Episode #009 How to Unslump Yourself as a Midlife Woman with Guest Steph Walsh

If you’re suffering from a case of the January blues then join host Kate Porter and her fabulous guest Steph Walsh for insights, anecdotes and advice on how to reignite your Midlife mojo and unslump yourself this January and beyond.

Kate and Steph are all too aware of how the pressure to take action to “thrive in 2025” and the whole “New Year, New Me” movement can just exacerbate our feelings of being unfulfilled, insignificant.. of stagnating in the Midlife swamp.

So, inspired by Steph’s passion project animation of Dr Seuss’ Oh The Places You’ll Go, the pair have come up with the 3 C’s to unslump yourself which they talk you through in this episode, while also delving into topics including navigating shifting friendships in Midlife, ageism in the workplace, how to embrace cheerleading and unleash the positive power of networking and how to stop waiting and start climbing your mountain. 

So join their conversation to find out more as Kate and Steph shake things up, smashing stereotypes and telling Midlife how it really is.

Connect with Steph Walsh here

https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephanella/

https://www.instagram.com/_stephanella/

https://www.linkedinfamous.co.uk/

And you can watch Steph's Oh The Places You'll Go here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWSq8iwdTF0

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:04

Hello and welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm Kate Porter, the midlife metamorphosis coach, and I know what it feels like to be stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've been there. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited, the podcast is inspired by my mission to let extraordinary women everywhere know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling it like it really is with raw and real conversations, smashing stereotypes, busting myths and misbehaving, because our second spring is our time to shine our way. So welcome to today's episode. Now, so many women I speak to are feeling unfulfilled, insignificant. stagnating like you've lost sight of who you are. So I'm delighted to be joined by my good friend Steph Walsh, the feel-good animator, for a raw and real conversation about how to unslump yourself in midlife. So welcome Steph and happy January.

SPEAKER_00: 1:32

Well, happy January to you, Kate, and to everyone who is actually listening to us today and beyond. And I'm really, really happy to be here today with you and everyone else, because I'm quite used to be doing LinkedIn Lives, but it's the first time, as you know, that I'm actually doing a podcast. So it would be really wonderful and great to share our experience of midlife and how to grow old disgracefully, as I like to say. I

SPEAKER_01: 2:01

like that. I like that. Now, I wanted to get you on now because, as you said, January can be a funny time of year. But you like January, don't you? Yes, I absolutely

SPEAKER_00: 2:13

do. It is probably rooted in the fact that at heart, I'm actually an autumn-winter person. And I actually feel, as I seem to recall in one LinkedIn message many, many months ago, you picked up on that when I actually wrote that I am on my best in autumn-winter. I actually experience a veritable slump in spring-summer, particularly in summer, when I plough on and I continue to stay at work, possibly because when I was working in corporate, I always did so. No children, so I was covering for loads of people who were actually going away in July and August. But that also means that I really, really do put the foot down towards the end of August. I feel I'm my best of September. My birthday's on the 1st. It feels like it's ushering in the new year for me and technically does, as it does for most people who still consider the beginning of the school and academic year as the beginning of the year, which I think is also the reason why we actually end up falling into January, slumping into January after the Christmas season, the festive season that starts, you know, we've got Thanksgiving, we've got Diwali, we've got Christmas itself, right? And then a lot of people feel like, oh my God, it's a very long month. I've got no energy, no mind, nothing to look forward to. But I actually think that the blank slate of January is very, very empowering and fertile ground for a lot of really good ideas.

SPEAKER_01: 3:46

No, I love that. I love that. And we've put our heads together and we've come up with our three C's of how to unslump yourself that we're going to be sharing later. And just to give you a little teaser, they are cheer leading, change and comfort zones. But first, Steph, I'd like to talk more about your current passion project that has blown me away. Well, all your work blows me away. And if anyone hasn't seen Steph's work, you are in for a treat and she'll be giving all her links at the end. But it's a great example of literally unslumping in action. Yes. Can you please Tell us how it came about. Tell us all about it. I love it.

SPEAKER_00: 4:34

Yes, I'd love to do that, Kate, which is actually really the reason as to why when we started talking about this podcast, this episode for ourselves, I said, I would love to be talking about on slumping. Because at that point in time, I had just finished this animated video of Dr. Seuss's Oh, the Places You'll Go. And for those of you who are listening, who are familiar, not just with Dr. Seuss's work, but with this particular work, then the slump is one of the places that his character visits during his travels throughout life. And the reason why I actually decided to create this animated video, because it's not paid for, as you mentioned in the past, to me, it is a passion project of mine. It came about towards the middle of the summer. Yes, my own slump last year, in the middle of the summer of last year, when I actually thought, I, you know, I'm turning And in 48, on the 1st of September, and I wanted to maybe write something quite significant and put something quite significant out there. I can post it on LinkedIn. I can put it on my own blog, this and that and the other. And then I actually started thinking about the sort of good things about life and the not so good things about life. I was thinking about the ups and the downs. And, you know, when I was much younger, it seemed like everything was sort of on and off. And then as I actually grew older and looking back, I was actually able to recognise pretty easily the slumps of my own life, even as I didn't at the time when I was experiencing them, recognise them. But as I was pondering in these terms, it occurred to me that I didn't really need to write something that wasn't already out there because all the places you'll go touches on all of these things and then some on the difficulty of actually setting on to a happy journey and then all of a sudden not finding ourselves where we actually even remotely expected we would be at a given point. And so I thought instead of doing something of my own and technically an animation is of course, but instead of writing something from scratch, I thought I'm going to create a fully fledged animated video of the whole unabridged text of all the places you go. And, and of course I was able to do that because my boyfriend, Sam is a professional musician and a sound recording artist and, and sound engineer, because that's what you really need for our animation because, um, And, you know, a children's animation is quite different from a corporate one. You really do need sound effects. You cannot have silence anywhere at any given point. And then, of course, I enlisted my friend Stasia, whom you know very well, possibly, you know, a forthcoming, you know, guest herself for this very podcast. Stasia is wonderful at presenting and is a wonderful voice actor and actor in general. So, of course, when I actually said to her, would you like I'd like to do this with me. Will you record all the places you go? She was immediately on board. And so the three of us worked together to get that movie done. It's now sitting on my YouTube. It's now been advertised everywhere. And I actually felt back to the present day. When you first spoke of your podcast, I thought... Let's talk about unslumping because, of course, the slump and the bump that precedes the slump, according to Dr. Seuss, was very prominent in my mind when you asked me to be a guest.

SPEAKER_01: 8:26

Well, I just love, I mean, well, I love it even more because my avatar that you created, and we'll talk more about her later, is actually in there. She's in the waiting room.

SPEAKER_00: 8:37

Yes. Yes, I'm glad that you actually recognised her. I was wondering whether you would do so because I have actually made a point. I actually made a point to pick a number of characters I had actually created and used at different points in different videos. Or in your case, I just created it just to give you an image when we first became friends. And so, yes, your avatar is there. She is in the waiting place. And of course, I'm myself. I sort of put myself in there in various places where I'm just flying on the balloons in distance or things like that. Because I like to put very small, you know, references to my own work. It's a little bit self-indulgent to do. No, I love it. But that clearly works because you recognise yourself.

SPEAKER_01: 9:30

But I love the line, when you're in a slump, you're not in for much fun. Unslumping yourself. is not easily done and that kind of sets up the whole story doesn't it yes there are so many wonderful lines in there and obviously you really all you wonderful women out there you need to go and see this it's definitely it's on youtube but so much of it resonates obviously it was originally written not necessarily as a children's story but not necessarily relating to us fabulous gen x up women but there are so many points that resonated with me as I was watching your film. I mean, the whole idea of you'll come to a place where the streets are unmarked. And I talk about signposts a lot and how we followed life signposts. We've done what was expected of us, mostly. Yes. We haven't done it perfectly because we're not perfect. We're perfectly imperfect. But now really is the time where we've run out of signposts. And it's time to create new ones. And that whole, do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win? And I know you like the right and three quarters. It's just, doesn't it? It just encapsulates that whole potential overwhelm of, oh my God, now

SPEAKER_00: 10:56

what? That's why I actually think it's a really wonderful book because it's the last one that was published before his death in 1990. So it's a very recent one, you know, considering that the man was actually around for a long time before then. And I do think that... Just as some of the Pixar movies, it's more likely to be truly understood by adults as opposed to children, because very often, you know, children just take things at face value and may certainly not imagine what a slump is. would look like in life or what the waiting place would look like and what you potentially would do to your self-esteem. For example, if you've been looking for a job for a long time after redundancy, you are in the waiting place. But what does that wait do potentially to your self-esteem? So a little child is not likely even to imagine what that means. But as you start, you know, careening down the path of life, as I like to say, then the story acquires a very different, you know, multi-layered, multi-layered, essentially what I'm trying to say is. Yeah, lots of different messages.

SPEAKER_01: 12:23

Yeah, lots of different messages. Actually, I might sidestep slightly because you alluded then to redundancy and women in the workplace. And I know one of your other fabulous videos that's very close to your heart was about women in the workplace. And that land, that resonated very strongly with the people that viewed it. Do you mind talking a little bit about that? Because I thought that was really powerful.

SPEAKER_00: 12:48

I am pretty sure that you're probably referring to the video on ageism in the workplace. Because that's the one, it's one of the first few that I actually put out there. And It is one of my most successful ones. And I say this, you know, take it with a pinch of salt. I have a relatively small following on LinkedIn. So we're not talking viral videos here. We're not talking thousands and thousands of parts. But it did have a really interesting conversation going. I split it in two parts and it was really lifted or rather the script was lifted from an article of the Harvard Review of Books. And excuse me, it was the Harvard Business Review. Yes, it was actually of Harvard Business Review. And it had been written to analyze how essentially there's no right age for a woman leader. So when she is too young, she's considered too young and possibly promoted too soon. When she is middle-aged, as we are, we are probably past our best, except our best never did materialize itself within the corporate world. We may be perceived as, you know, slow off the mark or whatever that may actually mean. We may be perceived as having menopause-related or perimenopause-related pose related problems and therefore not focused on that. We may be focusing on our family and so on and so forth. And then, of course, there is the supposed third age of even older women than we are who are absolutely and decidedly even more so past their best because, you know, maybe they're in their 60s and they're actually perceived to be old and to be discarded. And that's something that is very common and very, very felt within in the corporate world, because that's where I come from, realistically speaking. I spent 22 years in it. And I used to talk to a lot of my colleagues and friends, and I used to see what that article of Harvard Business Review is really discussing. I used to see how perhaps a younger woman would be sidelined because assumed to be having an affair with the boss. So that's why she was actually being promoted. That's a classic sort of scenario. How did she

SPEAKER_01: 15:16

get

SPEAKER_00: 15:16

that? How did she get that? What did she do? Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. It was very, very often she actually did absolutely nothing whatsoever. God forbid, you know, that she was getting promoted. You know, she should have maybe been like I was and just like keeping my head down, not rocking the boat and just making it easier for people to make me redundant when the time came. You know, it's just like a really silly perspective. And then, of course, there were also colleagues my age who were just, you know, doing more and more within that office environment and never being promoted because there was always some guy who was actually better than them. So what is actually written in that article is not, as some people took it, some form of political propaganda, but it's actually the real, hard, shocking truth of so many of us who eventually just left that world, but possibly feel like they left it without taking, you know, an awful lot with them on the back of all of those efforts.

SPEAKER_01: 16:24

And I think that's why so many of us in midlife can be, and we're going to come on to change in a bit, but can be reassessing and re-evaluating what we actually want right now. And which actually, there's a line here that I'm looking at on my screen that I noted from your video saying, And I think when we come together, this is what we're aiming for, to be the winningest winner of all. Because it is about unleashing that, yes, I can do this. And it's bloody scary, excuse my swearing, but because it can feel lonely. And that's another thing that Dr. Seuss and you, obviously, in your video, touch on, playing lonely games together. And then the worst bit, which is the whole inner critic, as you said, self-worth, lack of self-worth, self-doubt, self-limits, which I deal with all the time, games you can't win because you're playing against you. Yes. And when you're alone, there's a very good chance you'll meet some things that scare you right out of your pants. I'm trying to make it rhyme. So it's time for big girl pants. But they're not always easy. They can be quite uncomfortable. And we're going to get onto discomfort later on. And I'm not just talking about pants. Yes. It is. There's so much wisdom in here that really, really resonates. And wisdom is one thing that I know we've talked about before that we've got, but we don't celebrate it. We're so used to being in the shadows, to playing it safe, to behaving that I think, and I know you're with me on this, Steph, it's time to say, listen to us. We know what we're bloody talking about.

SPEAKER_00: 18:23

Yeah. And you know what? Not long ago, I came across an article posted on LinkedIn and the article was actually suggesting that there is that acceptance of, oh, this woman is not very confident in the workplace and therefore we're not going to promote her. was that there's never the actual question being asked, but all of these women who, after so many years working Don't feel confident. Are they actually responding to a system that for the longest time made them feel uncomfortable about being at work? The sort of system that, for example, you know, you always you're being doubted. Your authority is being doubted. You have to justify yourself many, many times over, you know, as if your qualifications alone or your experience that qualifies you for any given job. was somewhat no longer valid the second you actually started it. And it really gave me reasons to ponder this other article because I think this is very, once again, true to life. You know, I never felt not confident in my own abilities. But I have to say that for the longest time, professionally speaking, I was brought up in the form of corporate environment that made me question every single minute decision I was actually making, that made me doubt that my instinct was actually right. And once again, looking back, which is the most precious thing you can do as you're closer to 50 than 30, looking back, I sort of realised that actually, yes, I was valuable already. Yes, my instinct was actually entirely correct. But I was actually operating within a system that was working very, very hard and making me feel small.

SPEAKER_01: 20:32

Yeah, no, that's so true. You kind of squash yourself down, don't you? And the whole people, even if you don't recognise yourself as adopting people-pleasing behaviour. Everything that comes with it, you're seeking that constant, am I good enough, the acknowledgement. And if that's not forthcoming, you kind of overcompensate. So I say no more to that. No more to that. No more to that. Now, this brings me nicely to the closing line of this wonderful book and your wonderful film. Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way. So I think we're going to dive into our three C's of unslumping, which will help us get up this mountain. Now, the first one is something that you epitomise to me, young lady, and that is cheerleading. Now, as we've already said, so much is changing in midlife. And I hear again and again from the women I work with that friendship is is one of those things. The drifting friendships, obviously uni friends, or if you've got kids, they're growing up. So the whole yummy mummy network, if you want to call it like that, or, you know, proper friends, um, But I know I was there. You feel like you've lost your tribe. So not only have you lost sight of who you are, you feel you haven't got anyone that you can pick up the phone to necessarily. And yes, social media is great, but so much of that is the whole look at me, look at me. It can make us feel even worse and even more lonely.

SPEAKER_00: 22:15

Yes, a lot of that, I think a lot of that is very, very superficial. And I, as a person, I've always favoured two, three very, very deep relationships relationships as opposed to 35 that I actually feel I cannot pick up the phone if I if I feel like I should

SPEAKER_01: 22:32

no definitely now I think you fabulous ladies listening may not believe this but the time of us recording Steph and I have we've tried but we've actually to meet yet in and I say yet in real life but I count you Steph as one of my good friends and I mean that because we get each other And our friendship goes way beyond our mutual love of leopard print. Yes. Now, if I quickly just fill people in, we first met last year on a virtual five-day masterclass, but we both only had photos up and we were both only typing comments. But I felt a connection. And I know we've had this conversation since we both did to the point that you actually created my avatar. as a little gift.

SPEAKER_00: 23:25

Yes, yes. When we actually finished those five days, and it's really funny that you speak about, you know, just having our faces up because if you remember, mine was just my avatar.

SPEAKER_01: 23:35

Yes, of course.

SPEAKER_00: 23:36

Because, you know, I actually created a, I wouldn't call it a bogus Facebook account for the masterclass and for the challenge, but, you know, I didn't have one up until that point. So, yes, I did create one really, really quickly. I did put my animated face there, my cartoon character and therefore very few people, if anyone at all, even knew what I... effectively looked like until I showed up on some form of call. But the point is, and this is the same point that you are making, I just got your vibes. And there was just something that spoke to me at the subliminal level, because once again, coming from the corporate world and not having children has put me in the sort of position whereby all of my friends are male friends. But once the sort of corporate, you know, day to day fell off the radar for me and that was the end of 2022. it really left me with two, three of my male friends in the circle of trust, as I like to call it, the inner, inner circle of trust, and nobody else other than my friend Penny, who is in Australia. So as you can expect, not much contact, or rather we do have contact, but maybe we meet once a year when she comes to London and we cannot discuss the sort of things that we want to discuss on a day-to-day basis. So when I spotted you, within the challenge and the masterclass, I actually thought she sounds and looks like my kind of person. And I cannot stress enough how unusual up to a point. This may actually be after, you know, you're 15 and how important it actually is that it occurs and that you open your mind to those possibilities and opportunities. Because you don't know where the next girlfriend is actually going to come from. And very often she will just fall out of the sky. And Stacia was another one because she got in touch with me because she picked up on my vibes and look at the three of us now

SPEAKER_01: 25:57

no absolutely and i love that and i love that and that's one reason why i really wanted to talk about that today because you know me i like subjects that we just don't talk about enough and i think this is definitely one of them because people go oh i've got so many friends and it's like well there's friends and there's acquaintances and i think i'm going into our second c here change because i think this encompasses it because Fear of change and fear of letting go of things that aren't serving us. And that includes friendships. It can be a huge stumbling block when we hit our 40s, 50s, upwards. And I've got my little Einstein quote here. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result. And I think that can be the same with a friendship that just isn't working. And it's time to stop banging your head, to stop pleasing, to stop bending over backwards. If it doesn't feel right, there is nothing wrong with just walking away from that friendship. No one's failed. It's like any relationship. Sometimes things do have a best before date. We all change. Our values change. Our wants change. And We shouldn't feel guilty. And I think we really... I'm using shouldn'ts and I don't like those. Personally, I think it's a good idea to actually do ourselves a favour by walking away, which opens you up to new friendships.

SPEAKER_00: 27:34

Yes. And, you know, Kate, I actually think a couple of things here on this one. I think that we should normalise... The usage of terms such as acquaintance, colleague, you know, we should stop calling every person we know a friend because that's not the case. And I use, you know, I use the term friend, you know, very rarely and very carefully because I actually know what it means to be a really good friend and the investment that a friendship relationship actually requires. And I'm not speaking from a negative place here, but I'm just speaking from the place that very pragmatically thinks, If I wanted to nurture this relationship, I need to put the time in. And in order to be able to put the time that that relationship requires and that type of relationship requires, then I can't just like have 55 friends. I just haven't got the time to nurture properly all of those relationships. So I think that that's very important that we need to understand that. And equally, we need to understand as a friend of mine via Instagram told me not so long ago, I've actually been hurt more and more profoundly by friends than by lovers. And that is something I believe that many people can relate to because I do think that certainly as a person, and I speak for myself here, I've often felt much more invested in a friendship than in any other type of relationship I've ever had, because I've always been a seeker of that girl friendship that has always eluded me because I used to work in IT and 95% of the guys were men. And if, you know, the 5% were women, but, you know, 95% of that 5% had children and I didn't, then, you know, it was a little bit more difficult for me to actually put the foot in there and say, hey, I want to be your friend.

SPEAKER_01: 29:41

No, that's so true. We mentioned the phrase, and I know it's banded around a lot a bit, but finding your tribe and not being afraid to shake that up, to change, to find a new tribe. And I know one red flag can be if the dreaded comparisonitis is creeping into these friendships. Because if it's like, oh, her life is so much better than mine. Oh, her life is so much more exciting than mine. It gets you down. It really does. It's not serving you.

SPEAKER_00: 30:17

Yes. And I do think, however, that as we grow older, I mean, again, I cannot speak for everybody out there, but I do feel like we think less and less in those terms because, first of all, people like you, people like Stasia, people like my friend Penny, who are all in this age bracket of like Gen X, they are much, much more open to the slumps of life, to the not so happy moments, to the, oh, Steph, yes, absolutely. I went through that myself when X, Y, Z happened. You know, these sort of conversations did not used to happen when we were 25. And that's not because, you know, we did not have difficulties at 25 that would have been proportionate. But I actually feel like there is a much stronger sense of sisterhood in later years. Not that I suggested that being 40 puts you in the grave because that's not the case at all but you know we're not ancient people at 40 you know but that's again is a sort of very powerful narrative that is out there that is sort of linked with beauty and fertility and something else right so I would like to say that we are more open more straight to the point more cutting the crap more getting to the yes I actually experienced that myself and step This is what I did that worked for me. Or very often I actually get told, oh, don't worry too much about it because it will just pass. And I have found that women of a certain age are very, very good at picking up those signs and at being really, really supportive of one another instead of thinking that some other woman has got a much more exciting and better life than she has.

SPEAKER_01: 32:13

No, I'm totally with you. And that is one of the underlying reasons why I launched Midlife Unlimited, because it's all about knowing that we can talk about these things and thinking, oh my goodness, there's somewhere else out there who's feeling the same way that I am, who gets me and who's got the whatevers to actually talk about it and it may not be riveting to everyone but i just love the fact that we're actually putting it out there and saying do you agree do you not agree let's have the conversation

SPEAKER_00: 32:55

yes and it's much easier we do have it um It's easier to have, and there's none of that sort of, sometimes I see a lot of that online, you know, sometimes you just read, oh, younger people, they're sort of permanently offended. Part of it sort of makes me smile because I understand where it's coming from. But at the same time, I'm actually thinking you're wasting your time if you don't understand that the compromise is very, very important in life. And then you can have a really, really, really wonderful supportive friends, helpful friends, friends who will rejoice when you're doing better than them, which is very difficult to find, without having to agree on every single thing that happens in the world. And this is something that, you know, the earlier people realize this is the case, the better it is for relationships.

SPEAKER_01: 33:52

And it makes it more fun as well. Adds a bit of spice because we're not all the same. And I mean, just nipping back to change briefly. One of the important things about change is accepting that we can't change other people. There are some circumstances in life that we can't change. We just have to go with it. So it's focusing on the things that we can change. But I know there's us here talking about cheerleaders and some of you wonderful ladies listening might be thinking, well, yeah, it's all very well to talking about cheerleaders, but I've not got one. And where on earth do I go and find one? Well, I know, but I thought, well, leaping out of our comfort zone. Now, again, that might sound easier said than done, but there are things that we can try. And we know that comfort zones are where you're going to slump. Languishing in your comfort zone, playing it safe. It's not comfortable. It might be snuggly for a bit, but then you'll start thinking, oh, and then the dreaded if onlys. No, let's do it. Well, I mamboed out of mine last year and I started learning salsa dancing. It's amazing. I've got two left feet. I have two left feet, so it's never going to happen. I didn't say I was any good at it. I just said I learned it. I loved it. I'm not sure if how I think I look salsa dancing and how I actually look salsa dancing are the same. I did try and drag my other half along, but he said he'd rather gouge his eyes out with a spoon. So I went on my own. I actually did some little videos in the car before I went in because I was nervous-sided. Didn't know anyone, but I've made some good friends out of it and had a good laugh. Now, I'm not saying to everyone out there, go and do salsa dancing, but it is a good time just to try some different things or even invest in me time, which I really think is vital anyway, and spend some time on your own. Get to know you a bit better.

SPEAKER_00: 36:01

You know, get comfortable with being on your own. You know, I sort of feel like I had somewhat a head start in life on that one because I'm an only child. So I think that I, again, I kind of speak for all only children everywhere, but I do think that If you are an only child and, you know, very small only child, then you will figure out, you know, quite early in life that you either entertain yourself and do things for yourself, or no one will really particularly because mom and dad are at work or they're doing something else. Or, you know, I remember that my mom had sort of limited time, you know, when I used to say, oh, should we do this? Should we do that? Should we do the other? And yes, mom was dedicated time to me because she was a housewife, but she also had other things to deal with. And so, you know, that getting comfortable with being alone, with reading, writing, sketching, doing those type of things, it sort of really, really helped me. Because I never sort of felt, you know, really ever lonely in life. But I would like to say that many people end up feeling lonely in relationships, which is one of the key sometimes problems of midlife when you actually sort of realize that whoever you are with actually may not be the person you want to be with to the end of your days. There is a lot there that I would suggest to exit, indeed, your comfort zone because you did make the example of salsa. Sometimes I'm just thinking, open your mind before you open any other door to the possibility of new place, new experiences, new people. Sign up for something you have never done before, as you suggested, Kate, but also for something you have done before because there will be different people doing the same masterclass, the same course, the same fill in the blank. And whilst we cannot expect to walk away with a friend for life every single time we do something new, we just need to increase our chances. And you know, That sort of reminds me, I don't know if you've seen that really funny movie with Paul Rudd. I hope that someone who is listening has, because the movie is called I Love You Man. And the principle is how difficult it is to make friends as an adult. And obviously our hero here needs to make friends because he's getting married. And whilst his girlfriend has got a lot of friends and all of these girls are going to be invited, he has got no idea as to who to invite as part of the groom party. And so he sets out in life to make friends in his 30s. I love you, man. I cannot recommend it enough because it captures so well the sort of, can I call it social anxiety that we experience, that we experience as adults when we go someplace and we think, I really would love to make friends here, but I don't know how to go about it.

SPEAKER_01: 39:14

No, that is so, so true. I haven't seen it, but I'm going to check that out because I was going to suggest another area that I highly recommend as a way that I've made some friends and some really good friends and obviously your lovely self-included stuff. Now, I'm going to say a word now that a lot of the women listening might go, Oh, God, no, I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon now. Networking. Now, a lot of networking events, it's about finding the right one, isn't it? Because a lot of it can feel like you're going back to school and you have to stand up and do your minute pitch and that can fill you with dread enough to even not want to go. Yeah, that's quite horrific. Yeah, quite a horrific memory. Yes. but it does come in so many different shapes and sizes. And I really do think it's not a one size fits all at cookie cutter type of thing anymore. And I know we are both in vibrant connections with the lovely emphasis Maloney. And obviously we've made other connections business wise, but some friendships are flourishing from there. And, uh, I actually won the cheerleading award as well, which I was very proud of.

SPEAKER_00: 40:38

Yes, but I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised.

SPEAKER_01: 40:41

Very well deserved. Oh, thank you. No, but that's because I'm all about cheerleading. It's what I love doing. And it's something that comes naturally to me because I'm very much... I mean, I think that's how I... got into or why I love coaching so much because I'm all about lifting up other people and it shouldn't be an effort should it it should be something that feels right you're not doing it for kudos you're not doing it for point scoring you're doing it because you blink and care about how these women are feeling because you get them and they get you and

SPEAKER_00: 41:18

you know I actually sorry to interrupt you there I actually really do feel that Every time I see someone of our network doing well or she's done this or she's done that or she's doing a masterclass or she's won an award or, you know, new clients, new commissions, I actually feel this glow because I feel like I'm associated, you know, with her. And I feel that sort of sense of positiveness that if great things are happening to her, she's in my network, then I can bask in light reflected. You know, I am not in any shape or form the sort of envious person of which there are quite a few out there. I like to be a cheerleader because I think that there is enough business for us all. There is enough, you know, enough positivity going around. And therefore, It makes me feel better to be the person I am as opposed to sitting here and wondering, oh, look, Kate won an award or two or 10. And I didn't. I mean, my time is not well spent sitting here seething as to why I haven't got an award this year when we both know that I got terribly ill. I got really ill with my spine and I couldn't go anywhere for weeks. So, you know, what is the point in even thinking in the you know dreadful negative

SPEAKER_01: 42:46

terms I'm completely with you I'm completely with you and so many of us are working on our own we're working remotely we're solopreneurs and just having that connection I really find it lifts me up exactly as you said I don't see I mean I'm all about hashtag collaboration over competition hashtag better together and yeah we're in vibrant connections I'm also a member of WIBN women in business network which is more face-to-face as well which I love but in networking doesn't have to be and I'm not saying these are big monetary investments but it doesn't have to cost the earth and I know that can be off-putting to a lot of women and I've got two personal recommendations here for fabulous free online networking events and I think I'm not sure I think you've been to both of these actually one is my good friend Andrea Rainsford who Women Winning in Business. She does free monthly Zoom sessions. Check her out on Facebook. And also Laura Brunton's free monthly Super Connector. Check her out on LinkedIn. I'm not getting paid for that. I love their events. And it just gives you a taster. And it really is about just, I've just had an idea. I could do a Midlife Unlimited live event.

SPEAKER_00: 44:09

Yes. I was just thinking the same as you were talking about. Seriously. I

SPEAKER_01: 44:14

might just put that on my to-do list. New Year. I like a to-do list. Yes. Watch this space, listeners. Watch this space. So we've come up with our three Cs. Cheerleading, change and leaping out of our comfort zone.

SPEAKER_00: 44:40

You know how they say. To unslump. You know how they say that life begins where your comfort zone ends. I love that. I

SPEAKER_01: 44:49

love that. We're going to find out even more about you now, Steph. Because I have three questions and I don't know the answers to these, so I'm quite intrigued. I'm like, oh, can I second guess? Now, every week I have a different extraordinary lady joining me. And each week I ask the same three questions towards the end of our chat. So if you're sitting comfortably, I'm going to ask you your first question. What is your midlife anthem? The piece of music or song that when you hear it, it doesn't have to be upbeat, but it just lifts you up. It lights you up. I want to know this. It's Respect. Are we going to sing it?

SPEAKER_00: 45:36

Oh, God, don't, please. I mean, I know that this makes no sense because I've got an amazing microphone. But as I said, disclaimer, not mine. But don't make me sing it. However, I would like to say that, you know, when I was thinking about sort of a song that I could possibly, you know, think about or mention or whatnot, I was thinking about a lot of stuff that I've been listening to recently. And yet... respect was really, really vying for my attention. Because once again, I think it's something that you realize later in life as to what it really means to be respected at work, within your family, your relationships and everywhere you actually go. So respect is my answer to that one.

SPEAKER_01: 46:31

And yourself.

SPEAKER_00: 46:34

Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 46:35

I love that. So question two then, I'm really intrigued now. What is your midlife mantra? The phrase that sums up you. It

SPEAKER_00: 46:47

is, winners are those who have willpower and grasp opportunity. This is actually a Chinese proverb that I was introduced to previously. possibly 25 years ago or something like that. But some colleagues of mine, and we were working at Accenture at the time, it was my first job since, you know, after uni, I joined the graduate scheme. And we were working on a project together. They went to work at Hong Kong, in Hong Kong, and I didn't go because someone needed to hold fort here in London whilst they were with the client in Hong Kong. So a group of us stayed behind. And when the others returned, I remember that Suzanne gave me this little cardboard, you know, sketch. And it was all written in Chinese. But behind it, there was a translation in English. Winners are those who have willpower and grasp opportunity. I still have it because... it has really meant something to me all these years. And I actually think that it's even more relevant to midlife than it is to early life. There are still lots of opportunities for us to grasp.

SPEAKER_01: 48:11

Always, always. And I love that that's what we're both all about. So your third question, what would be is the title of your autobiography? is I told you so. Well, you know, Kate, I would applaud, but it will ruin the microphone. I'll have to do loads of editing. I told you so. Listeners, as you know, I'm all about one take, no edit, unless one of us has an absolute massive coughing fit. So I told you so.

SPEAKER_00: 48:47

I told you so. And to be honest with you, it's probably coming from the fact that, you know, I'm a Virgo and a Virgo tends to be quite analytical and precise and feels deep down. Then no one can do it as well as she can. And whatever it is, whether it is the loading of the dishwasher or the vacuuming or making an animated video. And so I think that my biography should be, I told you so. I don't say this at all. but I think it all the time I

SPEAKER_01: 49:25

love that I'm going to be giggling the rest of the day about that What do you think, listeners? Are you with Steph? Have any of you ever or do you ever say that to yourself secretly with

SPEAKER_00: 49:39

the dishwasher? I know because I really, really like also to keep the peace. And I actually think that, you know, I also think cut your losses, Steph, a path of least resistance. Don't start an argument over every single little thing. But I told you so. Echoes in my head almost every single day. And And so I think that that's what my biography should be titled. I love it. I love it. I love it.

SPEAKER_01: 50:05

Now, obviously, you mentioned your videos just now. And as I've said, listeners, if you've not seen them, you are in for a treat. So, Steph, how can the fabulous females listening get in touch with you?

SPEAKER_00: 50:21

Of course, they can find me on LinkedIn. And that's a Steph Walsh, the feel good animator. But I'm pretty sure that whoever has been following you, Kate, will have probably seen all of my posts and my videos flowing in their feeds. Because, you know, you are one of the biggest cheerleaders I have, as you know, as previously mentioned. So you can find me on LinkedIn. And you can find me also on YouTube, where I put very recently all the places you go because I think the it's worth, you know, putting it out on a channel so that it can reach a much wider audience than my own connections and friends on LinkedIn. So that's also Steph Walsh, the Feel Good Animator. And I've got my own website, of course. I was almost forgetting. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 51:07

No, don't forget that.

SPEAKER_00: 51:08

Of course. It's linkedinfamous.co.uk. That is a bit of a play on when I used to watch JV. Is he JV or is he JD? I don't remember that really fantastic guy that I watch on YouTube and he does really comedic, funny videos about being Insta-famous, such as, for example, you know, make your smoothie in a thong and publish it on Instagram.

SPEAKER_01: 51:33

Not in a thong you don't drink it out of a thong no you are you yourself oh you feel me yeah yeah yeah so you're doing I thought you meant make you smoothie like not in a cup Like in a thong.

SPEAKER_00: 51:47

No, he puts a thong on and then he goes to the kitchen to make a smoothie and, you know, just like, you know, smile to the camera. And he's like, and this is your way to become Insta famous. So that's why I thought, oh, LinkedIn famous would be really quite funny to have as a website name. And it sort of did stick to my mind. And that's where I put my videos, where my authors are, where my downloads are. There is a lot that people can also look at and download for free and every Friday also I do a LinkedIn live where I'm talking with my friend and work wife Stasia as you know very well because you're our number one fan I'm normally

SPEAKER_01: 52:30

there

SPEAKER_00: 52:31

Yes, we talk about making videos. We talk about videos we've made together, such as Dr. Sue's video. We talk about presenting yourself. That's more, of course, Eustacia's bag than my own because she's the one who, you know, can really talk properly and really light up the conversation. But yeah, we're around quite a bit. So follow us. Give us a follow. Come with your cues and we'll give you the A's, as Eustacia

SPEAKER_01: 52:58

always says. I love that. I love that. And I'm going to put all your links on the show notes. And I'd love your feedback as well. What did you think of today's episode? I loved it, but then I'm biased because I love Steph. But did it resonate? Are there any conversations that you'd like to have following from today's conversation? Get in touch. I'd love to hear from you. Drop me an email, kate at secondspringlifecoaching.com. Or you can visit the midlifeunlimitedpodcast.com website or join the Facebook group, Midlife Unlimited Podcast, or connect with me over on LinkedIn, Kate Porter, Second Spring. So thank you for joining me today, Steph. I was so excited. Even when I first hatched the idea last summer of launching a podcast, you were always right up there. I wanted you there. And we've done it. We've made it a reality. So thank you for joining me today. Thank you, listeners, for tuning in to Midlife Unlimited. Here's to being fabulous and flourishing together. And I look forward to you joining me next week. Take care. Bye.