How to Embrace your Neurodivergent Identity as a Midlife Woman with Guest Talia Zamora

As Midlife women there are a complex range of changes  we go through that can leave us losing sight of who we are – questioning our identity. Add into this a Midlife neurodivergent discovery, and this can bring yet another overwhelming layer to knowing and loving who we are at this pivotal time of our life.

So join your Host Kate Porter The Midlife Metamorphosis Coach® and her Guest Neurodivergent Business and Family Coach Talia Zamora as they talk about How to Embrace your Neurodivergent Identity as a Midlife Woman.

For the record, neither Talia nor Kate are medically trained. And Midlife Unlimited® is not a medical podcast.

Midlife Unlimited® is a podcast for real women to share their real stories with Kate – and you the listener. 

And Talia is doing just that. 

Nothing is off limits in their open and honest conversation, as they discuss the confusion and questions of identity that can arise, overlapping with the changes that menopause itself brings from brain fog to anxiety. 

From imposter syndrome, masking and Midlife Crises to self-acceptance and self-compassion, Talia shares insights from her journey and the top lessons she’s learned for becoming self-aware - with listening to yourself being right up there.

Connect with Talia

https://www.taliaZamora.com 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/taliazamora/

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm Kate Porter, the midlife metamorphosis coach, and I know what it feels like to be stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you're not alone. You don't have to put a brave face on and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling midlife how it really is. Smashing stereotypes, busting myths and misbehaving. Because our second spring is our time to shine our way. So, welcome to today's episode. Now, as midlife women, there are a complex range of changes that we go through that can leave us losing sight of who we are, questioning our identity. Add to this a midlife neurodivergent discovery, and this can add yet another overwhelming layer to embracing this pivotal time in our life. So I'm delighted to be joined by my guest today, Talia Zamora, Neurodivergent Business and Family Coach, to talk about how to embrace your neurodivergent identity as a midlife woman. So welcome, Talia.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Thank you. Thanks for having me, Kate. It's lovely to be here. I'm excited to have a chat with you and be on your podcast. It's been wonderful watching it grow. Thank you. Well,

SPEAKER_01 1:44

delighted. And did I pronounce your name right?

SPEAKER_00 1:47

Yes, you did, Talia. It's a tricky one, I know. And lots of people get it a little bit wrong. But yeah, you did really well. Thanks.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Well, it's one of these things I always like to do because there's nothing wrong than having a beautiful name or worse than having a beautiful name and people mispronouncing it. So I'm glad I got it right.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

No, I appreciate it. I really do. People do struggle.

UNKNOWN 2:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

It's when you see it in writing, you think, oh, well, I get that. I'm Sarah Kate officially. And I used to get Sarah and all. Anyway, back to what we're talking about. Now, when we were talking before, both of us agreed that it's important to point out before we go any further that neither of us are medically trained. But I was so keen to have this conversation with you today because increasingly I'm seeing posts from midlife women across social media saying, And these women are noticing neurodivergent traits in themselves as they enter their midlife years. And I know when we were talking before, because I like to have a brainstorm beforehand, so we're not just going in cold. You were saying this can bring with it confusion and questioning our identity.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

Yeah, absolutely. It's huge. And especially when we're going through changes so much with our hormones, actually then putting that on top of it, that realisation that actually you've had something going on for all of your life, but it's being exacerbated by that hormonal change with midlife. And I think you get to a certain point also, it's not uncommon to be at a stage where your kids are a bit older and you've got more time to maybe focus on you and your identity and going forward. So you start to pay attention to things that maybe you hadn't really picked up on about yourself before. Yeah,

SPEAKER_01 3:40

because I know you were mentioning it, it really made me stop and think because there are so many aspects of perimenopause, the whole menopause journey, for want of a better phrase, that can also have neurodivergent links from fatigue, brain fog, anxiety, even new allergies and difficulty in concentrating. But another thing you mentioned, which I thought was fascinating, was almost elements of shame about discovering neurodivergent traits in midlife. That kind of feeling of being an imposter almost.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

Yeah, absolutely. And I think As you mentioned earlier, lots of people are even posting it and being more public about it and their own discovery and realisation. And coming forward and showing up and identifying as somebody that's got perimenopause is huge enough anyway, and showing up as you and being honest about that, whether that's anxiety or mood swings or aches and pains or sleeping badly or some of the other things that you were mentioning. But then to have this next level of identity perhaps that you're finding it hard to focus and we get brain fog anyway with perimenopause but then it could be slightly different if you've got something like ADHD or autism and then having those little quirks those little things about yourself your personality your social engagement different things that you start discovering yeah I think imposter is absolutely the right way of describing it as something that is, am I allowed to stand up and say this? Can I identify in this way? Do I need to have a diagnosis before I can say this is me? Can I self-diagnose or self-discover and talk about this? So, yeah, you've got multiple layers of things that you're probably juggling and tackling in your mind and not knowing where to turn to really figure out whether you're on the right track.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

And just the phrase or the word that's overwhelm, it must just be completely overwhelming. And I'm thrilled that you're going to be sharing later on three lessons from your own journey about becoming self-aware. So we'll be looping back to that later on. But firstly... I think our listeners would like to get to know a little bit more about you. I mean, can you share some of your journey? How have you got to where you are now to be able to say, yes, this is me?

SPEAKER_00 6:30

It's been a bit of a complex journey. And one of the reasons for that is because it kind of started with my kids. And I think there'll be lots of other people out there that can resonate with that, that actually, in terms of your own identity, sometimes it takes somebody else to trigger that. And it's the same in midlife, especially, you start talking to other people and discovering through other people's behaviours and symptoms and things that are happening to them that you realise, oh, that's happening to me as well. And I identify with that. And I can relate to that. So with my kids, I went through a journey of discovering, finding out what kind of neurodivergent traits they had and wondering what they were and not quite understanding them. I grew up with... dyslexia and I knew about my own dyslexia and then I thought oh maybe one of my kids is as well because he's struggling a bit at school but it took me a long time of engaging with him engaging with school and then kind of pushing back a bit and then talking to other people and understanding the different things that were going on for my eldest son actually it was it was autism but it took a really long time to realize that because of that stereotype that actually autism is potentially a young boy or a boy that doesn't necessarily engage socially and talk and chat and have eye contact and perhaps has a very special interest and is very monotone. There's lots of these stereotypes that come with it, but actually it didn't really fit that stereotype. So through learning about him, I then started to learn about myself and my whole family, like my other son, my husband, and my extended family, my parents and siblings and grandparents, and just started to look at everybody. And then because of all the challenges that come with appointments and different checkups and assessments and things like that for my kids, it was highlighted to me that I needed flexibility. And actually that flexibility would be better if I could work for myself. So I went from working in a business improvement in a corporate company and wanting to use those skills and brought them into being a coach and helping people in their individual businesses and being very passionate about helping women in particular. So having done quite a lot of leadership training when I worked at the University of Hertfordshire kind of incorporated all of that into having a passion for helping women, but also having flexibility for myself and then recognising my own needs at that point, realised it wasn't until I started working for myself that I realised actually I'm actually catering to my own needs here, of having an environment such as at home that is quiet, not chaotic, not having to engage with lots of people at multiple different levels and try and impress people and look good every day and have to be on time and have to, you know, show up with all these different reports and whatnot that were needed. And to prove myself, I didn't have to do that anymore. And it was such a relief that actually I was the boss and I could do my own thing. And I have my own time scale. I could fit things around my life of being with the kids and being able to do school drop off and pick up and all that kind of stuff. So it was huge, but it didn't, it wasn't until I started doing it that I realized the benefits of it. But then six years on, or not even six years on, a few years back, I then identified actually having all these neurodivergent training that I've had because of the children that I could divert and niche down into working with other parents similar to me. and other women similar to me building my own business and really help those ones that I can really connect with and understand. They've got those challenges at home with their kids, maybe even with themselves, and then help them to grow their businesses in a kind of a really, really bespoke way that works for them, not this hard and fast kind of action-taking. But because of my age and because of the people that I'm working with, and typically there are a lot of women that will, I find, that start their own business later on in life and not necessarily from their 20s. There are obviously a lot of women that are younger in their 20s starting business, but it doesn't seem to, it's quite, seems to be not, there seems to be a common, I don't know, I haven't got my right words here, but there is a trend. starting when you're younger when you're older and I'm sure I've spoken to you about this a little bit before and especially with the people that we connect within the circle of networking as well you can see there is

SPEAKER_01 11:19

absolutely definitely I think it is as you say so many things are changing it is about reassessing it is about finding what works best for you it may be for health reasons it may be financial reasons it may be due to changing in in relationship status or empty nesting. But the common thread, and it's something that I know underpins a lot of, A, the work you do and your own journey, is, I think, the word identity. And when we were chatting before, I love this. And I thought, I've got to make sure we remember to talk about this again. Midlife crisis, that whole term. It's not just men, is it? I think we were saying whenever someone says the phrase midlife crisis, or my microphone just went a bit odd then. I can still hear you. It's all good. Anyway, back to midlife crisis. We kind of think sports car, maybe a toupee, young girlfriend.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

Exactly. Yes, but it's men. That's the image that you conjure, isn't it? It's not women, so we don't get to have a midlife crisis, and why not?

SPEAKER_01 12:32

Yeah, as you said, you had that brilliant phrase, it's an eye-rolling subject if a woman dares to even mention the fact that she might be having a bit of a midlife crisis. We're expected just to behave and get on with it, aren't we? And as you said, there are so many different aspects and so many changes that we're going through, and I hope you don't mind me mentioning, but you did say before about... The loss of your mum was a real turning point for you as well, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 13:00

Well, yeah, absolutely. I don't know if you've experienced losing a close relative, but it's quite interesting how you reflect on that person when they're gone. And I suppose people can relate to it in terms of looking at a famous person and their life and what they achieved and their identity and what the legacy is that they've left behind. And my mum, especially because I was learning so much about my boys, my mum identity kind of changed a lot for me when after she passed i started to realize and i felt quite that obviously wrapped up in the grief i felt quite sad really that i hadn't really identified so many traits about her um her her things that were quirky about her whether it's her lateness whether her hyper focus on certain projects or the way that she communicated um certain uh like things that she got fixated on and her highs and her lows. There were certain things that I hadn't really pieced together before about the potential, the neurodivergence that was there for her and the scope of it. So then it did help me to kind of understand her better, but also understand myself and my family. So there is a lot of... Yeah, there's a grief and there's a relief in it. And the fact that actually it's a relief, you suddenly understand and you can accept that person and yourself and other people more. And there's the grief that you didn't know it before and it's so late that you've discovered it and the reflection on that, that if only you'd realised this earlier type of thing. So, yeah. You did mention, yeah, sorry. no it's okay it's just quite a lot to digest and like you said earlier that the thread is about identity really and we do go through a lot of change and it's that yeah having all these multitudes of things going on um you know you have to kind of get to know yourself again

SPEAKER_01 15:12

because another thing you mentioned which i thought was really eye-opening was when you started on your journey, and again, the reassessment of identity, areas such as social interaction, which you really came to understand why certain things just weren't aligning with you. You said it was like a flashback to how you engage with boyfriends in your teenage years. It all started to make sense. Is that the correct phrase? Yeah, definitely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

Yeah, no, it does. Like, you do look at certain stages in your life and do think, oh, that's why I behaved like that. And, oh, that makes sense now. And, yeah, the boyfriend bit was definitely because I was just kind of a bit socially awkward when I was younger. And when somebody was interested in me, I think it took me a while to realise and to clock on and to understand those social cues. So, yeah, and... I didn't know myself well enough at that point and or have somebody to help me to understand my nuances, you know. Whereas with my kids, I think because they've been diagnosed at a younger age, that actually that self-understanding will be different as they grow older. And that self-acceptance hopefully is different as well.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

And picking up on what you just said about self-acceptance, You were saying before that one of the great realisations you had was that you didn't have to pretend anymore. You didn't have to wear that mask and conform. Well,

SPEAKER_00 16:57

it is not necessarily in all situations, though, Kate. So it's a little... And I'm sure that there's a lot of people that can relate to this in any situation, going back to the imposter. And... And having to mask in a certain situation and pretend to be something that maybe you're not or that you don't feel comfortable in. So, yeah, there's a huge element of being comfortable in my own skin and being me. But there's also a huge element of still not being able to be honest in every situation and feeling vulnerable. And yeah, I think that's where people can potentially relate, because it happens with so many different walks of life. Again, going back to perimenopausal and feeling tired, feeling exhausted, not being able to concentrate in a meeting, for instance, and having brain fog and forgetting people's names and sitting there panicking, thinking have I got the right data here or have I got the right report and you know I wasn't expecting so and so not to turn up and do their bit I'm going to have to do it for them and I can't get that information from my head so those moments the way you're having to then cover up and we did oh everything's fine you know I'm happy here I can do my job but I can I can you know show them that I'm good at what I do and that I should be here and I'm deserving and yeah they've got the right person in the room and so Having those situations in life and then adding in those additional challenges that potentially with focus, with environment like the lighting or the temperature in the room or the closeness in a room if you're in a meeting and not having space, having to take notes and people talking too fast and missing things, all these added things that come in to that, adding to that anxiety that you might have already had or newly developed along with the headaches and, you know, the different things that come in. Yeah, it can be really challenging to have all this. And I think a lot of people are potentially having this late discovery at a similar time to the hormones changing because you start having this slight reflection on yourself and because of the hormones but also then things that exacerbate it because I haven't like you we said at the beginning we're not medically trained but I have done some reading and I have spoken to a nutritionist about this as well that there is certain things in our hormones that change that do exacerbate certain traits from the neurodivergent spectrum and they do develop more and become more distinct when you're going through that menopausal stage or perimenopausal stage so So I definitely feel like it's worth highlighting and talking about and being honest about and helping people to understand that actually they're not alone and that there are other people going through this, that there are people that they can talk to about it and discover more and understand better.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

That is so important. And that's why I'm so thrilled that you're here today as well, because Midlife Unlimited is all about having those conversations. And I know there will be women listening who hopefully are thinking, blink and heck, I wanted to hear this or I needed to hear this. And hopefully this will be the little gentle nudge. And we'll be giving some more advice later on about steps that you can take if this is resonating or if it's resonating about someone you know because we're all about reaching out and being

SPEAKER_00 20:37

absolutely yeah yeah absolutely especially because there's so many people that won't necessarily self-reflect but if you've got someone close to you that you're picking up on some things um yeah bringing that conversation up can be challenging but it's it's definitely worth it

SPEAKER_01 20:56

yeah because We'll go into your, I keep mentioning your top tips, but we are working towards those. But another thread that comes with midlife hand in hand anyway, I think, is that question that comes up. What do I actually want now? What do I like now? What don't I like now? Have I got the inclination to say I don't like it? And all these things can be bubbling around in our head. And it is something that then people, people, women, will throw themselves into something like exercise or a creative streak in that attempt to find something that they do enjoy, that does light us up. And I know that finding something that lights you up is something that you're passionate about as well as women. vital at this and it's not easy and I know there's a lot of talk about finding your purpose and finding your passion and then thinking oh my gosh I haven't got one does that make me a failure but trying things isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 22:04

Yeah trying something different and something that you never thought would maybe help you even I'm talking about small things it doesn't have to be big but starting to make reading a habit and maybe it never was. Starting to maybe listening to music more regularly and singing may be your new habit. But I know you started dancing not long ago and that's been a joy for you. So, yeah. I love it. I do these things.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

I always say how I think I look in my head when I'm salsa dancing and how I... Because I haven't got... Normally, like, dance studios have the big mirrors, don't they? Like Saturday Night Fever. But... how I actually look salsa dancing. But I feel fabulous, and that's the main thing, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 22:50

Exactly. Finding something that brings you joy is lovely. And, yeah, I think that's great what you're doing. It doesn't have to be out and out like that, though. It could be so many different things. I got a dog a few years ago, and actually that's been a massive change for me in terms of having something consistent that I do every single day, getting out, walking. That's my meditation really. My bit of mindfulness is to get out and to walk with the dog and it's lovely. And I did it deliberately knowing I needed to consistently exercise. I'm not somebody that goes to the gym and I'm not somebody that actually goes out and plays tennis and things like that. So having something that was non-negotiable to make the exercise was great. And it's a habit that is stuck now, which is lovely and I really enjoy. It's so beneficial. And it complements my individualness as well, because it means that I can do it as and when I want. And I don't have to go in the gyms open or, you know, or when classes are

SPEAKER_01 24:00

on. As you say, it's being accountable to yourself and finding something that works well for you. And we were talking about earlier diagnosis, self-diagnosis. And again, we will be sharing some of your top tips later. But what I did find interesting, because as I say, I'm not medically trained. I'm dipping my toe into finding out more. And I'm thrilled that you're here because I'm finding this fascinating. Diagnosis is almost a twofold thing. You did say that a lot of people like you have kind of gone through it because of their children. And you did mention that it can be inherited as well, these traits.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

Yeah, no, absolutely. And majority of the time it is. Like, I don't know the full stats, but well over... don't know i'm not even going to say actually majority yeah yeah majority of time is an inherit their inherited traits and they don't necessarily have to be really obvious they don't necessarily need to come straight for your parents it could be grandparents but um quite often there's somebody else in the family that have got similarities and prob quite often they haven't been identified before because it's It's not something that was always identified and diagnosed. It's only, I'd probably say in the last 40 odd years, it's become more of something that people observe and take notice of. And then more so maybe in the last decade where people are actually getting diagnosed and it's becoming more more familiar and people are more aware and this is part of what i want to achieve in the fact that to make people help people to become more aware and understand kids and themselves but the diagnosis process is a really quite a long one at the moment unfortunately It does take a while when you go to the GP to get on the waitlist. There is a process called Right to Choose, which is a little bit speedier, depending on what area you live in and what your GP can do to help. It can chop it the time in half, if not less. So there are ways of getting around it, but it takes a long time, but it's beneficial. for many people, especially for youngsters that are in education still. But I think there is a bit of a resistance probably from it when you're you discover later thinking are you wrong am I wrong am I right do I need this do I need to affirm what I've discovered for myself is it going to be useful in some cases when you've got ADHD for instance it can be useful if you want to have medication to help you with your focus and with your sleep and to regulate in general so a lot of people do find that quite beneficial so it depends on what it means to you to get that diagnosis and whether it's an important process and also enabling you not to feel like an imposter anymore that actually I've got a piece of paper here that tells me that I'm not, I am telling the truth and that this is me.

SPEAKER_01 27:16

No, that's such sound advice. I think that's the right word. But the flip, not the flip side, but the other prong of diagnosis is something that you've, mentioned briefly before but again the fact that in in menopause our hormones are changing as you say seeking medical advice to see whether the hormones are i won't use the word typical but whether they are perimenopause or whether this hormonal shift has exacerbated dormant for want of a better word traits that have been there for years that you just thought were just something that was part of you, but didn't necessarily associate it with neurodivergency, if that's the right word.

SPEAKER_00 28:05

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And if you've lived with your own neurodivergency all your life, which we all do, and we are potentially surrounded by family members that have similar traits, you wouldn't necessarily stick out. You wouldn't necessarily realize that actually I'm a bit different because when you've got close family that are different too, then that's everyday life. Yeah. And in school as a child, you're probably in a classroom with a couple of other people that have got differences too. So you might not stand out there and you might conform and you might mask anyway. So I do believe that it's not uncommon for somebody to, especially if they're not struggling academically, educationally, then you can, glide through, and I use that word loosely, through education and school, especially if you find people that you click with that are your people and you're happy and comfortable with, and you don't go through those challenges, those social challenges that a lot of people can go through, whether you're neurodivergent or not. And then... you can just get into industry as well and that's something that suits you maybe a job that's quite independent where you don't have to interact and engage with a lot of people that you're out surveying or doing audits or you know focusing on single projects on your own and actually I really do believe that you can go through life and not need the additional support or adaptations or changes in the work environment or flexibility or any of that. And then you can hit menopause and suddenly those little nuances and little traits that you had before, like you every now and again had a bit of anxiety, had a bit of a few headaches, were a little bit sensory. Maybe the office has changed. Maybe the people that are in it have changed and things just start changing. getting a little bit harder to deal with. And you put it down to menopause, but actually it continues to be harder to deal with. And then, yeah, kind of you suddenly have a light bulb moment maybe, or listening to something like this, you have that light bulb moment and thinking, actually, yeah, I'm quite sensory. I don't really like a lot of noise. I'm a bit fussy with my food. I can be selective about who I socialise with. I find it challenging to... have multiple conversations and be in meetings with a lot of chaos. You know, there's lots of different things that I've got different habits, you know, that lots of people can have habits, but then you reflect on them and think, Oh, that, you know, that might kind of make sense that I do those things to, to self soothe, to feel comfortable, to, you know, to regulate whatever it is. So it's, Yeah, I think it's, in this time of life, like you mentioned earlier, having empty nest, if you get to that point where your kids are already going off, I've got a few years until mine are potentially moving out or going to uni or whatever it is. But there's so many things that can change, you know, moving house. I think I listened to one of your podcasts and somebody was referring to that. There can be some challenges to deal with. So everything kind of gets wrapped up in that. But then... Sometimes we need to take a moment to check in with ourselves and, yeah, to do things differently.

SPEAKER_01 31:43

Well, that leads us beautifully, and I do like a segue, into your three lessons that you've learnt on your journey that I'm delighted that you're going to be sharing now. And the first one, which I think is so powerful, do what you want to do.

SPEAKER_00 32:01

Yes, definitely do what you want to do. So I do feel like it's not unusual to be a people pleaser, especially if you're neurodivergent. And I'm sure there's lots of people can relate to this. So people pleasing, obviously you can do so much of it to the point that you're actually not helping yourself or you're not bringing joy to yourself and you're not paying attention to your own needs. So do what you want is all about making sure that you do what is right for you and listening to what your needs are and not necessarily going to all those social events or going and doing things that you don't, in your gut, don't really want to do, but you feel the pressure to do it because of other people or to go, you know, to have family dinners or whatever it is, or go to a concert that is way too overwhelming, that you're doing it to please others instead of saying, actually, taking care of yourself and actually saying no.

SPEAKER_01 33:03

And that links in as well with your second lesson, tip, insight, right? Be honest with yourself about friendships. Now, I've spoken previously in episodes, a brilliant one with Steph Walsh about friendships, and it is a shifting thing in midlife. It is a time of reassessing friendships. Friendships can fade, feeling like we're holding on to friendships for the wrong reasons, maybe. And I know that's something that you feel strongly about. It's time to actually reassess people. and who you're spending your time with.

SPEAKER_00 33:41

Yeah, absolutely. And that, like you said, the honesty, being honest with yourself, because it can be really hard to let go of long-term friendships, people that you've got a lot of history with and a lot of connection that know so much about you. I've often heard the joke that we'll never not be friends because I know too much about you. It's not uncommon to think that about your very close best friends. But I do think that it's hard to let go. And I think again in one of your podcasts somebody was touching on divorce and that might have been the same one and separation and going through that change and that letting go of friendships can feel very much like that like if you've lived in each other's pockets and had a lot to do with each other's lives but you can just go in different directions and want different things in life and it's hard to I think to let go of that but also to have people that you connect with and have an affinity with, somebody that will listen to you and you feel heard by and you enjoy being with. I think sometimes we do things out of habit and continue those relationships that aren't necessarily serving us anymore.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

Well, I think it goes back to like you were saying earlier, doing things and being with people who light you up rather than drain you. Because there's nothing worse than that feeling of bashing your head against a wall, trying to keep a friendship alive that really has run its course and it's okay just to say yeah this friendship's been great but we're different people now and as you say let it go let it go because you're just going to feel worse just trying to pursue someone that doesn't want to be pursued. It's like trying to pursue someone who's fallen out of love with you in a relationship or whatever. You just end up feeling rejection. There's dissatisfaction. So many things. So it's good to reassess, to move on and to find new people. It's not always easy, but That brings us to your third piece of advice, encouragement, motivation. Now, firstly, obviously, we've said, and I'll say it again, just for clarity, we are not medically trained. But obviously, you're keen to say that anyone listening who this is resonating with, it's time to reach out and actually... look into it more but also connect with like-minded people

SPEAKER_00 36:22

absolutely and by reaching out i just mean to to let's say facebook groups and being it being somewhere where there's a group of neurodivergent people for instance that you can relate to or that you can read what they're saying and help you to understand yourself a bit more but then also connecting hopefully with people that in real life too that actually are maybe in a local community for instance when I was my kids were growing up and still a little bit today there is a group that's close to home called potential kids and they did activities just solely related to and for neurodivergent kids so that I as a mum then got to connect with other mothers that were similar to me and had similar lifestyles because of their kids. So I think it is really beneficial to seek out those people that you can be honest with and connect with on a different level and to understand yourself a bit better by having those relationships as well. So, yeah, those connections, I think, are valuable.

SPEAKER_01 37:33

No, I love that. I think that's a really powerful takeaway. It really is. That and... you're not going to be surprised by this, but my other favourite piece of your insight is ditching the shoulds, because I'm all about that. Self-compassion is huge. Get rid of those shoulds, definitely. Absolutely. That has been such a powerful conversation. I really appreciate your honesty and opening up and being raw and real, because that's what this is all about. But now we're going to shift gears. shift the focus slightly still on you but obviously you're you're a listener to midlife unlimited and huge thanks for that and fabulous having you as my guest today as well but you know what's coming next your three questions the same three questions that i ask all my fabulous female guests so if you're ready i'm gonna dive straight in so first question What is your midlife anthem, the piece of music or song that lights you up? And we like that phrase, lights you up. When you hear it, you think, yes, this is a bit

SPEAKER_00 38:45

of music. See, there's so many. And obviously, like you said, I've heard your podcast, and it's really given me something to think about over the last month or so, thinking, how do I answer that question? Obviously, now I'm here. So... So I can't, I don't want to sit here and list all my favorite songs, but one song I heard- I'm going to give you two, I think. So one song I heard recently, and I used to be a big Cyndi Lauper fan, not so much over the years, but recently, the other day it came on the radio, True Colours. And I thought, actually, that's a really lovely song. She's singing about somebody else, somebody obviously she cares for, is close to her. But it was really lovely to hear talking about, it relates to identity and a lot about what we're talking about. And I just thought, you know what, True Colours is a lovely anthem to go by at the moment and to identify and be my true self, but also then to encourage others to do the same. So that's the one that did shine through for me. But then this morning, an old tune by Chesney Hawks, I am the one and only, came on the radio. And I thought, oh, that's wonderful to go by that one as a Midnight Life anthem as well. It's just, you know, being important and understanding your self-value. And there's so much in there. I know it's a really cheesy song, but it just made me chuckle a bit. Cheesy is good.

SPEAKER_01 40:15

I am the one. and only nobody I'd rather be. Yes, exactly. Yes. Self-love there, you know. Epic. That is epic. We might adopt that for the Midlife Unlimited anthem. I still have yet to find a piece of music for the intro that I actually like. So I might actually write to Mr Hawks and say, can I use you? I've got a feeling.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

See if there's a female cover out there. If it's been covered by a female, that would be interesting. I mean, I know Midlife is not just for women, but obviously there is a trend in your guests because we're all female so far.

SPEAKER_01 40:50

It is the podcast for women who want more. Men are free to listen, but... Right, I'm going to go and check this out now. But before I do your next question, what is this going to inspire? What is your midlife mantra, the phrase that you live your midlife by?

SPEAKER_00 41:14

Well, so this is not just midlife though. This has been for quite a number of years. So I would say one of the things I often tell myself, especially when I'm ruminating too much and overthinking and worried about what I'm doing and what I've done, I have to, my mantra in my head is, it's none of my business what other people are thinking. And just to remind myself that actually it's okay. And not everybody has to like what I've done and who I am and how I show up. And it's okay to be me. And it really is none of my business what other people think because I'm sure you can relate to it. It's quite often that you go to somewhere or you network or you meet somebody and you talk and you say something and you can come away thinking, oh, I hope they liked me or I hope I said that right or I wonder what they thought of me. Those things that potentially are around in your head. So I just have to tell myself it's none of my business what they think. And isn't that a great feeling when you say

SPEAKER_01 42:19

that? When you say that to yourself and you think, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:24

Yeah, it really is none of my business. Let them think what they think. Yeah. So the other one that often comes up for me that came from my mum is this too will pass. So if there's ever moments where you're feeling a little bit wobbly, a little bit anxious. A little bit kind of, oh, I really wish I wasn't here right now. Or, you know, I'm not enjoying myself or I'm feeling ill and in bed and I'm so fed up. You know, this too will pass. It's something that will come into my head. You know, just give it time and it will go. This is not here forever.

SPEAKER_01 42:58

Ride the wave.

SPEAKER_00 43:00

Yeah, yeah, exactly like that. Ride the wave.

SPEAKER_01 43:03

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 43:05

I know it's supposed to be one.

SPEAKER_01 43:07

Yeah. No, no, no. I'm all for two. Two's... Brilliant. And they're so different. I love them. Love them. So the final question, what is or would be the title of your autobiography? I

SPEAKER_00 43:26

can't speak. So I had to try really hard not to say this while we were talking earlier because I thought I'd spoil because it's something I say quite a lot. So this is my normal autobiography. or yeah, this is my normal would be the title of my book. And that's because I grew up for years, not knowing what my normal, that I wasn't necessarily what people thought was normal. So when you look at a neurodivergent person at this point in the public opinion, it is not normal to be neurodivergent. We're out of the ordinary, but I do suspect in the long run, maybe in, 50 to 100 years actually neurodivergence is just going to be normal but at the moment it's not but I have been living in my normal for years and in my house everything is normal but on reflection if other people look at it it's not normal so I do find the the word normal quite amusing because normal is different for everybody yeah yeah and we had all the new normal this is my normal

SPEAKER_01 44:32

yeah

SPEAKER_00 44:33

Yeah, the new normal, yeah. The new normal. But yes, This Is My Normal would be the title. If I was writing about me and my life, that would be my normal.

SPEAKER_01 44:46

So, yeah. Love it. I look forward to reading it. I've had a lovely taste of it today. You might have to wait a while,

SPEAKER_00 44:52

though.

SPEAKER_01 44:53

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I'll help you write it.

SPEAKER_00 44:57

Thanks. Yeah, I'll come back to you. The journalist in you will be very, very helpful, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_01 45:02

We'll get it out there. In the meantime, though, the wonderful women listening, and I'm sure there's going to be many of them who want to get in contact. So obviously all your contact details will be in the show notes and on the website. But talk us through how people can get in touch with you.

SPEAKER_00 45:22

So, website's probably the easiest place, taliazamora.com. And I know Talia's not a very easy one to remember, but hopefully they'll see it in the show notes. So, and then you'll see on there that I offer a one-to-one coaching with businesswomen.com. and those business women that have some sort of neurodivergence in their life, whether it's their kids that they're taking care of or whether it's themselves or whether it's both or even extended family. And the reason for that is because my methods are slightly different. Like I said at the beginning, bespoke, but also understanding the nuances that the neurodivergent person can have, especially if you're ADHD, doing things slightly different, chunking things up and doing things in a way that's going to help you and not pushing yourself to do things that don't come naturally and that you don't enjoy encouraging them to reach out to other people for help and doing the things that their skill set you know lends itself to so that's in the main who I work with but I also do work with clients that are families that are in the neurodivergent world and I meet with the parents to help them in terms of how they run their home and their life and rolling out to school as well with certain challenges that they might be having, especially with their child's behaviour and helping them to understand how to do it slightly differently. I do find that one of the top tips that I will give, sorry, I'm giving a tip that wasn't on our list, but it's about neurodivergency as a whole especially when you're interacting engaging that there are a lot of social norms out there that we kind of try so hard to fit into and to mirror and to to to do the same as what everybody else does because that's what society expects especially as parents um and then it makes things harder for ourselves when we keep on trying to do things that don't suit us and our family So it's a bit like when as a society we think that if a child swears or screams and shouts or misbehaves that we should discipline them. And that's what everybody's going to be watching you as a parent potentially and expecting. And actually, it doesn't always help with a neurodivergent child to start disciplining them and teaching them and educating them on the spot. It's probably better to understand and listen and be empathetic at the moment and then do the teaching and the learning later about actually in this situation, we could do it differently. So, yeah, that's a big part of what I do with the parents to help them to kind of work with the differences that they haven't been. use practices that will suit them better than the normal social kind of expectations so

SPEAKER_01 48:23

yeah I love that I love

SPEAKER_00 48:24

that thank you that was a bit of a long-winded answer

SPEAKER_01 48:26

no no no thank you because I say it's all about getting the information isn't it it's all about being informed and that's what midlife unlimited is all about having these conversations and thank you so much because I've I don't know if enjoyed the right word I've been informed I've been inspired and I've loved it I've loved it um and as for contacting me Well, I'd love your feedback on today's episode. So... if you'd leave a review, that would be fabulous. Or you can email me or text me via the link in the show notes and come and join the midlife unlimited podcast, even Facebook group. And you're in there, aren't you? Um, links are all in the show notes and you can find the website link to with details of my exclusive VIP midlife metamorphosis coaching offers. So, um, Thank you for joining me today, Talia. It's been brilliant. Thank you. It's been a pleasure. No, really great. I've loved this episode. And thank you, lovely ladies, for listening. I look forward to tuning in next week because Midlife Unlimited has a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcast. So here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and to living Midlife Unlimited. Thanks ever so much.