Episode #045 How to Come Out the Other Side Stronger with Guest Nikki Talbot

Midlife is a time of change which can leave us feeling vulnerable. Like we’re losing control. Losing our power. Sh*t just keeps happening…

This vulnerability can also unleash feelings that we thought we had dealt with… but now realise we have merely packed them away. We’ve tried to block them. Tried to forget. But deep down that vulnerability is making us feel raw. 

If you’ve had enough of putting on a brave face, join your host Kate Porter The Midlife Metamorphosis Coach® and her guest Nikki Talbot Founder of Pudding and Pie for Episode 045 as they talk about How to Come Out the Other Side Stronger.

Nikki and Kate explore how being vulnerable is not a weakness. And Kate is honoured that Nikki speaks openly and with great honesty about how being a mum to premature babies and losing her twin son Tom at just weeks old have enabled her to reframe and find that tiny chink of hope so that she can now talk from the scar and not the wound.

An inspiring case of deal and heal in action, Nikki shares her midlife metamorphosis story to show women that it is possible to dig deep and use awful experiences to build our resilience.

And Nikki talks through her lessons learned for how to come out the other side stronger and, like her, live with gratitude and hope.

 Connect with Nikki

https://www.puddingandpie.org.uk/

 https://www.puddingandpie.org.uk/team/

 https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikki-talbot-80162822b?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app

 https://www.instagram.com/puddingandpielimited?igsh=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for Gen X women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the midlife metamorphosis coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling midlife how it really is nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve so welcome to today's episode now midlife is a time of change and change can leave us feeling vulnerable feeling like we're losing control losing our power shit just keeps happening and this vulnerability can also unleash fear that we thought we dealt with, but now realise we'd merely pack them away, try to block them, try to forget. But deep down, that vulnerability is making us feel raw, scared to speak out, tired of feeling alone. So if you've had enough of putting on a brave face, then this episode is just for you. Because I'm delighted to be joined by my guest today, Nikki Tolbert, founder of Pudding and Pie, to talk about how to come out the other side stronger. So welcome, Nikki. It's fabulous to have you here.

SPEAKER_01: 1:40

Thank you so much. I'm super, super excited to be here too, Kate.

SPEAKER_02: 1:44

Well, I'm really excited about this conversation because I know we're going to be touching on some very raw, emotional, perhaps even topics that will trigger people. But it's all about doing it in an empowering way, isn't it? And it's about having the conversation. because otherwise being vulnerable you can end up going down the victim road can't you?

SPEAKER_01: 2:08

Absolutely and I know that you and I have talked about this before Kate with for me it's really important to talk about our experiences and to be talking about them from the scar rather than the wound and I think that really helps with being able to empower other women to A, let them know that they're not alone, but also B, that we're not a victim, that actually we can rise from the ashes, that we can use it as our superpower, our experiences to get us through the rest of life that we have that follows.

SPEAKER_02: 2:49

Yeah. And I know sometimes it could be, I mean, comparisonitis probably isn't the right word, but sometimes when something bloody awful happens to us, we can almost feel that we don't want to talk about it because what happened to us may not be as bad as what's happened to someone else or someone else is going through a difficult time and we don't want to burden them with our emotions. But sometimes it is good just to talk, isn't it? Because that other woman, I say woman, it might be a man, they might be feeling the same way, mightn't they? They might be desperate to talk about things.

SPEAKER_01: 3:27

I think so. And it's really interesting that you talk about the comparison because that's something that I'm really passionate about. We all do it. We all compare ourselves to other people. The reality is, and I know it's something that is overused in some respects in terms of not being able to... to judge or to think about what somebody else has been through unless you've walked to their shoes themselves but actually I know we do a lot in business where people will say oh um but they have this amazing lifestyle they've got the amazing house the fantastic car the the holidays all those things but we have absolutely no idea and actually it's not even our business on what these these external things that people have um it makes It doesn't mean that they have a happy, fulfilled life. It doesn't mean that they've got amazing relationships, family, friends. And just because they drive that amazing car doesn't mean they don't have beans on toast every night. So let's just stop for one moment just to compare.

SPEAKER_02: 4:33

Absolutely. And I think so often when we dig a bit deeper, we find out that these people are wearing masks that don't really align with who they are anyway, because they're being driven by should they're being driven by this need to prove themselves whether it be people pleasing or imposter syndrome or the fear that they're not good enough so many different threads that can come into us dropping the mask and being vulnerable and I'm delighted that later on we're going to be delving into lessons that you've learnt along your journey about how to emerge stronger on the other side but first if you don't mind I'd love to delve more into your story into what's made you the Nicky you are today because you've had your fair share haven't you I

SPEAKER_01: 5:31

have um But I think it's really interesting and really important to know that actually I wouldn't actually change a thing. And the things that happen now in business, in life, where I navigate my way through them, appearingly so effortlessly, and that's other people's words, it's not effortlessly in the first instance. And secondly, it's because of the other stuff that's before that's really helped me, that's really helped me to have my superpower us now. So As of today, I have ambitious, impact-minded women grow a business they're proud of, one that supports their life dreams. And I think it's really important to say that it's okay to be heart-led as well as ambitious. I really, really do. Those two don't have to be different personalities or different people. And actually, if I rewind back, like you've just said about the things that I've been through, so I could quite easily bullet point those things that I've been through but actually that's not what makes me

SPEAKER_02: 6:42

no

SPEAKER_01: 6:43

it is it is it is the journey that I've been on um so I um probably to go a little bit further back I suppose the question is always how far back do you go this is the thing isn't

SPEAKER_00: 6:54

it yeah

SPEAKER_01: 6:55

um I had um probably a normal childhood but what but not one that was easy and certainly not the Enid Blyton childhood um Thank you. but actually the if you go to um why i set the business that i did was because of my experiences so um we had all three of our children born very prematurely and that probably was the real big turning point in terms of where we are today in in the business and why i actually set it up in the very first place so um we had all three of our children born very prematurely and They were born, the first were twins born at 25 weeks and weighing less than two pounds each. And I always use the example so that you can do it now, Kate, or people that are listening to have a look at your thumb. Yeah. And if you look at the tip of your thumb to your second knuckle, that was the tip of the forehead of one of our children and their chin.

UNKNOWN: 8:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 8:08

So that was their face, okay? And if you put your hands out and imagine a Sky remote, so not a normal TV, but a Sky remote's a bit longer. That was the length of them from their head to their toes. And as I say this now to you now, I've now got goosebumps, still now, 19 years later. So Charlie and Tom were born at 25 weeks. Anyone that's been through the special care journey knows that it's a very complex one. It's a very worrying time. And very sadly, we lost Tom when he was two months old in digestive issues. Had he come

SPEAKER_02: 8:50

home or was he in hospital?

SPEAKER_01: 8:51

No, he was still special care they're both in special care still and we'd we'd actually very sadly been given the nod nod wink wink things are looking very good um and um he he had an infection that any newborn full-term baby could have and um he died within probably about 12 hours of knowing there was a problem it happened very quickly and to go back into special care the following day after losing him to Charlie was very, very, very difficult. But rather than grieve for Tom, I immediately put my concern onto Charlie that he was going to have the same thing. They're identical twins. Fast forward to another month later, so at three months of age, Charlie came home, weighing less than four pounds. Gosh.

UNKNOWN: 9:47

And...

SPEAKER_01: 9:47

rather foolishly or rather boldly whichever one you want to choose we then went on to have another baby and louie was born at 30 weeks and louie was our big baby at three pounds ten

SPEAKER_02: 10:01

oh my goodness

SPEAKER_01: 10:03

and um role reversal he just lay in his little incubator and grew and grew no problems at all and i was very very poorly i had an infection that um that you can get from a had an emergency cesarean with Louis and I ended up having life-saving surgery in another hospital and I had a bowel obstruction and all of the things lost an incredible amount of weight had to be fed intravenously by central line and as I said had life-saving surgery fast forward then to coming home and then a week later Louis followed me and Charlie really struggled so Charlie at this point now was a 20 month old little boy but of course he wasn't your regular 20 month old little boy because of being born so prematurely he was only just walking wasn't really speaking and emotionally he really struggled with mum being away for 8 eight weeks in hospital. And then this little gremlin of Louie came in and taken over his mum's. Absolutely, yeah. So that was a difficult time. We actually had three or four years of very difficult times behaviour-wise with Charlie, you know, and all the things. Anyway, all I wanted to do was nourish our babies and look after them and be there for them. I had a corporate career as training manager at RBS. And I didn't want to return to work. I knew I wanted to work. And when life-shattering things happen, like having babies born so prematurely and like losing a child, it makes you reassess everything. And all I wanted to do was be there for my children. I went back to work. And I threw myself into learning about weaning them. I don't know whether you're familiar with Annabelle Carmel or any of our listeners are.

SPEAKER_02: 12:17

I'm sure. I'm not actually. She's

SPEAKER_01: 12:20

not very well known now. Was it a new take on weaning? I don't know. She just was the queen of weaning. So I had always had a passion with nutrition and fitness. I really, you know, do believe you are what you eat and was really into looking after myself. And I threw myself into this. And it's all about nutrition. giving your children the best start in life. So I weaned them and with all these, you know, avocados, bananas or the rainbow foods, all of those things, absolutely loved it. Nothing from a jar, everything was natural. And as I stand today, I have a 19 year old and 17 year old boys. Charlie's at university now and having the best life. Oh, congratulations. Thank you. And Louis is doing his A-levels. And, you know, again, I do get quite emotional now, even now all these years on, because they're so normal. And yet when we had them born so early, you know, it was all so many things. It could have been so different.

UNKNOWN: 13:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 13:30

so different you know and i'm friends with um families that we met at the same time that had oxygen dependent babies tube fed babies all sorts of things born at a later stage and here we are with amazing boys so that that fed my passion for nutrition

SPEAKER_00: 13:50

and that's why

SPEAKER_01: 13:51

i set up pudding and pine because i truly believed that um you are what you eat and i my business teaches children how to cook from preschool all the way up to 11.

SPEAKER_02: 14:05

Do you think it was rediscovering? Because you said, obviously, you'd always had an interest and a love of looking after yourself, eating well, nutrition, but actually focusing it on children. Do you think that was integral in helping you reframe the shit

SPEAKER_01: 14:22

that you've been through? Absolutely. I really wanted to help children. And even now I say, even though I am passionate about food, Actually, food comes second. If something happened where I wasn't able to run my business through cooking, I would find another way because I truly believe that food is the key that unlocks so many other things. We have mental health issues as families, as communities, as societies. We help teach children how to listen to each other, how to work as a team, how to have confidence through what they can create through food. so not every child is sporty not every child is academic yet they can still find their thing through cooking they create something tangible that they take home to their parents that opens up we make sure that every lesson covers off the core subjects the maths the science the english which in turn helps schools helps nurseries with that development of children so the food is really, really important, but actually fostering of the relationships and developing children is absolutely key to me.

SPEAKER_02: 15:39

So for those listeners that aren't familiar with you, and obviously those who would like to get in touch will be giving your details later on in the episode, but what is Pudding and Pie? Obviously influenced by the nursery rhyme. So obviously you said it was an evolution of what you'd been through, but what was the spark moment when you thought, right, I'm going to do this? And how did it all come together?

SPEAKER_01: 16:03

Really good question. I went to the British Franchise Association, the show that they run at the NEC here in the Midlands. And I saw other people were doing it, by the way, amazing businesses. And I was going to do a franchise, which the irony is not lost on me that 13 years of being in business now, I'm now franchising my business. And it's almost like I've come full because through my experiences, just what I've alluded to from the beginning, but there is so much more. I really love children and want to help them, but also with women as well. And so I went to this franchise show and was very close to parting with a large sum of money to invest. And a very good friend of mine said to me, you can do this yourself. Absolutely do this yourself. I hadn't even thought about doing it myself until she put that idea into my head good friend i know I did. I did it. I was very brave. And I think some of the lessons that I've learned where I've had to be brave really helped me in this decision. And I took voluntary redundancy at RBS. And like many people that talk of a story that happened after redundancy, when the things that happened to you feel like the worst thing in the world, That's when the magic happens afterwards. You don't see it at the time, but I really believe that actually good things come from those circumstances. So that enabled me to set up Pudding and Pie. Again, as of today, we teach over a thousand children how to cook. And I have a team of teachers that help me do that. And I also have business owners through a network of franchisees. I'm right at the beginning of the journey with that. So here in Sutton Coalfield, that's where we teach a thousand children. We have communities in Shropshire, in Solihull, in Worcester, High Wycombe and North Somerset. High Wycombe. I thought it might be. I thought it might be over your way. I'm literally

SPEAKER_02: 18:28

between Beaconsfield and High Wycombe.

SPEAKER_01: 18:29

Amazing. it's an area that I've only just begun to understand so we have two franchisees ladies that are in High Wycombe area and what I feel that now my next chapter is where I'm helping women have the business that I have now that you can have a business that you absolutely go hop skipping into every single day that you believe in that you're passionate about but it rewards you as well it doesn't have to be separate You don't have to be this power, high-heeled woman in business that earns all the money. When we think about ambition, it's like, oh, they're... They're one-minded, they're shallow, they're win-win-win-win, bye-bye-bye. Or you have heart-led crystal beads. All a bit woo-woo. Incense woo-woo. It's one or the other,

SPEAKER_02: 19:31

isn't

SPEAKER_01: 19:31

it? You don't have to be. Actually, if you are either of these women, absolutely fantastic. Brilliant. I'm not actually slurring either of these women. But there's an in-between.

SPEAKER_02: 19:43

there's like it's a spectrum of anywhere along that line it's fine isn't it

SPEAKER_01: 19:48

yeah it's fine I am actually the in-betweener I am a little bit woo I do believe that you I think I'm with you

SPEAKER_02: 19:55

actually

SPEAKER_01: 19:56

yeah yeah you can you can manifest your world that's around you it is all about your mindset but I'm actually hungry for it Kate I want to have an empire because of what it brings me it brings me security many to me means two things opportunities and security I want security for my family that I didn't have as a child I also want opportunities for them I want to be able to give them and I'm not afraid to say that

SPEAKER_02: 20:28

and also the age your boys are now it's such an influential time for them obviously your older lad is at uni younger lad by the time we come out the results will be in because we're recording just before we all know we're and then you'll be facing Empty Nest again don't get me started well get me started on that because I'm working on my book about that at the moment so I will be interviewing you for that I think as well if you'd be up for

SPEAKER_01: 20:54

it yes I did listen to your previous Empty Nester interview which I thought was absolutely fantastic I at that time was six months in Charlie being at uni and I think again I'm going goosebumps because I think it's such an important time

SPEAKER_02: 21:12

yeah yeah well I say you're like me. You're all about reaching out, having the conversations. And as you say, giving women who have been through the most incredible, unpredictable times to actually dig deep within them and actually find impetus, inspiration to move forward and to try things and to give them hope. I think that's a word that I would definitely use for you. Absolutely. And I think we'll come back to that. But I think it's a good time to actually move into your top life lessons learned and how the wonderful women and men listening who think they're feeling stuck, they're feeling, I can't see where to go now.

UNKNOWN: 22:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 22:07

Let's give them

SPEAKER_01: 22:08

some inspiration. There's so many more, so many more, so many that I think. Well, I'm not putting any restriction. Let's just speak from the heart. You always do. Yeah, let's share. So we've already alluded to this about using your life lessons as your superpower, as your fuel. My book that I published last year is called Give Me Strength and It's about these lessons that I've learned myself. And it's about overcoming trauma that when you go through these things that are thrown at you, that you get no choice about actually thinking about, okay, this has happened today. Can I change this thing that's happened? No, I can't. Okay. So what can I change? So for me, it's part of the reframing about finding your nuggets of sunshine. whatever happens so an example that i would use is um charlie our eldest that was born at 25 weeks he does have epilepsy that may or may not be due to his start in life and i could do a whole podcast on his epilepsy and the lessons that i've learned he was diagnosed when he was nine and he's 19 now and he has not had the mystical magical 12 months seizure free yet

SPEAKER_02: 23:41

and that's Did the seizures not start till he was nine or just they didn't actually pinpoint what it was?

SPEAKER_01: 23:47

They thought it was febrile convulsions, which for anyone that doesn't know is if you, as a child, if you're poorly and you have high infection, your temperature spikes and it can cause a febrile fix. And it's a way of dealing with it. They thought it was that. Actually, looking back, he had epilepsy from day one. When he was nine, we were in centre parks everything was fine and dandy and he collapsed to the floor had a what they call a tonic clonic seizure which is the full convulsion eyes rolling back erratic jerking and he goes unconscious and we were very lucky that there was a paediatrician walking past as a guest that said straight away this is what it is and he was diagnosed in Nottingham where we were and It has been a journey for sure. He has had multitude, hundreds and hundreds of seizures where he's hurt himself very badly, happened with no reason, sorry, with no warning. And one that he had that I want to use an example was he was going on, he's Duke of Edinburgh and we're very much about Charlie having the most abundant, amazing life that he can have and not letting his epilepsy define him and whilst he has ziplined in Mexico scaled waterfalls in Jamaica been an elephant you know in the ocean no he's been an elephant in Thailand he's gone in a horseback riding in Jamaica he's in all the things

SPEAKER_02: 25:33

yeah

SPEAKER_01: 25:34

where I struggle is when he's not with me and so he has control as well though

SPEAKER_02: 25:39

isn't it yeah

SPEAKER_01: 25:41

I am you not supposed to say control freak I'm a control enthusiast no I didn't say freak I didn't say

SPEAKER_02: 25:46

yeah yeah no but it is it's because it's beyond there's nothing you can do you've nothing you can do is there that kind of protection instinct or whatever

SPEAKER_01: 25:56

yeah and as a mom I know lots of us share those feelings and so I'm

SPEAKER_00: 26:02

with you

SPEAKER_01: 26:03

for anyone that doesn't know Duke of Edinburgh is like a 25 mile hike trek with your friends with school and you you've got a big backpack and you camp out. And you get to go to the palace at the end of it. Yeah, woohoo. So we'd spent all time with school working with them so that they were equipped with knowing what to do. He had a little tracker in his rucksack. He's got walkie-talkies, got extra things. All of his teammates, his schoolmates were... Oh, by the way... They're 16 and they're on their own on the trek, you know. So they've got guides around and about. So on the morning of his trek, I put his rucksack on my shoulders because I thought if he has a seizure down the stairs with that on his back, goodness me. He's sitting at the kitchen island, and he's opposite me. He's carving up with his porridge. We've got 15 minutes to go. I'm like, we've got here. We've got here. Hallelujah. There is about a three-second warning for anyone that's around, anybody that has a person that has epilepsy, where they stare. Grab the stare. And the stare happened. Heart in my mouth. I ran across to the other side of the island, kind of rubbed the tackled him to the floor to cushion him kicked the stool out of the way and for the first time ever I cried as he's fitting it's so unfair why does this have to happen why can he not just have this time my husband is saying you need to call school they're waiting for they'll be waiting for him in the coach and I was like no just just hold on just hold on wait just let's see if we can make this work and I thought could I I get him could I travel and drive him to the location you know a few hours later again for anyone that doesn't know when you have a seizure full time chronic it's like your body has gone through a marathon it's exhausted there's no way that he can do even off to the football going to an event let alone a 25 mile walk so cross Kate so it's not fair So I did what I needed to do and called school and told them it was all off. Oh, by the way, COVID had happened, so this was already delayed by 12 months anyway. So within about four or five hours of that day, I had my golden nugget. I realised whilst I couldn't change that this had happened, thank goodness it had happened at home.

SPEAKER_02: 28:58

Do you know that's what I was thinking? Was it? if it had happened three hours later?

SPEAKER_01: 29:03

Exactly. Well, let's go even further. Let's go before then. What about if it had been on the coach in front of all of his year group?

SPEAKER_00: 29:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 29:12

Anyone that's got a 16-year-old child, it's all about how they look. They don't want to look any different. They don't want to stand out. Imagine if it had been half an hour into the journey for the driver having to pull over. In the middle of the coach, him having a seizure, all of the other people around him having to be in the aisle what about if it had been like you said in the um in the middle of nowhere they would have had to have called out emergency services the poor teachers the poor other children to be witnessed to all that actually above all of that Charlie

SPEAKER_00: 29:52

yeah

SPEAKER_01: 29:53

having to go through all of that I'd he hadn't hurt himself I'd cushioned him so for anyone that is listening that is going through an awful time there will be something there there will be a nugget and I promise you through losing a child through having a child with an invisible disability Through having so many things, I do hear you. I'm with you. I understand that sometimes it is awful. But I promise you that there will be a nugget there. No,

SPEAKER_02: 30:38

that's so powerful. I know resilience is another word that you don't use lightly, and it's a word that sadly we hear banded around. But true resilience is a very powerful thing, isn't it? Being able to develop it, nurture it, and help each other as well.

SPEAKER_01: 31:00

It really is. And I think this goes back to what we said right at the beginning when we compared it to other people. It's okay for them. So people could quite... be within their rights to say it's okay for Nikki she's got a brilliant business it's okay for Nikki she's got a lovely house it's all right for Nikki whatever fill the gap okay but what they haven't seen is the beginning the childhood the the moving out of home the not because she wanted to at the age of 19, of having to look after herself, of having those jobs that she didn't necessarily want. People, we don't see the journey. We all do it. And I think social media is a massive part of this. Yes, I enjoy my life. Yes, it's abundant. Yes, it's amazing. But I will never, ever forget my roots. And I'll never, ever forget the life lessons that teach me that resilience. So I remember when I went back to work after having, I think it was after having Louis and somebody saying to me, you are so calm and you are so resilient at dealing with things that happen. And in my head, I was thinking, but when you've dealt with things that I've dealt with, none of that matters. None of that matters at all. The bottom line, the things that happen in business are something going wrong, which is awful at the time. It doesn't matter. We get through it. And the more that we learn lessons, the more that we can get better and stronger at dealing with them.

SPEAKER_02: 32:45

And as you say, it goes back to the golden nugget as well, doesn't it? And I think if we're talking in business terms, there is something very powerful in that phrase that I use a lot when we're feeling fearful, when we're feeling unsure, because certainty, it ain't coming. We're not going to get certainty until afterwards and that's hindsight and we don't want to be going i wish i'd done that oh i could have done this if only i should have done that but that what's the worst that can happen and I don't mean in terms of with our loved ones I don't mean in terms of with our health but I mean in terms of when we're looking at these business decisions that aren't life and death decisions but they're things that we're procrastinating over they're things that we're comparing ourselves to others we're worried about fear of judgment what is the worst that can bloody happen we can say to ourselves it wasn't the right thing to do I'm going to either go back to what I was doing or I'm going to do this instead I

SPEAKER_01: 33:44

think that's it and it you sparked a conversation i had with somebody the other day when we were talking about i'm very much um goal driven um i am ambitious um and i want i'm in here we only live once so i want i'm all in actually whilst all of that matters to me and it's all important what what is my what again i'm asking the question that maybe we'd ask ourselves so our listeners might listen What are you, how are you at your happiest? So for me, honestly, I absolutely love reading my book, Escaping the Still and the Silence. Now, actually, if the absolute worst happens, heaven forbid, and I'm saying the worst happens like you've just said, not about losing family or anything like that, but actually business-wise or financially, it all goes to pot and we end up being in a little two-bedroom flat. I've got my book. I've got my space. I absolutely love that. Don't get me wrong. I love all the other stuff. I love the events. I love the masterminds. I love meeting other women in business, in life. But actually... I love that as well. I love the basics, the simple. So my simple might be different to yours, Kate. It might be different to somebody else's. But let's just strip back to absolutely that. If we have that, then everything else is the icing on the top, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02: 35:25

Oh, absolutely. I say it's like, let's be grateful for our simple. And if we're grateful for our simple, then everything else is a bonus, really, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 35:34

I think so. I think so. That for me is everything. Possibly another life lesson that I would say, again, is really important, is getting used to feeling comfortable. So if we're feeling comfortable, we're not growing. And if we are aspiring for more... We need to feel uncomfortable. Actually, every day we need to feel uncomfortable. Only in a small thing doesn't mean we have to do anything massive. And even though a lot of what I do is speaking to a large group of people, whether that be on stage, networking groups, on podcasts, I still feel nervous, and that feeling nervous is really important. I felt nervous coming today to talk to you, and it's because I care.

SPEAKER_02: 36:31

Yeah, I always say that. I always say that. It's that nervous-sighted, and it is. It's because you want to do a good job, and I don't mean job in a career way, but you want to give it your all. And I say the opposite of that, isn't it? It's settling. And settling, you get into that enough, is it enough? No, more is one of my favourite words. This is the podcast for women who want more. Because if we settle, we might as well just give up now.

SPEAKER_01: 37:01

I think. I think so. And I think also, just like we were saying about, let's not talk badly about, you know, badass women in business or the crystal gazing manifestation woman. It's the same for the settling. If you want to settle, if you want to feel comfortable and fatty and you are happy, absolutely. That's great. I was thinking about something that I listened to, cut some time ago where somebody said about a piece of ribbon I'm probably going to get this wrong but hopefully you get the gist about a piece of ribbon that represents your life okay so let's say we lived the average age of 70 not sure what it is but let's say 70 I'm hoping it's much longer and you let's say I'm 48 now so I'm going to cut off the first 48 years so I'm left with this piece of ribbon and this ribbon represents the remaining part of your life.

SPEAKER_00: 38:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 38:04

And then asking yourself, what do you want to achieve in that time? And I remember saying to a very good friend of mine, the same friend that encouraged me to go for it. Yeah, it just happens a bit. I'm very lucky. I've got a great network of amazing friends, which happens to be the same friend. And I said, wow, isn't that powerful? And she said, not sure I really want to think about that. Now, for her, she has an amazing life. And that is important to her. So I'm not trying to say the settlers. I'm not poo-pooing the settlers.

SPEAKER_00: 38:45

No, no, no. What I

SPEAKER_01: 38:46

am saying is when we talk about being comfortable with being uncomfortable, those are the people that are what ifs. if only no

SPEAKER_02: 38:59

absolutely i say so often that i don't want to be sitting in my rocking chair when i'm 105 thinking i wish i'd done that and what would they say no one ever has on their tombstone i wish i'd worked harder or i wish i'd i wish i'd spent longer on that zoom call or i wish i'd spent longer in that meeting it is the little things that was we said being grateful for our simple i quite like that phrase i like that but it's the small steps isn't it not everything not everything has to be a giant leap and i think sometimes that's why we don't take the action because we're thinking oh it's just so big it's just so oh whereas by breaking it down and making it doable and thinking well what do i actually need what do i need to get there And that all helps with the resilience, doesn't it? And brings it back round for... letting this power us through letting this shit

SPEAKER_01: 40:01

yeah it does and it helps with the the overwhelm doesn't it so that um when you've got overwhelm it's just okay what's the next step what's the little step that i can take what's those that those those baby steps because if you've got a baby step that's easy add a few more five six more baby steps after that don't think think about it at the time but after that your next logical step before you know it you've achieved so much and you can actually apply that to any part of your business into your life whether it's into your business goals whether it's I don't know like a healthier version of you I want to go to the gym five times a week or I want to lose this much weight or whatever it is that you're looking at it's just those teeny weeny little things Let's make just teeny weeny little changes.

SPEAKER_02: 41:00

Because we're all different, aren't we? And we've called our episode How to Come Out the Other Side Stronger. And I say for every woman listening, and the men, being stronger will mean something different, won't it?

SPEAKER_01: 41:13

It will. And we've actually alluded there to something, again, that I think is really important, the gap in the game. Yeah. It's quite often when we're ambitious, all we do is look ahead, that next step, that next goal. And what we don't do is look behind us

SPEAKER_00: 41:34

to

SPEAKER_01: 41:36

see what we've achieved. I joined a mastermind year-long program last year or the year before. And it was very much a focus on what I wanted to achieve financially. And I realized with about two months to go, I wasn't going to hit this figure that I put on a pedestal. What I didn't do is look to see what I had achieved. I had, let's talk about the financials first. I had over doubled my income in that space of time. But also I put the stepping stones in place for what I had achieved that's going to help me in the next stage, which actually I have already. So the mindset changes,

SPEAKER_00: 42:30

the

SPEAKER_01: 42:31

connections with other people. the coming out of my comfort zone, all of those things that I'd achieved. And so many people have said that they'd seen a difference in me because of the kind of person that I am. All I was doing was looking ahead.

SPEAKER_02: 42:45

Now you hadn't actually taken the time to think, right.

SPEAKER_01: 42:49

What have I achieved? And actually, if you look at what you have achieved, that then gives you the confidence for those next steps. It gives you that, I can do this. Yes, I have.

SPEAKER_02: 43:00

I love that. I think that's a really powerful and positive takeaway brilliant now in a bit after your three questions that you can't escape I'm afraid because I ask my every one of my fabulous female guests the same three questions but I will be asking you to share how listeners can get in contact with you find out more about you and pudding and pie obviously and all your contact details are on the show notes for our episode and on the midlife unlimited podcast website but we'll come to that in a We are going to move into your three questions. I'm quite excited. I always get, I get so excited for these. So you have to, and I might burst into song. Who knows? Who knows what might happen? You have been warned, Nikki. You have been warned. So the first question, what is your midlife anthem? And I'd love to know the reason behind it as well.

SPEAKER_01: 43:57

It's not very cool, I'm afraid, Kate. No, I'm cool. No, no, cheese is good. It is Footloose. by kenny loggins is it i can't explain yeah yeah there you go i can't help but absolutely there's something that happens in my body where i just start jigging and i just i just it uplifts me so i use it very regularly when i'm feeling a bit meh and um it doesn't matter where i am if it's playing i have to get up and dance i absolutely love it so yeah that's mine

SPEAKER_02: 44:33

i think that's a brilliant song because the song I think is probably far more popular and far more widespread than the film it's I don't think I've seen the film even I know my brother's girlfriend was in the musical again which I've not seen but the song those opening bars are instantly recognisable if you ask me I vaguely think it's about a roadhouse or something no idea Kevin Bacon yeah that song you're right it is iconic Iconic. Good choice. Good choice. I really am going to have to put my little list together. I'm going to do a playlist. So watch this space. Yeah, absolutely. So moving on to question two. What is your midlife mantra? The phrase that you live your midlife by? I never lose. I

SPEAKER_01: 45:27

either win or I learn.

SPEAKER_02: 45:31

Oh, yeah.

UNKNOWN: 45:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 45:32

Oh, yes, yes,

SPEAKER_01: 45:33

yes. Because life is made up of mistakes, failures, I hate that word, things that happen. Well, I call them missteps.

SPEAKER_02: 45:46

Missteps, is it? Yeah, we just take a different step if it didn't work. Because failure, literally, all failure means is what we expected to happen didn't happen. We didn't get the result we thought we were going to get. That's it. failure it just means because we haven't got a crystal ball things that were beyond our control stepped in and changed the outcome or we piss poor planning we failed to plan properly we know there was something we didn't do that we now think actually if we'd done that you still got time to do it

SPEAKER_01: 46:23

100% and people we all need to kind of take this as our little mantra I think to think around failing And people, it's very linear, isn't it? It's win, it's lose. No, no, no, no, no. For me, I either win or I learn. And some of my greatest things have been where I've learnt.

SPEAKER_02: 46:47

Yeah. Well, I now want to know then, is this going to play into the third and final question for now? The title of your autobiography?

UNKNOWN: 46:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 46:57

To answer your question, no, it's not. And this is an easy one for me, as I've already done my book. It's called Give Me Strength. And this is the reason why I decided on that title was because I want to give other people, men and women, strength from not only my story, but also theirs, because I want them to know that whatever they go through they're not alone there is hope you talked about this as well didn't you earlier on hope I think hope is the most amazing thing so when all the shit hits the fan when everything is going wrong there's still hope

SPEAKER_02: 47:45

I love that I love that Right, well, now we've got the moment that a lot of the listeners will have been waiting for. How can they get in contact with you? And obviously, getting your book as well, because I'm sure there are going to be ladies listening that would love a copy. So I say all your contact details are on the show notes for our episode that's available wherever you listen to your podcast, but you'll know that if you're listening. A hand on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website where you've got your guest profile. But if you could verbally talk Thank you so

SPEAKER_01: 48:36

much. puddingandpie.org.uk. I am on LinkedIn, Instagram, and Facebook, and that's Nikki Talbot. So that's N-I-K-K-I-T-A-L-B-O-T. And my book, Give Me Strength, is also available on Amazon. So you can purchase it from Amazon as well.

SPEAKER_02: 49:09

That's fantastic. Oh, brilliant. Well, I'm sure that you're going to be inundated with offers for meeting up in the flesh, virtual coffee, is and so that's how we met isn't it so thank you for such a empowering and positive because it could have been well it obviously it's emotional but it could have been a very difficult episode and I think I thank you hand on heart for joining me to have the conversation because that's what Midlife Unlimited is all about so listeners I'd love your feedback on today's episode it'd be fabulous if you could leave a review as well and you can email me or text me via the link in the show notes and I'll see you and come and join the midlife unlimited podcast facebook group again the links in the show notes where you also find the link to the website where there are details of my exclusive midlife metamorphosis coaching offers so thank you for joining me today nikki it's been an absolute pleasure thank you for listening i look forward to tuning in next week because don't forget midlife unlimited has a new episode every thursday available wherever you listen to your podcasts so here's to being Fabulous and flourishing together and living midlife unlimited. Thanks, Nikki. You've been a joy. Bye.