Episode #019 How to Find Joy in Loss as a Midlife Women with Guest Carolyn Cowperthwaite

As Midlife women it can feel like every relationship in our life is changing and shifting. And loss – and the inevitable grief it brings – plays a huge part in how we show up for ourselves and tell our story.

So join your Host Kate Porter The Midlife Metamorphosis Coach® and her Guest Carolyn Cowperthwaite of CC Coaching UK Ltd as they talk about How to Find Joy in Loss as a Midlife Woman – both personally and in business.

The grief journey is one many of us have been through or are facing, and this powerful episode lifts the lid on this often taboo and difficult and painful topic. 

Carolyn shares insights from her first-hand experience of grief – from personal tragedy to working on the COVID NHS frontline – and gives heartfelt and honest advice on how to make the person you have lost a positive part of you… to find those snowdrops. 

And Carolyn explains how she now applies these same life lessons in the workplace, using wellness to help each team member find their voice and breed a culture of empathy to unlock our full potential.

This episode is dedicated to those we have loved and lost, and those we love now.

Connect with Carolyn via email at cccoaching1@outlook.com and at

https://cccoachingltd.co.uk

https://www.linkedin.com/in/carolyn-cowperthwaite-61747b141/

https://www.facebook.com/carolyn.cowperthwaite

https://www.instagram.com/cccoaching_ukltd/

The Grief Book available on Amazon

https://www.linkedin.com/in/carolyn-cowperthwaite-61747b141/?lipi=urn%3Ali%3Apage%3Ad_flagship3_feed%3Bh3k3eA6WRc2CYSGSwU4OIQ%3D%3D

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the midlife metamorphosis coach, and I know what it feels like to be stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling midlife how it really is, smashing stereotypes, busting myths and misbehaving, because our second spring is our time to shine our way. So welcome to today's episode. Now, as midlife women, it can feel like every relationship in our life is changing and shifting and loss. And the inevitable grief that brings plays a huge part in how we show up for ourselves and how we tell our story. The grief journey is one many of us have been through or are facing. So I'm delighted to be joined today by my good friend and guest, Carolyn Calperthwaite, executive coach, author of the grief book and director of cc coaching uk limited to talk about how to find joy in loss both personally and in business so welcome carolyn it's fabulous to have you here

SPEAKER_00: 1:39

thank you so much kate really looking forward to this morning um it's just lovely thank you for inviting me uh really appreciate the time to talk about what is often a taboo subject I know and a very painful subject and something that even through my journey I still find it very difficult to talk about my own personal losses but I think you giving me the opportunity to chat through this I think just opens up the topic for people and hopefully just normalises it a little bit and makes it maybe easier for someone else.

SPEAKER_02: 2:12

Well when we had our little pre-chat and we said let's go for this and I think I immediately had goosebumps because you're absolutely right. It is a taboo subject, but it is something that Midlife Unlimited is all about having those conversations and putting it out there. And I hope that the wonderful women listening, it will resonate in some way. So I think we're just going to go for it. It might be sensitive, but I think we're going to have a laugh as well. I'm going to share a bit of your story before I get too emotional to start with. Now, after nearly four decades in nursing, 12 as a senior manager, you've encountered loss in many forms. And I know particularly working with young people who are dying and their families, as well as you said just now, experiencing personal loss. And I love how you've drawn many of these lessons from your own loss journey, which you now weave into your executive coaching. And you're taking team from underperforming to becoming outstanding by helping them with the lessons that you've learned. And I'm thrilled that later on you'll be sharing your top three tips that can be applied both personally and to leadership and teamwork. But first, and I know I'm talking quite a lot, I'm quite excited. We're all about smashing taboos, aren't we? Because nothing is off limits. And I'm going to quote you now. And this is just such a beautiful line. If you can talk about death and dying, nothing is off limits. And I would love if you would share your story. So can we start with the grief book? How did that come about?

SPEAKER_00: 3:56

Well, the grief book came about with my next door neighbor who had gone through her own grief, losing her husband when her children were age seven, nine and 11. So she had a really, really difficult, you know, painful time. We decided that we would write this book, I think, My work had led, it was like a natural progression really to write about grief because I'd worked with so many parents, partners, siblings who'd lost young loved ones. And also my mum sadly passed away and died very quickly. It blew a big hole in my life because she was actually my soulmate. And we didn't see it coming. I took her to hospital in the morning and she died at four o'clock in the afternoon, still in A&E. So I dedicated the book to those we have loved and lost and those we love now. And I'd like to do that for this episode, really, because I think it's only from the amazing people I've had the opportunity to be with during loss and grief that I've been able to find purpose probably. And I think it's an absolute gift that I'm here today to be able to do this talk. And although I do find talking difficult, I think it's important because if you can get through your grief in such a positive way, especially if you're an entrepreneur or a leader or you're in business and you're running teams, it's so important that your impact is positive for the people and also that the person you've lost becomes a really positive part of you and that you can go forward, you know, in a really meaningful way. And it is possible to find joy. I like to think of grief as a big, dark ball, if I could paint a picture for you, really. When they talk about recovery from grief, I actually think that ball does not change. My theory is that ball stays exactly the same. But what happens is your life grows right around it and it can be beautiful. It can be fabulous. You can meet new people. You can experience happiness again. And I lost a really dear friend recently and her daughter said to me only yesterday, actually, she'd been skiing and she said, I was laughing while I was skiing and I can't believe it, but I actually was happy. I was happy during my grief. And I think the message from that is don't wait perhaps till you feel your grief is over because it may never and probably will not be over, but you can experience joy now.

SPEAKER_02: 6:40

And also I would have thought that almost feeling of guilt as well that might come when you are in the grieving process. But like you said, you have that moment when you find yourself laughing and almost think, gosh, I shouldn't be laughing because I'm still at this stage. I

SPEAKER_00: 6:58

mean, is that... They're wearing their hearts on their sleeves. They may be in a really bad mood. It can make environments quite toxic. And yet there might be a real pain behind that. And I think it's really important that leaders create a empathetic environment, if you like, a compassionate environment. And certainly when I was in my senior leadership role, I hope my compassion was just always at the forefront and kindness is what runs through me because if you can be kind, you just do not know what someone's going through. And I think that's really important as well. It may not be your loss. It may be someone else's. And I really don't think anyone in this world gets away with it, do they? So we've seen royalty recently, you know, experiencing challenges and difficulties and you see very senior people who you really respect who may lose a grandchild or whatever blows their world apart. And I think, how do we cope through that? How do we make sure our businesses thrive through that? And there are things you can do to put in place to make things work. and obviously the alternative is we crawl we crawl under a duvet and we we don't come out again and and we've all probably had those moments haven't we um i certainly have where you just cannot face the world but actually the world carries on around you and you have to in some way rejoin it to find purpose sadly some people can't and we know that the stats are there suicide is there um i hate to mention that but obviously it's true

SPEAKER_01: 8:38

and

SPEAKER_00: 8:39

i think part of my reason for speaking out is let's talk about it let's reach out for support when we need it and you know highly stressed employees are 80% more likely to miss a day in work so there's lots of business reasons as well now I'm not being mercenary saying that but what I'm trying to say is practical practical for businesswomen and businessmen, what can work for them and what can help their employees.

SPEAKER_02: 9:07

No, because we talk a lot on Midlife Unlimited about the mask that we put on. And it is that pretending that everything's all right. And this is so important to take that mask off and actually be vulnerable, but have the conversations as well. And just looping briefly back to your book, there was a phrase that you used to describe it. about the transition that it helps, well, the journey that it helps people through, and that's men, women, children, whoever's reading it, from a 4am read to your catwalk moment. And I think that beautifully, because you said obviously it is a journey, and a never-ending journey to a certain extent, because it becomes part of your life, but it's how you live your life with it, I suppose. It's the whole... What did you say? Finding joy in the grief.

SPEAKER_00: 10:02

Yeah, that's right. And we use the word catwalk moment because, you know, when you see a model strutting down the catwalk, it's a pinnacle of their day, their career, their whatever. And we just tried to capture that feeling of elation, maybe, or just not needing to hide anymore and just being prepared to be able to walk along in life and affecting others in as positive way as you can despite your own losses and remembering that you're sadly you're not the only one we're all in this we're all in this life together and loss will happen you know so it's again trying to normalize it trying to make sense of it and again from a business point of view and that's the point of this talk today I'm obviously taking a business focus is 76% of employees experience burnout, and that can be due to loss or toxic environments or poor management, et cetera. There's lots of stats that companies who focus on well-being are 20% more likely to outperform in the market.

SPEAKER_01: 11:16

Wow.

SPEAKER_00: 11:16

Isn't that interesting? So there's some amazing organizations who do bring some well-being into their day for their employees, and To make an employee go home. I know Nisha Katona, who is the businesswoman who developed Mowgli, the Indian restaurant chain. She said she hopes that every employee who comes to work does not want to go home because they are treated that well whilst they're in work. But if you're a leader... Sorry, if you're a leader and you're not able to give that experience because of your grief, then... It's a very sad, difficult place to be, isn't it? Over to you, though. Sorry, I interrupted.

SPEAKER_02: 11:58

No, I was just going to say that I love the whole transition from the whole self-care and wellness a few years ago, to my mind, being still seen as quite a woo-woo thing and quite an alternative thing. And now the fact that it is being embraced and introduced into more mainstream workplaces and the fact that we are starting to have the conversations and realise that Talking is important. And by putting up barriers, by putting up... Yes, boundaries are important. We're not talking about boundaries. We're talking about the barriers. We're talking about bottling things up and what can happen when we bottle things up to the point that, well, tragic circumstances can... result sometimes.

SPEAKER_00: 12:43

Yeah and just general underperformance I went to London recently to give a talk to some auditors in one of the the big four accountancy firms and there were 70 accountants in the room and it was so interesting that the accountants that have come from overseas have experienced an awful lot of difficulty in achieving promotion with their own confidence in how to show up in work and also experiencing loss not being near their family and all that comes with that and just engaging and opening up the conversation you could feel relief in the room and you could see confidence building in the room it was absolutely powerful and for a firm like that to invest in topics like imposter syndrome that was actually how it started I think is just fantastic and and to see people develop from that I know the people I coach I can see them go from you know almost crawling in you're having a terrible time in work saying I'm in the wrong job I'm not a good leader um to actually after honestly not even a lot of sessions at times You can see them grow into themselves and be able to just show up at work again with that confidence to lead. And that might be with absolute tragedy behind them. But, you know, with that extra kind of, I don't know, energy maybe, adrenaline maybe, a little bit of that as well. But powerful engagement for the people around them. And it's just a joy to see. And my coaching experience has been just amazing. I can't even explain, seeing senior people really flourish. And don't we all deserve that? And it doesn't matter how senior or junior, by the way. I mean, it just happens to be mainly who I work with. But yeah, it's a joy and certainly enriching my life completely. I did some research actually in my last job looking at anxiety and depression in people who have chronic illness. And I think that has shown up a lot in some of the business work I'm doing now. The anxiety, the depression that comes with the pressures people are under. And people often lose sight of the fact that they can actually have control of that and they can change it. So I just really would like to encourage anyone who's sat there at the moment listening to this, who's maybe not feeling as happy as they should, either at home or at work, to think about change as possible. you know go for it go for it life is very short and that's definitely what what things have experiences have shown me life is very very short so my mum used to wake up and say yes I've got another day and and I try and do that when I open my eyes in the morning yes I've got another day what am I going to do it's it's a lovely thing she's passed on to me I think

SPEAKER_02: 15:44

I love that that's joyous and it makes me think I'm getting the goosebumps the women listening that they may and I'm sure there are many out there who were in this position as well but you had the horrific experience of being on the Covid front line and I know you told me when we were chatting before how you were struck then and it's something that you've brought beautifully into the work you're doing now into your coaching the sheer resilience the sheer just keep on keeping on and that must be something that's in your heart for always now

SPEAKER_00: 16:24

Well absolutely and no one wants to go through anything like that and it was unprecedented wasn't it and I think what's hit me most I worked in a fabulous hospital at the time and saw heroic heroic events and individuals just be so strong and turn up every day despite not knowing whether it would impact their own health, their family's health. I can remember being really, really frightened myself going into work. Being on the front line was important because I had a lot of staff going into these areas where patients were being nursed with COVID. We had no information. We had no information about the impact that could have on our families and our friends and ourselves, our own health. But being a manager, I had to literally walk in and do the job with the nursing staff and the doctors on the front line. They helped me enormously. And I hope in some small way I helped them by just not showing how scared I was but I think it really showed me what I was made of in the sense of it's only when you have to draw on that that you know whether it's in there and I think mainly from seeing the wonderful work of the doctors at that time and how they manage their teams and how they all work together within their teams nursing staff as well and everyone involved was just so humbling And they used techniques. We had the general public sending food in, etc. And they had little techniques where they'd take a two minute break just to get some fresh air. They would allow people to just go out and breathe outside. And it was just things like that that have stayed with me, really. And I suppose the reason I mention it is it's such a massive part of our lives. what happened and I don't know about you but not many people talk at all about it I certainly don't and I wouldn't dream of talking about obviously individual patients etc but seeing the resilience of patients and staff at that time has definitely it massively impacted me and it's made me want to help professionals I think because it doesn't matter what trauma you're going through it could be the pandemic it might be that you've lost a huge case in work as a lawyer you might have missed something in your business that is suddenly all falls back on you so it's not always about life and death the pressures are everywhere aren't they and I think that's what I've loved about getting out into businesses as well is seeing that it's all similar themes but yes I was privileged and sadly part of what happened but did did my best and actually saw so much magic around me if that makes any sense whatsoever no

SPEAKER_02: 19:28

absolutely because you you did say to me before that you know you just wanted to find a way of taking all these amazing lessons and amazing experiences and turning them into something very positive and that is so obviously what you're doing and I just love the way you've used And one thing you mentioned before that you've heard again and again is that fear that we have. And it is a self-preservation thing

SPEAKER_01: 19:59

to

SPEAKER_02: 20:00

stick our head above the parapet, to speak out and the problems that can come. when we feel we can't speak out particularly in the workplace because it can lead to fears of bullying or being undervalued I mean it is a real minefield isn't it that should I speak out should I not am I being heard am I understood I

SPEAKER_00: 20:24

think that's really one of the main things that I'm finding when I go into businesses and working with teams is often people just haven't had their personal chance to tell their story of how they're seeing the world no one They are not feeling listened to maybe. And actually a big part of what I do is first of all, hear what is being felt by that person. What's their experience? What's holding them back? What's hurting them? What might be great for them? You know, all the positives as well. Some people feel a lack of recognition. They might be doing an amazing job. No one's noticing. So I work with people to just empower them to cope with the difficult parts Make changes around that so that they're actually in control again. And then start enjoying life again. Waking up in the morning. Yes, I've got another day at work. What am I going to do? Yes, I'm working with that person. I now see their strengths differently. It's not actually a problem anymore. I'm going to work with them differently. So you don't have to be everyone's best friend, do you, at work? But you do have to be good colleagues. And some of my best colleagues have become friends, maybe. Or maybe not. But actually, the colleagues I depended on in the pandemic, I will never forget. They gave me a huge strength. And I think. Same with your friendships, isn't it? You know, you've got friends who really can help you live life to the full and go grab it. Go grab it.

SPEAKER_02: 21:52

No, absolutely. I think this leads us. Do you like a segue? You know, I like a segue into your three top tips. And. You've mentioned before, but I'd love it if you went into more detail, your first tip about allowing ourselves to grieve.

SPEAKER_00: 22:12

Yeah, so allowing yourself to grieve. We can't always be happy and we can't always wake up saying, yes, I've got another day, can we, when we're heartbroken. So allow yourself to grieve and feel the full range of the emotions inside. So don't suppress your feelings. What I'd say is they're part of the healing process. So sometimes when those feelings feel so big, we just have to let them into our heart, really let them into our body, our soul, whatever you believe in, and then just feel them and just sit with them. And then eventually somehow things shift and nothing ever stays the same. So somehow there's a shift and you can let go of it again. As a leader, ensure that you've got a culture of empathy and vulnerability. So make sure you've got a safe space for your team and share, to let them share things that might be happening personally at home, or maybe just share the difficulties they've got in work, the deadlines they're trying to meet, et cetera, et cetera, so that they can then support each other. And it will strengthen your team, guaranteed. So if you hit a pothole in your business or whatever, you've got people there who will do their absolute best. So this is not soft stuff. This is the hard stuff. People often call the well-being side the soft stuff. It's very, very difficult to do. And well done to anyone, any firm and any person who believes in it and who is trying to give this to their employees.

UNKNOWN: 23:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 23:45

I say I just love, as we've said, the whole shift. And change. Change is a big thing, isn't it? And obviously grief and loss are all about change. They embody change. But your second tip, and I love the phrase, find meaning in the middle of change. Now, explain to our wonderful listeners a bit more about what you mean.

SPEAKER_00: 24:10

Explain the meaning in the middle. Yeah, I will. I'll say what I think I mean about that. When you're grieving, or you've just lost a relationship, a child, a husband, a partner, whatever. it's hard to think that there would ever be an end point to that. And there may not be. And I don't know that I want an end point to my mum. My mum was love for me. She was love. She was my champion. I've got great memories with her. I don't want that to go away. I don't want it to be any smaller. I want my black ball as my black ball for the rest of my life. So what I mean by that finding meaning in the middle is you can be in your messy middle And you can be heartbroken, but don't stop looking for meaning and don't stop looking for the good stuff because it's still there. And it's just remembering sometimes on a walk, you forget to look up, don't you? You're watching your feet and you might be in the middle of the best scenery ever. Or you might be in a city. I've been in Prague once and I forgot. You do, you forget to look up and suddenly you say, okay, I better look up here. And you look up and you see the most beautiful building

SPEAKER_02: 25:26

that you've ever seen. Oh, definitely. I've been there. All the rooftops, they've got the most amazing intricacy. I thought, is she going to mention that? Isn't it amazing? And it is. It's the tiny details that you can miss, isn't it? And finding beauty in the most unexpected places.

SPEAKER_00: 25:44

A hundred percent. It's the snowdrops, isn't it? In the big forest. So your forest is your grief. You're trudging through it. You're trying your best. And then you just come across a tiny snowdrop and it just gives you hope that there is still loveliness in the world. But also in business, in times of change, honestly, people really do wobble, don't they? Leaders wobble because they get uncertain and then people are leading can wobble and they can just think, what's the point? So I think communication is key. Show the vision, show the why behind the changes that are being made. And if you're working on your own, understand the why. Why are you having to change? Because often doing the same thing is going to get the same results. So you need to change sometimes direction and the same in your loss. You know, there may be changes you want to make. it's fine to change. And if you've got that security, you'll find your own black ball. You know, some people wouldn't want it to be that. That's mine. You can borrow it if you want. But just that staying the same is my reassurance that I won't lose what I've... I won't lose more of what I've lost, if you like.

SPEAKER_02: 26:53

Yeah. No. It's like having that special place, isn't it? She's always... Sorry, I'm holding my chest. I'm... It's

SPEAKER_00: 27:03

in my chest, definitely. Yeah. Yeah, no. We're very lucky. If we've had a good mum, some people haven't had a good mum and that's another difficulty in people's lives. I've got friends who've had those difficulties and, you know, it's... certainly my life's absolutely in no way perfect you know my mum wasn't she wasn't perfect but she was blooming great I was very I was just one I was one of the lucky ones but for those who haven't there may be a significant other in your life it may not be your mum it might be someone else mightn't it um yeah

SPEAKER_02: 27:35

it could be someone you've lost not because they've died but because of an estrangement or they've been removed from your life through no fault of either of yours but that is a grief as well isn't

SPEAKER_00: 27:50

it in itself it really is it comes in so many forms and I think I would say there is no one grief your grief is yours and it's not like anyone else's and I would never pretend in a million years to understand anyone else's loss ever

SPEAKER_01: 28:08

Hence,

SPEAKER_00: 28:09

I've never published it. I've never publicized the grief book because I don't give it to people. I don't give it out. I only recently, funnily enough, I mentioned it, but it's just doing its own work. It goes out when someone finds it. It's never something I don't think you can give someone a book to say, get over that. It doesn't work like that.

UNKNOWN: 28:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 28:28

But it's nice knowing if people will give your contact details, obviously, later on in the show. And they'll be in the show notes and on the website. So if someone wanted to reach out to you to get a copy. Oh,

SPEAKER_00: 28:41

absolutely. Yeah. And it's on Amazon. People can just order. But I'm definitely not here to sell it. No, no, no. But

SPEAKER_02: 28:47

I think it's a beautiful thing that you've created. And it's a beautiful thing to share with people, as I say, men, women, children, whoever, that it will help. Because we're all about helping. And talking of helping, another segue. Your third, your third, I can't help myself. I can't help myself. Your third top tip, leaning into our personal support system. And again, that can take many different forms, can't it? But as you said, human connection is vital, even if you don't think you want it.

SPEAKER_00: 29:22

yeah again 100% so it's leaning into your support system now some people will not have many people around them and that might be their choice it might be they're finding it difficult to make friends but there are options and I think it's looking for your people isn't it and or your person or your pet you know it may be something very small but it's just something that gives you that connection I've been very lucky on my journey. I have some really great people around me. I've got my husband, who's my support. I've got two lovely girls. I've got so many lovely friends. I am very, very lucky. And it's because of them that I've been able to share feelings. And just I have often been able to come out of my isolation quite quickly because I've I haven't had choice at times. But I think human connection is vital for healing. In business, it's about building a strong network for your support, either within your organisation or I've, in my business, I obviously work a lot on my own now and I've got some fabulous colleagues who I get peer support from. I've joined a networking group called Vibrant Connections that's given me some lovely connections and some support when the going gets tough because pot holes come along in life you will hit the next pothole i know that and and it's just trying to build that resilience so that you can be there for other people really and for yourself and it obviously count a coaching helps you show up for yourself because it is really about you yeah um i say

SPEAKER_02: 31:02

we're great cheerleaders of each other and it is networking i love it whether it's online whether it's in real life but and i think when we get to midlife as well there's nothing better than seeing one of your mates doing really well. And you don't have that feeling. There's no envy. There's no, we're done with comparisonitis. We can just have that joy of going, blinking well done. I'm thrilled to be in your world because you're doing fabulously. Yeah,

SPEAKER_01: 31:33

yeah. I think that,

SPEAKER_02: 31:33

as you said, that whole lifting each other up and often in midlife as well, again and again, I speak to women who friendships, shifting, drifting, and trying to find new friendships. It's tough. It really is tough.

SPEAKER_00: 31:51

It is. And I don't think people should put themselves under pressure to have a massive group of friends either. Or even if, you know, some people just don't need the same support or they don't want it in that guise. And I think surround yourself with people who you want around you. And if you don't want people around you, it's still very much your life, isn't it? You know, so... It's just finding your way. But if you are really lonely and on your own, it's just reach out. There are organisations there. Samaritans, my mum was director of the Samaritans. She was a massive, massive cheerleader for them because, you know, again, that middle of the night on your own when life is so tough, just pick up the phone. Someone will be on the end to listen.

SPEAKER_02: 32:36

Amazing work, amazing work. And we've all, well, I know I've been there. I've been there in the middle of the night. Now I wake up at half four, full of the joys of second spring, really. I'm an involuntary early riser. Don't need an alarm clock, but I love it. That's my me time. I come up with some of my... weirdest and wackiest ideas this midlife unlimited was a 4 30 in the morning idea so there you go make of that what you will I

SPEAKER_00: 33:05

know I'm talking of midlife I'm I'm only just reaching mine haha Kate um and my nephew-in-law yesterday said midlife is 37 now you know Carolyn and I said no it's not because I'm going to live to 116 so I'm only just precisely

SPEAKER_02: 33:19

precisely well that no I've had people say to me what do you mean by midlife and I said well technically yeah it's it's How long do you think you're going to... No, we say Gen X up. We say, once you hit your 40s, you can come and listen.

SPEAKER_00: 33:36

But there's no upper limit. I'm not really identifying with the word midlife because I'm still a bit of a child, I think, at heart. But anyway, I do

SPEAKER_02: 33:46

struggle with adulthood. No, we're all about childlike curiosity. Because again, as midlife women, now's the time we can say... well, you know what my midlife mantra is, and I'm going to ask you yours in a little while. Mine is, and it has been way before the whole let them thing, let the judges judge. I've been saying that for years. I've been living by it for years. I haven't got the time or the energy to waste on worrying about what someone else is thinking about me.

SPEAKER_01: 34:13

Their

SPEAKER_02: 34:14

opinion of me is nothing to do with me. It's not going to stop me doing what I want to do. So let them

SPEAKER_00: 34:21

get on with

SPEAKER_02: 34:22

it. if

SPEAKER_00: 34:23

they want liberating definitely

SPEAKER_02: 34:25

yeah oh it took it's not easy it took a while to get there but key takeaways I've loved our chat and I know it's not over yet because you've got your three questions coming up you can find joy and you can find your feet again I think that's what I'm taking away from our chat And I thank you wholeheartedly for being so honest and open, because I think there's going to be some wonderful women listening who this will have struck a chord. I hope

SPEAKER_00: 34:58

if it helps one person to be able to think about their journey and how they can perhaps make some changes or shifts for their own positivity and the positivity of other people, then that would be wonderful. It really would. yeah

SPEAKER_02: 35:16

and we're going to share your contact details I said later on but I think we'll end this section with another quote from you because you come out with some belters you can be your own amazing we are fantastic full stop

SPEAKER_00: 35:32

well that's right I think it's so easy to get drawn down into what you haven't got or what you have lost and so yeah that for me it's looking for the snowdrops as I've said really and just the beautiful friends or the beautiful family or just the simple things in life that make it rich and worthwhile and for those we have lost you know it's it's making sure we live every day as much as we can in memory of you know and and firmly with them you know involved in our life but Absolutely never forgotten. And I think that in itself is a joy. Yeah, but life's not perfect. So it's just go with the flow. Go with the

SPEAKER_02: 36:23

flow.

SPEAKER_00: 36:24

I'm really not into perfection at all.

SPEAKER_02: 36:27

No. Well, I think you're with me. I do perfectly imperfect all the time. Yeah, yeah,

SPEAKER_01: 36:32

yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 36:33

So are you ready for your three questions then? I am I think you know what's coming because I ask the same three questions to each of my fabulous female guests on every episode of Midlife Unlimited so drum roll please the first question is what is your midlife anthem the piece of music that lights you up when you hear it you think yes this is me I'm doing a little dance listeners don't worry

SPEAKER_00: 37:00

well I wish I could play it for you now because you would be running you'd be running along a beach because it It's called Human and it's by The Killers. And as soon as I hear that music, it fills my heart. I have to stand up and run a marathon, literally. So I've run two marathons, once when I was 45 and once when I was 50 for my 50th birthday present to myself. Two of the best days of my life and The Killers. were my first song to drum me up and make me run. And honestly, I really think that song is what made me run 26.2 miles twice. And I've run about 20 half marathons and it's always the first song on my playlist. And when I looked at the words, actually, it says, I did my best to notice when the call came down the line. Up to the platform of surrender, I was brought, but I was kind. And sometimes I get nervous when I see an open door. Close your eyes. Clear your heart. Cut the cord. Go for it. Run. Just go for it. And it just fills me with, oh, I feel so happy when I'm doing that. Anyway, my running's a bit off at the moment, so I'm going to have to get back into it. But yeah, yeah, just play it after this. You'll love it.

SPEAKER_02: 38:20

We'll have to get together again because I love meeting you in real life. We'll have to go for a long walk. With the killers pounding on our headphones.

SPEAKER_00: 38:28

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_02: 38:28

Let's do it. Well, now I know your anthem. I want to know question two. What is your midlife mantra? The phrase you live your midlife by. I've just told you what mine is. I keep going on about it. So what is your midlife mantra?

SPEAKER_00: 38:44

OK, this is an easy one for me. And it is what's for you won't go by you.

UNKNOWN: 38:51

Love that.

SPEAKER_00: 38:52

So trust the process of life. Things will unfold as they're meant to. My goodness, if I needed this setting up a business, because setting up a business is really not easy and you hit so many peaks and troughs. And we have successes and setbacks, don't we, all along. So I just think if you can release control of every aspect of your life, reduce your stress and focus what you can influence. then opportunities will arrive at the right time. What's for you will not go by you. Beautiful. Amen.

SPEAKER_02: 39:32

Yeah. No, it's true. It's true. It could be blinking tough to keep that in our minds, but having that as your... affirmation or your your mantra on your mirror that that's a good one I'm liking

SPEAKER_00: 39:45

that and and that goes for the hard stuff as well you know what's for you you're going to go through it you know so unfortunately we do have to go through these lows but we can come up again yeah

SPEAKER_02: 39:59

and you need the lows to appreciate the highs that sounds really blasé I know but it is true if it was all just a level we

SPEAKER_00: 40:07

wouldn't have yeah yeah no absolutely absolutely Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 40:12

So bringing all your wonderful experiences together and thank you again for sharing them today. It's been an absolute joy. I would love to know question three. What is the title of your autobiography?

SPEAKER_00: 40:23

OK, so my autobiography is Stay in Your Own Lane. And there is only one Carolyn Carpethwaite. And as, you know, challenging as that might be. and as compromised and as you know inadequate as that is at times there is only one and there's one life there's one Carolyn and I want to be able to you know just enjoy as much as I can what I can when I can and that sounds selfish but I think if you're happy You are so much more in a better position to help others. And that really runs through me. And I don't know why that's just me, you know. So I just think in this age of social media as well, I always tell my clients to just don't compare yourself. A bit like what you were saying before. You know, my family and friends laugh at me because my lane is called Lollipop Lane. So if that conjures up a beautiful, fun, kind of happy, positive lane, that's my lane and I try and stay in it. It's a beautiful lane, but guess what? There's a dark ball sat in the middle of it and I'm made up it's there. I'm glad it's there. I've been able to somehow find the joy in that. But the lane itself is not a bad one to be in. And I'm very grateful to everyone in my life who makes that lane just that little bit better.

SPEAKER_02: 41:57

Beautiful. right there will be wonderful ladies listening who would love to get in contact with you and i know obviously as i said all your details and links will be in the show notes and on the midlife unlimited podcast website but if you could briefly um give us the details and i think you did say that you might have a rather fabulous offer for exclusively midlife unlimited listeners

SPEAKER_00: 42:26

Well yes I just thought it would be nice to leave thinking if anyone does want to have a chat it's a complimentary 45 minute action-packed 45 minutes where we can just see where you're at, get some clarity and maybe make some little actions for you to take away to make some positive changes. No obligation to carry on or book any further but just if you fancy that time I've got limited amount of slots, but definitely open to your listeners. That'd be great. So if you're a high achieving leader and you're feeling the weight of professional pressures or you're navigating significant changes in your life, I use my techniques to help you unlock your full potential. So give it a go. If you're on the fence, jump off.

SPEAKER_02: 43:14

And I know, obviously, you're on LinkedIn, so we'll put your LinkedIn details and your website details. What's the best website for them to find you on?

SPEAKER_00: 43:23

Well, I've given you the links. Put that in the links. Yeah, so there's Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and my website. So, yeah. Head over. Quite easy to get in touch with, and I will respond straight away. Excellent.

SPEAKER_02: 43:39

And... I'd love your feedback too on today's episode. So if you'd like to leave a review, that would be fabulous. Or you could email me or text me even via the link in the show notes and come and join the Midlife Unlimited podcast Facebook group. Come and join in the conversation. You're there, Carolyn, aren't you? I sure am. We're there smashing stereotypes and misbehaving. Again, link in the show notes and you'll find the link to the Midlife Unlimited podcast website there too, where there are details of my exclusive VIP midlife metamorphosis coaching offers. So go and have a look. Oh, and my new YouTube channel as well at Midlife Unlimited, where there are some little Midlife Unlimited live for fives there with, I think there's about 10 episodes. Go and have a look. Anyway, thank you so much for joining me today, Carolyn. It's been an absolute joy. Thank you all for listening and I look forward to you tuning in next week. Don't forget Midlife Unlimited has a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcasts. So here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and living Midlife Unlimited. Thank you for joining me, Carolyn. It's been a joy.

SPEAKER_00: 45:00

Oh thank you Kate I've really really enjoyed speaking with you thanks.

SPEAKER_02: 45:04

Bye. See

SPEAKER_00: 45:06

you soon.