they business owners? You know, so it's like put down and try and be as specific and clear as you can as to who you help. And it might just be, you know, certain industries or you know, demographics or whatever, the more specific you can be, the better. And I know a lot of people, especially when they start on business, make this mistake of trying to help everyone, and I've done it, so you become a bit generic, but the more specific you are is actually going to help you in the long run. So it's your title, who do you help? And then the third part is how do you help them? Because that's you know, whether you're looking for a job or you're looking for business, that's the part people care about. And so many people will just say, you know, for example, I used to do this. I used to say, like, you know, I'm a LinkedIn trainer, help you polish up your profile and to connect with finesse, but I'd never explain why. You know, oh, you can get a job, exactly, so that you can make more money, so that so don't forget to share like the outcome of working with you, or you know, kind of what you offer. And the fourth part I think a lot of midlife women struggle with, it's that kind of social proof as to why they should trust you, um, whether you know you've worked with so many clients, whether you've won an award, whether you're like accredited, it's kind of like that stamp of approval, you know, and a lot of people will consider it as it's a bit braggy. And I'm like, it's not bragging if it's based on fact. So if you have achieved a certain thing, don't be shy to put it out there because there are billions, you know, it's over a billion people on LinkedIn. If you want to stand out, you kind of have to, you know, toot your horn and get it out there. And I know a lot of Gen Xers or you know, boomers, we kind of come from that good girl generation.

SPEAKER_00 38:28

Oh, absolutely, yeah. And it's people people think we're showing off all their life. Yeah, I found that really interesting that you've put award winning, for example, which I am, which you are, the as the end bit, because I think so many put it at the beginning. So, as you said, when it comes up, all you see is award winning. You don't see see, I and I mine needs redrafting, but uh it's difficult, it's difficult to pinpoint exactly I find I find because what I do I'm not making this all about me, but I'm sure a lot of people listening will be, and I know we're veering into business podcast territory, but hey, she's here, Pete. We're using her. Um sorry, Jeff. But uh in terms of being super specific and outcomes, and uh with me and what I do, and I know a lot of similar midlife coaches, life coaches, because the outcome is different from client to client, from wonderful person we work with, we're not promising to make them 10,000 pounds a month, we're not promising that they'll lose 10 kilograms a month, we're not promising a specific outcome. We can end up almost backing away from that because we're like, Well, I don't know, it's so different from each person. Yeah, what do we do? Do we still try? Try and be specific.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

I would have a look to all of the testimonials or case studies from your favourite clients, kind of related to what you're doing now, and I bet you'll find a common thread in in some of the words. So it's like even when I set up my business, I called it my super connector, and I actually surveyed you know a few family members, a few friends, a few ex-colleagues, and when it came back, the word like connector was through so much of it, and then you know, things like um keeping things simple, trying to just you know not overcomplicate, and there were certain kind of themes that came back. So I would say have a look back at that. Have a little play around, have a little brainstorm. There'll be gold in your client testimonials. There there will be, if you look true, you know, they there will be definitely some treads that kind of keep it all together.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

Um I picked up exactly that. Someone referred to me as a midlife maverick, and I'm like, I'll take that. I like that because that that literally summarizes quite a lot what I do, shaking up, you know, shaking things up and breaking the rules a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 41:13

But uh yeah, and I think just not overcomplicating it. Um, I like what you do, obviously, you're a podcast, I'm here today, uh, and I like the midlife maverick, but I would just be cautious of using too many kind of phrases like that. Like I see things in headlines like life architect um or coach priestess, and I'm like, what the hell do you do? So I think a lot of people kind of pepper in, they can kind of have vague phrases, and it's not gonna help them in terms of like SEO, search engine optimization, or even you know, GEO or AI, then they're not gonna be, you know, uh found as clearly true sex. So I would always look at your headline and your banner with the lens of is this clear or is this clever? You know, and strip it right back. And and take a copywriter, and I have a problem with this, and you might have a problem with this as well, okay? Because you're a journalist and I've done an English degree, so I think I've got too many words sometimes. So it's like looking at a like copywriter and taking out those filler words or those fluff words to get I do like an emoji as well. How how do you feel about emojis in headlines? I think um maybe one. I wouldn't go crazy, you know. Like I think if you put too many in, it can kind of reduce the impact of what you're doing. Like, I love an emoji in um a DM or even a comment or you know, even an old post having an emoji, but I I I'm not crazy about them in headlines, you know, like it's kind of it again, it's the circles you mix in as well, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 42:59

Because I see them quite a lot in the women in my world, so to speak. But when you step slightly out to the this the second layer, shall we say? It's like no, they're they haven't got those. They're not doing now. I I'm tempted actually to ask you to talk about the offer you've got for listeners now before we go into your three questions, if you don't mind, because that will be a good way just to sum up any key takeaways and key tips that they can implicate. Is that the right word? Put into place today, as soon as they finish listening.

SPEAKER_01 43:32

Oh, yeah, thank you, Kate. So um, in a week or two on September 11th, I'm doing a live profile roast workshop where the first 10 ladies who book will definitely be roasted. It's going to be for 90 minutes. I may be able to squeeze in a few more. So I'm hoping to spend at least five minutes on each lady. And I'll cover different parts of the profile, but a big one I do tend to cover is the Helping them to rewrite their headline, helping them to rewrite the information in their banner, just so it's super clear. Um, some ladies uh they might have amazing banners and headlines, it could be there are back section that needs a bit of tweaking, and so it's all done with love. I know a lot of people are nervous, even like when I did my last one, they come along and they're like, Oh, she's gonna just you know take me apart, but it's all said with love, and I am brutally honest. Like, well, that's that's what my husband says all the time. I'm brutal, so it it it will be it will be for people's benefit, you know.

SPEAKER_00 44:33

I I think this is really good because I just said about having a little brainstorm with yourself, but this gives kind of an extra layer, doesn't it? Because when do we actually take the time to think, I'm working so hard doing X, Y, and Z in terms of my the posts I'm putting out, but the bit that everyone sees all the time is your profile.

SPEAKER_01 44:52

They'll always go back to your profile if you send a connection request, if you send a DM, if they like your post, if you do a good comment, they'll always go back and look at you. And I think if you don't kind of grab them in the first few seconds, you've lost them, they're gone on to someone else. So yeah, I I all the roasts will be done with love, and it's just about bringing clarity to people's profiles and just really selling how amazing they are and the and a clear outcome rather than that need to like throw the kitchen sink at it and yeah, no waffle, no waffle, no fluff, exactly, and not too much text either. Like you you've got like 220 characters for your headline, but you don't always have to use all of that if you can say it in a punchy way. You know, I see some really good headlines, and then at the end they get too involved in the nuts and bolts, and they're talking about like frameworks and stuff, and I'm like, Oh, you can explain that you're not.

SPEAKER_00 45:52

You hear that, don't you? People don't care, yeah, they don't care how long your program is, they don't all they want to know is what you do, what they'll get. We've come full circle because we started off talking about quality over quantity when it came to friends, when it came to relationships and connections, and we're applying it here as well, which I love, which I love. Now, I we'll give full details. I say all your contact details are in the show notes, and you've got your own profile on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website. Yes, that's right. I don't know how my brain went then, uh, where the link will be where people can sign up for that. So I'm gonna go into your three questions now, then we'll come back round and you can remind them of how well while they're cogitating over thinking I need to do this September the 11th. If you're still sitting comfortably, we are going to hear now. Well, not necessarily here, unless you want to sing it. I'll sing it with you. What is your midlife anthem?

SPEAKER_01 46:51

I think, and I don't know if it's been said before, and it probably has. Um, Gloria again or I will survive.

SPEAKER_00 46:58

I love it. I think we might have one. I'm not, but no, you got oh no, not that many. Really? I do love it. Go on now, go. Yeah. It's one of those ones, just the opening bars, you're just like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:10

Yeah, I because I just think I'm in the troes of pain menopause now. I'll just put it out there, and my hormones have been up and down. And I can say the last year or two, I've just been so kind of all over the place with my hormones.

SPEAKER_00 47:24

So it's just kind of reminding myself I can get through this, and and and the beauty is you know, you are a bit more bulgy, you know, I'm better with my boundaries now, and there are some positives, so I'm kind of when the negatives are kicking in, or if my energy's gone, or if I get some kind of anxiety, or any of the lovely side effects, I'm just like, this will end at some stage, and it's like, yeah, we can we can get through this, but again, it underscores the importance of having connections that count and being being with people, not necessarily seeing them all the time because that's not necessarily feasible, but having contacts and friendships that get you get them and they get you, and they know that, especially if they're in the same boat, they know that we all have crap days, yeah. Um, and we all have brilliant days, and not all days are equal by any stretch of the imagination, are they?

SPEAKER_01 48:27

Yeah, and and I love what you say because I've got like a few really good local friends since I moved to um uh Devon a few years ago, and yeah, we're in little WhatsApp groups, and even if we only chat every two weeks or so, it's you know, they totally understand if I go quiet, they're probably they're like, Oh, she's probably a bit hormonal this week, she's having a bit of a dip, and they actually know they'll pip up and go, you're all right, you know, and we've all been in the same boat, they're a little bit older than me, you know. So I've hope when I live. But it is about the effort as well, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 49:01

It is about putting that effort in because you know cheerleading, cheerleading each other.

SPEAKER_01 49:08

Making it like I'm I'm all about like win-win friendships and win-win in networking, not all about me. So if I'm kind of feeling down, I don't want to be feeling down every time I chat to them. I want to you know ask about them, lift them up, you know. So it's very much like having those reciprocal relationships and it's balanced and it's not one side, like you talked about at the very start. It's I want to be around people who raise my energy and not drain it. So I've found some like lovely friends since I moved um to Devon, and I think um we're all at a point in our life, they're all 50, 60 plus, where we know who we are, we know we're we're old enough and wise enough.

SPEAKER_00 49:52

Yeah, I ain't doing that.

SPEAKER_01 49:53

I'm not I'm not I'm not putting up with that anymore. Exactly, and we know our boundaries and we know our values and we know our energy, and I think one of the lovely things, because I've moved like seven years ago, uh all my friends that I've made since I've moved here, I'm so good with my boundaries, you know. Whereas friends that I had years ago, I was a bit more of a people pleaser, and I'd go to events if I really want to, whereas now I can just be a hundred percent myself. So I think that's one of the joys of making friends in midlife. You kind of come at it from a completely different angle, and everybody understands, you know, you know, one week it's me dipping, and I go to aqua a lot. I've got a friend who's a year younger, the next week she's dipping, and we're like trying to avoid each other you know, literally in the pool, yeah, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 50:46

So I'm loving that, I'm sensing all the themes that are coming through. So for question two, then how do you weave those all together into your midlife mantra?

SPEAKER_01 50:55

Yeah, my midlife mantra is if you don't ask, you don't get. And this pod life, uh podcast is a perfect example of this because I reached out to you and was like, I'd love to come on your podcast. I saw that you had lovely, I think it was Susanna Ray on, and I was like, must check that out. I like Susanna, let's see.

SPEAKER_00 51:13

Um, and even I can you've put me in touch with other people who are coming on. It's British all dot connecting left, right, and center.

SPEAKER_01 51:20

What's the worst thing can happen? People say no, and that's fine, you've connected, but I you know again, I'd seen your face.

SPEAKER_00 51:26

I recognize I know have we been in the same room, you know, virtually or whatever. And that's what it's like, isn't it? Joining those dots.

SPEAKER_01 51:34

I've just been brave enough to ask, and uh give an example, a personal example, like my friend Christy, who lives locally, she was in a local pub and she was like, I really want to get a pub style table in my dining room, and I love that table they've got. So she asked the guy who owns the pub, where did you get these for them? And he goes, Oh, funny you asked that. We're actually replacing them and selling them. So she actually ends up buying that table, yeah, and four stools from the bar to have in her house, and that's a perfect example again. Of if you don't ask you okay, so what's the worst that can happen? People say no, but you've started a conversation and I think precisely, and there's normally a reason for it.

SPEAKER_00 52:13

People look the most people don't say no just because they're shitty people, most people say no because, and again, they may be able to join the dots and put you into oh, I'm loving this, I'm loving this. So, final question before we recap on your contact details. What is the title of your autobiography?

SPEAKER_01 52:33

I think it's toot your horn. Um, I'm not sure what it, you know, what the kind of um tagline below would be, but it could be it could be it's not bragging if it's based on fact, um, something like that. But I'm just a massive believer of tutor horn because I I know myself as that Gen X kind of good girl, you know, when you're in school, you kind of rely on your schoolwork to do the talking for you. It's the same when you go to uni, you know. And I remember getting a right shock when I got into corporate, and it was like, I'm being overlooked now because I'm not as verbal as these other people, but I'm working really hard. And then again, when I transitioned into business, it was like, oh my god, I have to actually really get out there and tell people how I can help, you know. And I just sadly I think it's our Gen X and baby boomers, we weren't kind of raised like that to, you know, and it can feel uncomfortable, couldn't it?

SPEAKER_00 53:34

Particularly those of us who have started our own businesses and we don't like to put our heads above the parapet and go, look at me, I'm quite good at this. Hello, yeah. Yeah, this is now then a wonderful step again into coming along on September the 11th, right? Over to you. I've said all your details are in the show notes, and you have your guest profile, but uh where I will put the code, um, etc. So give us all your details, please.

SPEAKER_01 54:02

Yes, I'd love to connect with anyone listening on LinkedIn. That's the main place I hang out. Um, as Kate said, my website as well. And um, I'd love to see ladies at the workshop if you want to come along. In the last one, I would say 90% were business owners, but I did have a few employees, and I can still roast your profile with love, and it'll be the same over kind of arching advice for everyone, you know, no matter what your situation is. Um, so that's it, really. LinkedIn, my website. What is your website? It's www.mysuperconnector.co.uk.

SPEAKER_00 54:41

Of course it is, of course it is. And listeners, I would love your feedback on today's episode. So it'd be fabulous if you could leave a review, subscribe, share, thumbs up. You know what to do, you know what to do, even a comment. And you can also email or text me via the link in the show notes. Come and join the Facebook group. Again, the link in the show notes where you'll find the website link to with details of how you can work with me one-to-one and come and join more M-O-R-E exclamation mark, my award-winning all-in-one coaching programme for women in midlife who want to start adding more life to your years. So, thank you for joining me, Jen. It's been brilliant. Thank you for listening. I look forward to you tuning in next week because don't forget Midlife Unlimited has a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcast. So, here's the being fabulous and flourishing together and living midlife unlimited. Thanks, Jen. It's been brilliant. Hi.