Episode #016 How to Evolve from Mum to Mum and Grandma with Guest Suzanne Knowlson

Change can seem the only constant in Midlife, causing us to feel we’re losing our power. That life is just happening and we have no control over our destination.

As a result, we can lose sight of the woman we really are at the heart of all this change.

For the Midlife mums among us, it can seem like we’re constantly assessing and reassessing our role as a mother. From the teenage years, to empty nesting, then them finding a partner, it can feel we’re sliding further and further down the scale of importance in our children's’ lives.

And then, if we’re lucky, yet another thing changes. Grandchildren.

So join your host Kate Porter, The Midlife Metamorphosis Coach®, and her guest Suzanne Knowlson of Positive Mind Life Coaching as they talk about How to Evolve from Mum to Mum and Grandma.

Grandma-of-four Suzanne shares stories and insights from her own experiences taking on the role of grandparent. And she and Kate explore the potential minefield of boundaries that being a grandmother can necessitate us navigating. 

From embracing our childlike curiosity and creating magical memories to getting to know the “new” you on your terms, this episode is full of heart-felt and heart-warming golden nuggets that make perfect Me Time listening.

Connect with Suzanne at

http://positivemindlifecoaching.co.uk

https://www.facebook.com/share/15o9nTXZC7/?mibextid=wwXIfr

http://linkedin.com/in/suzanne-knowlson-552770211

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm Kate Porter, the midlife metamorphosis coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling midlife how it really is. Smashing stereotypes, busting myths and misbehaving because our second spring is our time to shine our way. So welcome to today's episode. Now, change seems to be the only constant in midlife and this can cause us to feel like we're losing our power. that life is just happening, that we have no control over our destination. And as a result, we can lose sight of the woman we really are at the heart of all this change. And for the midlife mums among us, it can seem like we're constantly assessing and reassessing Our role as a mother at this pivotal time in our lives, from the teenage years to empty nesting and then them finding a partner, it can seem like we're sliding further and further down the scale of importance in their life. And then, if we're lucky, yet another thing changes. Grandchildren. So... I'm delighted to be joined today by my fabulous guest, Suzanne Nolson of Positive Mind Life Coaching, to talk about how to evolve from mother to mother and grandmother. So that was quite a long introduction, Suzanne. Welcome, welcome, welcome. It's

SPEAKER_00: 2:02

fabulous to have you here. Thank you so much for having me. I'm absolutely delighted to be here and I'm really excited to share all my experiences of the changes that I've gone through over the last few years, gravitating from mum to grandma.

SPEAKER_02: 2:17

Oh, I think it's... You know, I love having these conversations that people just don't seem to have enough. And we know each other quite well now. And I've loved your posts about your grandchildren. They always make me smile. But it's not all roses, I'm sure, as we're going to find out. And I just thought, what should we have an episode about? And I just thought, grandchildren and being a grandparent. Now, it's not on the cards for me yet. She says. But it's something I hope for for the future. It's something I see in my future. Fingers crossed. We can't guarantee these things. So for our lovely listeners, can you fill us in a bit about your family? How many grandchildren do you have?

SPEAKER_00: 3:03

Okay, so I have four beautiful grandchildren. I've got two sons and both of my sons have two children each. So I've got three grandsons and a granddaughter. And it is without a doubt the best club in the whole wide world. I just adore being a grandma.

SPEAKER_02: 3:20

Fabulous. Does it change the feeling with each new grandchild? Is it like kind of huge for the first or is it just like... you it's just so exciting

SPEAKER_00: 3:36

each time

SPEAKER_02: 3:36

it

SPEAKER_00: 3:37

is very exciting each time the very first one obviously there's this real excitement because this is a brand new experience that you're going through and then you sort of sometimes think oh how am i going to love another one as much as i love this little one and then the next one comes along and this love just oozes out of you again and i think The thing with them is they're all so different. They've all got such different, unique little personalities. So you fall in love with them as individuals and you just absorb everything they do. It's just lovely. I just

SPEAKER_02: 4:11

absolutely adore it. And it must be so wonderful for you as well, having, as you say, this new branch of your family and everything that that brings. But I know when we were talking before, your own motherhood journey, you had tragedy and there was a lot of the changes, empty nesting in particular, hit you very hard.

SPEAKER_00: 4:36

Oh, the empty nesting was really, really hard. Yeah, as you said, I've had quite a lot of challenges in my life. I lost my mum. My mum was only 56 when she died. That was a huge challenge because my children were only 8 and 18 months old, or 6 and 18 months old. So when you're in your 30s, you want your mum to be there to help you, support you, become a mother. And my beautiful dad took on the role of... granddad and nanny all together. And he's been an absolute treasure in helping to bring up my children. It's just been an absolute delight. But the empty nesting definitely was really hard. When you push your life and soul into being a mum. And it isn't easy. I mean, I know many people listening here will know that being a mum is not easy. There is no rule book. I think for me, I was quite an impatient mum. I had lots I had to do. I'd obviously lost my mum. So that was very, very challenging on me personally. I also lost a baby when I was seven months pregnant. So that was really difficult. And so you're trying to judge Oh, wow. Yeah. younger, although I didn't in my wildest dreams think that he had ADHD. I just thought he was just a very, very lively child. But when that time comes, Gary left home first and he went off and got, went and lived with his then girlfriend. And I still have Mitchell at home, but he got very independent and didn't need mum and all that sort of thing. And I just thought, okay, what now? So I managed to, very successfully with a bit of a struggle to get my husband to let me have a little dog I've got my little I've got a little shit suit called Betty who was my support network when I was going through empty nesting so that I had somebody to that needed me and was it and was dependent on me

SPEAKER_02: 6:59

that's that's a really interesting point isn't it because it is that shift it is that that am I mum anymore? Do they need me? Because the relationship, their priorities change and it is really tough. I found that very tough. I mean, part of my own metamorphosis was I realised in my mid-forties that I was living vicariously through my boy. If you asked me what I'd been up to, I would probably have said, he's doing this, he's doing that, rather than what I was actually doing. And taking back that control and actually finding that zest for life again in your own way, in your own terms, in a separate way, it is really, really tricky.

SPEAKER_00: 7:45

But it is quite exciting, yeah. It is. I think for me, one of the things that also changed was when I did... become myself again. I got into studying. I never enjoyed studying as a youngster. When I was at school, it wasn't my thing. I went to school to socialise, not to study. Both my brothers have got degrees and PhDs and whatever, and I was just the... I just did life as it was. And then I actually did a degree in my 60s. I got a Masters because... I had the time to do it and I was interested in doing it. So there was that huge big change from living my life around my children to now living my life the way I wanted to do it because my values had changed so much. I was starting up a business and I knew if I had a business, I needed to have lots of learning and new skills developed and all of that. So that's what I did when I got into my mid-50s, I would say.

SPEAKER_02: 8:51

I think that really encompasses everything I always say about knowing your why, because that then is your motivator and that keeps you accountable to yourself. And the fact that you knew this is something you really wanted to do and you were clear on what the goal would bring with it in terms of what it would open up for you and opportunities. Oh, I absolutely love that. I absolutely love that. Because we were talking about roles and labels, and I'm all about not wearing labels that are imposed on us. But being a grandparent, it is an inevitable, almost post-biological fact, isn't it? Your children have had children. But it's a potential minefield of boundaries. And as you said earlier, boundaries. like being a mum being a grandparent doesn't have a rule book and even if it did here on Midlife Unlimited we'd be ripping it up anyway so I'm delighted that later on you're going to be sharing your top lessons learned since becoming well we're going to find out your title in a minute and how to embrace it the role of grandparent on our terms yeah um but I find the very label in itself interesting. And I want to know a bit more because is it like a political debate? Who gets to choose what name? I mean, there are so many, aren't there? I mean, I know it's still a little way off, but I quite fancy glamour. But whenever I mention it to my son, he's like, no, no, mum. Why

SPEAKER_00: 10:35

not? Leopard print. Yeah, absolutely. I think for us, my grandparents were always nanny and granddad. And my children called my mum and dad nanny and granddad. And I, for some reason, did not want to be nanny. I wanted to be grandma. It was just something I was really passionate about. And lots of people have said, oh, why do you want to be grandma? It's so old, makes you sound so old. And I said, I don't know. There's just something really warm and cozy about being a

SPEAKER_01: 11:06

grandma.

SPEAKER_00: 11:07

And so I wanted to be a grandma. And then my husband is Pops. Oh, I love that. And so we just sort of said, well, you know, when the baby comes, can we please be grandma and Pops? And they just said, yes. So we're grandma and pops to my eldest two. Well, to all four, sorry. The eldest two's other grandparents are Nana and G-Dad, because he decided he was too young to be a granddad, so he wanted to be G-Dad. So that was agreed. That's a hip and trendy way to do it. Yeah, hip and trendy way. And then my younger son, their other grandparents are Nana and granddad. So we've all got our own identities. My dad was going to be Gigi, but they all just decided to call him Granddad Brian. But one of the great grandmas is Gigi, not on my side, on my daughter-in-law's mum. Grandma is Gigi, that's right. I think it's quite a common one, Gigi, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02: 12:18

So it proves you don't have to pigeonhole yourself. You can actually have a bit of flexibility. Yeah, I like that because I say it's all about not having labels thrust upon us, but taking on that labels in a way that feels right to us. Now, we talked earlier about your dad being an amazing role model, model, role model. Sorry, I put my teeth back in. Combining the two roles. Do you think that has inspired you more? going forward in your role did you have an idea of the kind of grandma you wanted to be or have you literally just riffed it and thought oh i'll i'll see what happens

SPEAKER_00: 13:01

i would say a bit of both um i had an incredibly happy childhood really really happy childhood and um i have utmost admiration for both my parents and I wanted to bring my children up the way I was brought up with sort of nice, strong values and morals and all these sorts of things. So, yes, that was a big part of it. But I also wanted to be a little bit more hands on. And I wanted to be a bit silly because I am sort of a bit silly with them. You know, I'm the one that does all the dressing up with them. We went out at Christmas time. There's a photograph of me and the two younger ones with orange in our mouth, doing orange smiles. I saw it.

SPEAKER_01: 13:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 13:44

Yeah, and I love it because that's just the silly thing I do. And again, it's just about making those memories and they're going to think, oh, remember that time we were out with Grandma and she made us put those oranges in our mouth and do smiles? So, you know, it is a bit of both. I mean, I am incredibly, incredibly fortunate. When you have sons, one of your biggest worries is that your daughter-in-laws will allow you... the same sort of access to the grandchildren as their parents, because girls do tend to gravitate towards their mums. And both my daughter-in-laws are adorable. They both let me have as much input in my grandchildren as their own parents. So I just feel incredibly fortunate that that's what I'm allowed to do. But I don't overstep their boundaries. If they've got boundaries they put in with the children, I respect them, although I do spoil them in my own silly way, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02: 14:47

Yeah, absolutely. No, that's a joy to hear because that's something that, I mean, I'm sure there are women listening who are pre-empting that that might happen and worrying about it and almost catastrophizing about it or actually living through it, a situation where a relationship isn't great with, their daughter-in-law or son-in-law and how that can, because it almost like the kind of punishment mentality or estrangement can have so many things can impact the relationship, can't they?

SPEAKER_00: 15:20

Yeah, I had a conversation with somebody only this Monday and she'd said to me, oh, so-and-so's having a baby. And I went, oh, how exciting. And she said, oh, yeah, it's my second grandchild, blah, blah, blah. She said she wasn't sure how the dynamic would work because she wasn't I wasn't sure if the daughter-in-law would give her, you know, as much opportunity to be a grandparent as her own mum. And I find that quite sad because, you know, as I said, I'm just so fortunate. My daughter-in-laws are amazing. You know, they let the boys and Robin, my little granddaughter, come and stay overnight and they've never put any restrictions on me or my husband. So it's just fabulous.

SPEAKER_02: 16:03

Well, I know we're going to be talking about boundaries a bit more later, but I think it just, to me, it highlights, it throws one of those mega spotlights on the importance of having the conversations rather than just letting things fester till they get to the point that a solution seems unachievable. And I know so often these subjects and these conversations are things that we do put off because they do seem to... just make us come out in goosebumps and make us feel overwhelmed and even a bit sick. But I think a lot of the time, just by saying, look, can we just have the chat and put it out there? It may not come out all roses at the end of it, but at least both sides can be aware of any potential issues that might come up.

SPEAKER_00: 16:58

Yeah, I mean, I think for us, when we're all together... Most certainly if one of the children does something that they're not supposed to be doing, I wouldn't dream of interfering. I'd let my sons and daughter-in-laws discipline the children because that's their position to do it as the parent. If the children come to me and the mum and dad aren't there, and they do something, then I'll have to address it. But I'll always say to, you know, my daughter-in-law or my sons, oh, this happened today and I said, blah, blah, blah. So they're very aware that I have addressed something that I was a bit concerned about. And I think if you're just open and honest with each other, you don't get those sort of, that hostility from each other because you've just got this real clear understanding of, you know, they know I'm not going to shout my head off at them, but I am going to address this Usually it's down to something that they might do that could be dangerous to them, you know, and you just don't want that to happen. So I think as long as you, as you quite rightly said, as long as you have those conversations, it's the best way forward. Don't let any hostility fester away in the background, just address it.

SPEAKER_02: 18:13

Absolutely. Another point that immediately sprang to mind there, if you hadn't or if you don't say no, oh, by the way, this situation happened and I said this, you can just guarantee that a little one will turn around a couple of nights later and say, mummy, when I was with grandma, she said this. And their interpretation of what actually happened, bless them, could be quite different. Yeah. And then you'll get that phone call. Mum, did you say da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da?

SPEAKER_00: 18:49

I mean, for me, I just want to... all the love I have for them at the moment they're all still little I mean the eldest one's 10 the youngest one is nearly six months old and so you know when they come and stay at grandma and popsies they have sleepovers with us um so they don't have separate bedrooms one will come in with me one will go in with my husband um I think the last time I had um the children the youngest grandchildren was about a month ago and I had the little girl was in bed with me and her brother was in the travel car and my husband went into the spare bedroom and it was just like an adventure you know I slept in grandma's big bed with grandma but I mean that's not going to happen forever there's going to be a time when that's not going to be the case and we'll just move along when we need to but all the time we can do it it's lovely it's really exciting and you know and I understand that they like your office well They love it. My two elder boys, Arthur and Fred, adore my office. So they'll come up and they're in there making bracelets out of my paper clips and get all my pens. But then, to be honest, myself and Gary are stationary geeks. So I think they might have probably inherited that from Grandma and Daddy. But it's hilarious. If I can't find them, I know they're up here and they'll be, you know, getting all the paper out and all sorts of things. I

SPEAKER_02: 20:25

love that. I love that. I used to like doing like daisy chains with paper. I still do, actually. It's quite therapeutic, isn't it? Now, another thing that when I was thinking about our chat today and I just thought, I will ask, I will ask, has your relationship with your boys changed? shifted at all since you became a grandma as well, do you think?

SPEAKER_00: 20:50

No. Yes and no. I think no from the point that my boys always know I'm here for them. And we have very open and honest relationships. So if my boys have a problem, they'll pick the phone up and either speak to me or my husband for whatever, because that's how we are. I think they will come to me a little bit more if they've got problems with the little ones and they'll just ask my advice. not so that I can say, well, you need to do this and you need to do that. I would just say, well, have you thought about this, this and this? Oh, okay. So you have this sort of... That nurturing is still going on with my children, but then you also sort of come in and nurture their children in a slightly different way. I

SPEAKER_02: 21:43

love that. And it's like the whole sounding board as well, isn't it? It shows that they've got respect for you as their mum, but also... as the role that you've played in terms of raising them. They're now, they admire you for that. And they're now seeking your great wisdom

SPEAKER_00: 22:00

because we are wise now. That was always the kind of thing I had with my parents. You know, even now, if I've ever got a problem, my dad will be my first port of call. And with my husband, my husband, you know, will often say, I wonder what your dad would think. I wonder what your dad would say. Yeah. So I think because I've always had that kind of thing with my parents, I've been able to do that with my children. Whereas Doug, my husband, he never had that kind of relationship. His upbringing was very, very different to mine. So it's actually nice that he's got somebody there and also that the children or the boys come to him and say, Dad, what do you think? So it's actually quite comforting that he's got a different perspective on parenting through. my family if that makes sense

SPEAKER_02: 22:50

no absolutely because i said when we were talking earlier and it's leading beautifully i do like a nice segue into your top top three lessons learned but boundaries we've spoken quite a lot about it already but i do think and i know you agree with me um that it is such an important area because by by i mean you know what assuming does um conversations do need to be had and the relationships navigating the shift between your kids having kids and I know there must be an urge however laid back you are one is as a mum stroke grandmother to bite your tongue to don't do the I wouldn't have done it that way because It's not helpful, is it?

SPEAKER_00: 23:48

It isn't helpful at all. And I think when you start doing that, that's when it rubs people up the wrong way and you don't want to do that. And I just think you just sort of have a chat and just say, you know, what, you know, usually they will come and say, oh, this has happened and we're going to do this, this and this. And I go, oh, that's really, really good. Have you thought about maybe going down this route or that route? Oh, yeah, I never thought of that. So you go in with ideas as opposed to saying, well, if I was you, I would do it this way. You just don't do that. Your own children would probably be fine with it. But that doesn't mean to say that their partners will be. And my big thing is I like harmony in my life, particularly my family life. It's really important that we all stay together as a unit. And, you know, as I said, I am fortunate that I can have these open and honest conversations with both of my daughter-in-laws. And as times progressed, our relationships have got stronger and stronger, which is lovely. And I get on with both sets of their parents.

SPEAKER_02: 24:56

Oh, that's lovely.

SPEAKER_00: 24:57

Yeah. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 25:20

But it is important to remember that you're not going to agree with everyone on everything all the time. And part of it, if you overthink it, you could end up feeling agitated and cross. And whereas if you just say, look, accept that they've got this differing opinion and move on. Yeah, yeah. But talking of boundaries, and one thing I would like to chat about is the flip side as well, because we've talked a lot about respecting boundaries as far as the parents of your grandchildren aka your kids and their partners but it works the other way around and I think a lot of women listening might think sometimes it's that fear of being asked to babysit again and fearful that if you say no it might backfire and they won't ask you again and it's almost like a bit of you know don't let them take the piss, basically.

SPEAKER_00: 26:20

Yeah, I mean... I am able to say no. I mean, obviously I work. I've got my own business. So they are aware that there are going to be times when I'm going to have to say no. I don't say no very often. But when I do say no, it's always taken in the nicest possible way because they know that I've got something that I really can't get out of. And sometimes there'll be times when I won't want to do anything on the weekend. And they might say, say, what are you doing this weekend? Absolutely nothing. I'm going to have a rest. And so I'm just letting them know that I need space and I need to just let my hair down and just chill, even if I just want to sit in my pyjamas all weekend. That's what I want to do. But I do think you're spot on there. The boundaries must go both ways. And it is okay to say no. I mean, I see people that are just run ragged looking after their grandchildren. And, you know, we all love our grandchildren to pieces, but it's got to be so that it works so that everyone has a life and it's not just one set of people having the life they want and someone's compromised the other side. It's not healthy.

SPEAKER_02: 27:43

No. No, I'm completely with you like that. It is about, say, having the conversations and working to become comfortable with saying no and not feeling that obligation. I

SPEAKER_00: 27:57

mean, sometimes when you say no, you want to say yes, but you can't say yes because you've already got something wrong. booked in. I know I got asked the other day to pick the boys up and I couldn't do it because I had to take somebody for a hospital appointment. And then about three or four days later, I got asked again by my daughter-in-law and I had to say no again. And I kept saying, oh, I'm really, really sorry. I'm really sorry. I feel like I'm not helping you out. And then I thought, she went, it's fine. It's absolutely fine. You don't need to worry about it. So You have to just think sometimes our guilt is we feel guiltier than we need to because they're okay with it.

SPEAKER_02: 28:44

Yeah, and we feel that need to justify the no as well and then offer an alternative. And before we know it, we end up saying yes when we've talked ourself out of it. Sometimes we can't do things. We can't do everything. We have to prioritise and sometimes we have to accept that the priorities, the rationale behind those priorities are beyond our control.

SPEAKER_00: 29:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 29:10

And sometimes there will be medical emergencies. There will be situations that just happen.

SPEAKER_00: 29:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 29:17

But on to things we can control. Another little segue there. Making memories. And I know this is, although it's number two in the list, I think for you it's right up there, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 29:29

It is. I mean, as I said earlier, I lost my mum when I was, when she was 56. I was in my 30, I was, or 31. And I, i changed completely as a person when i lost my mum and i became a much softer warmer um not so agitated person because i thought oh my goodness i wasn't expecting this to happen um and i just wanted to live my life and make memories because you just don't know what's around the corner and so for me making memories is huge absolutely huge i like to do things you know we've had lots of holidays where we've had you know one of my most favorite holidays was we went um skiing um on uh doug and i'd been married 10 years doug and i got married on christmas eve oh wow i love that we wanted to go um on holiday and doug wanted to go skiing so i said well if we go You know, we've got to go somewhere snowy and make it whatever. The boys, my boys, were distraught that we weren't at granddad's house by the open fire in our pyjamas all for two days because we decided to go on holiday. However, we went skiing and we had the best holiday ever.

SPEAKER_01: 30:47

And

SPEAKER_00: 30:48

my dad came with us and it was the first time my dad skied and he was 65. Excellent. And my brother came, my younger brother came, and I can just... The memory for me, and because we talk about it quite often, was the laughter we had. Because we were all beginners, and we were all in the beginners class, and it was just... Hilarious. My dad managed to knock the whole line of people out. He lost his balance, caught the next skier and the whole lot went down like dominoes. I

SPEAKER_02: 31:21

can relate to that. When I went on my first skiing holiday in my early 20s, we were in the beginners class and they were teaching us the plan. And as they were teaching us, I just suddenly started going down the hill. And I didn't know how to stop. And I just carried on. And by the time I actually walked back up, they were on to, like, step two. And I was literally turning

SPEAKER_00: 31:49

around going, hello, help me. I know. But what a memory. What a memory. I'm still laughing now. Yeah. We, you know, we're building memories with the little ones now. So we have opposite where I live, we have Hogmore enclosure and they have a Halloween thing there every year where they light all the forest up. So we've done that a couple of times and that's beautiful because they all come dressed up and I get all my, I've got some witches hats in the cupboard so we get the witches hats up and, you know, you can just see their little faces are all excited and it's just lovely. So memories are a big, big thing for me.

SPEAKER_02: 32:27

And I can see on your face, and it's a phrase I use quite a lot, but I don't think it's overused, not quite yet. It might be childlike curiosity. And I think this time of our life, it's such a brilliant way to embrace new things. And I can just see that that's exactly what you're doing. Stepping out, doing it, trying it, not caring what other people think when you're walking around in a silly hat. Who cares?

SPEAKER_00: 32:53

It's when you do things with the children and then forget you've done it. So you might, you know, be dressing up with them and you've got, you know, one of these dilly boppers on your head and you forget it's on there. And then the kids go home and you go down to Tesco's and you've still got your dilly bopper on. Why is everybody looking at me? And you think, oh, hang on, still got that on there. Or the kids put stickers on your face and then you forget to take them off. It's bizarre. It's really funny.

UNKNOWN: 33:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 33:21

I think it's a look. I think we should rock it. I look forward to that. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02: 33:24

Especially when you've got one at the end of your nose. But I'm loving the way you're describing the journey. And I think with so many things, it is part of our journey, isn't it? And I know your third point, lesson learnt, is getting to know people. the new you in your grandmother's role and obviously self-care, self-awareness. And these are things that both of us are passionate about in our work life, as well as our personal life. But it is coming to terms with these new relationships and realising that there is no stereotypical relationship. There is no blinking rule book.

SPEAKER_00: 34:10

No, there isn't. And you just have to you know as we said there is no rule book so you're literally just being a parent and then a grandparent as it evolves so what happens you deal with it what happens next you just think okay right well let's try this and if something works it works and if it doesn't you try something else um challenges for me are just a way to grow You know, if you have a challenge, just take it as a lesson, especially if it goes wrong and just sort of think, well, that didn't work, so I'll try something else. But I do think, you know, you have got to just roll with what comes with you, what is given to you as a grandparent. And if it doesn't work or the parents don't like it, you just say, well, what would you like me to do differently? And then you just try something else. And then that's how it just evolves.

SPEAKER_02: 35:08

No, I love that. And I think the word evolve is so perfect here because another thing we were chatting about before was the whole idea of the grandparent is like the matriarch sitting there all in black in the chair and ruling by fear. And now what I love is the whole embracing the childlike curiosity, the fun while maintaining the boundaries, while being respectful of of everyone in the relationship because it is a very complex, it's like a six-way relationship between you and your husband and your children and your grandchildren. But I think fun needs to play a huge part here.

SPEAKER_00: 35:52

Oh, absolutely. And I think when the children are having fun and there's lots and lots of laughter, I think one of the things when you're looking after your grandchildren, if they're not missing their parents... you know you're doing a good job because they feel safe and secure with their grandparents while mum and dad aren't there. So I think that's always a good way to look at it. If the children are happy and content and not asking for mum and dad, you're doing okay. I love that.

SPEAKER_02: 36:26

I love that. That's a beautiful way to round it up and to make sure you've got a good supply of paperclips.

SPEAKER_00: 36:31

Absolutely. And pens. And pens. And pens.

SPEAKER_02: 36:35

Yeah. Talking of pens, we're going to be coming on to something that you might be writing later on. But I'm now leading you into the three questions that I ask each of my fabulous female guests here on Midlife Unlimited. So you're not going to escape this one. And I'm really looking forward to your answers. So the first question is, What is your midlife anthem? What is the piece of music or song that when you hear it, you punch the air, you shake your tail feather and you go, I am fabulous.

SPEAKER_00: 37:13

So mine would be Don't Stop Me Now by Queen. Oh, yeah. Having a good time. Yeah. But just because that's how I, you know, I put that song on and it just brings a smile to my face. So that definitely, without a doubt, as soon as I knew that that was one of the questions, that was my answer straight away. So definitely don't stop me now.

SPEAKER_02: 37:34

And such a powerful song.

SPEAKER_00: 37:36

It's quite a rocky, punchy song, isn't

SPEAKER_02: 37:38

it? Yeah, you need a bit of upbeat. I mean, I'm all for a bit of a ballad sometimes, but when it comes to make you... I'm sorry, no one can see me. I'm shaking my shoulders, dear listeners. You're shaking her tail feathers. I am. I'm not singing, which is always a good thing. There's been quite enough singing. We're in double figures now and I haven't sung for a while. Right, I will move swiftly on to your next question because I really want to know this one because I think this is going to be good. What is your midlife mantra, the phrase that sums up how you live your midlife?

SPEAKER_00: 38:18

It would be a challenge is a chance to grow. Yeah. Definitely. Just embrace a challenge and just learn from it without a doubt. I think it's that simple. No, it

SPEAKER_02: 38:32

is, isn't it? Because there really is no right or wrong in terms of try it. If you don't like it, try something else. If it doesn't work, try something else. The worst thing you can do is not try, basically.

SPEAKER_00: 38:52

Which I know sounds easy, but... I learn from it I never see it as a negative I just think well that that didn't go very well and I'm one of these people I will jump in head first oh yeah I'm not afraid to jump in head first look at me doing this I announced I was going to do it and I did it you do absolutely and that's that's what you've got to do you just you know I've got an idea I'm going to try and for me Your point of view, this is just amazing. So it was the biggest decision you made and the right one to make. So well done you. Oh,

SPEAKER_02: 39:32

thank you. Well, thank you for being in from the very, very start. You were in the video where we announced the name to the world. Oh, yes. Yeah. Right. Well, your third question for today is what would be the title of your autobiography?

SPEAKER_00: 39:51

So my title for my autobiography would be A Simple Soul, Finding Strength in Life's Challenges. Oh,

SPEAKER_02: 40:00

I think I'd want to read that. I do want to read it. You need to start writing it. Well, do

SPEAKER_00: 40:04

you know what? It's funny, isn't it? I would quite like to write a book. It's gurgling away in the background somewhere. That might be my next challenge.

SPEAKER_02: 40:16

I look forward to it. I look forward to it. I look forward. Well, if you fancy a brainstorm for ideas, you know where I am. OK, we'll do it. I'll jump right in there. Yeah. Talking about knowing where we are. How can the fabulous ladies listening get in contact with you? OK,

SPEAKER_00: 40:36

so I'm on Facebook. I'm on LinkedIn and Instagram. And I've got a website, www.youtube.com. positivemindlifecoaching.com and I would love anybody to come and join me and follow me and be part of my communities on all of these. The other thing is I've just launched a four-week online program all around your health and well-being. It's called Flourish in 4 and it's going to be running every Wednesday evening in March from 7 until 8.30. We're going to be looking at the four pillars of well-being. So that would be physical, mental, emotional and social. And the first 10 people that jump on, I'm doing a half price offer to celebrate my three years running Positive Mind Life Coaching. So I would love you to come on and take something away from my coaching.

SPEAKER_02: 41:36

That sounds amazing. Right. Well, I will put all the links to that in the show notes. Lovely. And in the episode details. So, you know that you'll be able to get in contact with Suzanne and I'd love your feedback on today's episode. Did it resonate? Did you enjoy it? So leave a review, maybe. And you can email me or text me via the links in the show notes. And come and join the Midlife Unlimited podcast, Facebook group. Suzanne, you're in there, aren't you? I am. Links in the show notes. And also there's the link to the website where there are details of exclusive VIP midlife metamorphosis coaching offers from me. So thank you for joining me today, Suzanne. I've loved our conversation.

SPEAKER_00: 42:28

It's been an absolute pleasure. I was really excited about coming on here. So thank you so much for inviting me. Oh, it's

SPEAKER_02: 42:35

brilliant. And thank you for listening. I look forward to you tuning in next week. Remember, there's a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcasts. So here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and living midlife unlimited. Thanks, Suzanne. Bye. Bye.