Episode #002 How to have a Perfectly Imperfect Christmas as a Midlife Woman with Guest Philippa Taylor

With the festive countdown in full swing, take some vital Me Time and join host Kate Porter The Midlife Metamorphosis Coach® and her guest Philippa Taylor of Feel Fab Naturally for this first full-length episode of Midlife Unlimited® - the podcast for women who want more - as they get raw and real talking about How to Have a Perfectly Imperfect Christmas.

Expect laughter, brimming tears, and even a spot of impromptu singing as Kate and Philippa delve into what drives us Midlife women to feel the need to create a perfect Christmas – and the overwhelming impact this can have on us. 

From people pleasing behaviour and comparisonitis to the dreaded shoulds and fear of judgement, Kate and Philippa talk about the how such self-sabotaging has put a dampener on their Christmases past.

The pair share memories, insights and their top tips for how to smash these festive stereotypes, shake up the Midlife narrative and misbehave this Yuletide – so that we can enjoy the Festive Season on our terms. 

And Kate and Philippa talk about how being selfish and putting ourselves first is a gift more fabulous than anything Santa could put in our stocking.

From Philippa’s Gravy-gate to Kate’s 6ft stranger in the lounge, the pair hope their stories will resonate with you – and encourage you to embrace the coming days your way for a perfectly imperfect Christmas.

For more top Seasonal tips to help you put yourself at the top of your Christmas list, contact Kate via the links below to get your free copy of her Festive Thrival Guide.

Wishing you a Very Merry Christmas from Kate and Philippa!

Find Philippa at

https://feelfab.lifevantage.com/uk-en/activation

https://linktr.ee/philippataylor

https://www.instagram.com/feelfabphilippa/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/philippataylorfeelfab/

https://www.facebook.com/PhilippaTaylorFeelFab/ 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:03

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis Coach, and I'm so excited you're joining me for this first episode of Midlife Unlimited. This is me turning my dream into reality. So a huge thank you to my fabulous hype squad for all your support and to you for listening. So why am I launching Midlife Unlimited? Well, I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've been there. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited, the podcast, is inspired by my mission to let extraordinary women everywhere know you are not alone. You don't have to put a brave face on it and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling it like it really is, with raw and real conversations, smashing those stereotypes, busting myths and misbehaving, because our second spring is our time to shine our way. So... With the Christmas countdown in full swing, I am delighted to welcome my first Midlife Unlimited guest, Philippa Taylor of Feel Fab Naturally, to get raw and real with me as we talk about how to have a perfectly imperfect Christmas. So, hello Philippa and Merry Christmas!

SPEAKER_00: 1:43

Hello Kate and Merry Christmas to you too. I cannot think of a better away to start this year's festive season than to talk about how to keep it real well done you for launching oh

SPEAKER_02: 1:58

thank you so tell the listeners a little bit about you

SPEAKER_00: 2:03

So I am a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist and I laugh when I say that. Hello, pleased to meet you. It really is all about being authentic, being you. You know, there is no point having lived to your 40s, your 50s, your 60s and not using that wisdom and knowledge that you've gained to actually say, this is who I am. And if you like it, happy days. don't like it happy days bless and release on that one and I'm all about helping people to transform that midlife to midlife mojo so that you have that bandwidth that you can do more with your life you know you can do more of what you love you can be more you you know because if we don't this second chapter of our lives isn't going to be as fabulous as it absolutely could be

SPEAKER_02: 3:00

And that's what drew us together. The fact you're all about more and fabulous. And we've spoken about empty nesting because we're both mums to boys. So it made perfect sense to have you as my first guest. So are you feeling festive? Have you decked your halls yet?

SPEAKER_00: 3:20

I am feeling festive I haven't decked my halls but this weekend the tree will be coming in we go to our local hospice who sell the trees in the grounds and then we bring it home we have to carry it across the lock gates I live in a lock keeper's cottage and then it sits in a bucket of water until next weekend when we gird the loins and decorate it and get all the lights up and I've got all the decorations out there sitting in my office and I'm thinking I'm what should I do first? So I'm getting very excited about the whole thing. No,

SPEAKER_02: 3:56

it is fun, isn't it? I do like all the whole decoration. It's our son Finlay's birthday on the 12th. So traditionally we hold off decorations until after that. But our artificial Christmas tree is about 15 years old. It's white tinsel and every year I say I'll get a new one and Finn is like no you won't you like this one I'll be picking up white tinsel until June I'm not joking but she's perfectly imperfect and that leads nicely into our theme today which is why do we as women as midlife women have that need that everything needs to be perfect to the point that it can get so overwhelming that we build up this ideal in our minds and the actual festivities could end up a bit of a damp squib at the end of it. I mean, do you ever feel that way or do you have friends or you've had circumstances where

SPEAKER_00: 5:07

Oh, absolutely. I know definitely when I was slightly younger, it was that whole media pressure to be perfect and to look like everything had just come out of a box brand new. And it was completely effortless to get all these sort of personal touches in place, not just for the decorations, but the meals, your quirky cards, everything had to be, you know, the best it could possibly be, regardless of the fact that you were working, you had a family, you had your sports, you had a life. Then all of a sudden you were meant to find these magical hours out of nowhere to make the whole thing look like something off a TV film. But now I keep it real. I fail miserably at getting my Christmas cards out on time every year. You know, the international ones go out and I'm like, oh boy, I've done that. I'm done now. Yeah. Then it's like, oh no, there'll be everything else I haven't done. But I make that something fun to do. You know, I put on the carols, give myself a glass of something lovely to sip at. And then I can write messages that are heartfelt.

SPEAKER_02: 6:18

Oh,

SPEAKER_00: 6:18

I'm all about that. Yeah. Otherwise it just becomes a chore. And what's the point? You might as well just donate money to charity and send a big WhatsApp message. And that's not the point. It's about being real.

SPEAKER_02: 6:30

I think that absolutely underscores it, doesn't it? I was just laughing as you were talking about decorating because I do, I try. I've got, I love kind of funky retro baubles and I have kind of candles and I'm all about the smells as well. But my partner, Scott, has a six foot tall jack skeleton thing bigger from Nightmare Before Christmas that he likes to put behind his chair don't ask so and every every morning when I come down even though it's been going up for years it always it's like lurking in the shadows in in the lounge and you think what on earth that's classic it tastes it's tasteful it really it really did but i it makes him happy so if he's happy that and a large glass of bailey yeah but no i i'm just like you philip but i am a recovering people pleaser but with me as well it was my over tendencies literally from overthinking to over drinking. Hold my hand up. I'm in my fifth year of sobriety. But it got in the way. And I've got slightly hazy memories of peeling sprouts at 6am on Christmas morning, already with a gin and tonic just to get me through. And bear in mind that at 2am, I was still curling ribbon on Christmas presents. I just thought, It all, you know, it all came, I had to do it all. I had, and I've only got one kid. I haven't got a massive family, but still I had this, oh, as if I had to prove something. I don't know. And then that awful feeling on Boxing Day, not only with the hangover, but up first clearing up all the mess and just thinking, oh, just all these hopes that I had is just, oh. Does that resonate? Perhaps not the hangover, but... I

SPEAKER_00: 8:45

think it is right. And it's knowing what you expect from the day and talking about it and having traditions that mean something to you as a family rather than things that you may have read about or seen on social media. You know, we're all different. We all want different things out of the day and they change over time. You know, what was relevant for my son when he was at primary school now is at university, we are not going to be doing the same things, but the heart of it is the same. You know, we're spending time together and celebrating and doing what we want to do on the day. No,

SPEAKER_02: 9:25

that is, I just love that. And that does just capture the whole essence, doesn't it? Because you're absolutely right. You mentioned the whole social media and we can just sit there and magazines and see everywhere you look. And it's not just how the house should look. It's how we should look, how the food should look, how this and that. I'm going to a desert island for Christmas. So later on, we'll be giving our three top tips that we had a bit of a brainstorm, didn't we? For a perfectly imperfect Christmas. And we're going to be talking about setting your non-negotiables, knowing your triggers. And then, my favourite, being selfish, ditching the shoulds and shaking things up.

SPEAKER_00: 10:14

Yes, yes, yes and yes. It's absolutely, it's what works for you, not what you think you should be doing. No,

SPEAKER_02: 10:25

absolutely. And it is all that succumbing to comparisonitis. And as we just said, the social pressure to be the... hostess with the mostess. Whether we actually enjoy it or not, we're just being a slave to the shoulds, aren't we?

SPEAKER_00: 10:42

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I love cooking, so I'm quite happy to do a lion's share of it. And, you know, it's tradition to make my own Christmas cake, but I buy Christmas pudding. You know, what works for me is what works for me. What I don't want to do is have a house so full of stage sets that nobody wants to sit down and relax.

SPEAKER_02: 11:06

Yes, move the festive cushions. You can't sit on them. They're for decor only.

SPEAKER_00: 11:12

I don't know and it's like there's always going to be people that have got immaculate houses with you know a huge staff and there's always going to be people that don't actually like Christmas very much or celebrate a different religious festival and it's like oh absolutely

SPEAKER_02: 11:29

oh that's it I mean where you are I should point out, actually, yeah, we're talking about generic Christmas as opposed to a religious ceremony or ceremony, celebration, because I know, obviously, lots of people celebrate Christmas just for the sake of it being a family event, a social event. But a lot of people listening or women listening might think they've already had enough celebrations. It's still three weeks to go. But one phrase I've heard recently that sums it up is emotional labour. Now, this was actually coined by a US sociologist called Arlie Hosschild in the 80s to describe jobs like a flight attendant, where part of the job is literally putting on that brave face and... Yeah, keep calm and carry on. But I think now it applies brilliantly to that urge or that need that we should take on all these roles. We feel like we have to do all the little donkey work. That's my joke for the day. If anyone needs any cracker jokes writing, you know where to find me. But I love a survey. So I've been doing my research and I thought this is quite interesting. A one poll UK survey from 23 said a quarter of women feel entirely burdened taking on the responsibility for the festivities. That's just crazy, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 13:14

Madness.

SPEAKER_02: 13:16

And one in four say they do all the work. Of all the people questioned, so men, women, everyone, 57% said women were better than men at organising Christmas. But 56% of the women said that doing all this stuff dampened their festive spirit. But I love the fact, though, that of the men questioned... 24 of them said they were generally quite relaxed over the holiday period

SPEAKER_00: 13:49

oh why could that be caller

SPEAKER_02: 13:52

oh dear so i've i've found as well this is the journalist in me i can't help myself the top 20 tasks most done by women over the festive period and i'm going to go through philippa and i'd like to know which of them you'll be doing. So drum roll, please. And wherever you're listening, I'd love to know which ones you give yourself a point for. Are you ready for this? I feel like I need a top 20 jingle. Yeah, I was going to say. Number one, wrapping presents.

SPEAKER_00: 14:32

Yes, but not all of them. I wrap presents. for my husband and my son, my presents to them, and they have to do it for the same two people. Not when he was younger, my son, but oh yeah, that's a big non-negotiable. You wrap, you buy, you choose it, you buy it, you wrap it, you put it under the tree.

SPEAKER_02: 14:54

Well, I do actually find wrapping presents quite calming because I love boxes. I like to put everything, my dad always did it. And so everything's a nice square box to wrap. So I find that quite repetitive. Yes, but we've also, it's a tradition that we've adopted from my partner Scott's parents, which is writing clues on the card for each present. And you can't open the present until you've solved the clue. which can be in the old days when I might have been a little bit tipsy while writing the clues. Sometimes they didn't make any sense at all. So that caused hours of endless

SPEAKER_00: 15:37

fun. I love that. That is fabulous.

SPEAKER_02: 15:41

Yeah. So and it slows down the whole present frenzy of opening and paper. And we've been known to still be opening presents at like eight o'clock. Having eaten and done other things in between. So next on the list, buying food. Is that something you do with your other half or is it like, right? Because there's a lot of pressure as well, isn't there?

SPEAKER_00: 16:12

Yeah. I would choose what we're going to eat, having had a discussion about it. Cause we all like our food and then all the heavy lifting food will all come on an online order. Not that we can get it delivered because of where we live, but we can pick it up. But it is a tradition that, you know, I will go and order a Turkey because I like to do that. But the rest of it is like, what's different. I was trying to introduce something different. Oh, I like the traditions. You know, I'll make a trifle or whatever it happens to be. But it is that blend of something a little bit different, a bit of a twist amongst family favorites.

SPEAKER_02: 16:52

So purchasing gifts we've touched on. I love buying gifts. I've already got loads wrapped up already that I've had since. June, I think.

SPEAKER_00: 17:02

Oh

SPEAKER_02: 17:02

my. Well, we've got the birth and I tend to have themes. I won't say what the themes are in case they're listening because that'll ruin the surprise. But because we've got a birthday on the 12th as well, you see, it's like I like to get things in. Not too many. It's not too many things these days. But yeah, writing cards, you said you took on that. I love sending cards, although... The days of having a mantelpiece, I don't know whether I'm suddenly unpopular, but I think in the old days, more people used to send cards. I think now it's, we do family cards, obviously, and old school friends, we keep in touch with cards.

SPEAKER_00: 17:38

Yeah, absolutely. People you don't see or who live on the other side of the world. I mean, people that are local, no, because I'm going to see them.

SPEAKER_02: 17:47

But we always used to. I always remember when I was little going around delivering cards in my, you know, she used to put them out in a dress order. I used to be scared. I used to hate it, making the crunch going up the drive. So I used to open the door and talk. Yes, that's it. Tiptoe up the drive, push it through the letterbox and then backtrack. Now, cooking, not much of a surprise there. Now, my son is a fabulous cook. So he's in his element. But you say you quite enjoy...

SPEAKER_00: 18:19

Yes, I like the company in the kitchen or somebody to do bits and pieces. But I find that very therapeutic, creating something. I like to sort of be bringing the flavours and think, okay, that's lovely. How can I do that slightly differently? Or... I don't follow a recipe. I used to do food PR and recipes were the bane of my life. So now I take a concept and I go with the flow.

SPEAKER_02: 18:44

Do it your way. Oh, that's how I live my life. I like that. I like that. Bending the rule, shaping it up. Yeah, putting up the Christmas tree, but you say yours is soon to be soaking in a bucket. Does that help the needle drop then?

SPEAKER_00: 18:56

It makes me feel like I'm doing something to stop it spreading over the entire house for the next six months. And typically my son and my husband will do the tree. You know, it's something they do together. Do

SPEAKER_02: 19:09

you put special, is it Michael

SPEAKER_00: 19:11

Bublé or carols in the background? Carols, definitely carols in the background. Light the fire if it's cold enough. Just having a, making it an occasion. I'm coming

SPEAKER_02: 19:21

over. I'm coming over. So, yeah, we've got decorating the house, budgeting. Now, that can be a tricky one. And I would imagine that can be the cause of disgruntlement. And that feeling of shoulds, again, can cause all sorts of problems when it comes to budgeting, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 19:41

Yeah, it's more, I think, for us, a question of asking, you know, what would you like to have as a Christmas present? And, you know, we get options from something quite small, particularly with teenagers, something quite large. And what comes through the door will mostly be on that list, but not everything on that list. No,

SPEAKER_02: 20:02

but otherwise the element is surprised, isn't it? Yes. I'm looking at these. I mean, it's planning menus for guests, ensuring there's enough alcohol, buying pet presents, arranging Christmas outfits. Do you follow the whole Christmas Eve pyjamas malarkey? No. No,

SPEAKER_00: 20:23

no, no, no. My biggest thing on Christmas Day is what have I got with an elasticated waist so that I

SPEAKER_02: 20:31

can... Nicely flowing.

SPEAKER_00: 20:35

Flowing, yes, very flowing. I go with the flow.

SPEAKER_02: 20:37

And I do tend to have a couple of outfit changes during the day, as you say, with like increasing levels of elastication or flowiness. And my heels start higher and then get gradually lower and lower. And I end up in Birkenstocks.

SPEAKER_01: 20:54

I tend to live

SPEAKER_02: 20:56

with them. So we've heard what the women get up to or not. Not if you're me and say, let's not do it that way. Let's change it. Now, men, and I'm not trying to diss the chaps out there. They take on two main tasks over Christmas. Philippa, can you guess what these might be?

SPEAKER_00: 21:20

I'm going to think of the one thing that my husband does that I don't go near, apart from perhaps in a supporting role, and that is putting up the outside lights.

SPEAKER_02: 21:33

Spot on. That and filling up or making sure the car's got fuel in it. Now, to me, that smacks of the whole barbecue thing. Don't worry, darling. I'll do the barbecue. Would they sit there poking the steaks while we're running around with bowls of salad and this and that? And it's the first thing any guests do see. So they're going to come in and go, oh, Philippa, your house looks fabulous from the street. And your husband's sitting there going, yeah, that was me. I made Christmas happen.

SPEAKER_00: 22:07

Yeah, this is it.

SPEAKER_02: 22:11

You have to send me some pictures.

SPEAKER_00: 22:14

I will. I will.

SPEAKER_02: 22:15

But I think what this whole list made me think, it is, and I know it's something that we both do, but this is a great time to smash those traditional roles and stereotypes even. And forget jingle all the way. It's time for delegation all the way. So we can play to our unique strengths, do what we love doing, do what we enjoy. And what we don't do, what we don't enjoy and what other people are good at. It's a fabulous way to say to make them feel more involved because they actually may not want to think, oh, I wouldn't mind doing that or I might suggest doing that. But sometimes perhaps they're worried they'll upset us by offering to do. It's just so strange, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 23:05

I think it's that balancing of boundaries, but also including people. When I have people over, it's like, oh, can you help me do this? Would you like to do that or this? And it is making the preparation part of the occasion.

SPEAKER_02: 23:20

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00: 23:22

Because otherwise, who wants the lady of the house, as they say, to be a stress mess when everybody else is sitting there thinking, oh, eggshells, eggshells coming. Don't say anything, don't do anything. Everyone mucks in and gets it done. No,

SPEAKER_02: 23:41

that's so true. That's so true. And when I was thinking about our episode as well, it really struck me that it's not necessarily the most wonderful time of the year for everyone. And that tendency to have to put on a brave face, it's tough. And it really is a time to... if you are feeling pooey to talk about it to reach out because there are so many triggers I mean midlife misery at Christmas it just encapsulates so many things you know the kids moving out or going on to their new partners parents or families and empty nesters I know Quite a few of the fabulous women I've been working with over the recent months are going on their empty nesting or bird launching journey. And we had our live as well or about it, didn't we? But the pressure this Christmas that once once they've gone to uni and coming back for that first Christmas after the first term, the pressure that can put on us to make extra special. It can be huge, can't it?

SPEAKER_00: 24:54

For me, it can be huge. And the things that trigger your emotional response can be the most minute thing. And it brings back old griefs. It brings back old problems and issues. But it's also a time just to think, I am going to enjoy and squeeze every moment of pleasure out that I can out of this time. I'm not going to be a Pollyanna and be you know, happy, smiley. If I'm feeling a bit miserable, I'm going to go for a walk.

SPEAKER_01: 25:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 25:27

You know, but generally it is about be, you know, be selfish, you know, make sure you're doing the self care, you know, take yourself away, do something you want to do, you know, sit on the sofa with a cup of tea and read a book, go for a walk, relax, go to sleep, just do something that takes you out of that emotional cauldron.

SPEAKER_02: 25:49

yeah no absolutely and I say if if the the memories do come and they will you know it's a time to think of loved ones that aren't with us anymore or maybe you're going through problems in relationships or it's just taking that time to not push that emotion away to actually acknowledge it and as you say and then just do something whether it's mindful walk or breathing exercises just to try and bring yourself I say as you said back to that the now because otherwise it just causes overwhelm and you can just spiral can't you you can just spiral so it makes me sad sorry yeah

SPEAKER_00: 26:36

I was just going to say I'm thinking about the happy memories particularly when you think about people that aren't with us anymore you know and when things went right and when things didn't go right I remember one of them Christmas when my grandmother and my mother-in-law were both with us for Christmas and I wanted to put on a good performance you know not perfect but I wanted it to be you know the food and whatever not to be a point of contention and I was so concerned that the gravy didn't turn out like dishwater then i um i slightly overdid it and you could have sliced it and fried it it was ridiculous but we all had a bit of a laugh about it you know i just diluted it with whatever alcohol i had next to me and it was perfectly fine but you know the the gravy christmas is how to it

SPEAKER_02: 27:33

oh i love that it's gone down and is it echelon of Taylor history. Do you remember Gravy Gate?

SPEAKER_00: 27:41

Yes, Gravy Gate. Oh, I love that. I'm going to bring that one up. It's using the traditions that you have from both families and the ones you've created yourself to give yourself a structure, a routine, you know, and you're not nailed to the floor to do everything the same every year, you know. Try and think about what else would you like to do that's different, you know, and We used to go to the pantomime when my son was younger. Now we might go into London and have a day and go and see something. You know, just evolve as relationships evolve and you're not going to see them so much. Do something to make each moment a pleasure.

SPEAKER_02: 28:24

So true. So true. Because I say, perhaps I'm sounding as though I'm saying be more Scrooge, but I'm not saying don't enjoy Christmas because it is a great time of year. for most of us. But it's about doing it our way. So I'm issuing a gentle kick up the bum to all of you out there to start saying yes to being selfish. Because when you're feeling great, everyone else benefits too. So it's time to start putting yourself first. And we did promise our three top tips. We've alluded to bits of it, but we're going to do them now. I think. Three ways to beat the festive blues. Avoid your burnout because that is not great.

SPEAKER_01: 29:16

You've got

SPEAKER_02: 29:18

a couple of days. Yeah. Oh, festive flop. I like that even more. And thrive this festive season your way. Now, I say we've touched on it, but the first one, set your non-negotiables because it's a hectic time. So, whether it's your daily walk or even a soak in the bath. I mean, I know self-care isn't all bubble baths and hot chocolate, but if that is what you ask yourself, what do I need right now? And make sure everyone else knows about it, even if you stick a note on the fridge.

SPEAKER_00: 29:55

For sure. And keep it simple. know keep it simple so that you're not having to it's not more faff to get that thing done you know make sure that you can do it without causing you know huge upset to your day and you're like okay even if it's just going standing outside i mean unless it's you know actually tipping down but that's what umbrellas were invented for well that could be quite refreshing in

SPEAKER_02: 30:20

itself yeah absolutely And you mentioned earlier about routine. And I think that is so important because it could be so easy to actually lose track of the days over the bank holidays of Christmas and New Year. So actually sticking into anchoring yourself to your routine can help you stay focused. And it's quite calming as well when everything else is if it's all going wrong.

SPEAKER_00: 30:46

it can

SPEAKER_02: 30:46

help you

SPEAKER_00: 30:48

yeah because there is like what day is it what am i doing have i got dressed yet oh no i haven't it's lunch you know you just don't know but you think okay no i'm definitely going to go out for a walk i'm going to go meditate do some breathing go and consciously drink more water because you're probably in a hot house all the time whatever it is that you know will make you feel fabulous then you know do it

SPEAKER_02: 31:13

No, that is so important because again, we can get tied up in all these endless tasks or what seem endless tasks and do forget, yeah, to drink some water and that can make, and then you think I've got a headache now. I feel really dizzy. It's hot. Yeah. Being kind and gentle to yourself, self-compassion and don't bottle up how you're feeling, which leads me to getting to know your triggers as well.

UNKNOWN: 31:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 31:40

Planning ahead, I think this is vital because you can practically guarantee, and I'd like to meet a family who haven't got this situation in some way, shape or form, that somewhere during the festive gatherings, there's going to be someone who you can guarantee will put a bit of a dampener on your festive spirit. But there are ways around it. And I find a great technique is using catastrophizing to your advantage and Imagine the worst possible scenario, pre-plan for it. And then there's a really good chance that the actual event won't be nearly as bad as that. But also you'll feel prepared. What do they say? Forearmed or forewarned is forearmed.

SPEAKER_00: 32:29

Absolutely. And if you think about the situation or the occasion or the person, there will be some good chances. in all of those oh yes focus on that and say okay yes this person annoys the watsits off me but I only have to be in the same room as them for an hour half a day whatever it happens to be and you know I'll ask questions and I'll be more interested and I'll remember why they are part of the family or the friendship group or whatever it is and if all else fails I'll go for a walk.

SPEAKER_01: 33:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 33:08

So you never know. By pre-planning, you might actually get this kind of light bulb moment as to what it is about them or a solution to, because sometimes it's the most stupid niggle that's caused this. And it's that whole, it's just brewed and stewed and lingered and stagnated and becomes something almost much bigger. But that's for another conversation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 33:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 33:37

So, yeah, making the most of this moment, because as I like to say, make the most of today before it becomes yesterday.

SPEAKER_00: 33:45

Love it. Love it.

SPEAKER_02: 33:49

Which leads us on to our third top tip, which I think is perhaps my favourite. Be selfish by ditching the shoulds and shaking things up. Because We're too wise now. We've behaved for so long. We've followed the signposts. If we can't start misbehaving now and asking ourselves, do I really want to do this? And if it doesn't feel right, give ourselves permission to simply not do it. And I know the phrase no is a complete sentence is everywhere at the moment, but it's true. It's so true. You don't have to do it if you don't want to do it.

SPEAKER_00: 34:39

Yeah, absolutely. Nobody's keeping score. There isn't a Christmas police person going, isn't there? Oh, okay, that Taylor fan, they didn't do that. Oh, no, she didn't make that. Oh, no. It's not happening. It's what makes you shine and what makes you smile. What do you want more of and what do you want less of? Yeah. There are some unavoidables, but even then you can make them much more fabulous if you focus on what it is that you can get out of that situation. How can you make it better?

SPEAKER_02: 35:15

That's so true. That's so true. And what we were saying earlier about rethinking holiday traditions as well, because passing time and changing situations can change. bring that bittersweet feeling and traditions that were once joyous can almost start feeling tainted or outdated. Or as you say, it's about reinventing, creating new ones that are right for now.

SPEAKER_00: 35:46

Yes. And you think in families, you know, you have two partners that come together, you know, one partner, family might have open presence in the morning, the other in the afternoon. So you compromise, you create your own traditions of how you, you know, maneuver that. And Nothing is set in stone. Well, the King's speech now, but the Queen's speech is set in stone and that's about it. But you can watch that on

SPEAKER_02: 36:11

replay.

SPEAKER_00: 36:12

You can watch that and record it. And it's just what makes you as a family happy.

SPEAKER_02: 36:19

And

SPEAKER_00: 36:20

that's a conversation to have. Oh, I'd say about now at the beginning of December.

SPEAKER_02: 36:25

Oh, absolutely. I mean, I had a big... emotional moment last Christmas because one of our big traditions, and it has been for years, there's, well, I do lots of posts from up there. There's a common with a duck pond not far from our home. And every year it's not over the Christmas break. It's just before. I think it's next Thursday. Carol's on the common and it's, yeah, it's a Thursday at seven o'clock. And the three of us always go up there. And it's lovely. You kind of wrap up in hats and scarves. There's a brass band, hot drinks and a massive Christmas tree on the common. And we just sing our hearts out. And last year, obviously, Finlay was still at university. And it really struck me as we started singing that because it's a Thursday and because it's seven o'clock. This would probably be the last time, would it? I'm getting emotional now.

SPEAKER_01: 37:23

Oh, my

SPEAKER_02: 37:24

goodness. Sorry. Sorry, peeps. So I'm still sad, but I hugged my six foot two baby the whole way through to the point that and I was still singing. I'm sure that he had Park the Herald Angels ringing in his head until Twelfth Night. So that's it. We're going to have to find a new tradition because he's not going to be here for this. But he will be here for Christmas. He will be here for Christmas.

SPEAKER_00: 37:52

But music is

SPEAKER_02: 37:53

such a powerful thing. Oh,

SPEAKER_00: 37:55

absolutely. And whether we're doing the tree decorating or I'm writing the cards or whatever's happening, you know, we have a CD of Christmas carols that is on in the background. a couple of cds because it always gets a bit dull having the same ones all the time but having the music to set the scene and like you we have candles we have lots of fur and and and you're having those smells and and cinnamon and

SPEAKER_02: 38:30

Oh, they're my favourite. I'm not, I'm not into, I quite like lavender, but I'm not into any florals. I love all the orange and yes, cinnamon and really, if anything, any oils have got festive spice. I'm just like, even the washing up liquid, I get really excited. You know, my washing up, I think it's pomegranate and cranberry or something. I'm like, oh, yes, I have to have that. Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_00: 38:57

Yeah. And it's setting the scene, isn't it? Because we're not one dimensional. You know, it's sights, it's sounds, it's smells.

SPEAKER_02: 39:05

And it's all part of the whole self-care as well, isn't it? Just by making you feel. So do you have a favourite carol? I

SPEAKER_00: 39:12

do like a belter. I am not a songster. Hart the Herald, definitely. Come All Ye Faithful. With the descant? Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't inflict that on anybody apart from the car.

SPEAKER_02: 39:27

I give it a go when I'm on my own.

SPEAKER_01: 39:30

Yes. We also

SPEAKER_02: 39:32

have a church carol service that we go to and they do the descant there. And I do, I'm not very, well, I normally, I'm a belter. But when it comes to that, I don't want to spoil it for anyone else. So I quietly discount. But I must admit, I do love carols. And not just in a religious way. I just love the songs. Partial to a bit of Buble. But the one that gets me, and I'm going to get misty-eyed again now.

SPEAKER_00: 40:02

Oh, my goodness.

SPEAKER_02: 40:03

Because Fedass keeps saying he was born on the 12th. He was due Christmas Eve. And so the song, and I understand, I believe it actually wasn't written as a Christmas song, but it was adopted. Oh, the opening bars, Johnny Mathis, When a Child is Born.

SPEAKER_00: 40:22

Oh, nice. Just give me goosebumps. I

SPEAKER_02: 40:24

know. I give myself goosebumps. I've been singing quite a lot. I don't know. I might have to start singing my own jingles or something. What do you think? No. I think you should. I think you should. We want Midlife Unlimited to be the podcast that women want to listen to. Not something that scares cats, but TV as well over Christmas. That can be something that causes loads of, well, not just arguments, but just how many hours maybe do you spend trying to find something but you've actually got a cunning a cunning plan for that

SPEAKER_00: 41:04

Well, it's been a family tradition since I was sort of knee high that Radio Times, other versions are available, call us. I buy it because it's, you know, it's a fixture of the coffee table. Oh,

SPEAKER_01: 41:18

yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 41:18

It's like, okay, so look through whatever film that is on at the weirdest time or series or whatever it is, interview, you know, Carol from Kings. That's a set time.

SPEAKER_02: 41:30

My dad likes the lectures that are on over Christmas as well. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 41:34

Whatever it is, just set it up to record so that if you suddenly want to watch something bizarre in the middle of the night or early morning and it's there rather than going oh I miss that I miss that and then if we don't watch it you know come 12th night or a little bit after it's like well they can all go off the recordings because we don't actually want to

SPEAKER_02: 41:58

watch

SPEAKER_00: 41:59

them that's such a great

SPEAKER_02: 42:00

tip that's something and I will come back at you with another of my top tips that if you're happy being the hostess with the mostest brilliant But when you come out of the kitchen, make sure that you've got somewhere comfortable to sit. Because how often when we're hosting do we end up on some rickety stool that's been in the garage for 20 years? It's got cobwebs all over it. But because we've got the the neighbours, the in-laws, the friends, whoever it is, we end up perching somewhere. Not at all. No. Try and claim your favourite chair. But if you can't. Make sure at least you've got something a bit comfortable, even if it's just putting a decent fluffy throw, one of your faux fur throws on it.

SPEAKER_00: 42:46

Yes, absolutely love that. Because here's you think, where am I going to go? No, this is mine.

SPEAKER_02: 42:52

Yeah, stake your place and own it. So our three top tips for a perfectly imperfect Christmas. I think they sum up everything we're trying to say today. Set your non-negotiables. Know your triggers. Be selfish. Ditch the shoulds and shake things up. Because, Philippa, if Christmas is not perfect, so what? You've created this perfect idea yourself based on these shoulds, based on all these influences around you. And if you don't achieve it, It's a sure way for you to feel stressed, disappointed, and then start beating yourself up.

SPEAKER_00: 43:44

Yeah, and who needs that self-sabotage? You know, Christmas is for family. Whether that's a blended family, you and your neighbours, you and your pet, it doesn't matter how your family is made up. It's what works for you. You know, not what the television and like we said before, not what you see on the media. It's what works for you as a family. No,

SPEAKER_02: 44:09

that is, I love that. So I think here's to making this Christmas one to remember for all the right reasons. Yes. Now, Philippa. As my first guest on Midlife Unlimited, you are the first fabulous female that I'm going to ask my three Midlife Unlimited questions. So drum roll, is everyone ready? Are you sitting comfortably? I jolly am. So the first question is, what is your midlife anthem? What's the tune or piece of music that Fires you up. And if you hear it, what I love is when you're out and about and you hear it. And it's like, yes.

SPEAKER_00: 44:52

Yes. What's your mum dancing coming on there? Oh, yeah. What is it? Dancing in the dark by the boss. I have trained for my water sports for over years. So for me, that's a song that makes me feel really energetic and focused. But as a as an anthem. I'm going to say This Is Me from The Greatest Showman because it's

SPEAKER_01: 45:18

like,

SPEAKER_00: 45:19

this is me. Like it or don't. Are you going to sing it

SPEAKER_02: 45:22

to us? Oh, no. And I won't. I've done quite enough singing for one episode. So question two, what is your midlife mantra? What's the phrase that epitomizes how you live your midlife?

SPEAKER_00: 45:41

another great question I love it age is just a number is something I say a lot but I think sort of the more heartfelt is carpe diem I never want to have oh if only I tried that if only I'd done that oh oh and I don't want to have the woes so it's yeah it sees the day carpe diem I

SPEAKER_02: 46:08

love that because you know I'm all about I don't want to be sitting in a rocking chair when I'm 99 thinking I wish I'd done more. I don't do if. Yeah, I don't do what ifs. I don't do if onlys. And that's what I love. Helping women. Not get over. Get round. Rethink. Yeah. A final question. And this one, I can't wait for this one. What is or would be the title of your autobiography?

SPEAKER_01: 46:41

Oh,

SPEAKER_00: 46:42

my. Now, so if I was trying to sum up all the water sports, the family, the travel, living in different countries, PR career, healthy aging, putting that all into a few words, I would go for ageless and adventurous.

SPEAKER_02: 47:07

Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. I love it almost as much as I've loved you joining me as my guest today. Oh,

SPEAKER_00: 47:15

thank you. I

SPEAKER_02: 47:16

feel quite emotional and festive. Now, how can our fabulous listeners contact you, Philippa?

SPEAKER_00: 47:26

Well, thank you for inviting me on as your first guest. I am very honoured. Oh, my

SPEAKER_01: 47:32

pleasure.

SPEAKER_00: 47:32

Thank you. And as my business is called Feel Fab Naturally, most of the ways you'll find me on social media will have the words Feel Fab in it. So on Instagram, I'm Feel Fab. Philippa is the PR in me coming out with that alliteration. I love it. That has my link tree on it, Philippa Taylor, where you can find all the different ways. I'm also on LinkedIn and Facebook.

SPEAKER_02: 48:00

Love it. Love it. And we're connected there as well, which is great. And anyone who'd like to contact me, I'd love to hear from you. So you can email me at Kate at SecondSpringLifeCoaching.com because that's the name of my business. Or come and connect on LinkedIn. Kate Porter Second Spring. And if you head across to my website, themidlifemetamorphosiscoach.com, you can get your free copy of my festive thrival guide. So that can give you some more top tips to having a perfectly imperfect Christmas. Some good me time reading. So again, Philippa, thank you so much for being my first guest. And thank you for listening. to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast, the first episode. Here's to being fabulous and flourishing together. And Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Oh, thanks, Philippa. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_00: 49:06

Bye.