Episode #014 How to Wear what you Love, and Love what you Wear as a Midlife Woman with Guest Alex Standley

Style in Midlife is a potential minefield. As Midlife women we can feel under so much pressure to keep up with trends, while at the same time avoiding the whole “mutton dressed as lamb” dilemma and our Inner Critic uttering an eye-rolling “You can’t wear that!” 

But we still want to feel stylish, confident, glamorous – sexy even. For ourselves. In way that feels right to us – because Midlife style is not about pleasing anyone else.

So join Kate Porter and her guest Midlife style expert and sustainability ambassador Alex Standley  as they smash style stereotypes about “age-appropriate” dressing and bust myths like over 50s can’t wear sequins talking about How to wear what you love, and love what you wear as a Midlife woman so that you feel fabulous inside and out.

From their style icons and the impact of the rise over-50s influencers, to disrupting the Midlife style narrative of playing it safe with our style choices once we hit 50, tune in for insights and inspiration for how to avoid fading into the background by discovering your signature style and letting it speak for you.

The leopard-print loving pair also talk about their passion for preloved, and Alex shares her top tips for sourcing sustainable items to enhance your style and curate your wardrobe.

Connect with Alex at

http://luxeleopardlifestyle.co.uk

http://instagram.com/luxeleopardlifestyle

http://www.linkedin.com/in/alex-standley-personal-stylist

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=5007777031

http://www.facebook.com/groups/styleconfidencewithluxeleopardlifestyle

http://tiktok.com/@luxeleopardlifestyle

Transcript

SPEAKER_03: 0:02

Hello and welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm Kate Porter, the midlife metamorphosis coach, and I know what it feels like to be stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in that mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a face and put up with it. Midlife Unlimited It's all about ripping off that mask and telling it like it really is. Because our second spring is our time to shine our way. So, welcome to today's episode. Now, style in midlife is a potential minefield. That whole pressure to keep up with trends, avoid mutton dressed as lamb and, ooh, you can't wear that. But still feel stylish, confident. Glamorous, dare I say it, even sexy. But in a way that feels right for you, for us, because style is all about you, not pleasing anyone else. So I am delighted to be joined today by my friend and midlife style expert and sustainability ambassador, Alex Stanley of Luxe Leopard Lifestyle, to talk about how to wear what you love. and love what you wear. So welcome, Alex. It's lovely to have you here.

SPEAKER_00: 1:36

Hi, Kate. It's so lovely to be here. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_03: 1:40

My absolute pleasure. Now, I think today's topic is timely with the word love involved in the spirit of Valentine's Day. But I'm not a big fan of Valentine's Day. Are you? You're shaking your head.

SPEAKER_00: 1:55

Yeah, no, definitely not. My husband always says to me, why should I have to be told to buy you flowers on a particular day of the year? And it's much nicer if I can surprise you on any given day. No, that's so

SPEAKER_03: 2:09

true. Well, it's not just the fact that... cost a bomb and when I have received them in the past and don't get me wrong it's always lovely and the thought is very kind but I'm more of a purple tulips kind of girl than red roses anyway what a surprise there I don't do stereotypes no but it's the whole cookie cutter cards and little poems and so I'm glad you're with me on that but I think you're going to be with me on this as well because I'm while I'm all about celebrating love every day, like you said, I think loving ourselves should be top of that list. And wearing what we love and loving what we wear ties in beautifully with that. So I think we are celebrating Valentine's Day in our own way. Because when we feel great, everyone and everything benefits. Now, I don't think anyone would be surprised to know, both of us, that our friendship was born from a love of leopard print. But it's more than that, Alex, isn't it? I think we're on a mission together to help midlife women feel, and I keep using the word fabulous, but I love it, feel fabulous inside and out. And we also have a shared love of art. The mission to radiate awareness of the joy of pre-loved. And it would be great later on if you could share your top tips for sourcing sustainable, I said it, I'm quite impressed with myself, sustainable items to enhance your style. So I'll be picking your brains later on. But first, drum roll, please. Unleashing our midlife style diva our way. Now, you had a beautiful post that you used recently with a great quote, and I'm going to quote it back at you because I thought it was so brilliant. You're going to tell me now it isn't your own words, but I don't care. Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak.

SPEAKER_00: 4:12

Yeah, and I definitely can't claim that as mine. It's, oh, I forget. I think it's Rachel Zoe, who's a famous celebrity stylist, I think.

SPEAKER_03: 4:29

But it just sums it up beautifully, doesn't it? I mean, I mentioned in the introduction about following trends and I don't do trends. I've been wearing leopard prints since I was 19 and I'm 55 now. I found this wonderful cashmere jumper at a jumble sale. See, pre-loved even back then. And it just, it just feels beautiful. part of me to the to the point that it's kind of evolved to be part of my brand because it's part of me and i think that's what it's all about isn't it it's finding what feels right to you and i love as well you're all about turning fashion ageism on its head absolutely

SPEAKER_00: 5:10

and because i think what i very quickly realized you know my whole background is obviously in the fashion industry i was a fashion buyer for 15 years and becoming a personal stylist you know I obviously had a lot of the skills um already having lived a lifetime in the fashion industry but what I very quickly came to realize was that it is all about that reconnection with yourself and I think Iris Apfel puts it beautifully she says um or said to have style you have to know who you are because it's not about you know religiously following what the high street are telling you to buy into this season it's very much about who am I how do I want to show up and that is what what true style is it's being authentic it's being true to to yourself as an individual and it's going to be so different for every single person.

SPEAKER_03: 6:06

Yeah I love that and I do think in the last couple of years, whether it's just because I'm more aware of it. But I do think, whereas before, working with a stylist was perhaps seen as quite a flippant thing or a self-indulgent thing, I think now there seems to be a real awakening to the fact of it's not vanity. It's not just literally wanting to walk down the street and feel good. It goes so much deeper than that, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 6:38

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's such a big part of my mission as well, because I think there, you know, we have been led to believe that. You know, whether it's through societal conditioning or whatever it is that style is frivolous and, you know, meaningless and it's very materialistic and all of these things. And actually that can keep us quite small and it can stop us from fully expressing ourselves, as we were saying back to the original quote, fully expressing ourselves through style. know our clothing choices um but there's so there's so much more to it because we all know that you can be having a really bad day and you know you put an outfit on and it just from the get-go you just don't feel very good in what you're wearing and it really has such a negative knock-on effect to the rest of your day but on the flip side of that you can you know put something on that feel you feel absolutely incredible in and it's just you know your favorite colors and it fits you perfectly and that can completely change the outlook of your day and the interactions that you have with other people and it has such a positive knock-on effect to relationships to careers to every single part of your life so I think often we underestimate the power of our style.

SPEAKER_03: 7:59

So I'm completely with you on that because the old me, and I will refer to her like that because that's why I'm all about midlife metamorphosis. I've been through it and that's why I'm so passionate and driven to help women who are feeling like I was, feeling stuck. And a major part of it for me was... I didn't want to go back to being 30 or 40, but I lost sight. I just didn't feel who I was. And the temptation is then, when your identity is questioned, is to hide away in baggy clothes, black. I mean, drowning myself, really. And so there's that side of it. And then there's the whole... midlife style kind of Miss Marple but maybe a little bit younger with the tweed skirts and the pearls now look I've got grey hair which I love I wear glasses so I've got the granny look but I'm not I'm not settling I'm all about shaking things up but it is you know it's about we agree on this I think being ageless but you do hear the word age appropriate dressing Now, I suppose, you know, there are these things, things, these clothings with random cutouts and stuff like that, that I probably would draw the line. And wearing anything that my knickers might be showing when I bend over is probably not a good look. But anything apart from that, I think no to age appropriate dressing. And yes, to having a bit of fun.

SPEAKER_00: 9:37

Yeah, absolutely. And I think, yeah. it's so different now to you know what it was even 20 years ago in terms of you know age is just a number it's it's all about your mindset and you know people are um healthier you know much later in life now as well which does bear an impact on you know the choices that you're going to be making in in everyday life as well um and I yeah I just think wear what you want to wear that's going to empower you, that's going to make you feel amazing. And it doesn't matter if, you know, we've discussed before the um article that I shared last year about over 50s shouldn't wear um sequins which made me made my blood boil because I was literally like why like why why is this an article in a daily newspaper like it's just that constant um kind of shaming of women for you can't you shouldn't show up like this you can't show up like this you mustn't wear this you should wear this you shouldn't wear that and it's just it really gets under the skin of you know my clients I know that they've got all these scripts running in the background saying to themselves you know oh you can't wear that oh oh I really love that oh but no such and such said you know I can't wear this colour and this colour together or I read an article that you know I can't wear dungarees because I'm over 40 or whatever it is it just limits us and it it kind of suppresses those feelings of wanting to embrace who you are and wanting to express yourself because you've got all these lists of you know shoulds and coulds and you know

SPEAKER_03: 11:31

don't get me started on the shoulds excuse

SPEAKER_00: 11:33

me

SPEAKER_03: 11:34

but you're absolutely right because it is a time it's such a pivotal time in our life where we are getting to know ourselves again the new us. So experimenting, whether it's in clothes, whether it's in career, whether it's in relationships, that childlike curiosity to try new things can be so powerful in a really positive way. But as you say, when you're balancing that with the shoulds and the shouldn'ts of what you should do, and then you've got, which I love, and it's just so empowering to see a rise in 50 plus kids social style influences but again i mean there's a great quote from one of them janet gunn life is your runway um and you've mentioned iris as well and about going for it and trying new things but you then do get into that quandary don't you part of you's like oh i do want to give it a go and then part of you's like the whole mutton dressed as lamb and the or is it age appropriate what will they think who cares so it's a balance as I just said you know trying to push the boundaries a bit yeah but having the self-confidence to do it in a way that you're not worrying about if someone takes a photograph will you be avoiding social media posts

SPEAKER_00: 12:59

I think that is what holds back you know a huge

SPEAKER_03: 13:06

um

SPEAKER_00: 13:06

A huge majority of my clients is that fear of judgment. What will people think? What will people say? And it's not just, you know, from what we've read and what we've kind of been conditioned to believe that women should and shouldn't do. It's also, you know, if you're working in a really male dominated environment and you already feel slightly on the back foot, And then if you're to show up in a certain way, wearing a certain thing, is that going to be, you know, even more detrimental to your career and to your reputation and to everything else? And so there's so many different things that can run on script in our mind. And I think that's why it can be a very empowering choice to work with a personal stylist, because it's almost like having that validation of, you know, getting to know who you are and how you want to show up but having a professional to say yes you look amazing in this yes go for it and almost having like a bit of a cheerleader that's in your corner that's um validating those choices that you're making

SPEAKER_03: 14:12

I'm feeling this I'm feeling this because I know I have the uh you come downstairs in the outfit and you ask the other half and you might get a grunt or you might get, oh, that's brave. Either way, I'm just doing it for politeness, really. As much as I love him, I don't actually really care what he thinks of it. But The other thing as well, and I know I'm guilty of this and I don't like the word guilty, but when it comes to clothes, I will say it, is you think, oh, I've got all the must have things and I've got this and I've got that. But the wardrobe still isn't working. I mean, is that something you come across?

SPEAKER_00: 14:56

Absolutely, because I think. As you were talking about, you know, influencers and there are many different influences when it comes to our style. It's obviously not just, you know, scrolling social media and seeing somebody wearing something that you like. We can fall into that trap of seeing things on other people, whether it's friends, family, mannequins in a shop. somebody on social media wearing something and we think oh she looks amazing in that and then because we don't really know ourselves and we don't know you know what works best for our body shape what our colouring is and what our style personality is we kind of let the lifestyle reality of our lifestyle go out the window and we just go and buy the thing and then we end up with a wardrobe full of those things that really don't work for us you know they looked amazing on Karen down the road, but it doesn't actually seem that. So that can be one of the reasons why you've got a wardrobe full of clothes, but nothing to wear.

SPEAKER_03: 16:00

Absolutely. And you were talking about then about finding or adapting, because I know like each season, there are different colour palettes, aren't there? And I know like over Christmas and winter, it was burgundy was quite big, but not everyone can wear it. And I know I was like, have I got anything? Do I need to go and get something? It's terrible. I just wanted to get something new. No, not new, pre-loved. But there is a way of incorporating a colour You don't just have to say, no, I can't do it. There might be a way, even if you can't wear it next to you, I mean, black for me, now I'm grey haired. And I don't mean black just in a hiding away. I mean, sometimes it does look quite cool to wear a black top. But it just, and pastels. I mean, I'm not, I now know that I think I'm a dramatic creative person. kind of a combination when it comes to my style personality yeah maybe because we were talking about style icons i mean my style icon she has been since i was about 16 cindy crawford but i can look at her and i think this echoes what you were just saying i can look at her and think she looks amazing but i know my own style enough to know that if i was trying to copy her style it would not me in a white shirt and chinos just would not look good but i can appreciate she looks amazing and I'm sure if I bumped into her in Sainsbury's she'd think the same she'd think I don't think I could rock that leopard print coat but Kate looks fantastic don't you think Cindy if you're listening yeah

SPEAKER_00: 17:56

yeah and it's so true I think that um you know when you when you know yourself and you know your style personality and all of those things. And these things evolve over time as well. So, you know, it might be that previously you have, I don't know, been a romantic style personality and actually you find as you're embracing midlife that you want to be, you want to experiment a little bit more and you actually find that you have got a bit more of an edgy kind of creative. Bit of a rebel. Yeah. And, you know, as we were saying before about Iris Apfel, she has quite often been quoted saying, you know, when did we lose that childlike sense of joy when it comes to dressing up? You know, why do we need to sort of conform to that? what people have told us that we should wear um we you know we should be getting creative and that's another reason why we end up with a wardrobe full of clothes and nothing to wear because we lose that creativity um and we can quite easily just get in that kind of rut of pulling out you know the top things that have come out of the washing machine or the top of the ironing pile or whatever it is um because we are most of us are quite time poor as well and actually investing that time in ourselves to experiment with our wardrobes and to use our creativity is such an empowering process which we can do by ourselves you know you don't necessarily have to hire a personal stylist to do that I

SPEAKER_03: 19:29

know that you will talk about it later, but you do loads of masterclasses as well that are either free, you do fantastic free ones, and lower costs. So you don't have to invest thousands of pounds or hundreds of pounds. There are ways to get the ball rolling, so to speak. But I just was struck by an idea of what you were saying as well, going to the same outfits. It's almost... like being in your comfort zone isn't it you've got the same outfits you know they don't make you feel fabulous but they don't make you feel like rubbish almost then not that it really matters um but it is just pushing that just an extra bit and i know you've got this fabulous story i'd love if you share the leather jacket story which to me sums up the whole shouldn'ts beautifully

SPEAKER_00: 20:21

Yeah, absolutely. And I find this, I'll share the story to one specific client, but I find this is quite, leather jackets are quite a common shouldn't because it's like, oh, I'm not cool enough. to wear a leather jacket. I can't pull off a leather jacket. Particularly if you're, you know, in midlife and you think, oh, you know, I'll leave that for the younger ones or whatever that kind of mentality is that we were telling ourselves. And one of my clients that I worked with had this mentality and she was like, yeah, I just don't really think it's me. I just don't really think I can pull that off. And I said, well, you know, let's experiment. Let's have a look at some different colors and different shapes and you might find that actually it is something that you love and it is you know a big part of your wardrobe there's no reason why not if it is something that you you know you quite because she did quite fancy it but she just felt like she couldn't pull it off and so we ended we landed on this um beautiful khaki peruna leather jacket that was pre-loved from ebay and it had um like a rounded collar rather than like the sort of lapels that you get on the biker jackets from, you know, All Saints style jackets. And she absolutely fell in love with it. And she shares pictures all the time on her socials and stuff of her wearing it. And she quite often quotes me and says, oh, my stylist said to me about it. And I just thought, you know, no way that I can pull this off. And now it's one of the favorite pieces, you know, within my wardrobe. So I think it's having, it is, all of it comes back to having that confidence to to try things out and to not rule things out as well because I find often when I do personal shopping with clients they've got these preconceived ideas and I you know I do a pre-shop when I shop for my clients so I will have pulled loads of stuff for them and then they buy them on and they'll take one look at you know whatever it is and be like oh no that's not going to work for me and I'm like well just humor me and just you know just try it on because you might be surprised and they're like okay but you know you can see them kind of like rolling their eyes like this isn't going to work for me and then it's such a moment of victory for me when they put it on and they're like oh my god this is actually oh my god I love it this actually works for me and it's just you We do. We kind of go in tunnel visioned into shops and we don't even see half the things that are there because we're so stuck in that rut, for want of a better word.

SPEAKER_03: 23:05

I love that. I love that because two things sprung to mind then. I mean, the whole myth busting thing. But as you just said, you can look at a rack of clothes and you can see, say, a dress and you think, oh, yeah. That is just me. That is me to a T. And you can try it on and it looks blinking awful. Yeah. Or it could be something. And I know you've got that beautiful brown jumper that you said in itself. It's a lovely jumper, but it's not earth shatteringly anything particular. But when we tell the story, when you put it on, what happens?

SPEAKER_00: 23:45

Yeah, so I've got it. It's like a khaki, like khaki green. And it's very boring, as you said. No, it's

SPEAKER_03: 23:53

not. It's just a jumper.

SPEAKER_00: 23:58

Yeah,

SPEAKER_03: 23:58

a jumper, a jumper. It's a jumper. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 24:03

Because I've got hazel eyes, I've got, you know, khaki sort of tones within my eyes. So whenever I wear that jumper, it just instantly makes my eyes sparkle and it kind of lifts my complexion. And because of the tone of the jumper is very warm and I've got a warm skin tone and warm, you know, colouring to my hair, it just instantly, you know, is radiating and, you know, glowing and everything else so I always get compliments on um wow you look amazing today and um you know where have you been what have you had done all these kind of all these kind of comments and it's literally you know run-of-the-mill jumper and I think that goes to show how powerful colour can be um it doesn't have to be about you know bright colors or the pastels or that kind of thing it can be as subtle as getting your neutrals right um that can make all the difference in how you feel and how you look no that's

SPEAKER_03: 25:03

well you've you've preempted or i i brought it in so i asked you to preempt really because you've we've you've come up with i haven't come up with them you've come up with them Three top tips for rocking our mid-life style. It's more about, as you say, reconnecting with yourself. And number one is colour confidence. And you said it's not all about necessarily having, although I know you have got a brilliant top tip about getting your main colours sorted.

SPEAKER_00: 25:34

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it's really powerful to, to have those kind of like three to four wow colors that run throughout your wardrobe that not only are you know very flattering and you know beautiful colors for your complexion and your hair and eye color and all that kind of good stuff but also that just make you feel amazing like there are certain colors from a color psychology point of view that are going to appeal to you more than others um like for me for example red is a really really um uplifting and powerful color for me um and so I will always gravitate towards that if I'm doing speaking or if I'm going to an event where I need to be quite visible and you've got that gorgeous red sequin

SPEAKER_03: 26:23

evening dress that you wore to your award ceremonies yeah

SPEAKER_00: 26:27

yeah and but even to the point of just you know I've got a pair of red trousers that are like my go-to trousers if I'm speaking at an event because I know that that will instantly make me feel you know powerful and confident and we will all have those colors um that will make us feel amazing for different reasons um for some people they find red too too powerful and too you know a bit intimidating if you like you know they might be very much about the neutral colors so for them it might be something like a really gorgeous luxury camel um coat or something that makes them feel amazing. So again, it's very individual to you, but colour is such a powerful tool, not only for the way we look, but how we feel in terms of our wellbeing and our mental health as well.

SPEAKER_03: 27:19

And that leads brilliantly into the second top tip, which is one of my favourites, dopamine dressing. Or as I like to call it as well, make every day a rainy day dressing.

UNKNOWN: 27:35

Love that.

SPEAKER_00: 27:36

yeah so dopamine dressing I think has been kind of miscoined by the press a little bit in terms of we all have that association of dopamine dressing is wearing bright colors essentially um which isn't true I mean it could be true for for some people it certainly is for me um but essentially it's about wearing those things that light you up that bring you joy that ultimately give you that dopamine rush um so as I was just saying then it could be that somebody loves neutrals and they embrace that kind of quiet luxury style which is very understated and you know they enjoy you know quite clean lines and that elegance they're not going to be into you know neon colors or bright colors that's just not going to give them that dopamine hit whereas for somebody else it could be all about those bright pops of color that really gives them that dopamine rush so it's getting again it's getting to know yourself and what what really gives you that rush um it's it's so powerful because as we were saying earlier in the conversation that can that can be a really useful tool you know if you are having a bit of a crappy day and you wake up in one of those moods in the morning where you just you know you don't want to get out of bed and all of all of that kind of stuff Reaching for those things that you know will give you that dopamine hit can really change the outlook of your day.

SPEAKER_03: 29:06

Because I think as well, and I know it's something that you work with a lot, the actual fabrics as well, how they feel on your skin, especially in midlife with perimenopause, menopause, that can... it may not necessarily be classed as dopamine dressing, but in terms of your wellbeing and how you feel, putting something against your skin that makes you feel nurtured and lovely.

SPEAKER_00: 29:32

Yeah, it's so, it makes such a big difference. I mean, I've definitely found it. And even just from a hormonal point of view, like if you're wearing, you know, man-made synthetic clothes, fibers like polyester, for example, that make you really sweaty and hot, it's not going to, um, sit well on your skin that then makes you feel really uncomfortable. And then that gives you that lack of confidence because, you know, nobody wants to feel really hot and bothered and, um, sweaty. So I think being able to have that, um, Understanding when you're going out shopping of what are the fibers that you should be looking for in terms of when you're looking at the care labels and going for those more natural fabrics like cotton, bamboo, linen, eco beer, viscose, that kind of thing that's going to sit. has a natural fibre against your skin and is not going to cause, you know, you to feel hot and bothered when you're already potentially experiencing those kind of symptoms anyway. It's such a game changer. No,

SPEAKER_03: 30:43

no, I'm completely with you. And even things like velvet as well. If you're feeling a bit meh, having, I mean, I'm wearing a velvet jacket now, leopard print, obviously, but even like stroking your arm if you're wearing,

SPEAKER_00: 30:58

It's so, especially if you are, like some people are more tactile than others. But yeah, I've got a bright red fur coat and whenever I wear that, people just want to stroke me because it's so soft. So yeah, you know, it is a sensory experience, like getting dressed. So that's why for every single woman that I've ever worked with, feeling comfortable is their number one thing. um objective when we're working together because you you really can't have confidence if you don't feel comfortable in what you're wearing

SPEAKER_03: 31:35

well that you're good at these segues because that leads perfectly into the third point which is it's a double whammy but firstly you talk about being comfortable, ditching the size labels because it really, no one else but you can see what that number says on the label, but they can see how it actually fits you. And we get so absorbed and berate ourselves because, oh, we're not a 12, we're a 14, we're a 16, we're a whatever, 18. Yeah. It doesn't. I mean, yes, for health reasons, it matters. But in term and shops differ. And if you're buying vintage like I do, a size 14 vintage can be a size 10 now because we're all and you end up it's the whole elephant in the wardrobe, as I like to call it. You've got these things that you're holding on to for all when I lose two pounds, they'll fit again. And all it does in my experience, it makes you feel shit.

SPEAKER_00: 32:36

Yeah, it's so damaging to your self-esteem. And I wrote an article with The Independent about this a couple of months ago, just talking about the disparity on the high street and how it really is quite meaningless in terms of, you know, feeling like you should be fitting into, going back to that word, should again, should be fitting in. It's

SPEAKER_03: 32:59

everywhere, isn't it? It's like, that's all

SPEAKER_00: 33:02

we hear. Yeah. You know, I certainly grew up in, at a time when the beauty ideal was, you know, being stick thin and, you know, supermodels like Kate Moss and stuff like that. It was coined as like heroine chic at the time. So that was the kind of ideal that I had in my mind. And I've always been like hourglass shaped, you know, big hips, big thighs, all this kind of stuff. And I just didn't fit into that. ideal um and so I think societal conditioning has such a big part to play in how we feel about size and what size we should be wearing and all of that kind of thing so when we can understand that a little bit more and unpick where these stories come from and we realize that actually you know like you were saying when we do wear the right size for us that fits us that's comfortable um That is the most important thing because we then feel confident because we're wearing the size that fits. And like you were saying, other people will really notice a lot more if you're trying to squeeze into something that's too small for you. But not only that, you kind of limit your... um your use of your wardrobe if you've got half the things in there that don't actually fit you and aren't fit for purpose um you lose that creativity with your wardrobe as well because you you're so limited as to what you can actually

SPEAKER_03: 34:31

it's the whole kind of like fat day thin day wardrobe and then we go down the elasticated route it's like no if you actually ditch the whole idea of worrying what it says on the label you could have stuff that, as you say, you put it on, it feels amazing, which means you feel amazing. You haven't got to worry about, and I don't mean worry about what people think of you, but it's the whole idea. If I sit down, will the button come under?

UNKNOWN: 34:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 34:59

Oh, I'm loving this. Sorry. The other thing is that people will only ask you what size you're wearing and something if they love you. what you're wearing. And then that's a huge compliment. And that's really, if you think about it, that's really the only time that anyone's ever going to ask you what size you're wearing. And I quite often say to my clients, if it really bothers you that much, just cut the label out. And then you don't know. No one else knows. I think they're far

SPEAKER_03: 35:28

more likely to ask you where you got it than what size it is. Yeah. crazy but sizing we're gonna we're gonna touch on in a bit because i'd like to move on because we did promise our fabulous listeners that you were going to be sharing top tips about one of our favorite subjects which is and i've mentioned pre-loved already sustainable fashion because that is a great win-win when it comes to mid-life style i think absolutely

SPEAKER_00: 35:58

Yeah, it's, you know, not only can you feel good about, you know, the choices that you're making, but also feel good, you know, that you're creating something totally unique to you. I

SPEAKER_03: 36:16

love that. The whole idea of curating the wardrobe. And the main thing I love about it for me is it's highly unlikely that you'll walk into a room and see someone wearing

SPEAKER_00: 36:29

the same thing absolutely and that's that's such a dreaded you know experience wasn't there a

SPEAKER_03: 36:35

dress that you that you mentioned in a conversation before that

SPEAKER_00: 36:40

what was the dress there was a there was like a iconic for want of better words Zara dress that everybody had um when I worked in where was I probably when I worked at M&S in the in the buying office there and it was this black and white kind of spot verging on leopard dress that everybody had um and there are a couple of occasions when people would come into work and they'd both be wearing the same dress which is obviously like such an especially in a in a fashion buying office yeah very awkward moment um so yeah it's it's it's avoiding things like that as well when you're when you buy pre-loved you're very unlikely to come across somebody else that's going to be wearing the same thing as you Because I know, and

SPEAKER_03: 37:28

I love the events, you've been working, well, you started off, or one of the things, Sustainable September with Rennie Grove Peace Hospice Care. But you've done fashion shows, you've done all sorts, and each time curating the collections from, and men, although you do say men are harder to find for, but amazing fashion shows from pre-love fashion.

SPEAKER_00: 37:53

Yeah so I yeah I work with a local hospice charity and we do a couple of fashion shows a year and everything is curated from their sort of 33 charity shops around the local area and their eBay store as well and it's just I love one of the things that I love so much about it is the buzz at these events of people realising and shifting their perception of what it is to shop secondhand because so many people even though the stigma is lessening you know it has changed so much over the last 12 to 18 months there is still that idea of oh but I never find anything you know in my local charity shop or um you know it's I'm not going to find trend-led relevant pieces and and we just blow that up with these fashion shows because i curate the whole catwalk based on the current trends and everything is sourced from their charity shops and it's just amazing to see people's minds blown by the fact that you know you can buy all of these things that are true to the current trends at amazing prices. And you can support this incredible charity that are doing really important work.

SPEAKER_03: 39:08

No, I love that. I love that because it brings together two things, which I think it's important. I'm going to mention them again now before we go into your three top tips for buying sustainably, buying pre-loved. Because what is my idea of a fabulous treasure hunt, going to a charity shop or even looking on at the online places? And we'll cover that in a minute. to a lot of women could seem like an overwhelming nightmare they just don't know where to start and that might put them off so if you'd be kind enough would you please share your top three tips for we'll start start off can you give us a little overview of the best places to shop the kind of places where this pre-loved fashion hangs out

SPEAKER_00: 39:58

So this is, if you're wanting to shop in person, this is obviously going to depend on, you know, what area of the UK you're based in. We are very fortunate in sort of Hertfordshire and London to have some... And me on Bucks. It's just crazily brilliant.

SPEAKER_03: 40:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 40:17

You know, quite affluent areas where people are donating, you know, amazing things. But I think a lot of the charities now will have different levels of... um of shops so renee grave peace hospice care that i work with they have four different levels of shops so they have their their two pound and everything's two pounds in the shop and they have their sort of um generic high street shops then they have their boutiques which are curated to you know more premium high street brands up to designer and I found you know Gucci and Chanel and stuff like that in there and then they have their eBay online store as well, which tends to have a lot of the more premium brands and their corporate partnerships that they have with brands like Scamp and Dude, where they get end of season or returns or that kind of thing. And you'll find that with a lot of charities. eBay is actually a really good one. to have a look at because a lot of the charities will have eBay shops where they'll curate a selection of some of their best pieces. I know Oxfam do the same with their online shop that they have. So it can be a really, especially if you're not a big fan of going into the charity shops and that kind of rummaging and hunting. I know British Heart

SPEAKER_03: 41:41

Foundation's got an eBay shop as well because I've bought a couple of bits from there.

SPEAKER_00: 41:46

Yeah, exactly. So many of them do. And they do tend to sell some of the sort of nicer pieces on there that perhaps might not sell on some of their high street shops as well so i think another tip with if you are shopping on ebay um is to set up alerts on on your ebay account as well and be as specific as you can um so for example if you're looking for i don't know a burgundy jumper um for this season and um if you can put in your size and the brands that you like and um the condition you want it to be in and i'd always say say that you want it from the UK. Be as specific as you can. eBay will alert you every time something's uploaded that matches your search criteria. So if you're not a big fan of scrolling and, you know, trying to hunt something down, that really takes a lot of the hassle and the effort. I

SPEAKER_03: 42:41

didn't know about that. That's a brilliant tip. No, I'm a bit of a scroller, which can be very dangerous. Yes, I'm vintage as well. Oh, one of my favourite things as well on eBay is like the ending soonest. Oh, that's cheap. And again, it's that kind of like, oh, it's the rush of winning. And then something arrives a week later and you're like, no idea. No idea. Yeah, I don't know what that was. Now, that's brilliant advice for the whole online. But let's... demystify the whole idea of going into a charity shop. Now you've set out, obviously, that there are different setups and different pricing brackets. But if we just take a generic for now, if you see something, I think you've got a very good piece of advice to remember that it's not like an ordinary shop. So if you see something and you like the look of it, What's your top tip number one?

SPEAKER_00: 43:51

Yes, and this is very contradictory to what I normally share with my clients in general, because I will always say, you know, if you see something, take a picture, mull it over, you know, whether that's online or in store. But that's definitely not the case if you're shopping your local charity shop or pre-loved, because there's obviously only one of that item. So my advice would be to buy it. And you can, you know, I know people perhaps don't feel comfortable doing so, but you can return to charity shops as well.

SPEAKER_03: 44:26

I think increasingly, and because a lot of them don't have changing rooms. Yeah. Because I know I've spoken to the local cancer research here and they actually, and I think I told you about this, they actually say they positively encourage people to buy the item, take it home and try it on there. and nine times out of ten they may well end up keeping it but it's not don't as you say don't let that put you off because they are set up I'm not saying buy stuff and take it back below but don't let that be the barrier to taking it

SPEAKER_00: 44:59

yeah absolutely and if it's a low price point as well you know you can donate it back if it really doesn't work Give it to Karen down the road. Yeah,

SPEAKER_03: 45:12

exactly. But you did have another very good piece of advice. And again, it's not something that I always stick to because I love the treasure hunt. But you do recommend having a wish list if possible.

SPEAKER_00: 45:25

Yeah I mean and this isn't just you know just for charity shopping but just in general each season I try and encourage my clients to have a wish list or a hit list if you like of items that they are actually looking for because I think it's quite easy to get carried away in a charity shop where the prices are a bit lower and you know like you were saying with your eBay experience as well you get hooked on that buzz of like oh my god that's£3.99 and normally you'd pay you know£50 for it and actually when you get at home it's like oh that wasn't really what I needed or you know I've already got 10 Breton stripe t-shirts I didn't really need another one this kind of thing um so yeah it's helpful or at least to consider you know have I got four different outfits that I can imagine wearing this with when I get at home that's a good

SPEAKER_03: 46:15

yardstick actually I like that yeah yeah So actually envisage, right, this would go with my leather skirt, my jeans, this. Yeah, really good idea. I like that. And your final top tip, which again is something that hadn't really occurred to me, but it makes so much sense. Again, we're back to sizing. Yeah. But

SPEAKER_00: 46:41

yeah, I'll let you explain. Yeah, so it's to be a bit more open when we're thinking about size, because I think we're so conditioned when we're shopping the high street to, you know, just go for the size that we think we are in that particular shop. And actually, in the charity shop environment, there could be many different opportunities to find things that aren't necessarily in your size. And that could be because, you know, something's been cut. smaller than it should be or you know someone might even have shrunk something and donated it because of that reason but it's still you know a really beautiful item of clothing and then there's also the looking in the men's section for things as well so I've found personally like amazing cashmere jumpers for example in the men's section I've bought a size medium men's jumper that fits me a lot better than women's ones that I've found in the past so I think it's just having that open openness to try things on or to try things when you get home and not be fixated on, I'm only going to look at the size 10 section, for example.

SPEAKER_03: 47:50

I love that. I love that. So the three top tips to turn overwhelm at even wanting to set foot into a charity shop into embracing the treasure hunt on your terms so that you can unleash your midlife style diva and experiment because it's, pre-loved is the perfect way to have a bit of an experiment isn't it and as I say and if it doesn't work you can donate it back again or sell it on eBay so don't walk away and leave it stick to your wish list and don't get hung up on looking for specific sizes now you've answered all my questions I've now got some more questions for you Alex I'm afraid but I'm looking forward to you sharing your answers here now I'll for anyone who's new to Midlife Unlimited, towards the end of every episode, I ask my fabulous female guest the same set of three questions, but we don't get the same set of answers. So here's Alex's. So first question, what is your midlife anthem? The piece of music that fires you up. It doesn't have to be a song, but When you hear it, what I love is when you turn on the car radio or you go somewhere and it's just randomly playing. So please share your midlife anthem.

SPEAKER_00: 49:14

So mine is, I guess, quite topical, but I actually really struggled with this question because I have quite an eclectic taste in music. But mine is Taylor Swift style.

SPEAKER_03: 49:27

Love it.

SPEAKER_00: 49:28

And obviously it's very apt to what I do, but... I've seen her twice live this year, which was absolutely incredible. I loved your outfits. Oh, thank you. And I was kind of expecting when I went back the second time that I wouldn't perhaps enjoy it as much as the first time, you know, because it's three hours long as well. Great,

SPEAKER_03: 49:52

was it that long?

SPEAKER_00: 49:53

Yeah, it's the longest. She earned her billions then. Oh God, yeah, she definitely did. It was even more special the second time I went. Did you have Ed Sheeran? him when you would when yeah did he come on yeah that's probably part of the reason why it was um so good the second time as well love that I won't get you to sing it

SPEAKER_03: 50:15

unless you want to no I'm good no I just don't want to put that on people listening I haven't sung this episode. People are going to be disappointed. Sorry, ladies. Maybe next time. Which leads me on to... Second question is, what is your midlife mantra? The phrase that you live by, the phrase that you say, yes, this is me. Have I just stolen your line? No.

UNKNOWN: 50:45

LAUGHTER

SPEAKER_00: 50:46

So my midlife mantra is style with purpose, feel good, do good, look good.

UNKNOWN: 50:53

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 50:55

You see, and that, that ties in with our theme today as well. Beautifully love what you wear and wear what you love, or is it the other way around? Either way it works. So the final question for you today, what is, or would be, I'm not sure whether you've written it yet. The title of your autobiography

SPEAKER_00: 51:16

is, So it would be a styled life. Own your confidence.

SPEAKER_03: 51:21

Nice. Nice. Yes, I like that. I like that. I look forward to seeing that in a bookshop nearby very soon. So I've loved our chat today. I knew I would. I knew I would because you're pretty special to me and I love our chats. And any of the wonderful women listening, I'm sure a lot of them would want to have a chat with you as well. So how can they get in touch with you? Obviously, I'll be putting all your links in the show notes. But yeah, how can they get in touch with you?

SPEAKER_00: 51:56

So the best place to find me is probably my website, which is luxlepidlifestyle.co.uk. And you can book in a free chat with me over there as well if you fancy a cup of coffee and a chat.

SPEAKER_03: 52:10

I highly recommend it I highly recommend it I'm amazed we're actually drawing to a close I thought we'd be here for at least a week chatting away I thought I'd have to extend episodes and yes I hope you ladies out there have enjoyed this episode. If you did, it'd be fabulous if you could drop a review and share Midlife Unlimited with a friend, maybe. I'd love to hear from you too. So drop me a message at my email address, kate at secondspringlifecoaching.com or you can visit the website midlifeunlimitedpodcast.com or come and join the facebook group midlife unlimited podcast over on facebook alex you're in there aren't you i am in there yeah yeah well there you go so thank you alex for joining me today it's been an absolute pleasure and thank you for tuning in and listening to midlife unlimited today i look forward to joining me next time uh Midlife Unlimited has a new episode every Thursday. So you could subscribe and then I think you get notifications, which is very exciting. So thank you, Alex. Here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and to living Midlife Unlimited. Bye.