Episode #042 How to Embody Your Sage as a Midlife Woman with Guest Sarah Tompsett

Labels. Host Kate Porter and her guests talk about them a lot on Midlife Unlimited®… and not fabulous designer ones. Kate means the labels that are thrust upon us. And, especially in Midlife, these labels can be as uncomfortable as an ill-fitting pair of jeans. They just don’t feel right. They don’t align with who we really are.

Midlife is our time to stop conforming, and say “Hell no!” to trying to fit it. It’s time for us to break the mould.

Now one mould that springs to mind is the labels that make up the Triple Goddess stages of being a woman – Maiden, Mother and Crone. Our rites of passage.

And, as our phase of the female life circle shifts from Mother to Crone, Kate has been struck by two things. Firstly, is she ready to be a Crone? And, secondly, she’s welcoming talk of potentially a fourth stage for where she is right now… The Sage.

If this resonates, join your host Kate The Midlife Metamorphosis Coach® and her guest Sarah Tompsett Women’s Wellness Coach and Kinesiologist and founder of Restore Wellness for Episode 042 as they talk about How to Embody your Sage as a Midlife Woman.

From the origins of the label Crone and the ancient Moon tents, via fairytale hags and life’s seasons, Sarah and Kate debate this is our time to embrace our wisdom and let our brilliance shine. 

And they discuss how the title “Sage” seems far more fitting for this celebratory chapter of our lives  - could it be the missing link between the traditional stages of Mother and Crone? 

Neither Kate nor Sarah are ready to be written off yet, and Sarah shares her top three tips for embracing our Sage identity during our midlife metamorphosis to shed the shame and ban toxicity so that we can relish this pivotal time in our lives.

Connect with Sarah

www.sarahtompsett.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahtompsettkinesiologycoaching/

https://www.facebook.com/sarahtompsettkinesiology

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for Gen X women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the midlife metamorphosis coach, and I know what it feels like to be stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling it like it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So welcome to today's episode. Now we talk a lot about labels on Midlife Unlimited, and I don't mean designer ones. I mean the labels that are thrust upon us. And especially in midlife, these labels can be as uncomfortable as an ill-fitting pair of jeans. They just don't feel right. They don't align with who we really are. Midlife is our time to stop conforming and say hell no to trying to fit in. It's time for us to break the mould. Now, one mould that springs to mind is the labels that make up the three stages of being a woman. Maiden, mother and crone. Our rites of passage. And, as our stage in our life cycle shifts from mother to crone, I've been struck by two things. Firstly... Am I ready to be a crone? And secondly, I'm welcoming talk of potentially a fourth stage for where I am right now. the sage. So if you're with me, then today's episode is just for you because I'm delighted to be joined by my guest, Sarah Thompson, women's wellness coach, kinesiologist and founder of Restore Wellness to talk about how to embody your sage as a midlife woman. So welcome, Sarah. It's fabulous to have you here. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02: 2:14

It's

SPEAKER_00: 2:14

lovely to be here. Oh, no, that was quite a long introduction. Sorry about that. You had to sit there listening to me waxing lyrical. But Mother, well, Maiden Mother Crone, let me even get it right, Crone. Great word in terms of its onomatopoeic abilities. But I even, before we chatted, I googled Crone images and I was almost expecting the Disney Snow White, the evil queen in her character. My precious, have an apple. You know, kind of all hooded and stooped. I mean, I'm grey, but I haven't got that many warts. Well, I don't think I've got any warts. But, you know, that's not how we feel, is it?

SPEAKER_02: 2:57

Absolutely not. I mean, yeah, you hear the word crone and you think haggard, you think sort of hunchback, you think potentially evil as well, I think, because of the Disney stories. Yeah, so when I came across the term sage and sage essence, which I first learned from Jane Hardwick Collins, I was like, yes, this really resonates with me because I feel like this stage of perimenopause that we're going through is the transformation into the most powerful version of ourselves And that is not a crone in my mind. That is the sage, the wisdom embodied that we can share everything that we've learned up to this part of our lives with those coming after us.

SPEAKER_00: 3:39

Yeah, absolutely. Because to me, it brings together me. I'm always talking about this is our time to shine. And so many of the women I work with and that I meet generally, they're hiding their wonderfulness away. We're not used to say, actually, we're quite good at this. Actually, our experience, we bring all this wealth of knowledge and it's not just... career knowledge it's relationship knowledge it's it's everything that we've lived through and we may not have necessarily learned from it but we can impart our experiences as well so yeah i'm completely with you i think sage feels like the missing link almost and later on we're going to be talking about your top tips for embodying our sage and i might throw my tuppence worth in as well but i'd like to dig a bit deeper because I'm not hugely, I mean, I've heard this phraseology, but I'm not hugely familiar with it. So I'd like to explore it a bit more with you, if that's OK. Absolutely. The women's rite of passage. Yeah. The triple goddess. I mean, this has got pagan links and Wiccan tradition, isn't it? We're going back. back to, what, the whole village set up as

SPEAKER_02: 4:54

well? Yeah, I mean, we're really going back to the ancient times. We're going back to what we as women knew, where, you know, women were revered way before, say, Jessens, for their intuition, for their kind of psychic almost abilities to look into what was coming up for the village. So this is where the whole red tent movement would have started, where women would bleed together and would go off to the tent with the people that were bleeding would be in there together the men and the women that would bleed with the full moon so the red moon would be the sorry the red tent would be the dark moon bleeding and then you would have the full moon which would be like the white tent so some women were left back in the village with the men looking after all the children the other women who were on their period would be in the tents together and they were in there together because during our bleed we are very closely connected we get visions um there is a tradition that that says if we actually, this might be a step too far for many people, haven't tried it myself yet, but apparently if you put period blood on your forehead on the third day of your bleed, you will have visions, you know, to help you in your future. And this, you know, the women would have been, yeah, I mean, they would have been, you know, downloading almost information for the village to keep them safe, for prosperity and all those things, then they would take that wisdom back to the men and the other women. So women were kind of like, you know, as I say, revered and seen as the powerful force that we are with that connection to the divine feminine, with the flow, you know, with just the energetic side of things, not the pushing, the flowing.

SPEAKER_00: 6:38

I love that that's fascinating because obviously I mean I've I've heard I think looking obviously I don't have periods anymore and I'm quite relieved about it I won't go into the gory details but I had quite a rough ride from all that um but about when you women that work together women that live together about how their mental cycles cycles yeah can become in sync but I was fascinated as well, because the moon plays such a huge role, doesn't it? And the mere phrases, maiden, mother and crone, again, correlate directly to, is it the maiden is the waxing moon? Is that correct?

SPEAKER_02: 7:17

Yeah. And I mean, when you look at it in depth, you can see how women are cyclical in nature. And I wonder whether the phrase lunatic, which obviously did come from the moon, I wonder whether that might actually be applied to women going a bit crazy at times through their cycle and if you think about like the moon being feminine the moon being a roughly 28 day cycle and the sun being masculine and being 24 hours it's very much how men are they have a 24 hour hormone cycle we have a 28 day hormone cycle so we are very you know we are connected to the moon and women that no longer bleed then they say that they are still in sync but to use the lunar cycle so when it's the new moon that's when would have been like your your period time your sort of winter and then when it's the full moon that's your ovulation time or your summer so when your ideas come when you're feeling more energetic so If you're no longer bleeding, you can still use the moon to guide you as to where you are in your cycle because you are always going to be cyclical by nature. You're a woman. But yes, we can map onto the cycle, the woman's cycle. We can map on the seasons. So you've got your winter, which would be your bleed. You've got your spring, which would be your sort of that phase between bleeding and ovulation. You've got your summer as ovulation. You've got your autumn as the phase between ovulation and bleeding again. And then you go into your winter for your bleed time. And that just, if you think about those seasons and how we feel in them, it just shows you, you know, winter is a time when we want to rest, when we want to be under blankets, when we want to get cozy, when we want

SPEAKER_00: 9:04

to eat lots. Protect ourselves. as well, isn't it? Protect ourselves. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 9:07

And that's what we absolutely should be doing when should, I hate that word, but it can guide you what we could be doing when we're having our bleed and in the days running up to it. And then when we're in our summer phase, in the ovulation, that's when we're going to be feeling really sociable, really energetic, really out there, you know, putting things into action. And then the autumn goes into the reflection period. And where we are now as perimenopausal, menopausal women, it's really our reflection, our gathering, our harvest. So it's happening on a monthly basis to all females. But I think it's obviously you feel it even more when you're moving through these rites of passage as a woman again there are four you know so it's just being aware where am i within my where am i within the actual season where am i within the lunar cycle where am i within my cycle um and we must always put ourselves first so yes we have these um outside influences going on and they all tie together but actually the where we are is what drives it first So you may not be bleeding in time with the new moon, the full moon anymore, because we're not in tents together in villages. So we're not syncing up like we would have been. But so women have got kind of out of sync, I think, with you know, some people are going to bleed with a waxing moon, with a waning moon. It doesn't matter. You're still having a cycle and you can

SPEAKER_00: 10:35

work. I think in perimenopause as well, doesn't it? You know, even if you've been regular, everything can be so thrown up in the air because obviously you suddenly go from like three days to weeks of seemingly endless bleeding. And it's like, oh my goodness, I don't know who I am. And that can be, it can literally throw you completely off kilter, can't it? The kind of unpredictability, whereas we might have in our 20s and 30s, teens in my case, 20s and 30s, you knew where you were with it. You know, you could say, right, okay, I know that if I'm going away in two weeks time, for example, I know I'm going to be on my period, but I'll take stuff and I'll be able to swim if I take tampons or whatever. I mean, I remember with me, it was like, it was constant. It's like having a baby again. It was constantly having to prepare for any eventuality. And for those of us who had flood or, you know, the awful gushing and flooding and how having to prepare almost double pack. you know, back to wearing black and oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02: 11:42

Horrible. And I think all of that just impacts women's self-confidence and, you know, you just, it just doesn't make you feel very nice. And you can get stuck as well in the kind of week three symptoms of a cycle where, you know, if you're somebody that is now got gaps between periods coming and you don't know when the next one is, you can find that you're like two, three months stuck in week three, where you feel bloated, your boobs hurt, you know, you just feel horrible. But that goes on and on and on. It's not just a week. It's like it's going on. So you're not going to feel nice in your clothes. And, you know, it's no wonder we start feeling a little bit. Well, we get hard. We get really hard on ourselves, I think. And, you know, you just don't feel good. But, yeah, I see it a lot, you know, with clients. Some people have what you experience with the really heavy periods and other people are. just wondering where the next one's gonna come. Is it gonna come? Then they think they've hit menopause, which is actually of course just one day, which is the day that marks the year from your last bleed. And so I think, yes, I'm there. And then 14 months on, they get another bleed and they're like, oh, okay, I'm not menopausal yet.

SPEAKER_00: 12:51

Or even the kind of, am I pregnant? That kind of concern as well. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02: 12:58

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But it's a long period, isn't it? Like period, pardon the pun, but it is, you know, it can take like, they say eight to 10 years can be the transition of perimenopause. And I love Jane Hardwick's way of looking at this she says it's the becoming of the wise woman and I love that And I think when you look at it through that filter, it can start to shift the narrative around what this, you know, menopause has been feared. It's like the change. I mean, let's just stop all this kind of almost patriarchal nonsense. Yeah, absolutely. Because they don't know. We're the women. We know. Let's go back to what our ancestors were doing and bring back that amazing wisdom and see this time as a time when we can actually change deal with a lot of stuff that's coming back up for us to heal and actually realise that, yeah, we're a bit in the messy middle, but actually it's because we're transforming to the most authentic and powerful versions of ourselves yet. And isn't that incredible, actually? Isn't that to be celebrated,

SPEAKER_00: 14:03

not feared? absolutely because I think that's probably why apart from the kind of Disney villain of being a kind of a wizened old woman the word crone to me because it's linked to obviously the waning moon and endings I feel and I know that so many of the women in my world yourself included I feel like I'm just getting started I'm embracing my second spring I mean that's why I call my coaching second spring life coaching because this it's not it might be an end of our fertility years well it is whether we've had whether we're actually physically mothers or not but in terms of our creativity years this is our time to actually start using all this new energy that we've got and actually plow it into us and actually thinking right you know we haven't got to worry so much about fulfilling our role as protector it's time to actually turn that inward isn't it and at the same time start imparting not not in a in my day we did it this way you don't want to do that but that's me that's me being like oh i'm gonna be the worst crone ever literally i cackle now i've got a terrible laugh yeah

SPEAKER_02: 15:26

It is true, though. It's like, you know, when we're when we go into that mother stage, whether we actually birthed a baby or not, we were still in the mother stage, we're in the height of our careers, we were in the summer, we were blooming, you know, we our skin was amazing, you know, all of these things. And so, but we did have a lot of responsibility at that stage in our lives. So when we move into the autumn to the sage time, we've still got responsibility, but they talk about it more as a certainly Jane, Jane does, in terms of terms of more of a carefree responsibility. So kids are very likely at the age where they've either left the nest or they're still in it, but they're capable of looking after themselves kind of thing. So this is the opportunity to turn things back around and go, well, actually, who am I again? I've forgotten who I was. So go back to who are we? What do we want out of life? This is an opportunity to go and do and see and be all those things that we dreamt of when we were younger, where we kind of, I say this to my friends like we feel like we've been in a bit of a vacuum for 20 years where you know you're on like everything's amazing you've got friends you're going out you've got a good job then you have children which is also incredible and I'm blessed to have two and I don't regret that whatsoever however there is a part of you that has to go on hold because suddenly you're now responsible for other people and that changes things no matter how we look at it And it means that the stuff that you may have freely gone off and just done when you fancied it just can't happen anymore. Everything's a bit of, you know, you've got to negotiate and you've got to, you know, it's a bit like putting your holiday leave in a company, isn't it? Check with the other half if you're living with one. I need this time off and you can have that time. But now we don't have that, but we can basically do what we want. And I think that's also quite frightening for some women because it's almost like, I always hear two things I hear regularly with my clients. One of them is this sense of powerlessness, which comes up at this stage of life. And the other one is this sense of loss of identity because we have so much. I mean, I did a post on this yesterday, how I used to be in HR and I had the highest level of CIPD qualification fellow, been holding onto this, holding onto this. And when July came and I had to renew, I was like, I don't actually need that anymore. That's a label. I'm not even in HR. It does represent everything I did and who I was, but that's not me now. It was like validating, wasn't it? Validating, it's credibility, it's how you get the senior roles because it shows your level of expertise. And I only bring that in because actually you mentioned labels and it's so relevant to the post I did yesterday, but also labels in general for a woman. You know, we've been mum, we've been, you know, wife, we've been all of these things that all come with responsibility. And suddenly... we can kind of just go, well, actually, there might be a little window for me. And we might have aging parents. So that responsibility.

SPEAKER_00: 18:31

Yeah, I was going to mention that as well. Obviously, the old squeeze sandwich generation. We're

SPEAKER_02: 18:34

in that kind of, hopefully, some of us may have a couple of years where we can go a bit wild for a minute or two, just do what we want. But yeah, I think those two things where powerlessness, primarily, I see it around the loss of I can't even like control my body anymore, not in terms of, you know, going to the loo and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00: 18:56

Well, maybe. No, but it is. And we start fixating and feeling even more powerless because we're worrying about things that we can't control. That's right. And because we feel, obviously, we say mother, you know, obviously not all of us are mums with kids, but you can, as your role as a mum is shifting, you feel like you're losing control. important, not important. You, you, the need for you is shifting. It's fading away. So it's like, well, what, what is left for me to control? And you can start focusing or, or I say fixating on things that you can't actually control, which makes you feel even worse. It makes, and it's all about realizing I can't control that. So I'm going to stop wasting my precious time on it. And actually bringing it back to what you can control. control and what does light us up because as we I love to have a little pre-chat but you pointed out we are actually by and large living longer as well which makes even more sense to introduce this fourth level as such of the sage now can we talk a little bit more because I love the fact that the book you referred to which I haven't actually read myself but actually talks about sage essence doesn't it as the And I know we're mixing archetypes and this triple goddess, but we're all about shaking things up. And it's a brilliant way of kind of take cherry picking and saying, well, let's bring it all together.

SPEAKER_02: 20:29

Yeah, I like the triple goddess and the, you know, the I've forgotten the name of it, but the triple, the Celtic spiral. I'm Celtic. I was born in Cornwall and grew up in Cornwall. So I love I love all of that. And I think all of that was relevant at the time it would have been created, because if you think about it, women got to menopause and that horrible crone stage. But they weren't living that long. So in relative terms, what I mean is that they would have gone from sort of maiden to virgin. menopause, and then they would have passed away in the sage stage, actually. They probably wouldn't have got to the fulcrum that we're seeing today. Whereas today, the way that Jane talks about it is you've got your adolescence, which would be your sort of maiden when you're the menarche, when you're starting your periods as a rite of passage. Then you have your matrescence, which is your mother. zone, like the second rite of passage. Then you have your sage essence, which is the sage. And that would be sort of around 50 to 70 years of age. And then 70 plus roughly would be like your crone stage where, yeah, you, you really, you can pretty much do and say what you like because you have, you have relatively few responsibilities at that stage. We still have some in this zone, but yeah, I mean, I, I, When I turned 50 earlier this year, I saw it as I'm entering chapter three now. I kind of think, and chapter three, we got to do stuff in chapter three. We can't have this, we're put out to pasture, we're crones, we're not necessary. We have got loads to do in this third chapter, I think. And I think a responsibility as well to be those role models for the younger generations that, you know, it doesn't all go to pot when you... go through perimenopause and come out the other side.

SPEAKER_00: 22:24

That is so true. But it really is, I talk a lot about it, being a bedside table full of alarm clocks. It's a real wake-up call, midlife, second spring. And I think we owe it to ourselves and, as we just said, being a role model, to stop pissing about, to stop making excuses to ourselves. I mean, I say I am the queen of taking perfectly imperfect action. We've waited... And what have we been waiting for? We're not going to get that clarity. Clarity only comes with hindsight. You've got to take that jump. Yes, it's scary. Yes, other people might turn around and think she's bonkers. She's lost it already. But... it's all about taking yeah absolutely gray hair flowing in the breeze but it's about taking a calculated risk to a certain extent isn't it yeah yeah doing your research but being prepared to then say right i've got to 52 certainty i'm gonna and that's good enough yeah yeah and it doesn't have to be a massive leap we're talking baby steps are so powerful Yeah, they are. And celebrating them.

SPEAKER_02: 23:40

Yeah. And I think, you know, when I work with clients, whether that's coaching or kinesiology, we will always visit the kind of limiting beliefs and where did this start? And is it time to kind of shed that skin now? Like that's not serving you anymore. So yeah. We can do work on those sorts of things that makes them suddenly see life just a little bit differently, just that little shift in perspective, because suddenly the body's let go of that trauma or experience or whatever that then led them to believe that they can't do X, Y, Z. That's now gone. And they're like, oh, I can do these things. And a lot of it is being, I think, and this is where I think it's helpful that perimenopause starts um where we where the oestrogen declines we start doing our own thing a bit more we start kind of pushing back a bit more we start setting boundaries we start getting annoyed with things that before we would have gone that's really annoying me but i'm gonna let it go i'm gonna bite my tongue not gonna say anything about it just gonna let it go in the background now it's like people pleaser is yeah it's the whole people pleaser yeah it is But unfortunately, we're running out of the juice that's feeding the people pleasing. So we just can't do it. So anybody listening that's finding that they just can't do the people pleasing, you are right on track. And this is perfect. This is there's nothing wrong with you. You're just now realizing, oh, I can't do it. And I don't want to either. So, you know, people will have a shock to start with, because I think for people that have people pleased for a long time, suddenly they're starting to set boundaries and people are going to push back a little bit to that. But usually it's the ones that benefited from you not having them that are going to push back the most.

SPEAKER_00: 25:27

Absolutely. I say and we'll be leading into that. But I say guilt as well can come into it, can't it? They're kind of like, oh, my goodness, if I do stand up and say no. the ricochet effect or the domino effect of that. And again, the judgment, what will people think of me? Oh my goodness, will I lose these people from my world? And then I say, we'll be talking about toxicity as well. I can never say that word. But before we go into that, I'd love to know if you could, in a clear, simplistic way, explain Kinesiology. Have I said it correctly? What exactly is it? Kinesiology. Kinesiology. I know you said there was an easy in there somewhere

SPEAKER_02: 26:12

and

SPEAKER_00: 26:12

I put it in the wrong place.

SPEAKER_02: 26:16

So like the second spring, which actually comes from Chinese medicine, that phrase, it's very, it's based, half of it is kind of, it's sort of a blend of Eastern and Western medicine. So a lot of it is based in traditional Chinese medicine. So we do work with the meridians, the acupuncture points, but we also work with the more conventional side of things. So we are doing structural corrections and we're looking for nutrient deficiencies, food sensitivities, those sorts of things. But essentially we use muscle testing to talk to the body and ask the body where there are imbalances, which are the root cause of the symptom that the person would have come with. So it's root cause healing. It's natural, completely natural, completely non-invasive. It works from babies to crones, old, old crones. And we can do the whole shebang, all of the rites of passage fit into this. And yeah, it's just a, it's a really, beautiful way of getting in touch with the body's wisdom because so many of us today live from our sort of necks up we think we we we do life from the neck up and actually we forget what we're walking around in i always call it a flesh suit and we are so much more than just this physical body The body does keep the score, as that book says, but also tells you exactly what you need to do to correct imbalances, and then the body will begin to heal itself. So it's very much based on that thought that when there's homeostasis in the body, which essentially means balance, the body is a self-healing machine, but it has to be in balance to do it. And our job as kinesiologists is to get people back into that state of balance, so that the body goes okay i know what to do now so we're kind of course correctors we can get stuff out the way we can um we can remove blocks get the dams flowing all the energy pathways flowing and then the body goes all right i can take it from here

SPEAKER_00: 28:17

well that just ties beautifully then to lead into your your top tips for embodying and embracing our sage because Now is the time, isn't it, to actually take stock, to actually, as you say, listen to our bodies, listen to what we need. So what would be your number one tip and how can we go about implementing it to be our sage best?

SPEAKER_02: 28:42

Sure. I think my number one tip would actually be rest. And that is probably the hardest thing for women to do. Because normally, the women that I see, and if I speak for myself, we have been doing 57,000 things for as long as we can remember, multitasking here, there and everywhere, not sitting down, putting ourselves last, not making time for ourselves, or if we do, it's like a quick while we're doing something else. So rest is super, super important through perimenopause. We have to look after our adrenals. We have to do what we can to lower the cortisol in our bodies. Not only is that going to reduce perimenopausal symptoms, of which there are, I think, about 49 logged somewhere, which could all be something else as well. But you know your body. If you rest, you have time to slow down, to ground, to just center your energy and you can then listen in your body will tell you what you what you need and when you need rest I mean I always used to um feel bad if I needed a nap or whatever but now I'm not saying I do it every day because I don't but every so often if especially if I'm sat working at my desk and I just think I really need a nap today and I'm going to go and have one and I'll have 20 minutes I'll put a little timer on my phone and I'll just lie on the sofa and just literally nap um And if people, like what is rest? You could say, it doesn't have to be a nap, of course. It could be, I'm going to make a concerted effort to get my book, have a cup of tea and sit for 10 minutes and do nothing else. Put that damn phone down, stop the scroll, because that's not resting. You're still getting that horrible electromagnetic energy coming off that. But just sit with a cup of tea and a book. Go and stand in the garden and put your feet on the grass.

SPEAKER_01: 30:38

You

SPEAKER_02: 30:38

know, just get something that grounds you. It's like pressing reset, isn't it? Press reset, exactly. Just give your nervous system a bit of a kind of, let it catch up, really. Because we've got to realise that at this age, much to our despair, We are no longer 2025. We can no longer carry on with all the cardio exercise that we used to do, with the amount of drinking we used to do. Sorry, guys, if this is not what you want to hear, but for the smoothest transition. That's so true. You know, we have to start thinking, let's honour ourselves as the sage that we want to turn into. And in order to embody that, we have to treat our body well. I think that's the feeling. I

SPEAKER_00: 31:27

think it's a bit of a reimagining as well, isn't it? And this is our chance, even if we think before we haven't necessarily been the person that we really felt we deserve to be. But I always say to my clients, it's about becoming the woman we deserve to be. The woman that we've not nurtured, the woman that we've put on the back burner The woman we haven't listened to, the woman that we've let worry about what others are thinking or feeling guilty for, as you say, resting, not having to explain ourselves, not having to think. Oh, I mean, the other thing I've got an episode coming up at the beginning with Wendy Molyneux, beginning of September about busyness syndrome issues. thinking oh my goodness if I'm not seemed like you were saying obviously we've juggled we've juggled we've juggled to the point of near exhaustion the exhaustion and almost expecting ourselves to be judged if if we're not being busy busy busy busy busy busy yeah oh you know hasn't she got anything better to do than go for a walk

SPEAKER_02: 32:29

yeah yeah it's the hustle because culture isn't it and we've we've um and that as going back to what you know we're talking about with the the male and the female cycles hustle culture works quite well for men actually you know they can do that they could reset every day but we can't do that long term and we certainly can't do it when our body's undergoing a complete metamorphosis you know we're going from caterpillar we're in the cocoon in perimenopause that's how i see it absolutely come out as that beautiful butterfly at the end of it but we've got to go through that messy middle and fighting it is doing things like carrying on with what we've always done and expecting to feel different you just won't you have to this is a time to turn in a time to like look inwards listen to your body get nurture it feed it good food give it the rest um yeah and just honor what you've been living in for for this long so far I think so it's a hard tip I know it's hard and it's hard when you when you first hear it you say I haven't got time to rest but if you don't make time for rest your body will give you something that will make you rest

SPEAKER_00: 33:35

so yeah no absolutely and I love what you say because obviously metamorphosis one of my favorite words but it is about I use it rather than transformation because we're not everything's in us already we are just we're not reaching to outside thing this is our time to think everything we need is inside already

SPEAKER_02: 33:53

within and that's exactly what i believe and it sits really nicely with kinesiology as well because we're you know when we work with clients through kinesiology we are using the wisdom of their body we're using what's already within we're not we're not guessing anything we're just saying tell me what you need body and we'll we'll give you that That's part of the

SPEAKER_00: 34:12

whole sage movement as well, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Yeah. Yeah. And I think another area that I know you definitely put as one of your top tips is setting boundaries.

SPEAKER_02: 34:24

Absolutely. Oh, my God. And I think, again, it's that. You know when a boundary has been overstepped because you are gonna get really angry and really irritable and your buttons are gonna be pushed. Something's gonna trigger you. And it might be something that has happened thousands of times before and you've put up with it because that's literally what you've been doing. You've probably never liked it, but you've put up with because you had enough estrogen, estrogen, but now you haven't got enough anymore. So you're not going to be able to put up with anymore. So you're going to have to start setting boundaries that look after you, you know, and being honest with people. And, you know, no is a complete sentence, by the way, you don't have to explain yourself. And these are all, I think, I recognize through my own journey and working with these wonderful women that I'm very lucky to work with, that these are all things that when I first suggest them sound really difficult because we are not, trained or molded or conditioned to do these things we are the people pleasers we are the let's make sure everybody's happy keep it all you know I can

SPEAKER_00: 35:30

hear the phrase well it never bothered you before exactly it's like well it does now well it

SPEAKER_02: 35:36

does now because I don't have reserves left okay yeah

SPEAKER_00: 35:38

so it's about having the conversation isn't it not not bottling it up because okay the first time it may not land as well as you'd hoped um and it is it is down to the art of I always think I mean it stems is from NLP but the successful communication isn't what you say it's how the person you're saying it to takes it

SPEAKER_02: 35:59

yeah

SPEAKER_00: 35:59

that's and if they don't take it right it's it's not it's not that they've misinterpreted it it's that the message that you've put across hasn't been in a way that they understand or they haven't got all the information they need so I think that's where we have to be really careful yeah rather than just going I'm not doing this anymore yeah

SPEAKER_02: 36:20

sorry no no you

SPEAKER_00: 36:20

say

SPEAKER_02: 36:21

I was going to just say on that, but there will be some times that I think the opposite might happen, which is when the lack of boundaries served that person. So they are not going to want to hear it because you could dress it up in the most beautiful package and they are still not going to want to hear it because it worked for them. But now is the time when it works for you. Yeah. So, yeah. Well, that brings us, yeah,

SPEAKER_00: 36:50

toxic people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 36:52

Toxic people. Yeah. All of the above, Kate. All of the above. Toxic people asking for help. It's all of that, isn't it? Because the other thing with setting boundaries is you may have been the one in the household, just take your own household, for example, that has done everything for everyone. And not only are you starting to get a little bit annoyed with this now, you also won't have the energy or reserves to do it. So it's also asking the teenagers who are now fully capable of doing things to step up, you know, and ask them to do a few jobs that you can't do, don't have the energy for,

SPEAKER_00: 37:28

whatever. But it's also the fact that why, I'm going to have a mini rant now, why are we the only ones that realise these things need doing in the first place?

SPEAKER_02: 37:37

I know, yeah. Why? Why? we don't have tunnel vision do we we can we can see things everywhere

SPEAKER_00: 37:43

i do i go say i go to put the washing out and i think all that needs doing and i'll come you know and on the way back i'll think right or i'll switch over the i don't know top up the the cooking oil bottle yes i realized that last night someone used it and it was almost you know we've got one of those ceramic vintage ones but it needs talking rather than wait to your cooking and someone go oh someone's someone has used all the cooking oil well i don't really cook so it won't be me

SPEAKER_02: 38:11

and I think a lot of it is we've taken on these roles without even realizing because somebody had to do it so we just did it but now we're kind of all of these things will start to grate a little I think you know there'll be something that's we won't mind doing some things but then it'll be we can't do everything anymore anymore

SPEAKER_00: 38:27

it's like the whole yeah the whole household fairies got not on strike but she's like she's resting Yeah, we'll start putting notes, to-do lists or to-da lists on the fridge. Family to-da lists. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But I mentioned toxic people. I know toxic, toxicity. What is the word I'm looking for? Liver health. Liver health. That's another,

SPEAKER_02: 38:51

yeah. Liver health is really important anyway, obviously. We only have one liver. But liver health in perimenopause is even more important because the liver has the job of filtering, processing absolutely everything that we consume. And by that, I don't just mean eating. I mean the environments that we're in, the people that we associate with, the beauty products that we use, the skin we put on our body, every single thing that we give to our body in terms of environmental and people and all of that, the liver has to do something with it. So if we're not looking after our livers, then they are going to pick off and we're going to see, like you bring it back to Chinese medicine again, the liver is associated with anger as an emotion. And you see other sort of vibrations of that emotion, like bitterness, frustration, impatience, all of those things, irritability, they will all come under the kind of the liver emotions in Chinese medicine. And if you think about how that might show as... symptom in perimenopause that could be one of the reasons for hot flushes because menopause will bring up things that have annoyed us from the past and that we're ready to deal and heal so if these things are coming up cyclically and we've tried our best for our whole lives so far to quote unquote, put it in the back of our minds, the body's now going, well, yeah, you have, but now it's time to get rid of it because we're not taking this into chapter three and sage essence. We're not doing that. I love that phrase, deal and heal. Yeah, deal and heal, just deal with it. But of course we're not taught that. We're told to push things to the back of our minds. We go around saying, well, that doesn't bother me anymore. And then with my clients, I ask the body, think about this person, think about this event. And the body's going, yeah, I'm still got that. I'm still working on that. So from head up, we're like, oh, la-di-da, that was miles, you know, ages ago. No, no, no. And the body's going, yeah, no, we're still there. Can we please start to get rid of some of that? So the things that I would recommend in terms of liver health are starting to filter out those people that just do not light you up that do not bring you energy that don't bring you joy it goes back a little bit to the setting boundaries because you're going to have to say no I can't make meeting up with you or if you do go set a boundary that is maybe I'm staying for half an hour or I'm staying for x amount of time I'm not going to be dragged into the negativity maybe they're negative people and they drag you into that whatever it is but also think about like the skincare that you use the beauty products that you use make sure sure they're not loaded with chemicals because most of them are. There are some really good products out there that are natural products. Green People is a really good company. Tropic's brilliant. I am a Tropic ambassador, so I'm not here to sell Tropic, but I really do look at them. These are companies that I've used and that I test on clients, their products, because they have a lot less harm and damage to the body. And both do sun creams too. The whole whether we need sun cream is a whole other podcast conversation, so I won't go into that. But in terms of food, think about not eating the ultra processed foods and eating whole foods to nourish your body. And environments think about your wi-fi think about turning your router off at night think about having your phone on airplane mode we are electric beings we are there you know people that don't believe that we are think about quantum physics everything's an atom we are the same we are affected by electromagnetic energies 5g again whole other podcasts and how that affects us but just think about protecting yourself from within and from without um switch your food containers to glass don't use plastic they will contain xenoestrogens which will affect your estrogen levels so all of these little things we can do to to help ourselves but if you're feeling anger ladies let it out write it out burn the paper rip the paper punch a pillow go for a walk scream do the things like move your body Stamp your feet, whatever. Just get it out. Don't hold it in there and think that you're a bad person for still feeling that or you should, inverted commas, have let that go by now. We're human. We don't know how to let things go sometimes. But yeah, just let it be here because letting it be here, feeling it is the way to deal and heal. Like just let it let it pass through you. Let the emotion come, recognize it, feel it. They say, don't they, like you can let it in, but don't invite it for tea. Like it's not, you don't want it in forever. Let it pass through because feeling is healing when it comes to emotions. You push them down, they're just going to get bigger.

SPEAKER_00: 43:51

No, absolutely. I love that. I love that because we're all different, aren't we? I think I'd add that to the pot. There's no rule book. And I mentioned at the very start about labels. And obviously we're embracing Sage as... a label that feels right. And we're not dissing the crone. We're not saying that time may not feel right. But it's about reassessing isn't it smashing stereotypes breaking moulds thinking actually what feels right for me what feels right for me on my journey as I go into my third chapter how is this chapter going to be absolutely bloody fabulous

SPEAKER_02: 44:29

exactly it can be the best yet if you think about it if you're in your most powerful authentic state which you absolutely can be that's what this stage is about then why would it be you know we're not as I say we're not going out to pasture yet we're not ready for that we've got stuff to do

SPEAKER_01: 44:43

yeah

SPEAKER_00: 44:44

No, absolutely. When I was like, who wants to be beige? Embrace your sage. I love that. That is my line. Apologies, everyone. These little lines come to me. No, I love that. If they could see us, we're not wearing beige, are we? No, no, not today. Although I do have, I've been like investing in some little autumnal bits and I did fancy a little bit of beige. I don't know why. I just thought, I think it was because the weather outside wasn't that great for August. But yeah, well, I've loved your tips and obviously we'll be in a minute giving your contact details and obviously all your contact details are in the show notes for our episode and on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website. But before we go there, Sarah, you know what's coming. And while we're escaping becoming a crone for now, you can't escape answering my questions. So I'm going to dive straight in with the first question. What is your midlife issue? anthem the piece of music or sound song that when you hear it makes you think yes today is a good day

SPEAKER_02: 45:58

I absolutely love this piece of music. It's called Queen Energy Only by Room to Breathe. And it just gives me goosebumps. It's all about the sage. It's all about like setting boundaries, stepping into your power. It's perfect for where I feel I am now. And if you listen to it, I hope that it resonates with you as well, because it shows you this isn't about like hanging up our boots. We've got stuff to do and we're doing it on our terms. That's what I like about it as well.

SPEAKER_00: 46:28

I don't think I know, although I might hear it and think I do know that, Kate. I do. Yeah. I'm going to go check that out. I love doing that. I definitely I keep saying I'm going to do this playlist, but it is coming, ladies. It's coming right on to second question that I'm going to do a book of these as well. What is your midlife mantra, the phrase that you live your midlife by? So I

SPEAKER_02: 46:51

love this phrase, which is this is my time. Or this is my time. We could put the emphasis where we want it. But yeah, I really feel like that's where I am right now. My eldest went to uni last year and I was devastated. I was heartbroken. Not for her, but because I had one of my, it was a bird launching moment, which I prefer to empty nesting. And then I sort of thought this is double edged because this actually is the start of this is now my time.

SPEAKER_00: 47:21

I'm going to have to introduce you, interview you for my book then, because it is Your Empty Nest Epiphany, A Beginner's Guide to Bird Launching. So we're going to have to get our heads together. Oh, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. It's a very important subject that we don't talk about enough.

SPEAKER_02: 47:38

And it is, you know, I absolutely, I want to do a couple of sessions actually for women going through this. I haven't got any more thought around it yet. So, but I watch this space because it's, I just want to create that lovely space for the women who are going through what I went through because it hit me harder than I thought it was going to.

SPEAKER_00: 47:57

We should put our heads together and come up with something together. Definitely. You heard it first, ladies. You heard it first. But I know you've got something exciting coming up next month as well. But before you've got one more question that I'm going to make you answer. What is the title of your autobiography? that I

SPEAKER_02: 48:17

thought about this and the title would be the truth about being human. Ooh. Because we are multi multifaceted. We are, we are complex and we are magical and we are just, we have such an amazing opportunity. being here, I think. And it ties in again with my outlook on life and just kinesiology as well in terms of we are not just physical. We are emotional. We are mental. We are electrical. We are energy. We are biochemical. We're all of these things. So the truth about being human is that having the human experience is let's talk about having it on all of those levels because that's really what being human is all about.

SPEAKER_00: 49:02

Yeah. Oh, I love that. I love that. So... all the ladies and maybe men as well that want to get in touch with you. Obviously, all your details, the live links on the show notes for our episode that obviously is available wherever you listen to your podcasts and on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website. But if you could talk us through what you've got coming up in the next couple of weeks and your links and website address, that would be brilliant.

SPEAKER_02: 49:30

Sure, of course. So I've got coming up in September, starting on the 8th, is a four-week... um hormone reset course really um it's to equip perimenopausal women with everything they need to know for a smoother transition and it's called calm body clear mind um and i will send you the link so that you can add it to

SPEAKER_00: 49:53

great i'll make sure that's on the show notes and it's just four

SPEAKER_02: 49:55

weeks it's four sessions um live um zoom calls basically where i'm going to educate how to do these things. And then there'll be like a coaching session as well. There is a VIP experience for three people where we can have one-to-one coaching kinesiology sessions as part of that too. So if anybody's interested in that. Other things I've got coming up, I've got a foundation course in kinesiology coming up in September. So I teach kinesiology as well as doing it myself. And I've obviously got my one-to-one sessions for coaching kinesiology that are just ongoing as well. I'm on all the social platforms apart from TikTok. I feel like maybe I need to get there. Maybe the Sage.

SPEAKER_00: 50:39

I've actually set up a Midlife Unlimited account. Have you?

SPEAKER_02: 50:44

It scares me a bit. I'm like, oh, I don't know. But I'm definitely, I am on Instagram as Sarah Tompsett Restore Wellness. I'm on Facebook as the same. And I'm on LinkedIn with just my name, Sarah Tompsett. And I've got my website, which is www.sarahthompsett.com. And my surname is spelt T-O-M-P-S-E-T-T. And you're Sarah with an H as well, aren't you? And I'm Sarah with an H and Thompson

SPEAKER_00: 51:13

without an H. Excellent. Oh, I look forward to that. I look forward to that. And me, I'd love your feedback on today's episode. We've covered such a lot and I've learned such a lot. So it'd be fabulous if you'd leave a review and you can email or text me via the link in the show notes and come and join the Midlife unlimited podcast facebook group again the links in the show notes where you'll find the website link to with details of my exclusive midlife metamorphosis coaching offers and i'm going to be putting details of i say my forthcoming book your empty nest epiphany a beginner's guide to bird launching so thank you so much sarah for joining me today i've absolutely loved our conversation thank you for listening i look forward to you tuning in next week don't forget midlife unlimited has a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcasts so here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and living midlife unlimited thanks for joining me Sarah it's been a dream thank you for having

SPEAKER_02: 52:15

me it's been

SPEAKER_00: 52:16

brilliant bye bye