Episode #044 How to Beat Busyness Syndrome with Guest Wendy Molyneux

Do you pride yourself on being a busy bee? Or do you often feel like you are busy doing nothing? Filling your time with seemingly endless tasks that are distracting you from stopping to ask yourself what you really want and need to be doing – right now? How you want to be spending your precious time?

It’s time for a personal stocktake. To take back our power, so that we can do more. Be more.

If your To Do List – or as your host Kate Porter calls it Ta Dah List – is ever-growing, then this episode is just for you.

Put the kettle on, take some vital Me Time and join Kate Porter The Midlife Metamorphosis Coach® and her guest Wendy Molyneux Homeopath and Heartfulness Coach for Episode 044 as they talk about How to Beat Busyness Syndrome.

With September here, their episode is rather timely as the whole back-to-school vibe kicks in. 

So, much like Midlife itself, the pair debate how the changing season and start of Q4 is a great time for assessing and reassessing just how we are spending our time. And for taking time to ask ourselves why we are filling our minutes, hours and days in the current manner?

Wendy and Kate delve deep into the potential pitfalls of Busy Life Syndrome. And they discuss – sharing insights and anecdotes from their own midlife metamorphosis – how being busy doesn’t always translate into meaningful productivity or wellbeing.

And don’t miss Wendy’s top tips for beating Busyness Syndrome and the vital role that nurturing our emotional fitness plays in this so that we can start filling our time with what really fills us up. 

Connect with Wendy

wendymolyneux@outlook.com

https://wendymol.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/wendy-molyneux-heartfulness/

https://wendymol.com/7-minute-manifesting-method-workbook/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis Coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling midlife how it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So welcome to today's episode. Now, do you pride yourself on being a busy bee or do you often feel like you're, in the words of the song, busy doing nothing, filling your time with seemingly endless tasks that distracting you from stopping to ask yourself what you really want and need to be doing right now, how you want to spend your precious time. Well, it's time to take a personal stock take, to take back our power so that we can do more and be more. If your to-do list or top tip already incoming, a to-da list as I call it, is ever growing, then this episode is is just for you because i'm delighted to be joined by my guest today wendy molyneux homeopath and heart from this coach to talk about how to beat busyness syndrome so welcome wendy it's lovely to have you here it's great to be here thanks now obviously with september here how did that happen our topic is rather timely with the whole back to school vibe because it is a great time as is midlife in general to take stock of how we're spending our time and are we being busy because business syndrome it's a real thing isn't it oh for sure for sure for sure yeah i don't know about you but i know so many people who are just constantly on so they're rushing around and often to the point of exhaustion um and don't seem to be able to prioritize tasks but that that is it isn't it and i loved it when we had our little pre-chat because I do like to have a pre-chat you actually came up with or mentioned the phrase busy fool syndrome as well and again that sums up ideas of our fear of being judged if we're not seen to be being busy we're not fulfilling our you know our purpose we're not doing what we should be doing all these words you know people pleasing we're bending over backwards we're doing tasks that really Are we the best person to even be doing these tasks? Because our role in midlife, it really is changing, isn't it? And I'm not just talking about as a mother, but we're the sandwich generation or the latest phrase, the squeeze generation. We literally are being pulled every which way, aren't we? Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. But I think it's about us letting ourselves be pulled in every direction as well ultimately only we are responsible for our own health and our own balance and I think for me as a practicing homeopathic always comes back to that actually it comes back to helping people with the emotional root cause of why they're doing this yeah yeah absolutely and I'm delighted that we put our heads together yeah sorry you were saying no no I was just going to say I've actually been in like can well and truly qualify for your midlife because I've been in practice for 25 years. So yes, I've got the grey hair and the wisdom to go with that. And time and time and time again, it's the emotional root cause that causes people's persistent physical symptoms that causes them to be exhausted and running around and overwhelmed. So for me, always it comes back to that. And that's the bit that I'm absolutely fascinated about as well. I always think of it as people carrying issues in their tissues. So they literally are kind of, you know, so overwhelmed by that. Oh, I love that. That's a great phrase. Well, I say later on, we've put our heads together and we've come up with our top tips and insights for beating busyness syndrome that we're going to be going through later on in the episode. But I say I'd like to loop back because so often the women that I coach and just people I generally meet, we do see or we do equate being busy to being useful. And the phrase often comes to mind that I've had directed at me in the past is if you want a job doing, ask a busy person. So it is almost self-perpetuating, isn't it? By being seen to be busy, people end up giving you more stuff to do to the point that I know, and I don't like the word guilty, but I know, and I'm going to be asking you whether you're a busy bee or not in a My whole, I mean, I'm a recovering, I'm recovering so many things, but one of them is a people pleaser because I would just say, yes, of course I will. Oh yes, yeah, I'll do it. Give it to me. Oh, absolutely. To the point you're like, oh my goodness, juggling, juggling, juggling, juggling. And then other things that are outside your control come on board as well that you've got to do. So I think now is a good time to actually take that stock take and think, what are we saying? saying yes to that we really don't need to say yes to but it's because we're worried about what other people will think if we say no it's that whole sense of achievement, isn't it? Oh, we've done this. I mean, that's why I like the word or the phrase to-da list rather than to-do list, because at least once you've worked out that the things on this list are actually things that you do need to do, they are your musts. They are things that light you up or things that just to keep life jogging on, you need to do. When you tick it off, you can go ta-da, and it gives you that sense of achievement. So I'd love to know a bit more about your background and does being a busy bee feature in your story is it something that you've been is it something that you still are yes is there such a thing as a recovering busy bee let me think anyway there is now a weebly wasp I don't know but anyway yeah definitely I mean I'm self-employed and I'm a single mum to two kids and I've got a dog so yes I think I have definitely been a busy But as I said, over all those years of realising that actually it's the emotional stuff that keeps you well, I have really consciously tried not to be. And I have been, I've done coaching and had coaching relatively, well, relatively recently. And that has really opened my eyes to how to get my life muddled. much more in balance. So I trained as a homeopath and I got into homeopathy because my mum was completely overprescribed conventional medications. And that basically was why she died quite early. And I've always been there for coming, coming out the other side of that, always been a huge fan of natural medicine, natural health and natural solutions for just about everything because there are. So that was my, my life for quite a number of years a very and it was kind of a balanced happy yet quite busy but I thought it was fine life and I have two kids and you know diddly diddly dee and then my daughter excuse me when she was 13 hit a real brick wall and And so as my mum was the inspiration for me getting into homeopathy, my daughter was the inspiration for me getting into coaching and creating my sort of version of heartfulness. So she was diagnosed in her early teens with OCD and generalised anxiety disorder and now ADHD. And it led to so much tension and emotion for the pair of us. It was really, really hard. Her mental health problems totally floored me. I was hopeless. mother at the time I you know everyone says very kindly oh you were doing your best no I was not good and I think because it pushed deep buttons in me because of my mum's mental health so it was all you know it was all kind of came like you you talk about the sandwich generation I always say I think I was like you know I was like in this sort of generational anxiety sandwich and I was quite kind of calm and calm and me in the middle but either side it was like and the whole mum pasta thing creeps in as well and it like takes it to forget imposter syndrome this is like am I good enough you know and it's like there's no rule book and as you say these things you can't predict you can't foretell what's going to happen and oh my goodness but I think you do you feel like a great big you know failure as a parent I'm a therapist I mean I won't swear on your podcast but I'm a I'm a therapist FFS you know I should know should there's that awful word again I should know how to do this but on the upside it made me reach out for some great coaching coaching suits me better than counselling I think it's much more in the now and more forward thinking it feels to me and I realised that I'd spent far too long in my single parent being both mum and dad masculine get shit done energy you know that was the energy of my life and I needed to lean much more into my healing feminine energy which I then summed up as heartful that's what it felt like to me it felt like it's this is beyond mindfulness this is the heart and listening to the heart and I love that so I think while I would have walked on hot coals to try and help my daughter what I needed to change was me you know that's the only thing you can change and so that great big light bulb that I'm sure a lot of your listeners have had which is don't ask why is this happening to me poor me I've got an awful lot you know blah blah blah it's why is it happening for me? And it's shone a big, big light into this whole area about stepping into her shoes and being kinder, actually, and more supportive, which everyone else who I know would say, I'm great at that. But when it comes to your own family, I think they push buttons, you know, on a totally different level. So, yeah, so that's, sorry, I'm twittering on, but anyway. No, you're not, you're not. That thing, that whole thing of listening to my heart every single day and being kinder, it was definitely my thing. I like to think of it as like a retuning from fear FM to love FM, I always say, because at that place where I was being a ghastly parent, I was in total fear. I didn't know what to do with her. It's like, you know, I've got a son who, you know, functions just, well, he's just easy peasy breezy. And then And along came this and I thought, oh, I just don't know what I'm doing. So, yeah, so I think that that has been a huge learning and a great inspiration for everything that I then sort of go on to do. And, yeah, I really thank her for it. And I thank that awful time that we had because that actually has really helped me now to be thinking all about, you know, resonating, you know, resonating at love or above. I mean, that's, you know, that's what we all need to do and so that definitely self-love comes into that hugely and I think that's where it links in so well into business business syndrome because I think part of business syndrome is actually not necessarily loving yourself enough to give yourself the time to you know just be No, that is so true. And I would like before we go into that, because that's so empowering and something that I really want to focus on. But it was so interesting what you just said just now about not taking the victim route and not saying, why me? Because it really is a matter of thinking, why not me? Why not me? And then that enables you, as you say, to start exploring avenues rather than just wrapping yourself up and just thinking, well, there's nothing I can do about it. and the whole victim mentality that really doesn't help you and it doesn't help anyone else either, does it? No, we always have a choice and it might look like a horrid choice sometimes from being in the pits, but there's always a reason and there's always a light you can shine to say, okay, if this was a blessing, what's it showing me? You know, what is the blessing in this? And sometimes you have to dig very deep under all the rubble to find the blessing. But yeah, definitely. I've still got all the way through I've got the I think it was Bing Crosby I can't remember the name of the film but that song busy doing nothing working the whole day through and there is the line in that that I think is so on point with what we're going to be talking about next I'd like to be unhappy but I never do have the time and that is so true isn't it with a lot of busyness it can be a a way of us masking can't it how we're truly feeling because when we're bloody busy when we haven't got time to fart let about let alone sit down and think about stuff that we don't want to think about it just carries us along in that whirlwind of like oh I don't have to stop I don't have to think about it I don't have to process that information because I'm just too busy to worry about it yeah yeah I think you're so right what you first of all Kate can I just say I love I love you as a podcast queen because you sing everything everything's a song no I know I'm the same with like all my words yeah whatever it's great I'm just trying I'm trying to think of a song for everything but I think you're so right I think that there from what you said earlier as well I think that there are kind of really three main reasons for busyness syndrome and each it each one would have a different support pathway in my world if you were doing you know one to one around it but I think let's talk through them if yeah if that's yeah let's delve in there I think it's either the I'm so busy badge so that desire to feel productive and important and constantly prove your worth which can lead to a bit of an addiction to busyness or I think it's I mean and these can be all in one person as well or it's FOMO and the need to belong and the pressure to stay connected and participate in everything um Or as you just said, it's a need to mask and to avoid difficult emotions or situations. And I think those three things can lead to quite different sort of levels of support. And I also think that there are definitely the thing that's so important is there are such a range of knock-ons to busyness syndrome. So if we're chronically busy, obviously stress and anxiety and burnout are quite well documented. And that can negatively impact sleep and digestive health and increase the risk of conditions like heart disease and obesity. That's all underlying. And then that lack of time for personal relationships can strain everybody socially and connection. And also, you know, you might just actually, you're in such a world that you actually struggle to focus and to be creative and to make good decisions. So I think there's so many knock-ons to this. It's like ghastly sort of tentacles going everywhere. I think those... Those three main reasons for busyness syndrome, there are some sort of general ways that we can help ourselves as well, you know, whichever one. And then sometimes you do need to dive a bit deeper as well. But I don't know if you want me to talk about my thoughts on kind of helping ourselves. No, no, absolutely. But I just like before we go into that, no, I'm loving this. I'm loving this. And I say I'm a recovering busy bee. I still do it. I still do it a bit. my son will be watching or not watching he'll be listening to this maybe and thinking mum you still do it you still do it I'm sure mine will we're all a work in progress that's what I'll say and yes one of the things that really has struck me on my recovering journey and helping wonderful women that I work with through this same process is that by being busy for the sake of being busy by being busy because we're driven by shoulds, how we should be behaving, with worrying about if we're not seen to be busy then Bob and Jill and whoever will think, oh God, Kate's not good enough because why isn't she busy? Who does she think she is to be sitting there taking some time out for herself? But it's also the things that you might be forced to say no to or not even to consider that could lead to so many different amazing things because at the time you're like well I haven't got time to do that or why would I want to take time out from being busy to go and try this and it's just hindsight is a bloody awful thing because you think oh shit I could have done that I could have gone down that path and But isn't it? There's so many things. It's squashing us, if anything. It's not being productive. It's being counterproductive. And I would say one of the things I would say to that is who gives a shit what Bob or Jill think. That's how I feel now. But the old Kate was very much, oh, my goodness. But do you know what? You're placing that in Bob or Jill's realm. But actually, if you think you're being judged by them and what they're going to say actually it's you judging yourself isn't it oh yeah completely that's the bit that you need to dig and excavate and get to is is that's what you think of yourself whatever and to be completely honest yeah i'm sure you agree with me bob and jill probably don't give a flying whatever what i'm up to because because they're too busy weren't they too busy being busy over there exactly and and also it's the it's the whole hamster wheel of being busy you'll be being counterproductive because you're not actually I mean I'm all about smart goals and you know we'll talk about smart goals and boundary setting as well I'm sure in a bit but in terms of the tasks that you're attempting to do in your busyness you're probably not being at your most productive you're probably not being at your most organised because you're just almost drowning in a sea of I should be doing this I should be doing that you're not prioritising effectively and because the goals that you think you want aren't really things that align with your values anyway because you're taking on all this stuff it's just you're not doing a good job of anything really are you but I think when you lift it all up into the energetic realm and stop looking at everything as just a to-do list you know which is which is kind of I think what what we're all guilty of see it's interesting I think that there are three three add-ons to the normal to-do list. And I would say there's a to-don't list, a to-da list, but I think mine's a bit different to yours from what you just said, and a to-be list. And I think the to-don't list is all about re-evaluating priorities and looking at what truly matters, what moves the needle, what really does and what doesn't, and postpone or ditch tasks accordingly. And part of that, which I think people are aren't necessarily terribly good at might involve seeking support from friends or family or professionals or people who can do tasks for you like you know a tech VA or a cleaner or a meal prep service you know if you work you've got to think about you've only got so much energy to go around you've got to think about that whole energy ball and if over here you know, so much of your time has been taken, you know, doing boring shit like cooking and cleaning, whatever. Everybody's different in what they like to do. Then, yeah, that could be your best investment. Could totally be your best investment. There's nothing wrong, is there? There's nothing wrong with asking for help. There's nothing wrong with reaching out. It's not failure. It's a strength. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And also, think about how you make the other person feel. Usually, if somebody asks you for help, you think, oh, you feel really good that you've helped them and you're preventing them from having that nice warm fuzzy feeling so i think it's all about freeing yourself to do what lights you up and what is your zone of genius um and i think that whatever you can do to do that is terribly important and you mentioned boundaries just now yet that's really important to have clear boundaries and you know we we kind of all know that and i think that learning to say no yeah you know i suspect you're you've you've worked on this and you're good at it but for a lot of people it's like you know what no is a complete sentence yeah you know and again and again it's that fear of upsetting people oh my goodness and the sometimes the positive flip side of saying no is you're actually doing them a favor because a lot of the time especially perhaps with our kids or friends or even our aging parents if they're still in a situation where they can do it but it's like easier to get us to do it by saying no in this instance i can't i'll help you i'll advise you or i'll show you how i've done it before but this is your time to go yeah this is your time and i think it is honestly no is a complete sentence and i think also no is just no to that person for that thing at that time and that's all it is and if somebody says no to you again you need to flip that on your yourself. That's all it is. And so I would always encourage people to listen, to think, sorry, of one thing that one person right now or one situation or one something that they might really quite like to say no to. And then in your journal or in your head, practice how you're going to do that. And ideally, I would say never complain, never explain and ditch the Catholic guilt big time. So it's like, no, or I always end up saying sorry no oh and that's it and then you stop stop there you don't need to go into because well the minute you start doing that and I've done this as well listeners I am the queen I'm the queen of many things being perfectly imperfect is definitely right up there but the old me would say right I'm going to say no to this watch me so I say no and then as you say the old guilt comes in and it's like and then you start it explaining yourself why, why you're saying no. And you know what happens, Wendy, don't you? Before you know it, you've actually, it's all turned round. They've played the guilt card back at you or whatever. And you've ended up saying, oh, all right then. And you said yes. And then you go into it with crappy energy, which everybody feels. Yeah, resentment. And that rebounds back on you because the energy you put out, you get that. And it's just a pile of rubbish. Yeah. And then, and I'd like to quickly mention shoulds because The should is probably my least favourite word, but the should's come into play as well. And like we were just saying, the whole idea is should. Shoulds are someone else's thoughts in your head. So my little quick tip, I use it a lot and it works. It works. It works, listeners. If you find yourself thinking, I really should be doing this, ask, is it a must? If it's a must, make a plan, a smart plan to do it now or ASAP. If it's not a must, kick it out. and get on with something that is a must. Yeah, I agree. I totally agree. I think that's a really good point. So I think that's kind of the to-don't area. And then I think the ta-da list. So yours is different to mine. I'm looking forward to this. Well, I think what I think, well, yours was knocking it off the to-do. Mine, you know, it is the same, but I think it's much more about, okay, how often do you actually celebrate yourself yeah you have done whatever it is yeah you just go straight on to the next thing so whether it's you know meeting a friend for a couple or buying a new lippy or doing whatever it is or just looking yourself in the mirror in your eye which a lot of people find really difficult to do is to say well done really well done you did great there love that and i i belong in a um a networking group where every friday we celebrate a business win and a personal win um however small doesn't matter everything is worth celebrating and that really helps us i think with that whole britishness of struggling to talk about our achievements and i think we just yeah we've spent so long hiding the old light under a bushel putting ourselves on the back burner we're so good at congratulating and praising and cheerleading everyone else and we're so rubbish at doing it to ourselves and even if someone does it to us I think we still feel quite awkward we're not quite sure like I know the old me used to be like why are they doing why are they saying something nice either what do they want yeah either what do they want or hang on a minute are they being sarky is there an undercurrent here are they doing this as a means to an end of getting me to do something and it's all isn't it it's like no they're just being They're just telling you you're fabulous. That's it. And I think under this whole sort of ta-da as well, ta-da section, list, whatever, I think a really important part of that as well is gratitude. And I know that every self-development practitioner talks about gratitude, but that is because it helps us to get into heart-brain coherence. And I think the brain then sends out the frequency of gratitude, which I know Dr. Joe I better call him that, hadn't I? Talks about that as being the ultimate state of receivership. So again, you know, if we're in that place, we're getting back that energy. So we don't do our gratitudes. We actually experience it and we internalize it and we get on the vibrational state of gratitude. It's very much an inside job. And then we can receive and enjoy, you know, what comes back from that patiently. We have to be patient to allow the universe to do it in the universe's own time. But I think that thing of focusing on the abundance that we've already got anywhere in our life, you know, across love and health and money and happiness is... And focusing on what we do have rather than what we don't have is a huge part of this ta-da, this whole sort of ta-da energy, I think. And then the last... excuse me the last bit was like a to be list I don't even like really calling this a list but anyway just trying to kind of make it easier to remember but I think taking daily self-care time for me to practice heartfulness and just to be is one of the best ways of dealing with the impact of busyness syndrome so it really does not need to be long at all and I think that's you know people classically classically people who say I'm too busy to just be are the people who are absolutely need it the most. And it can be a, you know, a matter of a minute or two. It does not need to be long. But my two favorite things, ways of doing that are heart protection breathwork and a heartful pause. So with the heart protection breathwork, literally you just sort of sit up upright in your chair and close your eyes and you rub your palms together because your palms are an extension of your heart chakra. So you rub those together to create the warmth and then put your dominant hand on your heart chakra. So the space in between your boobs, ladies. When you say dominant hand, that's in, are you left-handed or right-handed? Yes, right-handed. Yes, yes. So put that there. You put the other palm face up in a receiving mudra and then you literally breathe in through your nose and expand your belly for a count of three and then out through your mouth as if you're like, you're blowing a straw like that. She says, nobody can see what I'm doing there, but anyway, I'm blowing through a straw. for a count of six. So the idea is that the exhale is longer and that activates your vagus nerve. Could you just do one to illustrate a minute? I know they can't see you, but they could hear you. Sorry, of course I can. Yes. Right. Okay. So rub your palms together and then put your dominant hand, the hand that you write with, in between your boobs, hold your other hand up and then breathe in. So in through your nose and expand your belly. So in two, three, and then out through your mouth as if you're blowing through a straw. Two, three, four, five, six. in two three out two three four five six and keep doing that for a minute basically and what that does you get a beautiful warm feeling at your heart center um and that raises your cellular energy and with that your sort of emotional vibration so again it's just all good stuff about keeping you on a on a level you know to try and try and um not rush off and be so busy so yeah that's a little heart protection breath work I mean I've got loads more of that kind of stuff on my website and stuff that you know people can well say we're going to be sharing your links later on so you've preempted me perfectly there no and you mentioned you mentioned another little um the heart pause yes yeah so often we rush from one thing to the next kind of carrying all our stress in a bag with us um in between activities as it were so from activity to activity so in between them if you just Just take a moment. Again, I'm a huge fan. That hand's going straight back between those boobs onto your heart energy again. Close your eyes for 30 seconds and take a deep breath and just set your intention for the next task. You know, for example, I'm going to focus on this next task with energy and ease or whatever. But just that little thing will help you to reset and stay present and avoid that feeling of constantly being on, which is so bad for us. And you could use a little mantra like, I've got all the time I need to do all the things that I need. You know, so you just, but just that reset, just like I'm going into this next thing, you know, with love. so yeah that literally that's that's all that it is but it makes such a difference absolutely because that focus is so important isn't it and to as you just said so beautifully when we constantly feel like we're rushing from one thing it's almost like we haven't finished the last thing we're like oh right oh i need to be doing this now and you're almost bringing and especially if you're going from something that's been quite a tough thing to do to something that's more of an uplifting thing to do you're almost bringing the not negative energy but the energy from the job you've just done into the next task and it's almost there's a danger that it might dampen or not stagnate but do you know what i mean it might impact so it's like a domino effect almost but it kind of it with impact because it is your energy that you're moving from a to b to c to d and if your energy you know is depleted it you can't help you can't help to do that so yeah it's just like a little power up and a reset and it just makes so much difference you know I like to give everything that I talk to people about I think this isn't just midlife I think I was born quite simple in a nice way I have to keep really simple because I can't I don't remember it otherwise and simple is blinking effective when we over complicate things we're back to the whole busyness thing again aren't we it's like oh for it to be good it's got to be really complicated no it doesn't no it doesn't and this is actually going to lead really beautifully into one of your other ideas I love the whole idea of emotional fitness and finding our and and again as you say this can just be as simple as 15 minutes a day or three little five minute energy shots but it's finding that add-on that again that you were saying the thing that fires you up the thing that brings you not necessarily joy even but just pause and recharge refocus yeah reset that's the word I knew it was a re yeah re there's a ton of re words aren't there yes re something re whatever yeah I know for you it's like a little reset yeah yeah so those two things were sort of like just a little minute each if you want to go a little bit further then I'm a huge fan of emotional fitness so again I don't know about your listeners but I think not for me personally but a lot of people would be able to say, oh, I did X steps today or I, you know, whatever, did whatever classes, blah, blah, blah, blah, and have a physical fitness routine. But how many of them actually have an emotional fitness ritual? So something that you commit to every day for your emotional well-being. And, you know, I would say your brain and just like your body needs regular exercise to stay strong and supple and supercharged. And I think when you do this, when you build emotional fitness, then you can bounce back faster. I've really noticed that. It must help with the emotional intelligence side of things as well. It makes you more empathetic. It makes you interact better, not just with yourself, but with other people. And I think you can handle all the challenges of midlife and of back to school and all of the things. You can just handle them with more confidence and you're able, I think, to enjoy what's truly matters to you, which might be incredibly simple things, but life just feels like it's got more ease and flow when you spend a little bit of time doing this. So what I tend to do with my one-to-one clients, I sort of co-create an emotional fitness ritual, but using, as you mentioned them, energy shots, which are just kind of all on my website. And what I encourage people to do is literally just choose three, five minute energy shots a day, and you can do them all at once at the beginning of the day you can spread them throughout the day you can do them however the hell you like you can do the same ones you know for weeks on end you can mix them up do what you like but it's all the things it's so good for busy bees because it literally is three five minute chunks and it's all the things like heart for breathing and and you know mindfulness and sound therapy and and tapping and all those all the good things i love mindful walking i've got my son into it as well and he absolutely loves it because he he was very much obviously the gen z generation he was the headphones in when you go out and now he's like no and he said the transformation How brilliant that your son is doing that. I love that. Yeah. I think that's absolutely fantastic. There's me going three lots of five minutes a day. You can go walk for a bit longer than that. But yes, absolutely love it. Love it. But again, if you can't get out, and sometimes we can't, just sitting quietly and just bringing yourself into the moment. And as you say, if you couple that again with your hand between your boobs, breathing, et cetera, it's just... Supercharging, really. I think that's a whole new trademark there, Kate. Hand between your boobs breathing. Got it. We might have just cut off 50% of the population not able to... Well, no, they've still got... Hand between your moobs for them. Yeah, absolutely. Anyway, anyway, sorry. But yeah, I think it really is focusing on filling up your cup and putting, you know, me time first, which I know is a shocking concept to a lot of people. It is, and... Sadly, it is. I've got a lovely quote here, actually, which I just dug out by a lady called

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Katie

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Reid. I won't sing it for you. You can sing it. Oh, go on. Yeah, no, seriously, I won't. I'm going to get you to sing in a minute when you tell me what your midlife anthem is. You've been warned. I really hope you're not. I'm tone deaf. But anyway, a lady called Katie Reid. So she says, loving yourself first is giving the world the best of you, not just what's left of you. Oh, yes. I just love that. See, and that's... you've brought our conversation beautifully full circle because we started off saying you know the whole busyness syndrome a busy person is a productive person a busy person is a person to be admired a person to be put on a pedestal even ask a busy person no I think as you just said the person who has got the the self worth the the self love in place to be able to step back and with no guilt with no sense of I shouldn't be doing this with no fear of judgment being able to take that step back and spend time with themselves on themselves to make themselves a better person for everyone that's how I want to be yeah absolutely absolutely and I think it really does link to actually core identity stuff. And as we mentioned before, imposter syndrome and mom-poster syndrome and our limiting beliefs, I think it always relates back to that, that if you think that you need to be perfect or if you procrastinate, all of those things, everyone has got a core limiting belief under there, which is some version of I'm not good enough. I'm not successful enough. I'm not sassy enough. I'm not slim enough. I'm not whatever it were. I'm not young enough. you know whatever I'm not enough enough um and I think that it always comes back to that comes back to our identity and and and us kind of working on that Well, I think, A, I've loved our conversation and B, I think we've put some decent golden nuggets out there that I think would spark some more conversations. And I say, listeners, we'd love your feedback. I'll give you details of how to get in touch later on. But because I think it is a subject that will resonate, especially at this time of year. And God, we're going to be starting to talk about Christmas in a minute as well. Not in a minute here, but I know. But it's going to happen, Wendy. It's going to happen. We've got, what, 12 weeks or whatever the whole perfectly imperfect is something that I don't buy any of that shizzle my Christmas equals it's roast dinner with a couple of twiddly bits and I don't buy any of that stuff but the whole business thing we're kind of you know September we're thinking oh we've dared to take a bit of me time maybe over the summer maybe not so we're going full throttle now we need to be doing this we should be doing this ah no take some time out no we're not having it No. Well, on that note, we're going to move into your three questions, I think. But we will be giving your contact details in a minute, which are obviously on the show notes. So I'd love to know. I'm not going to make you sing. I think I've done quite enough singing for both of us. I could say them and you could sing them. We could be a team. Oh, I don't know what it is, listeners. I don't know what it is. I may not know it. Sometimes, you know, I have a very eclectic musical taste, but I've been introduced through all my wonderful guests to some stuff that I'm like, oh, I didn't even know that one. So, Wendy, what is your midlife anthem? The song, sound it can be, or piece of music that when you hear it, you think, Yes, today is going to be a good day. Well, I've got two if that's all right. Absolutely. Yes, please. And they're very basic, but that's fine. The first one is the only song I know with my name in it. So it's very selfish, isn't it? But I don't care. Which is Bruce Springsteen. It's Bruce Springsteen, Born to Run. So it's Tramps Like Us, Wendy, We Were Born to Run. And I love it. I absolutely love it. I didn't realise that was the second, the rest of that line. Well, there you go. Anyway, that's being played at my funeral. I don't think the kids are very happy, but I'm happy. but I don't care because I'm having it. So Born to Run, I just love, I love Bruce Springsteen anyway, but I love the vibes of just, oh yeah, one day I'm just going to be out of here. Yeah, I'm just pressing that button. You wouldn't get me on the back of a motorbike for love nor money, but the feeling of that. A metaphorical motorbike, yeah. Exactly. Oh, I love that. A metaphorical motorbike. Love it. And the other one is Helen Reddy, I Am Woman. Yeah. So I am woman, you know, watch me grow, see me standing toe to toe as I spread my loving arms across the land. All of that jazz. Yeah. I think that's a great song. Love both of them. Love both of them. Now, so for the second question, your midlife mantra, are you going to take a line from one of your midlife anthems or is it a phrase from somewhere else? What is your phrase or phrases? You're allowed more than one. Oh, actually, oh, good. This is a quote from the first sort of self-development, self-help book that I read, which was Rebecca Campbell, Light is the New Black. I'm such a sucker for a title. That's the title of the book. I just thought, oh, love that, Light is the New Black. And the quote is, your head leads you in circles, your heart will lead you home. And for me, it's all about getting out of your busy bee head and into your energetic heart. And that every time I think, Wendy, you're so boring. You just keep coming back to the same quote over and over. But it just absolutely sums it up for me. Listen to your heart. It's got the answers. So, yeah. So that's that's that. And then I in terms of sort of little mantras, I use handy affirmations, which is basically if you press your your thumb to your pointing finger middle finger ring finger and pinky finger as you say the words um and I I think I'm going to create a book of them actually but or something cards maybe some cards maybe but I absolutely love them so for me it's things like you you repeat so you go I love my life as you press all these fingers I love my life I love my life uh magical morning magical day magical morning magical day so I've got loads and loads and loads of those but I think the Just, they're great. Because again, they're quite simple and easy. So yeah, but I would say your head leads you in circles, your heart will lead you home is absolutely mine. Brilliant. Well, I think your cards, we're going to turn this into the number three, then the title of your autobiography. So I think you're, what did you call them again? Oh, handy affirmations. They are handy affirmations. They could form the basis of your autobiography. So what's it going to be called? Well, well, well, if I did, I'm actually writing a book as we speak, which is due out in December, she says, putting it out there you know that thing about if you say it out to the world it's going to happen absolutely and we will add if you don't want to give us the title now as that comes oh good no well it's called the seven minute manifesting method so I am it's going to be a beautiful guided workbook with lots of information and advice and you know whatever so I'm really excited about it because it's going to help people to just take a short period of time every day to manifest what And a superb Christmas present as well, I feel. Yeah, well, exactly. I feel, I feel, yes. I better get cracking then, hadn't I? Yeah, so at that, I am doing that as you speak. But if it was autobiography, it would have lots of EastEnders moments in it. But I think, I thought, oh, Life Through Rose-Tinted Specks was my best effort at that. Yes. Because I think that's what I tend to, I do see Life Through Rose-Tinted Specks. I'm very lucky. but I've worked on that and part of that has been banishing the busyness

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definitely

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oh that's brilliant what a wonderful way to round off our chat and I've loved this I've loved every moment I could get you back on I think I will I think I'll have to when your book comes out but before then I know there are going to be wonderful women and maybe some men as well they do it's been known tuning in that would love some Wendy or some more Wendy even in their life so Obviously, all your contact details are in the show notes for this episode, which is obviously available wherever you listen to podcasts and on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website where you've got your guest profile. But if you could just talk listeners through how they can get in touch with you. Well, the best way is my website, which is wendymoll.com, or follow me on LinkedIn. So that's the great advantage of having a ridiculous surname is actually I'm quite findable on LinkedIn. So it's Wendy, M-O-L-Y-N-E-U-X on LinkedIn. I don't really do any of the other socials. I can't really be bothered. So I think I've got profiles on them, but, you know, whatever. And could you spell out your website, how it's actually spelled? yes sorry it's w-e-n-d-y m-o-l dot com yeah just wanted to double check so that people can find you but I say head to the website which I'll tell you again in a minute for Wendy's guest profile and me I'd love your feedback I've already asked for it a bit but on today's episode so it'd be fabulous if you could leave a review and you can email me or text me via the link in the show notes and come and join the Midlife Unlimited podcast Facebook group. Again, link in the show notes where you'll also find the website link with details of my exclusive VIP Midlife Metamorphosis coaching. And also there should, I'm using that word should, but there should be details there of my forthcoming book, Your Empty Nest Epiphany, A Beginner's Guide to Bird Launching. So thank you for joining me, Wendy. I've loved this. And thank you all for listening I look forward to you tuning in next week don't forget Midlife Unlimited has a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcasts so here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and to living Midlife Unlimited thanks so much Wendy bye thank you bye