Episode #007 How to Turn New Year Resolutions into New Year Me-Solutions that Work as a Midlife Woman with Guest Carrie Frost

With Christmas Day done and dusted, take some Me Time and beat the Twixmas “meh” by joining your host Kate Porter and her Boxing Day guest Carrie Frost as they turn the spotlight on a subject that is highly likely to crop up in conversation over the coming days.

New Year Resolutions.

Kate and Carrie are not fans. In fact, they positively discourage the setting of New Year Resolutions. And they are not keen on New Year's Eve either - listen now to find out why.

So this double-act of Midlife coaches are putting collaboration over competition into action and are joining forces in this episode to explore Kate’s alternative to New Year Resolutions that don’t work  – New Year “Me”-Solutions. 

Kate and Carrie tell it how it is with New Year Resolutions. Why they just don’t work. 

And why you are highly likely to be doomed to failure the minute you announce yours.

The alternative? 

New Year “Me”-Solutions. 

Listen now for myth busting, insights, inspiration and top tips on how to ditch the negatives, motivate and hold yourself accountable, and inject fun and excitement into creating new habits that light you up.

Because life is too blinking short to do what you don’t want to do!

You can connect with Carrie at

https://www.facebook.com/carrie.frost.3154

https://www.carriefrostcoaching.com

See Carrie's guest profile on the Midlife Unlimited® website for details of her special offer for listeners.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:03

Hello and welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis Coach, and I know what it feels like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze because I've been there. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited, the podcast, is inspired by my mission to let extraordinary women everywhere know you are not alone. You don't have to put a brave face on and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling it like it really is with raw and real conversations, smashing stereotypes, busting myths, and misbehaving because our second spring is our time to shine our way. So welcome to today's episode. Whether you're taking some Boxing Day me time or catching up and taking time out just for you, I hope you had a perfectly imperfect Christmas. Now, I'm delighted to be getting raw and real today with my guest, Carrie Frost, the midlife transformation coach, to talk about how to turn your New Year resolutions that don't work into New Year me solutions that do. Now. If you know me, you'll know I'm all about collaboration over competition. And fellow midlife coach Carrie and I have become good friends. So a big midlife unlimited welcome to Carrie. Hello, Carrie. Happy Twixmas.

SPEAKER_00: 1:55

Oh,

SPEAKER_02: 1:55

hello. Hello, Caitlin. Happy Twixmas to you. I love that phrase. How are you doing? I'm good, I'm good. I can't believe it's Boxing Day already, but here we are.

SPEAKER_00: 2:04

How was your

SPEAKER_02: 2:05

Christmas?

SPEAKER_00: 2:06

Well, I was going to ask you the same because I don't know if you know this, but I absolutely despise Christmas. So I'm one of those bar home bug people. I love December all the way up to the 24th. I even enjoy Christmas Eve and then Christmas Day and Boxing Day there on, I could just forget about them. So I was so pleased when you asked me to come on this podcast because it gave me something to do. It was like, yes, I can go to work. But how was your Christmas? Did you have time with your family?

SPEAKER_02: 2:31

Well, we're quite a small family. So Christmas Day for the last 10 years has started with me and my not so little boy, Finlay, the six foot two, 22 year old. We've got a gorgeous duck pond that I've done loads of posts from about 10 minutes walk from our house. And we go up with hot chocolate and mince pies and we watch the sun come up. And then we go and visit my dad. And then it's home just for Christmas. bit more relaxed opening presents and we always it's something that my partner scott's family invented a little clue on each present and you're not allowed to open the present until you've solved the clue so that drags that out a bit

SPEAKER_01: 3:13

and

SPEAKER_02: 3:13

then yeah just chilling good company nice times cuddling the dog but uh are you a decorations person

SPEAKER_00: 3:22

do

SPEAKER_02: 3:22

you go crazy

SPEAKER_00: 3:24

No, I don't. But I do. I really enjoy putting my tree up. So for somebody who doesn't like Christmas, because I always say I don't like Christmas, I love the build up to it. So I love getting the tree. I have to have a real Christmas tree as well. I'm a little bit obsessive by it. I have to do it. And I have no spatial awareness. So that involves my husband having to cut most of it to get it in the house. So we do that. I have so many different decorations that On different themes, and I love it, and I really enjoy it. I have the Christmas music going. My husband makes mince pies. I don't do that. Glasser Baileys, obviously. And it sets the scene, and it's really nice. I don't mind a bit of boobles, but it's not my favourite, to be fair. But I like to belt out a few carols, to be perfectly honest. You don't want to be around me at Christmas. I sing a lot. Oh,

SPEAKER_02: 4:15

I'd be there. I love singing. No, we've got two carol services we go to. One at the local church, which is gorgeous. And then there's actually carols by the duck pond at night. And that with a brass band. So that is very nice. Oh, sounds great. But my tree, I'm afraid. Yeah, I've got a white tinsel pre-lit tree. But it's become a bit of a family heirloom now. It must be about... 15 years old and it's one of those we we're a 12th night take it down I don't let it drag on too long but I'm then picking up tinsel till my birthday in June oh

SPEAKER_00: 4:54

my lord I couldn't cope with that it's a bit like pine needles to be fair but I'm exactly the same as you 12th night it's out the door it's down it's done um yeah I'm yeah yeah I'm a bit like that but from now on in so yeah Yesterday was just a day. And I think for people who like me don't really like Christmas, it's a difficult time because, you know, I was a single mom for a lot of years. I brought my kids upon my own, which was great, but I've always had to share my children with somebody else. And I've never had that kind of, for a long time, it's always been quite a difficult time. And so I just want to get it over and done with and get through to the next bit and start January now. Yeah. and chill out and unless I'm off on holiday which this year I'm not so it's not so much fun but we do try and get away over this period just because it just doesn't it yeah it's just an empty space isn't it so thank you for doing this I'll say it again thank you thank you for doing this because it is a great time for people to reflect on what is coming in January and it is for me it's always a good time to reflect because it's that time of well yeah we've got nothing else pressing have we so It's that lull,

SPEAKER_02: 6:10

isn't it? But I know though, the old me, I mean, I'm not a fan of New Year's Eve I find it quite maudlin, that whole, it reminds me of my Latin O-level days with the Roman god Janus, obviously January, with the two faces looking backwards and forwards. And it can be a time when all the what-ifs and if-onlys of 2024 start raising their heads. And then almost that overwhelming, oh my goodness, 2025. And you can start feeling now, this Twixmas stage, that kind of meh feeling deflated after the Christmas build up. Maybe it didn't go to plan. Maybe you were alone. Maybe you wish you were alone because it was an absolute horrendous nightmare because Christmas is such a time. It has to be perfect. No, it doesn't. Perfectly imperfect. But it can make you feel that you just want to crawl under a fluffy blanket and binge watch Netflix until the new year.

SPEAKER_00: 7:13

100%. And I think also you hit the nail on the head that I think it does make you feel a bit maudling. And it does make you question this period of time can make you question everything. You know, for years, I was on my own. And I i absolutely hated new year because everyone was in a couple everyone was going out and having fun and there was me on my own and i didn't want to do it and then you know i also had my kids so if i was going anywhere my kids came with me because you try to get babysitter on new year's eve that's a tricky one and then i found that as i did you know i've been i've been remarried for 12 years and they said 13 then 12 years and uh It's still never changed. We're now exhausted. I'm normally in bed by 11 o'clock on New Year's Eve, to be fair. I can't make it till 12. Well, so

SPEAKER_02: 8:01

many times we plan to go out and normally it's local. I mean, I don't drink anymore, but Scott, you know, he doesn't mind a couple of drinks. Obviously now Finlay's older, our boy, he's off with his friends. But the last couple of years we've kind of said, oh, we'll go up to a local event and, And you say it's got to like eight o'clock and we're quite comfortable and we're like, oh, should we just watch the BBC fireworks? That's perfectly all right. That's

SPEAKER_00: 8:30

fine. Yeah. And I think it's that whole, you know, I'm not an Instagrammable person. You know, my life's not Instagrammable. It's just not that kind of life. I have a life where I do normal things and I'm not bothered about getting up and being glammed up I mean I love getting dressed up don't get me wrong but I'm not bothered about living that life that everyone's enviable about and I feel that I was kind of sold this dream for so many years as a single mum that I now just think I want to tell people that it's perfectly okay to be in bed at 11 o'clock on New Year's Eve it's perfectly okay to not go out on New Year's Eve it's perfectly okay to not particularly enjoy this period of time and there's nothing bad about that and Yeah, take the time for yourself. Do what the hell you like. And don't worry about what anyone else is doing. And don't bother about thinking about putting yourself on Instagram about what a great Christmas and New Year you're having. Because often we're not. Let's be honest. We're not. And I

SPEAKER_02: 9:32

think we're getting wise to that, which is why I'm so thrilled you're joining me today. Because you're like me. You tell it like it is. This is all about being raw and real. And again, I think, I mean, we touched on our subject for today, New Year's resolutions. And they're all, it's the whole sugar coating. I mean, I've dug out some statistics because I do like a statistic. And according to a survey, 2024 survey this year by Forbes Health, 64% of women feel pressured to set a New Year's resolution compared to 60% of men. Top of the list, not much of a surprise, fitness. finances, mental health, weight loss. Who's it for? Is it for them? Is it the pressure? But interestingly, I think you'll like this bit. Of those, only 20% of those surveyed said that they managed to hold themselves accountable when it comes to sticking to those resolutions. And I think that's such an interesting fact.

SPEAKER_00: 10:39

Yeah, massively. And I mean, I sound like a real Dobby Downer at the moment, Kate, but I also really don't like New Year's resolutions. That's why we're talking

SPEAKER_02: 10:48

about New Year me solutions.

SPEAKER_00: 10:51

Absolutely. So the reason I don't like them is because I feel that they are forced upon us. Normally they're just so unrealistic. Every year, nobody ever... you don't do an audit on it. You just, you know, you're going to make them, you know, you're going to break them. It's as simple as that. So what's the point? Let's cut out the middleman and not bother doing them is my view. So, you know, you kind of sit there and you think like, what, what are we doing them for? And I think this is the point that you're making. It's like, what are we making? What, what, what is a new year resolution for? If it's for you, because you genuinely want to change something, why wait till the new year? Why not do it now? Why not do it today? Why not do it in February? Why not do it in November? Who cares? You don't need to do it on January the 1st. January the 1st, I think, is an awful day to choose to start anything new. Because unlike you, I haven't given up drinking. So normally I have a little bit of a hangover, to be fair.

SPEAKER_02: 11:59

Which puts you on the back foot straight away, doesn't it? Because you think, oh, I was going to do this, but I really can't be bothered today. So immediately you're putting it off by a day.

SPEAKER_00: 12:10

100%. It's like, I don't think you should start anything on a bank holiday, personally. I think that should be banned. So I think if you're going to start them, at least wait till January the 2nd.

SPEAKER_02: 12:21

Yeah, I think that's a very good point. There you go, everyone. Words of wisdom from Carrie. Number one, make a note of that. I hope you're taking notes as we go along. So I've been thinking as I do, and... I like, I mean, I tend to do things during the year as they come up. And I like to, like you, I like to reassess and take stock on a rolling basis. But I think there are three main reasons why New Year resolutions are doomed from the outset, to be quite honest. But if you reframe them as New Year me solutions, you can actually get the results you want. But I think the first reason is, and we've touched on it already, shoulds. And you know how I feel about shoulds. The New Year's resolutions are not necessarily what you want to do. They're other people's opinions. They're what you've read in a magazine. They're what you've seen online. Outside pressure. I mean, dry January is a great example. You feel you should conform. You feel you should do the right thing. Now, Ladies, we've been doing that for years. We've been behaving and conforming for years. Now is the time to shake it up and do it our way and start being selfish. I know you like that word too, Carrie.

SPEAKER_00: 13:41

I do. And I totally agree with you. I hate shoulds. And it's true because you'll be stood there and everyone will say to you on January 2nd, did you make a New Year's resolution? What's your New Year's resolution? And you feel pressurised to have one, don't you? Yeah. I really do. I used to make them up. I used to say, oh, I'm going to do, I don't know, I'm going to lose four stone this year. I don't know. You just make it up on the spot. But it's not because it's something you want to do. It's because people kind of force you into doing it. And therefore, it's not. It doesn't come from the right place anyway. You're never going to stick to something that you just said you're going to do rather than you actually want to do. So, yeah, I'm with you on that one. Hate sheds.

SPEAKER_02: 14:23

Yeah, because then that leads into my... Second, Kate, reasons why New Year resolutions don't work. Drumroll, please. Lack of motivation and the accountability that comes with that, because it's blinking hard to hold yourself accountable to something you don't really want to do. You've got to be in the right mindset or the metamorphosis mindset, as I call it. So by adjusting the resolution, I'm doing quote marks here, I don't know why, because no one can see me, to me solution, you can make sure that this goal is right for you and that will keep you moving forward.

SPEAKER_00: 15:07

Yeah, I think so. And I think, to be fair to dry January, I mean, dry January is... I suppose it's just to try and get us all off alcohol for a little bit. Oh,

SPEAKER_02: 15:18

I'm fully agree with the ethos behind it. But I know you kind of hear someone saying, oh, I'm doing. And again, the shoulds creep in, you think, oh.

SPEAKER_00: 15:27

Yeah, there's lots of shoulds. I mean, my entire friendships group, we do dry January. We try and do dry January. We put it out there. We try and do it. The reason we all do it rather than some doing sober October and some doing dry January is because then we have accountability.

SPEAKER_02: 15:44

And

SPEAKER_00: 15:45

that's the key because so many of these resolutions, we're a standalone person and there's nobody holding us accountable. We're not holding ourselves accountable if we don't really want to do it or just made it up. So you have to find that accountability and you have to say it's either got to come from yourself So you've got to have inner accountability or you've got to find groups of people where you say, I'm going to commit to do this and this is what I'm going to do and I'm going to track it and you're going to be able to tell me if I'm not doing it.

SPEAKER_02: 16:21

Accountability buddies are brilliant, aren't they? As you say, having that network where they've got your back. I mean, that's what we do, isn't it, to each other as well. It's like having some cheerleading is brilliant. You don't need pom-poms. It's just... And I think as well that this comes into it, having cheerleaders and having accountability buddies. Another issue is thinking too big, making this goal so big when it actually doesn't have, because that can be overwhelming and that can immediately lead you to think, I can't do this. You lose that initial confidence. mojo and motivation. It doesn't need to be a massive transformation. I mean, we talk a lot about taking small steps and yet it might be everywhere that you hear this, but it's so true that by breaking things into small, I mean, the good old smart approach, making it small and manageable and specific and realistic and

SPEAKER_00: 17:27

Yeah. And I think what we also do, we don't just make them big. I mean, we make them huge, don't we? You never want to lose two pounds. And you never get to like the January the 1st and you go, right, this year, I'm going to lose two pounds. It's no, this year, I'm going to lose five stone. I'm going to run a marathon. But actually, we don't really think that way. We don't really plan that way. And what we don't do is we don't set ourselves realistic targets. So we don't say, actually, this year, I want to lose two pounds each. every week for the first 12 weeks. Now that's a realistic talk. It's a smart goal. It's a smart objective, isn't it? I want to be able to run 5K by the summer. That's a smart objective. It's like, you know, it's got to have a time to it and it's got to be specific. Whereas we go into New Year's resolutions and we go, I want to get fitter. This year I'm going to get fitter. What does that mean? You know, what does it mean? Or like you say, we do it too big. We say, I'm going to go to the gym three times a week. I'm going to go to the gym three times a week and I'm not going to eat any carbs and I'm going to lose four stone and I'm going to be amazing. And the problem is when you set something that's so big, it only takes one time for you not to go to the gym for you to give up because it's so far away that you can't ever see yourself getting there.

SPEAKER_02: 18:52

and then you start beating yourself up

SPEAKER_00: 18:56

yeah absolutely and that's you know it's a massive problem with new year's resolutions is that most of them are just so unrealistic they really are think back to all the ones you've ever said it'll be things like I remember when I was a kid even and I'd say this year's the year I'm going to stop biting my nails I didn't do anything about it I just said it like that's suddenly going to stop me from biting my nails How many years, you know, I mean, I don't know if you've ever smoked, Kate, but when I was a smoker, how many years are you saying, this year's the year I'm going to stop smoking?

SPEAKER_02: 19:26

Yeah, I still have the odd one. But again, as you say, it's all about the whole beating yourself up as well.

SPEAKER_00: 19:33

Yeah, but it's those kind of things where you just say them. You don't mean them. I don't think I ever had any New Year resolution that I've meant. That's really quite sad, isn't it? Because I've changed so much in my

SPEAKER_02: 19:48

life. I'm sure, I'm sure. I don't just hope. I am sure that there are fabulous women out there listening to this that are probably nodding along, whether you're walking the dog, whether you're in the gym, whether you're washing up or whether you're just sitting quietly and listening to us. And we'd love to hear feedback of what you think as well, because we're all about interaction and feedback. But fear of failing. That's my third point. We put so much pressure on ourselves and we beat ourselves up. It's all about being kind. If you have an off day or slip up, the whole point of a me solution, not a resolution, is you're only answerable to you anyway. So take stock and ask yourself if you missed that gym session. Why? What happened? What was it? Was it just your day of being so crazy? that by the time it came, you literally knew that what you actually needed far more was to take that half hour, that hour, just to refocus and sit quietly. Or did something, you know, was it a knock-on effect? Did you not time manage properly? I mean, I'm sounding like a business coach now, but try to find that new motivator to start again. Because as you completely brilliantly said there, It's not an end just because you slip up and miss a day. Get back on that proverbial me solution and make it easier for yourself.

SPEAKER_00: 21:22

Yeah, 100 percent. I think we we never show ourselves a lot of self-compassion, full stop in midlife. I think we're really hard on ourselves.

UNKNOWN: 21:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 21:32

And it is a time when we do need to show ourselves some self-compassion. I know one of my friends, she actually said last year, her New Year's resolution last year was to go to the gym three times a week. And she went for the first week, she was fine. The second week, the gym was so busy, she couldn't get on anything. Because gyms are... always packed out in January. Come February, there's not many people left. By March, it's empty, which shows you just how good these resolutions are because it's always the

SPEAKER_01: 22:02

same.

SPEAKER_00: 22:03

But because of that, she just gave up. She just stopped going. And I said to her, I said, well, why don't you just come out for a walk with me or come for a run or do something at home? And it was because she'd kind of said, no, I'm going to the gym three times a week. If I don't go to the gym three times a week, I've failed. And that was her view. And it was like, but that's so distorted because actually, what are you doing it for? Why do you want to go to the gym? And I think it was that question that was missing out of her. Why do you want to do it? And show yourself some self-compassion. So if your resolution, if your idea, if your want, your need, your desire is to be fitter and healthier, your mechanism for getting there is to go to a gym but if that doesn't work for you and you want to do something else you know what maybe it is sitting down and having a cup of tea and going up and down the stairs five times because trust me that's still going to make you fitter I do that anyway because I forget what I've got I go upstairs get

SPEAKER_02: 23:12

sidetracked come downstairs again and think actually I went upstairs but no absolutely right and I've been You know, I like digging around my bit of research. It's the journalist in me. But there are so many myths about these habits that we're trying to create these new habits. And for ages, I thought, or I had definitely read, I don't think I dreamt it, that habits take 21 days to form. But when you push a bit further, there's new research that shows that habits can actually take anything longer. from between 18 days to 254 days. So the average is 66 days. Now, this is research by Philippa Lally, who's a health psychology researcher at University College London. And she says, basically, this brings to the fore that it's different. We're all individuals. We all know that. And I harp on about that. And you do too. We've all got our own needs. We've all got our own wants. But if we push that idea of 21 days as the magic number, because in actual fact, there is the 21-90 rule that states it's 21 days to make a habit, but then 90 days to actually make it a permanent lifestyle change. And those are two different things, aren't they?

SPEAKER_00: 24:42

Massively. And I think it's how different that is as a habit as well. So habits... I mean, I love the whole topic on habits. I could talk about it till the cows come home, but you need to have, so habits always have a trigger and action and a reward and you need a reward. So for example, if you suddenly get a dog, the habit of taking the dog out for a walk will become a really quick habit. It won't take you 21 days for that to become a habit because there's a need and the reward is your dog doesn't go crazy every night and it's quite nice and it'll go to sleep. So that's, it's really good.

UNKNOWN: 25:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 25:17

But if you're trying to give up chocolate or if you're trying to cut out sugar or if you're trying to stop smoking or if you're trying to stop drinking, it might take a lot longer because you've got to work out what that mechanism is. And, you know, anything like that, getting up in the morning and saying, I'm going to go and do yoga every morning. It's a habit. That's all it is. It's a habit and habits are habits. as you say, really quite difficult to embed. It's not 21 days. And you'll see all of these and they'll all pop up. Over Christmas, your phones will have been going mad with all of these 21-day challenges. Do a 21-day squat challenge. Do a 21-day plank challenge. Let's do a 21-day no-carb challenge. And it's because they all still work. So that 21 days is the time it takes to change a habit. And it's just not true.

SPEAKER_02: 26:10

I think another really important point as well is it's about removing our resistance to creating that new habit. And there are so many things that could stop us doing it, that could make us lose motivation. So it's trying to be a bit creative, I think, and add elements. But like you said about, you know, the dog walking the dog. add elements into it that really do light us up. So it's not just the habit. It's everything that we associate with the habit as well. So it's like it becomes a no brainer because you actually want to do it. It's not just the go to the gym. It's things that you associate, like kind of anchoring things to it to make it even more powerful for you.

SPEAKER_00: 27:00

You need to have a reward. And that's the only way a habit's going to stick. So when you're thinking about these me resolutions, whatever you want to call them, if you're talking about changing your life and getting a new habit, you have to think about the reward. So when I first started, this is terrible of me, but I love it. When I first started doing Couch to 5K, I found it really hard work. I've done it a few times and then I leave it and I forget to run and then I do it again. And I did it with my friend and we decided that actually every week, the last run we would do on the week, we would end at a pub and have a glass of wine. That was our reward. And we wouldn't be able to have that glass of wine if we hadn't done all three runs that week. So it kept us going because we had the accountability that it was two of us and we also had a reward. Because sometimes, you know, you can say, I'm going to pack in, I'm going to stop eating sugar. Well, maybe you're going to feel fantastic, and it's going to make you feel healthier and everything else. Maybe, but maybe that's not enough of a reward. Maybe you need something else as a reward. Maybe you need to say, actually, if I don't eat sugar for the whole of the week, I'm going to give myself I don't know, an hour on my own, bubble bath, whatever it is, something, a nice reward. I'm going to go out and I'm going to have a nice meal. Whatever it is, we need to put those in place. And I always think with New Year's resolutions in particular, we never think about the nice. It's always taken away. I'm going to stop doing this. I'm going to stop doing this. I'm going to stop doing this. I'm going to stop doing this. And it's all negatives, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02: 28:45

Oh. Well, like you said the other day when we were chatting, it's almost like knowing that these New Year's resolutions are coming up in January. We kind of almost give ourselves permission to go wild in December and do what we like because it's all right. We can do this because we're going to punish ourselves in January with these New Year's resolutions.

SPEAKER_00: 29:08

100%. You drink the house dry. On the 31st of December, if you're doing dry January, you drink that house dry. There isn't a drop. There's no cocktails and everything. It's done. It's done. Because it is. It's that abstinence. It's that you're taking everything away. Instead of saying, do you know what? I mean, I don't drink very much now. I can't. Menopause and alcohol, for some reason, do not go hand in hand. I know there's lots of ladies out there feeling the same as me. But I still like to have a drink, but now instead of having gin and tonic, I'll have non-alcoholic gin and tonic or I'll have a no secco cocktail because I still like the idea of a reward. If I'm tired, you know, I mean, why they don't make a good non-alcoholic red wine, nobody knows because I really miss that in winter. But In summer, I'm really happy because I still have that buzz of I'm having a drink, I'm having something different. It's six o'clock in the afternoon and the sun's out and I'm sitting down. I don't want to have a cup of tea. So it's again, it's that reward, isn't it, that we need?

SPEAKER_02: 30:19

Yeah. No, absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00: 30:24

So what would you say to our listeners to make these me resolutions actually stick? What's your top advice, Kate?

SPEAKER_02: 30:32

Well, I think boiling down and I'm loving our chat. Thank you again for joining me. But I think it does boil down to ditching the shoulds and taking off the pressure and then unleashing your childlike curiosity, because I think that enables you by stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things, making it a bit exciting. And you know what I always say, try them. if you don't like them, don't do them and try something else. You don't have to. You don't have to keep doing something that you don't want to do. So if you do come up with me solutions like, oh, I don't know, take Spanish classes or like I did the other day, I started my salsa dancing and I'm loving it. But to be fair, if I hadn't enjoyed it, I think I would have said, right, I'm going to try something else because Life's too blinking short. When you get to 55, if you can't say, I don't like this, I don't actually want to do this, it's about being honest with yourself, isn't it? Having realistic expectations, supercharging your self-care,

SPEAKER_00: 31:46

and just

SPEAKER_02: 31:49

don't expect miracles either.

SPEAKER_00: 31:52

Yeah, I agree. And the only other thing that I would add into that is, if you're going to set any... start something that is positive for you don't do the don'ts don't don't do that i need to stop this and stop that and stop the other if you want to get healthier and fitter set yourself a target how healthy how much fitter it's not about losing weight it's about feeling better in ourselves so I love the idea of doing salsa dancing. I love the idea of all these. And the good thing about doing it in January is that lots of new courses start in January.

SPEAKER_02: 32:28

Absolutely. Just to get inspiration, if nothing else.

SPEAKER_00: 32:33

And like you say, go try them. There is no harm in going and trying a yoga class or going and trying a dance class or going and trying a pole dancing class if you really want to. There's no harm trying it. If you don't like it, you don't like it, but who knows? And so September and January are fantastic times because that's when they seem to start all the new classes and all the new groups. So I do think there's that really good element, but be more specific is my thing. Set yourself a realistic goal that says, I'm going to try this or I'm going to do this or whatever. And don't use the word stops and don'ts because then that's about beating ourselves up.

SPEAKER_02: 33:14

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00: 33:15

We beat ourselves up far too much in our world and I hate it. We're always picking up things we didn't do rather than things we did.

SPEAKER_02: 33:25

Yeah, no, and I don't do regrets. I definitely don't do... So I think it's all about the me solution, as you said, getting clear on why you want to, and I know we always talk about whys, but getting clear why do you want to get fit? Why do you want to learn Spanish? Why do you want to do a skydive? And then that will give you the motivation. That will keep you doing it. Keep you doing it, whether it takes you 18 days or 254 days. And have fun with it.

SPEAKER_00: 34:03

Yeah, have fun with it. Have

SPEAKER_02: 34:04

fun with it.

SPEAKER_00: 34:05

Yeah. This is not punishment. We're not going into purgatory for a month. We are allowed to enjoy ourselves and... do different things. And to be fair, one of the great things that's come out of Dry January for us as a group of people is that we went and tried different things that we wouldn't normally have done because normally we would have just gone and had brunch. And instead of having brunch, we went off and did roller skating. That was one that terrified me. You know, we've been and done indoor skiing. We've been and done different

SPEAKER_01: 34:37

things.

SPEAKER_00: 34:38

Because actually, do you know what? You kind of have to think out the box a little bit, but it was great fun. It's been great fun. So have fun doing it because if you're not having fun, don't do it. Honestly, there's enough joy killers in this world without us becoming another one to ourselves.

SPEAKER_02: 34:56

I love that. I'm going to have a bit of fun now.

SPEAKER_00: 35:00

Oh, gosh.

SPEAKER_02: 35:01

I've got three questions for you.

SPEAKER_00: 35:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 35:06

No pressure. We're not doing a mastermind. We're just getting into the woman that is Carrie. So my first question to you, what is your midlife anthem? What song or piece of music fires you up when you hear it?

SPEAKER_00: 35:27

Well, if you see any of my Instagram, you'll know I play this song a lot because I love music. It's obviously an 80s song. because I live and breathe it. But it is Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves. And if you are ever feeling down, put that song on. I defy you to not smile. It's actually just, yeah. I'm singing it in my head. It's such a great, great pick you up song. And you know the words to it. They're not hard. So they're great. Love it. That's my anthem.

SPEAKER_02: 35:59

And don't it feel good?

SPEAKER_00: 36:00

It does.

SPEAKER_02: 36:03

Which neatly, weaves me into question number two what is your midlife mantra what phrase sums up how you feel about midlife you can be rude if you want I

SPEAKER_00: 36:18

was going to say am I allowed to swear on this podcast because it might be you can you know this is me 100% but it's just don't give a shit don't give a shit because people are going to think things of you People are going to tell you what you need to do. Life is going to throw some curveballs at you. Don't give a shit. Stay in your own lane, be yourself and enjoy life. So that, yeah, that's my mantra. And I tell myself that all the time. I love

SPEAKER_02: 36:48

it. I love it because you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. You are you and you're perfectly imperfect. Absolutely. And we're going last question. What is or will be the title of your autobiography?

SPEAKER_00: 37:08

Oh, my Lord. That is a difficult one. What could it be? I don't know. That's a really hard question, Kate. You can see you've got your reporter head on when you've been writing these questions. What would my autobiography be? What wouldn't it

SPEAKER_02: 37:28

be? Would it be upbeat? Would it be one word? Harry there you go

SPEAKER_00: 37:35

yeah it could be it's I don't know I definitely didn't definitely would not be fragile handle with care that's for sure but um yeah like I don't know like a dog with a bone or probably something like that I I don't I find that hard that's a really difficult one I I thought you were gonna ask me my superpower I know my superpower that's oh tell us your superpower that can that can be your title of your autobiography oh my superpower is resilience So that's my superpower. There you go. Bounce back, bounce back queen. Well, love that. I'm going to have to think about that now. I'm going to have to think about what the title of my autobiography would be.

SPEAKER_02: 38:14

Well, we'll go with the bounce back queen for now, because I like that. And then we can always add in to posts. Watch this space, lovely listeners. If Carrie comes up with an even point, I won't say better, an alternative, we will let you know. So how can the fabulous women out there contact you, Carrie? Where can they find you?

SPEAKER_00: 38:40

Well, I am mostly on Facebook.com. I have a private Facebook group, which anybody is more than welcome to come and join. It's private just because I don't want it out there in the public for everyone to be able to come and talk in. But we can talk. We share our thoughts. I also do weekly kind of masterclass conversations where we do very much as we've done today. We talk about the things that are important to us in midlife. So, yeah, come and find me on Facebook. You'll see me under Carrie Frost and you'll find me in the Midlife Magic Facebook group.

SPEAKER_02: 39:18

Brilliant. And so if any of you would like to connect with me, please send me an email. You can find me at Kate at SecondSpringLifeCoaching.com or come and connect with me on LinkedIn, Kate Porter Second Spring, because that's the name of my life coaching business. Thank you, Carrie. I absolutely love this.

SPEAKER_00: 39:44

Thank you. You've made my Twixmas such a better

SPEAKER_02: 39:46

time. Thank you very much. And thank you, everyone, for listening to Midlife Unlimited. Here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and embracing 2025 our way. Talk to you soon. Thanks so much, Carrie. Thank you. Bye. Bye.