Episode #046 How to Speak Up and Speak Out as a Midlife Woman with Guest Hannah Holt

As the host of Midlife Unlimited®, Kate Porter has found her voice in Midlife. After years of people pleasing… worrying about what others were thinking… diluting herself.

Unleashing this confidence and freedom to stop hiding, to stop closing yourself off, to take back your power and discover what lights you up is truly liberating.

And Kate, The Midlife Metamorphosis Coach®, is not alone in ditching the guilt and celebrating knowing ourselves better than anyone else. She is not alone in wanting more!

So she is delighted to be joined by her guest Love Coach and founder of High on Love Hannah Holt for Episode 046 as they talk about How to Speak Up and Speak Out as a Midlife Woman.

An alternative title to this episode could be “How to Say F*ck It!”. Because like Kate, Hannah is an ambassador for Midlife women to give themselves permission to start doing things their way.

In this episode, the pair debate how it’s not that Gen X women don’t care – it’s just that we are now realising this is our time to care about ourselves first and foremost. 

And, with this, comes the discovery that we deserve more!

No more feeling guilty. It’s time to take back our power and ask what are we saying “Yes” to?

Hannah shares her metamorphosis story from spending years settling to her “F*ck this” realisation that when we stop proving and start trusting we unleash the confidence to speak up and say how we feel… we stop shrinking ourselves.

And Hannah reveals her top lessons learned for letting go of not enough, and nurturing self-love in Midlife and beyond.

Connect with Hannah

https://www.hannahholt.co.uk/

https://www.facebook.com/hannahholtmindset

https://www.instagram.com/hannah_highonlove/

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the midlife metamorphosis coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about real off that mask and telling it like it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So welcome to today's episode. Now I have quite literally found my voice in midlife after years of people pleasing, worrying about what others were thinking, diluting myself and unleashing this confidence and freedom to stop hiding, to take back my power and be accountable to me and discover what truly lights me up is blinking liberating. And I'm not alone in ditching the guilt and the excuses and celebrating knowing myself better than anyone else. I'm not alone in wanting more. So I'm delighted to be joined by my guest today, love coach and founder of High On Love, Hannah Holt, to talk about how to speak up and speak out as a midlife woman. So welcome, Hannah. It's fabulous to have you here. Thanks, Kate. Thank you for having me. Now, an alternative title to our episode, but I didn't use it because I worry about all having to fill it in with the hashtags and things, is how to say fuck it, because that's a phrase that you've been using quite a lot recently, isn't it? It is, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 2:00

And the deliberation of whether to star out a letter in saying fuck it on social media, but I haven't been in a lot of occasions just because fuck it is part of my movement. It's part of the moments that have changed my life because when we say fuck it, it allows us to step out of our comfort zone. It allows us to take the risk, to be bold, to be brave, to wear the outrageous outfit, to do something because fuck it. And it's just, we put so much pressure on ourselves conforming the shoulds the needs the haves and it just it squashes us so fuck it is the first step in the movement because it's just this fuck it leads to decisions fuck it leads to a fuck yes so it's also that fuck it moment allows you to back yourself to say yes and to really change course to you know to take the big change to take the leap to say no to the job to have go on the first date whatever it is it's this pivotal point that those words allow us to navigate so that's why I love it so much so they will be swearing in this episode

SPEAKER_01: 3:15

it's not about that we don't care it's about realising that we're giving ourselves permission to care about ourselves isn't it it's not like we're not really saying fuck you we're saying fuck it so it's not that we're stepping back completely. But it's just realising that we deserve more, don't we?

SPEAKER_00: 3:37

Yeah, it's the awareness, it's choosing us. You know, the amount of women that I speak to and I ask them, you know, tell me the most important people in your life. They will list off their family, their friends. And I said, where are you on that list? And they're never featured. So it's also the fuck it, I do matter. Let me choose me because... Without that, who am I anyway? So it's putting ourselves at the front of the queue is the most important thing. It's the biggest decision and investment that you can make is to choose yourself. No,

SPEAKER_01: 4:16

absolutely. And I'm delighted that later on you're going to be sharing your top life lessons and tips for doing just that. Because us midlife women, this is such a pivotal time. And I don't like the word guilty, but I was guilty. And I'm using that quite harshly again. I was living vicariously through my son and I'm not going to say fuck it to him but it was that sudden realisation of hang on a minute Kate You're doing stuff or you're capable of doing stuff that you want to do, that you need to do, that's in you, that you've just been putting on that bloody back burner, that you've been not putting yourself on the list. And isn't it, it's about rewriting that list with a blinking great permanent marker. So I'd love to know, because it's contagious, your passion, this whole fuck it movement. I'm really excited about it.

UNKNOWN: 5:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 5:09

Can you share how this has come about? What is your backstory? Because we've all got one. What's led Hannah to where you are now? There's

SPEAKER_00: 5:18

been quite a few variations of me finding myself in my business in particular. 10 years ago was a pivotal point in my life, 10 year anniversary this year where I did say fuck it because I'd spent years talking badly to myself being my own biggest critic pulling myself apart not feeling worthy not feeling deserving of love spending years chasing the perfect body you know thinking if i get to a size 10 then i will find love then i will be you know seen uh growing up in a very masculine household where you know women had to look a certain way women shouldn't speak women should do this and and conform and and i you know i'd sort of live by that but not knowing really you know everything had sort of was working out really well for me I'd lived in Australia for 10 years I'd had some amazing jobs in corporate and my last final job um I kind of came across two or three bosses in concession which made me feel so small and insignificant and I realized that you know I was constantly chasing this feeling enough and feeling that and also chasing money you know I will be successful when I get the job title and the and the the amount of money and... It's never ending, isn't it? It's those goalposts.

SPEAKER_01: 6:43

And who's moving the goalposts? Are we moving them? Or are we doing what we should be doing? What outside pressure? Oh, you know, yes, as you said, oh, when I reach a certain size, when I reach a certain bank account, you know, enough money, there's enough zeros there. When I get the car, when I get the house, it's all stuff, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 7:02

It's all stuff, yeah. It's societal expectations, but it's also the expectations of my dad. You know, he was all about money every job I got he would say how much they're paying you and what's your job title and he said it was ingrained in me that success meant these these certain materialistic things and you know fast forward burnt out completely done uh it was a whole it was it was compounded I think this happens when we get to these pivotal moments where we I was it was my version of rock bottom where you know another relationship had ended and my dad had had a stroke and I'd moved back back to the UK and I just was completely done. And I knew something had to change. I knew I didn't want to carry on this way. And that's the decision I made when I said, fuck it, to book this yoga retreat to Ibiza. And it was the most transformative seven days of my life. And it was the first time I'd been surrounded by women. It was the first time I learned about femininity and being a goddess and just acceptance and love and trust. My intention for the retreat was self-love because I was just so done with that version of me. I wanted to really change. And it was an awakening. I came back to the UK and I knew I just didn't want to carry on and down that same path. So then two months later, I met my now husband. But I met him when I was having fun. There was no pressure. There was no need. There was no timeline. I knew in my heart I would meet someone. I'd let go of the timeline. And that's, you know, an element in my movement now is this, which is the last part in the fuck it method, which is trust, trusting the process, trusting where we're at, trusting that you will be guided down a different path if you let go and trust in the process. So, you know, and then I met Alex and I sort of then moved into the wellness industry, did my yoga teacher training and started working for various different wellness wellness startups, wellness hotels, where I was sort of creating wellness experiences and going into corporates, talking about workplace wellbeing, but it wasn't really lighting me up. I knew I wasn't in corporate. I knew I had a reason to be in this area, but I didn't quite know where I fit in. And that's where I spent the last three years trying to find who the fuck Hannah Holt is. And only after doing my breathwork training six months ago, I suddenly realized I have been not really being my true self in my business because I've still been on this quest of being enough. So I still had some work to do. And this is, you know, another reminder for everyone, you know, that we are always evolving and we are always, you know, learning from experience. And I realized that I'd gone into corporate well-being because I thought I should do that. And then I started talking about body acceptance because, hey, I can eat a tub of ice cream without wanting to go on a diet for a year that means I can talk about body but actually I still give myself a hard time when my jeans feel tight so then I went into talking about relationship coaching and I thought but I knew it was bigger than that and that is where high on love has really only been born in the last couple of months and high on love is this it's not just a movement it's a way of living it's these moments that continually remind us of the importance of of just just living our lives, these magic moments, this gratitude, this self-compassion, this coming home to you, choosing you. And it's, it's all of it together, which then allows you to open yourself up to more. And, and it's just, it's, and now I feel like I've finally arrived, which is really exciting.

SPEAKER_01: 10:57

I love that. And I can't, I can't wait to give you, to talk more about it in a minute with your top tips, because the energy that's exuding from it, I can see your face and you're just, you're on fire. You're alive. You're, glowing and it's not it's not just the the serum or whatever that you've used this morning you just look vibrant and it's a joy to see it really is and I say I've been seeing your social media posts with with the fuck it's recently dancing on the beach with the dog dancing in the toilet I think it was a rather glamorous hotel or something but there's a word that you use and I don't think I'd heard it before so I don't think it's a word that you've created or perhaps I'm just not widely read enough but but deservingness I love that I I love that because explain how that moves from the quest for being enough that, again, we're not going to say shoulds, but we've all had enough of trying to be enough or not feeling enough. The shift from enoughness to deservingness. What did that mean to you?

SPEAKER_00: 11:55

It's really the, and you sort of, you know, positioned it in a really lovely way, the quest for enoughness. I will be enough when, I will be enough when. It's we're always moving the goalpost. And I think that's what I was doing, you know, particularly in my business, you know, I will be enough when I have, you know, a whole bank of clients, I will be enough when the bank account says this, I will be enough when I'm earning 10k a month, which is another thing that we get caught up on in in the coaching world. And but when we come into deservingness, and this really connects to this, this deep knowing of this is who I am. And this is what I'm this is what i'm here to do and and i i deserve to have all of my desires met because i i i know that this is this is me and this is this and this deserving this is also when we let go and we just trust and we just allow our life to unfold and the magic and the synchronicities and the lightness when we you know when we know you know i knew before i met alex i knew i was going to meet someone because it was just part of me, this knowing. And that's where we, you know, whenever we're told no, you know, do we listen to the no or do we listen to this knowing, this deservingness that's within us? And when we keep coming home to that, and that's part of my breathwork as well, to keep coming home to ask ourselves the question, you know, what do I need today? How can I support myself today? And actually listening to what comes up and then honoring it. Because we We so often think that we need answers from everyone around us, but actually we already know what to do. We are so wise. We're so intuitive. It's just coming home and asking, you know, what do I need? What should I do? And just waiting and then going and doing the thing. So yeah, deservingness for me is really that heart, that knowing, that intuition, that almost that femininity as well, that flow and that creativity. Because when we're in that, in that space where we're in that joyful and lightness and fun and love and all of that juicy stuff. That's when we, you know, that's when we're being magnetic. That's when we can attract what we want because we're, we're in this high vibration. You spoke about guilt earlier. Guilt is at the lowest energy vibration we can possibly. It's aligned with shame. So when we're in joy and love and, and excitement and fun, that's when we're huge. That's when we're like a love beacon, you know, when we're in

SPEAKER_01: 14:35

that energy. It's like the opposite, isn't it? of diluting ourselves and stifling ourselves and playing it small. And I think we've got so used to doing that, so used to thinking, oh, I shouldn't be speaking out. I shouldn't be giving my opinion. My opinion isn't valid. Who am I to shake things up? Who am I to question? Well, we are us and we are here to question, aren't we?

SPEAKER_00: 15:00

Yeah, and the who am I is a big one, particularly as, you know, even, you know, when it comes to running a business you know who am I to charge this or who am I to stand on stage or who am I to talk about being an expert on social media because there's someone else who does she

SPEAKER_01: 15:18

think she is as well isn't it who does she think she is it's like let the judges judge I've been saying that for years way before this whole let them it's been part of my own metamorphosis because I was holding myself back by that fear of little you know the kind of the bitches in the corner saying who does she think she is and If they want to come and do it, come and do it. Come and stand next to me. Come and do it your way. But I'm not going to waste my value and my worth. I'm not going to dilute myself to please the little in the corner.

SPEAKER_00: 15:54

And also, I would question, you know, is there any evidence of the people in the corner? You know, has anyone ever messaged you, Kate, and said, hey, who do you think you are, Kate? Yeah. Has anyone? No. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 16:06

Although I did have It goes back to the whole bullying at school as well, when literally someone did carve on my desk, who do you think you are? And that's something that stuck with me. Although now, as you say, it's all the little voice that you try and quieten. But know that these things do, when you are trying to do something big and bodacious and bold, or when you are stepping out of that comfort zone, which I like to do on a daily basis in a perfectly imperfect way, I'm very much just do it. don't sit around waiting just do it what's the worst that can happen but these are the little voices in the middle of the night they go who do you think you are to be doing that

SPEAKER_00: 16:49

and that's a lovely invitation for you that you know who do you think you are i'm fucking kate porter that's who i am and you know and i'm powerful and i'm bold and i'm stepping out and and it's um yeah it's sort of reframing the old narrative of and you know that's something that my dad would say as well you know who do you think you are you know don't you shouldn't speak out you know you don't be too bullshit, don't be too cocky, quiet and down, but all of these, get back in your box. And it's just the narrative that actually we will keep bringing true because it's actually keeping us safe. Because the moment we step out of our box, we are into the unknown and we're doing something different. And then that's why the voice says, no, no, come back in. Who do you think you are, Kate? Because it's that protective. So as soon as you know that, hey, I've got me, I can do this because I trust me and I know what I'm doing. It's retraining and reframing and also reprogramming our mind that has been keeping us stuck.

SPEAKER_01: 17:49

Yeah. And it is so powerful because I say, you know, part of my own metamorphosis that did result in the coaching that I do, it's because you know it works and because you know that because you've changed your own narrative and you've changed the way you speak to yourself with amazing results, that helping other people to do it is just so liberating. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 18:10

I mean, I've been using the fuck it method a lot because, you know, I, you know, I've been in my business for three years now and I, whenever I put myself out there, you know, whenever I go and launch an event or I, I've, I've got to actually show up, there's that, Oh, say no one likes it or say no on books. And, but now I've got my immediate comeback, which is as again, part of my method, I fucking got me. And I will literally, Hug myself if need be to say, hey, we've got this. I've got you. What do I need right now? I need to go and look at my list of things that happen when I show up with High On Love. And I've got a list that I look at all of my testimonials or things that happen, synchronicities, because that is a reminder. That's the evidence of this is what happens when I choose love. And that is just really reaffirming, okay, let's give myself a hug. We've got this. Let's try this. trust the process, and then off we go. And it just takes a moment of that self-checking, the moment that you wobble, the moment you have the doubt, hey, I fucking got me. And it's just that lovely little devotion

SPEAKER_01: 19:19

to you. That's a great first insight. So remind me again then. So anyone thinking I'd like to take this idea on board. When you say a list, do you physically mean a list? Is it in your mind? Is it something you manifest? How would you to the listeners thinking, right, I need a bit of this?

SPEAKER_00: 19:39

So whenever you doubt yourself or let's say it's a work thing, right? You're going into a meeting and you're not sure how it's gonna land, right? You could have a list with you of the last times I spoke out in a meeting, someone said, hey, I really liked that idea or hey, oh, that was really good. So it's almost like you're creating evidence of this is what happens when I step out. This is what happens when I show up for myself, I speak out. And whether it's a work thing or whether it's something that you do in your social life, but it's these little reminders of, you know, testimonials or a friend might have sent you a lovely message to say, I really, really appreciate you. It's just a list that we can look at to reaffirm that, hey, I am doing the right thing and I am brave and I can do this. So it's just having something that you can quickly look at to remind yourself of, hey, I've got me, I can do this. Yeah. I

SPEAKER_01: 20:39

like the idea of a jar as well. I kind of, it could be, I've got you jar. It's like little things. So it's like, yes, pick it out and read it. And That'll lift me because I love the way you use the word love as well. Now, obviously, I described you in the introduction as a love coach. Now, within that title, and obviously this does cover your insights and top tips. Are we just talking love in the relationship sense? Are we talking self-love? Are we talking all of the above?

SPEAKER_00: 21:12

We're talking all of it. We're talking a love of life. We're talking a love of everything. every single component. And the high on love movement is all about awareness, right? You can be in a room full of people and not even appreciate all of the energy and all of the joy and all of the smiles. And you might be drinking wine or, you know, if you can take that magic moment and just look around, that's high on love. You know, you could be walking in nature with your dog and your family. You take a moment ah, that's high on love. So it's all of these micro doses of love that we have every single day. You drinking your morning coffee, you know, that, ah, yeah, you know, so it's everything. And the more that we just keep capturing those moments, the more that we light ourselves up and it's just really becoming aware of what you're doing every single day and taking stock of it as well. You know, every night I get into, before I get into bed, I write down all of my magic moments, all of the things that went well, all the things I said yes for. And that's another thing that I do. What are you a yes for today? I'm a yes for having an amazing conversation with Kate. I'm a yes for my breath work, my first ever launch event going amazingly well tonight. So it's also stepping us forward of what we're available for, what we are a yes for, and then documenting that, taking stock of it throughout the day in these sort of moments of love. So yeah, it's all of it.

SPEAKER_01: 22:46

Yeah. Yeah, no, absolutely. And I would like to, obviously, I think that what are we yes for is so powerful. And I think as well, it's worth mentioning the whole what do we know for then as well as a counterbalance to that. Because obviously, it's how we take back our power regarding how we spend our time. And it is precious, isn't it? We've mentioned this is a pivotal time for us. But with so many things changing, I don't just mean biologically, I do mean relationship-wise. and obviously relationships in midlife shift massively in a lot of cases. So saying yes and no can weave into that as well, can't it? Actually, you know, we mentioned settling earlier and it can be a scary time to actually think, well, am I settling in this relationship? And we could be talking friendships as well. We could be talking relationships with parents or with children or with siblings It is a time to actually think, is this relationship working to the max?

SPEAKER_00: 23:53

Yeah, I mean, that's a nice segue into the second part of the fuck it method, which is you for unshaming. So it's making a decision of what am I no longer available for? And it could be that... taking listening to the what you had in your desk of you know i'm what was it sorry you had on your desk there um i'm too you're too big no on your desk at school you had oh yeah the who do you think you are yeah who do you think you are i'm no longer available for the who do you think you are getting to me anymore i'm no longer available for feeling guilty if i do something for myself i'm no longer available for this relationship because it's draining me so it's it's making a decision of the things in your life that you are no longer available for and choosing again because we yeah we do settle and we do think that this is it and there's I'm just this this is as good as it's going to get and maybe I'll maybe I won't find anyone or maybe I'll be single forever you know that that decision to say I'm no longer available for this relationship is huge but it's probably the best decision you will ever make because if you if you're asking yourself that question I feel like this is as good as it's going to get you're in the wrong damn relationship so it's time to say fuck it and get out of it

SPEAKER_01: 25:14

yeah and it is you say it's opening up to new possibilities and yes it's going to be scary and yes we don't know what's coming but it is the whole idea of the only time we're ever going to have complete certainty is with hindsight so we can wait forever but I don't want to be sitting in a rocking chair when I'm 110 thinking I wish I'd done that I don't do regret but it's that, you know, I wish I'd done more. I mean, more is one of my favourite words, but in a, I want more. I don't want to be regretting I didn't do more.

SPEAKER_00: 25:47

Yeah, and that, you know, I don't know whether you've read that book, Bonnie Ware, you know, The Regrets of People Dying. It's always, you know, I wish, yeah, I mean, there's this, she was a nurse on a ward and it was, you know, a cancer ward and she was basically documenting what are your regrets and it was always, you know, I wish I'd chosen myself. I wish I'd lived the life true to myself. I wish I'd played more. I wish I'd had more fun. I wish I'd travelled. You know, we never say that, you know, I wish I'd worked more. I wish I'd stayed in that relationship because... I wish I'd finished that report a day early. Yeah, yeah. So it's doing the things. It's having the fun. It's being more of who you get to be by choosing what you're no longer available for and what's really sucking your energy and keeping you feeling stuck and heavy no

SPEAKER_01: 26:39

absolutely so i'm intrigued now you mentioned what the u stood for so does the c actually stand for something as well or is it just a cool word no no no it's they

SPEAKER_00: 26:49

all have meaning so the f is the fuck it

SPEAKER_01: 26:50

right right right yes i'm not sure if you just thought fuck it i mean

SPEAKER_00: 26:55

oh no oh no kate there is there is there is method in

SPEAKER_01: 26:59

the fuck it

SPEAKER_00: 27:00

yeah it is my method that it is part of my coaching program uh it's also part of the breathwork experience as well so the f is for fuck it, the moment that we choose ourself, the moment that we say yes, the U for unshaming, letting go of these old stories and starting to speak to yourself in a more empowering way. The C is for choose you, which is the whole self-love piece, choosing you, coming home to you, the devotion to you. The K is for know your power, this knowing, this rising into your power, celebrating you for exactly as you are today. The I is for I fucking got me, which is when we we wobble and we start to doubt ourselves. So that's kind of like the high on love 2.0 is when you really need to start, you know, coming in and I've got me. And the T is the trust the process. You've done the work. You've asked the universe for all that you want. You know, you put your desires out there and now it's let go, surrender and come into this place of love, fun and flow. So yeah, they all have meaning.

SPEAKER_01: 28:00

No, I love that. I love that. Now, obviously the journey that you've been through over the past few months in bringing this all together has been very powerful and I say I can see in your face that you are loving this but What would you say now to you a couple of months ago? Oh, wow. What a great question. I'd

SPEAKER_00: 28:22

say I fucking got me. It's funny. There's been such a shift over these last four months and I made the decision. Another fuck it moment was to invest in a coach. I knew that my business was more than just coaching. That's when I went and did the breath work. And through that whole breathwork training I learned so much more about me I learned that I was actually um not being all of me I was being um I was I wouldn't say fuck you know because I was that's not right and I might be judged or it didn't you know but now it's it's this just everything just feels like it makes sense and this whole brand I knew it was a movement I knew it was a brand and then high on love was born so it's I and I think it's just this this kind of constant reaffirming and looking back at the version of you that has gone through the process and to almost keep talking to the future you. What does the version of Kate say at the end of the year? She's going to be looking back saying, hey.

SPEAKER_01: 29:31

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00: 29:33

So it's reflecting on how far you've come, celebrating yourself for showing up. The small little things that you, you know, my first breathwork event I sold out in four days. And that was just, wow. You know, I've been doing events for the last three years and it's been tumbleweed. And now it just feels, because I've chosen to show up with love and excitement, I genuinely feel so passionate about all of this. And that is magnetic. People feel that. So it's, yeah, it's the reflection, looking back how far you've come, celebrating every single moment. And that's, you know, I do reflections at the end of each week, at the end of each day, constantly cheering yourself up. on and then looking forward you know what does future you say well future you is saying let's let's fucking go we've got this what else are we going to

SPEAKER_01: 30:23

do absolutely we talked about goalposts earlier and i think yes they do keep moving but let's let's move them in a flexible way but not in a way that's linked to material things things but the things that will actually light us up like i mentioned in the introduction what lights us up what fire us up but not in a way that's reliant on someone else giving us stuff

SPEAKER_00: 30:52

yeah it's like I you know I'm no matter what I'm I'm okay in this moment you know and it's it's holding on to where we want what we want but not too not too tightly you know holding on just a little bit navigating of you know because obviously we've got to know what we want we've got to know where we want to go but but letting let letting whatever comes to you come to you you know the you The universe has a far greater plan than we will ever know. And that's, you know, another part of a lot of work. I mean, I'm all about magic and the universe and talking to my spirit guides and, you know, they know what they're doing. So the more that I control the process, the more that I hold on, the more that I will push it further away. So it's, you know, and even, you know, we talk a lot about manifestation and I didn't manifest Alex, my now husband. He was the complete opposite of who I thought I'd end up with I was manifesting yeah yeah I'd never thought I would end up with you though you knew you were going to meet someone I knew I was going to meet someone but who I thought I was going to meet was completely wrong for me you know I we attract our own insecurities we attract people into our life that are aligning with how we feel about ourselves so all of my ex-boyfriends were very controlling very narcissistic very masculine would make would make me feel small, would make me feel insignificant, would make me feel like I needed to lose weight in order for them to love me. They call me fat. I was attracting all of my own insecurities. And as soon as I healed those insecurities, as soon as I said, this is me, I accept who I am, I love who I am, and I'm just going to let go, that's where I attracted the right kind of love, which is Alex, who's the most loving, most amazing, the kindest man I've ever met in my whole entire life. And he was who I was meant to be with because that's, you know, I'd done the work on myself. So it's, we can manifest what we think we want, but actually he nine times out of 10, it's not, we're not, we're either not ready for it or it's not, it's not right for us. So it's kind of, again, like knowing that, you know, I want to start a business or knowing that I want to be in a relationship. Yeah. You can, you can know all those things and trust it, but then letting go and letting it all unfold how it's meant to. letting go of the timeline

SPEAKER_01: 33:17

yeah no absolutely because i think we can worry so much about oh we need to do this and it's the shoulds that creep in as well isn't it oh so and so that they'd done such and such by this it's like no it needs to the energy and the flow needs to be there and it it needs to come together doesn't it yeah i'm so excited for you thank you now in a bit we are going to be obviously all your details contact details for anyone wanting to find out more and I'm sure they're going to be loads is it is it just women or if there are men listening can they find out

SPEAKER_00: 33:54

no this is another thing right you know when I when I got my teacher teaching my coaching certification it was a whole bit you've got a niche you've got a niche down you've got to be this and I was like oh okay I know I'll work with women on body body acceptance because I thought that's what I know but fuck that no I want to work with anyone I want to work with anyone who wants more love in their life. And, you know, through the breathwork and the coaching, I'm, you know, I just want to help as many people as possible. So, yes, for all the men. And I've got some amazing men in my world as well, you know. And as soon as I said to my husband, I just want to let you know I'm going to work with men now, he was like, yes. About fucking

SPEAKER_01: 34:34

time, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 34:35

Yeah, about fucking time, yeah. So, yeah, to answer your question, I work with anyone.

SPEAKER_01: 34:41

Excellent. Well, we'll say we'll be sharing your contact details later on. which are in the show notes for our episode and on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website. But before we do, this is one thing we talk about moving goalposts. These are three goalposts that are set in stone and I'm not going to move them because there are three questions that I ask every one of my fabulous female guests. And you ain't going to escape, even if you say fuck it. So I really look forward to these. So the first question is, what is your midlife anthem the song or piece of music or sound because Helen did choose a sound um that lights you up that when you hear it you think Hannah yes I want to know what what Helen's sound was oh you're gonna have to go back and listen to the it was bird song it was bird song ah okay yeah that's a lovely sound she is the how to go grey your way episode

SPEAKER_00: 35:43

ah Ah, yeah, birdsong's lovely. I think I've got so many songs because dancing is a huge thing for me whenever, and that would be an I fucking got me moment, and I do this every morning. I put on a song, normally just anything on my like list, and I dance, and I will dance, and you can't see this, but in front of me, it's like my love wall, and it's pictures of holidays, friends, family, and I dance, and I appreciate the love wall and i just come into this lovely flow and uh so i've got so many tracks but if i had to pick one because this one is like an instant fuck yes it's jump pointer sisters it just it's just i just love it so much it's an immediate

SPEAKER_01: 36:32

Yeah, love it. Yeah, I won't ask you to do the actions. I don't think anyone's chosen that yet. God, that takes me back. That really takes me back. What would be number two then? Because people are increasingly, my guess, are choosing more than one. I will let you have one more.

SPEAKER_00: 36:47

Oh, okay. Well, I mean, I think this is part of my movement. Whitney Houston, Higher on Love. That's a brilliant track. It's part of my Breathwork playlist as well because it's obviously part of the movement. Higher on Love. Love it.

SPEAKER_01: 37:02

Love

SPEAKER_00: 37:02

it.

SPEAKER_01: 37:02

So I've got a feeling I might know what the answer to this one is, but you might have a second one. What is your midlife mantra?

SPEAKER_00: 37:13

Again, I've got so many, but one I'm probably saying a lot, which is Louise Hay. Louise Hay was a huge part of my kind of awakening into how I spoke to myself. But she has a mantra, which is, I trust only good can come from this. And it's just really lovely. And it's, you know, whenever you're making a decision, only good can come from this. And it's just, I don't know, it's just so simple. And I've just been saying it a lot recently. So I'm going to go with that one. I

SPEAKER_01: 37:53

like that. I like that. No, that's really powerful. Which leads me to the final question before we go into how we can all get in touch. Well, I know how I can get in touch with you, but the people listening, how they can get in touch with you. What is or would be, will be the title of your autobiography? It's going to have to be Fuck It. I was waiting. I thought the mantra might go down that route, but no, you saved the best till last.

SPEAKER_00: 38:24

Yeah, it just is. It's just, yeah, I mean, I've got no words for it, but it's just so powerful. And it's really, it's made a massive change in my life. And it's been the reason that my life is where I'm at, right? You know, and even meeting my husband, I wasn't meant to be on that brunch. I was hungover, didn't want to go. And then I just said, fuck it. And I went and met Alex at this brunch. Oh, really? Was it

SPEAKER_01: 38:52

one of those situations that if you turned a different corner?

SPEAKER_00: 38:54

Yeah. It was a real sliding door moment. We wouldn't, I don't think we would have met had I not gone. And so there are so, if you, you know, look back through history, almost these moments where you've just gone to the event or you've done, you know, you pressed, you know, send or, you know, they're those fucking moments. They lead to fuck yes. So that's definitely the title of the book for sure.

SPEAKER_01: 39:20

Now, are you going to actually spell it out or are we going to have exclamation marks and asteriskers?

SPEAKER_00: 39:25

Oh, no. I know, we're going to spell it out. The only time I've used a star so far is on, it will have to be LinkedIn. I haven't been on LinkedIn for a while. And on my flyer, my flyer for my breath work, I had a whole deliberation, even did a poll on Instagram. And then it was actually a couple of the studios I spoke to and said, no, you're going to have to star out one of the letters. It's still quite cool though. It

SPEAKER_01: 39:52

doesn't lose any impact for that, I don't think. Yeah, yeah. Well, obviously, there's going to be people who say, Kate, just get on with it. Ask her. We want to know. Hannah, how can we get in contact with you, please?

SPEAKER_00: 40:06

Well, through my website, all of my, actually, my social handles have changed. I'm currently on Instagram. By the time this comes out, I probably will be on other platforms. But Hannah underscore high on love is my Instagram. And my website is just hannahholt.co.uk. And everything, well, currently, right now it's not updated but Instagram is probably your best bet at the moment but also

SPEAKER_01: 40:33

your links on the show notes and on the website will be live and up to date as of now as you're listening to this so it will all lead you directly to Hannah to find out more and I'd love your feedback on today's episode so it'd be fabulous if you could leave a review and you can email or text me via the link in the show notes and come and join the midlife unlimited podcast facebook group again the links in the show notes where you'll find the website link to with details of my exclusive vip midlife metamorphosis coaching offers and empty nesting figures quite highly on there at the moment as well so thank you for joining me hannah it's been an absolute pleasure thank you for listening i look forward to tuning in next week because don't forget midlife unlimited has has a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcasts. So here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and to living midlife unlimited. Thanks, Hannah. It's been brilliant. Thanks, Kate. Bye.