Episode #051 How to Reignite Your Career After 40 with Guest Caroline Nield

We talk a lot about change on Midlife Unlimited®. And changing career in Midlife is something that so many of us face. For a myriad of reasons… relocation, redundancy, relationships… our health even. All can impact our choices.

Add in longer lifespans and increasing State Pension ages in the UK, and this pivotal time in our lives is also a great time to take stock of what we actually want from our career – now and moving forward. And for us to start listening to those dreams that are whispering to us. 

If this resonates, take some vital Me Time and join me your host Kate Porter The Midlife Metamorphosis Coach® and my guest Actor and Clarity Coach Caroline Nield as we talk about How to Reignite Your Career After 40.

With second and third careers becoming increasingly common - and one third of women aged 45-54 likely to change career path before they retire - Caroline and I discuss how to avoid feeling overwhelmed and share insights and advice on shifting career in a way that works for you from our own metamorphosis journeys.

Caroline reveals how she has reawakened her acting dreams in Midlife, and shares her five steps to finding clarity and confidence when reimagining our careers.

Connect with Caroline 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/caroline-nield-81643534/

https://www.instagram.com/caroline_nield/

https://youtu.be/ESvJcV6Xe6I?si=BT2BRGysAb6q6dZB

https://careerclaritycoach.scoreapp.com 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling midlife how it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So, welcome to today's episode. Now we talk a lot about change on Midlife Unlimited, and changing career in midlife is something that so many of us face for a myriad of reasons. Relocation, redundancy, relationships, our health, even. All of these can impact our choices. Add in longer lifespans and increasing state pension ages in the UK, and this pivotal time in our lives is also a great time to take stock of what we actually want from our career now and moving forward and to start listening to those dreams that are whispering to us. So I'm delighted to be joined by my guest today, Caroline Neald, actor and career clarity coach, to talk about how to reignite your career after 40. So welcome, Caroline. It's fabulous to have you here. Oh, it's wonderful to be here too, Kate. Now I'm really excited about this episode because it's something that comes up time and time again. Women of a certain age, women our age, change, career change, and a midlife career thing. It can be daunting, can't it? Overwhelming. I think this is a good use of the word overwhelming.

SPEAKER_00: 2:15

Yeah, I totally agree. Um, at this time of life, there can be so many things that can come up for women as well, in terms of you know, confidence, you know, self-doubt as well, you know, adding in sort of you know health things like you mentioned, things like perimenopause and all those things that we go through at this stage. Um, so there can be a lot really to deal with.

SPEAKER_01: 2:36

Absolutely. And I I think there are there are two phrases that spring to mind immediately: never too late and never too old. Because I think so often we, and it's a well-worn phrase, but we hide our light, we hide our our brilliance. We think, oh god, what can I do now? Look at the youngsters, look what they're up to. But let's be brutally honest: a career for life ain't a thing anymore, is it? It's now second and even third careers. I mean, perhaps even the word career is changing its meaning now, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 3:10

Yeah, I do definitely believe that. And um, you know, that speaking to the fact that you said about being too old, I mean, I don't know how that can even be a thing, because when you think about getting to this age and how much experience you've gone through, how much you know life that you've lived, you know, all that is your greatest asset. That's what you're bringing with you, isn't it? So um absolutely. So even if you're it feels like you know you're going into a new career and you're starting over, you're actually not starting from scratch. No, that's one, you know, you're you're building on what you already have. Yes, you may need to update skills, possibly, potentially, if you're going into a new role, but you're not you're not at the beginning. Certainly not, you know, you you've got a wealth of experience that you've lived. You know, I think some people worry about um, you know, being going into being chosen maybe not being chosen over somebody who's maybe younger, and that that that's the way you know employers will will look at it, but actually that's not the case. That's certainly not what I've seen in practice. Um, you know, I've worked in HR for a long time, and you know, you do see people who have reached a stage of their life where maybe they've had um you know a career gap and they've come back to work, and you know, it you know, I I can definitely tell you, you know, examples of where that's happened and it's been a positive, positive thing.

SPEAKER_01: 4:32

Yeah, I think it's I'm a huge fan of reframing, and I think it it is about rethinking, isn't it? Because fingers crossed, longevity, women are living longer. I mean, I think life expectancy, it's 83 now, or the latest stats compared to 79 for our male friends. Sorry, sorry, chaps. Um, and obviously the pension age rising. What was it, 64 now? It's gonna be going to 66 between um Lesbries, between 2026 and 2028, it's gonna be 67, and then by 2044, 68. So this is this is a very valid topic that we've picked for our episode, isn't it? And I'm delighted that later on you're gonna be sharing your well, often we do three top tips, but you've actually broken down into almost five steps, haven't you? For things to bear in mind and and paths to well, yeah, steps to take, things to bear in mind when looking at ways to rethink your career as a fabulous midwife woman. But first, I would love to dig a bit deeper into your own because you you basically are you you practice what you preach, you are a wonderful example of a dream whisperer, someone who has reignited and taken those steps. You've shifted. Tell us about your midlife metamorphosis, Caroline.

SPEAKER_00: 6:03

Well, before I kind of tell you about that, let me kind of take you paint a little bit of context to my background. Yes. So I grew up in uh Southeast London, you know, very sort of average, sort of working class family. Um, and I was always very, very, very shy. Um, I was a very, very quiet kid. Um, I almost felt a little bit different all the time. I was I was very much the type of child that just you know played on their own. Um, my older sister used to be quite annoyed with me, I think, sometimes because I'd be quite happy sitting on my own, playing, you know, making up little stories and things like that. And she'd want to play games, and I'm like, you know, not interested kind of thing. So, you know, I you know had my my my parents, they both came uh to the UK from Jamaica in the 60s as kind of teenagers, early 20s. Um and yeah, I had two sisters, and you know, we we all of you know life was was was pretty good, but I'd never really knew I never really had like a path of what I wanted to do in terms of a career. Um, in fact, the only thing that my mum told me that I did say that I wanted to do was that I wanted to write books. That was the only thing that I've that I that she always was.

SPEAKER_01: 7:22

So there was a creative there was a creative streak there for definitely.

SPEAKER_00: 7:27

Yeah, yeah. But that never really seemed something that was within my grasp, if you see what I mean. Uh so when it came to you know doing my GCSEs and everything, and then I went and did an MVQ in business administration, and actually the only it's a funny story about that, because the only reason I did that was because um there was a demonstration, uh, some people it was a career day at school, and there was a lady from the college, and she came in and there was this lady with her, and she was like um just like touch typing, but she was like looking straight ahead, and she were her fingers were going like this, and I was like, wow, I was just that's that's when I learned touch type in my team.

SPEAKER_01: 8:16

I went I actually yeah, I went and did a course because I thought it was the most cool thing, it was like playing the piano, and now I'm really grateful. It's one of the best things I ever did of all the training I've done over the years. I think learning to touch type, because now I'm like rattle away like like a man.

SPEAKER_00: 8:32

Oh, I do, I can just I don't even have to look. No, so yeah, so that was my my reason for signing up for this MVQ, which is really funny. Um but then you know, I just kind of from there worked in various sort of admin jobs, you know, I did a bit of audio typing, secretarial work, you know, all that kind of stuff. And then I kind of came across HR. It wasn't anything that I'd kind of thought, you know, this is my career path or anything like that.

SPEAKER_01: 8:59

I just literally I think a lot of us do, but it's the old stumble, isn't it? There's kind of no no real intentional pathway, just you kind of follow some signposts, and then suddenly you're like, oh, okay, this is what this is what I'm doing then.

SPEAKER_00: 9:14

Yeah, yeah. And it literally started from I think I was in a job where they needed somebody to um help with like typing up contracts, and because I was already doing, you know, bit of you know, typing, audio typing, I started doing that, and then I sort of got into other bits and pieces they were doing, and just gradually thought, this is quite interesting work, you know, and sort of just went along. And eventually um I did my master's in human resources management, um, you know, just worked my way up to being a HR business partner, and you know, I worked in HR for over 20 years, um, and obviously along the way, you know, got married, had my my two children as well. Um, but the moment where things really changed for me, it was in my 40s, and something really did shift, and it was a quite a an interesting moment because my daughter was about five years old, and I was taking her to these weekly like drama classes.

SPEAKER_01: 10:11

Oh, yes, where they do all the sun, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 10:14

And it was something I always wanted to do myself because I remember there was a girl in my class when I was in secondary school who used to go to um Sylvia Young Theatre School. Yeah, and I always thought, Oh wow, wouldn't that be amazing to go and do all that, you know? And so yes, my daughter, I was taking my daughter, and it was just something that you know we just sort of decided to do for her, and she really loved it. But she got this opportunity um as part of the group to go and perform in the West End. Oh which was about you know, I mean, that's just wow fabulous, yeah, and it was brilliant. And but the thing is, as I was sat there watching her perform, you know, watching all the kids perform, they were wonderful and they were brilliant. What were they doing? Um, it was a show that they'd written themselves, so I can't even remember what it was, to be honest. But they were they were, you know, the the the teachers in the uh academy had written the the play, they all got a little part and you know, doing a bit of singing and dancing and all that kind of stuff. But as I was sitting there, I just really started to think about how much, like I said before, I used to love storytelling. Um in fact, my favourite books used to be as a kid were the Mr. Mr. Men and Little Miss books.

SPEAKER_01: 11:32

Oh, yes, I love those.

SPEAKER_00: 11:33

And I said to my mum, I wanted to write like him because they were all Roger Hargreaves. That's it, Roger Hargreaves, yeah. Because he he um all the characters, they had their own like you know, personalities and little quirks and I just tickle and Mr. Bump. Yeah, Mr. Greedy and all the all the different characters.

SPEAKER_01: 11:57

I just loved Aesop's fables, really. They all had their little stories to tell, didn't they, with a moral story and yeah, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 12:04

And I I loved all that, and then also I kind of started remembering about the fact that I I loved performing as well. I used to make up stories, like I said, and in my twenties I did a bit of amateur theatre, and I kind of just left it all behind in the work.

SPEAKER_01: 12:19

I hear that so often, yeah. Everything gets left. You think, oh, I'll pick that up again and the back burner. I mean, it's like a dried-out old pan on the back burner, isn't it? It's like a pan of faded hopes and dreams, but you haven't left it there, have you?

SPEAKER_00: 12:35

Well, no, that's the thing, and then and this this was the but even when I had this moment there and I was sort of thinking about it, and it came to me, I didn't do anything about it for years.

SPEAKER_02: 12:46

Really?

SPEAKER_00: 12:47

Yeah, it was still years after that before I actually did anything, and I thought, you know what? Um I just felt like it was probably now in my mid-40s now, and I thought I need to do something, and so I found these sort of like six-week acting classes with City Academy, and I signed up. And um, when I went along the first class, I I kid you not, it was like I felt so out of place because everybody was probably much younger.

SPEAKER_01: 13:21

Was it a bit of imposter syndrome, do you think? Or definitely, or was it like Caroline? What the heck are you doing? You're you're in your mid-40s. What are you thinking?

SPEAKER_00: 13:31

It was a little bit like that. I thought I could hear this voice in my head going, you know, who do you think you are? What do you think you're doing, you know? And um, and everybody else was so like you know, they were so enthusiastic and like, you know, all just I don't know, I just didn't feel like it was me. But I stuck with it, and I thought, you know what, I'm gonna keep going, and I kept doing more and more. Um, and that was the that was definitely the thing for me. It just as the more and more I kept doing, the more I was loving it, and I thought, no, this is what this is brilliant, and it really helped me to push more, push myself more, step out my comfort zone, you know? So yeah, that was that was all how it kind of happened for me.

SPEAKER_01: 14:17

And it was how did it feel when you could start hearing literally your inner critic turning into your inner cheerleader, as I call it, when you get that shift and you start thinking, actually I can do this, I'm doing this.

SPEAKER_00: 14:32

Yeah, I mean it did take a while to be fair, even even after I started um you know doing projects like working on short films. I started off, you know, doing student films and things like that. Even when I started actually doing the work, I still didn't want to tell people about it. I felt almost a little bit like I kept it to myself, and just saying it just felt a bit like it just felt a bit, it didn't feel I guess it probably still was a bit of imposter syndrome, you know.

SPEAKER_01: 15:05

That wasn't it you'd think almost by saying it you're making it real and you're saying, look, I'm doing this, yeah. But it's that kind of you're judging yourself before you even let anyone else get the chance to yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00: 15:20

That's what it I think that's what it was, yeah, yeah, yeah. But as I more and more I was doing it, the more I thought, you know, this is this is it. And eventually I did um uh a couple of years at a part-time drama school, um, and then I reached out and found an agent, and then I've just sort of gradually progressed to you know actually sort of doing doing work through that.

SPEAKER_01: 15:40

So how was that tied in with the whole HR side of your life, or hasn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 15:45

Um it it has, I mean it's been tricky because I have still I had still been up to being a mum and a wife and yeah, yeah, everything else, yeah. I mean, up to up until um a month ago, sort of mid middle of August, I was still working in HR four days a week. So what I was doing is um, I mean, the the the the pandemic probably helped me out quite a lot here, yeah, I've got to say, because um with the pandemic came uh less important in personal auditions and more self-tapes. Oh I was able to audition for things from the comfort of my own home, you know. I didn't have to, you know, um I think a lot of actors struggled with that before where you know if you've got to go to an audition, you've got to kind of take time off work, you've got to go, you know, probably into central London.

SPEAKER_01: 16:36

But that's the thing, it's not it's not just a half an hour audition, it's the hour and a half it might take you each way to get there, isn't it? Yeah, plus the 40 quid in train fares, except exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 16:48

And to be honest, sometimes auditions are not even half an hour, you could be in and out in 10 minutes for commercials. Wow, you know, you travel all that way, you go in, you do your bit, and you go, you know, sort of thing. So getting to do things from home was a blessing, definitely. Um so I was able to kind of fit that in. Um, and I've had a you know a few good opportunities. I did some done some like corporate work, I did a KFC advert last year, which was quite interesting.

SPEAKER_01: 17:17

Do you enjoy the food? Other takeaway menus are available.

SPEAKER_00: 17:23

Of course, yes, of course, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01: 17:25

We don't promote to one uh term of um because well, because one thing that's immediately sprung to mind, and I know that it's it's it's a thing that I hear from the amazing women that I have the pleasure of coaching. The whole, as you say, obviously audition, but audition is really an interview in a different, slightly different format. And I know that when it comes to career changes, you've you know, you obviously you've got the option of setting up your own business, but when it comes to having an interview again that you may not have had for 20 years, that in itself can be daunting, can't it?

SPEAKER_00: 18:05

Oh, yes, definitely. Yeah, and I've seen it. Um I've you know, obviously working in in HR, I've done a lot of interviews, and you see people come in and they're not, you know, you can you can you can always tell when they haven't had an interview for quite some time.

SPEAKER_01: 18:21

Well, and and the process of that, I mean, my my son as a graduate going through it, it's an intense. I mean, different companies have different ways of doing it, but blinking heck, you know, he he had like five hours worth of interviews for each each role. Oh gosh, yeah, and Zoom in person. I mean, that in itself is enough to make you if you are feeling like slightly imposter syndrome-y, or have I really got anything worth offering anymore? Look at me, I'm pushing 50. Ah, to then put yourself in the spotlight like that, it's scary, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 19:00

Yeah, it is definitely scary. Oh, yeah, definitely. I mean, um, I can only say that interviews that I've done have probably, I mean, they made us might still feel scary to the person, but we try to be a bit more human about it in terms of you know, making sure trying to make the person feel as comfortable as possible. Oh, um because it is it is it's it is hard, you know, and um I think there are definitely things that you can do to prepare yourself for interviews.

SPEAKER_01: 19:32

I was going to say the preparation side of it, and often as we you know, as as I deal with a lot, the the thought of it is 99% far worse than the actuality, isn't it? So by preparing and positively catastrophizing, I like to call it. So if you if you are prone to thinking, oh my goodness, this is gonna go wrong, I'm gonna say this, I'm gonna da da da by preempting it and preparing yourself for it, if shit happens, you're ready for it because you've prepared yourself.

SPEAKER_00: 20:08

Yeah, yeah. And my top tips for preparing would be um to get look at the information that you've you've been given about the role, really look at where you fit the criteria, whether it's you know the person spec, the job description they've given you, and think about scenarios that you've been in, and they don't all have to be work situations, you can use personal examples, but think about the how you can demonstrate that you meet that criteria. It's not just enough to say I've done this, I've done that. I mean, uh we used to a lot of the time when you're sort of shortlisting for roles, you'd see people's, you know, applications that would come in and they're all like, you know, oh yes, I've done this, I've done that, da-da-da-da-da. And you're like, okay, well, you've got to come in and show that you've done that. It's not enough to just say you've done it.

SPEAKER_01: 20:58

It's kind of there's an is it not an acronym? Is it STAR? I think when you actually give the situation the time. So when I was at such and such, or whether it's working here, or as you say, in a personal situation, when I when I was in a certain position, I did this, this happened, I reacted, or I you know, I took an action, and the result was exactly so. You're actually given a measurable, and if you can add in facts and figures even better. But I think literally, isn't it? It's and if you think in terms of that, it helps you process and plan. I mean, I'm I'm all about having some crib dances as well.

SPEAKER_00: 21:41

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. Being prepared with things that you can say, um, because there are common questions that will always come up, you know. So you just think about and you and when you look at the criteria on the role, so if they're looking for somebody who's got good organisational skills, well, when have you demonstrated that? And what have you done? Is there a project you've worked on? Is there a situation you've been in where you've had to be the one to take you know the control of the situation and plan it? So it's thinking about those sorts of things really. Um, how you can and yeah, I think that's that's definitely the best way of preparing and knowing that you're going in strong and also always have something to say about the the you know the company that you're going to work for, and that you actually know a bit about what they do as well, and a couple of those killer questions for the end as well.

SPEAKER_01: 22:33

I see.

SPEAKER_00: 22:33

Yeah, oh yeah, have questions at the end because we've seen people come in where you know we've we've started the interview, and a lot of the times what the first you know, one of the first wings we'll ask is, you know, why have you applied for the role? And you know, what do you know about the organization? Because you want to see that people they do actually want to be there.

SPEAKER_01: 22:51

It's not just oh, but I think that's such such an important exercise, anyway, because I'm all about the why. And when you apply for a job, especially as a midlife woman, I think it is really important to take a moment to actually think, right, ask ask yourself the question first. Why, why am I is it desperation? Do I just need the money coming in? Or is is this something that I can see myself doing? In which case, why, how can I see myself, which will give you the answers that they're really because they're not interviewers, yeah, we're the interviewee. Interviewers, they're not trying to trip us up, are they? No, they're setting us their time is as precious as our time is, so they're not doing it for a laugh, they're not doing it to go, oh, look at her. And the fact that I always say the fact that you've made it through the interview stage and you're actually having a Zoom chat or whatever, to a large extent means that the company or whoever it is, they think that you're capable of doing the job. Exactly. This is really the chance to actually find out if you're a good fit.

SPEAKER_00: 24:00

That is all it is. That is all it is, exactly. That sums it up perfectly. And actually, going back to the whole acting thing, that's another thing that no oh yeah, please get sort of get sort of tied up about because you know uh it's a little bit more intense, I think, with acting because you go for so you can go for so many auditions and get so many rejections, half the time you don't even hear anything back, you know. At least with interviews, you tend to get a you know, a a no, you know, no, you haven't been successful with auditions, you don't hear anything, so you've really got to be resilient, and it is all about, like you say, just if you've got to that stage that they're they're wanting to see you, you've already won. It's kind of just seeing now whether you're the right person that they're looking for to match whatever it is that they're trying to create. And yes, the same with the interviews. Um, you know, once you've been shortlisted, we think that you're good enough to do that job, and we want to fill the job. We don't, we don't want, we're not doing it for the fun and games. Exactly. It's not like you know, you advertise a job and say, Well, you know, we'll just invite a few people in, see what they're like, and you know, nothing better to do on a Tuesday. Exactly. That's that's never been said, I can tell you that much.

SPEAKER_01: 25:14

No, no, I'd I'd I'd love to move into your your top steps in a minute, but just one question that sprung to mind from what you were just saying then. Obviously, rejection is something that you've faced. How it is there a tip, how how have you dealt with that? Because it must be quite especially when you're venturing into something that's been a long-held dream and you actually now thought, right, I'm doing this now, and then you do, and it's not just you, one does get a barrage of well, it's if as you say, it may not even be a rejection, it might just be a wall of silence. How'd you pick yourself up? How'd you go, right?

SPEAKER_00: 25:49

Next I think it's just enjoying the process and also not putting all your weight on it. Um, it's about having other things that you know that you that you enjoy doing, yeah. Having other things that you're doing, not not putting everything on that not all your eggs in one basket as well. Exactly, and and focusing on um not focusing on the outcome, but focusing on the output, seeing every opportunity that you get as a chance to just meet new people, connect. Because you could go for an audition, meet you know, some uh you know, some lovely people that are working on that project, you do a good job, you might not get the job, but they might remember you and think, oh, absolutely. Remember that that lady we saw, you know, so it's it's all that, isn't it? But yeah, so I don't want to sort of you know go too much into sort of talking about the acting, because obviously we're talking about you know more about career change, everything, but there is a parallel, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 26:50

No, absolutely, and I am a massive fan, well, networking cheerleading, but I'm a huge fan of joining the dots, like you just said you can go somewhere, meet someone, and although that opportunity doesn't pan out for whatever reason, it's about, as you say, listening out and kick, you know, keeping your feelers out, being polite, being friendly, following up with a thank you, just because other people don't necessarily feed back to you. No harm in dropping a little thank you text or a thank you email saying it was a pleasure to meet you. You may not hear anything. They might, they might, as you say, they might think, oh yeah, Caroline, Kate, they yeah, they were yeah, yeah, not not right for this position, but and then you're there in their mind, aren't you?

SPEAKER_00: 27:35

Yeah, yeah. And that happens in in um work situations as well. I've had that where you know we've interviewed somebody, they might not have been successful, you know, in a particular role, but then maybe a couple of months down the line we're looking for something else and think, oh, that person actually was really good. Maybe we should see if they're still available. Maybe they might want to look at this instead, you know. So it it happens like that as well, definitely.

SPEAKER_01: 27:58

Yeah, yeah. It's all about it's all about, and I don't like talking about impressions because that implies judgment and that kind of thing, but yeah, it's about being yourself and putting yourself out there. So let's move then into your your five steps. Is that the right way, or just five pieces of um five golden nuggets, Caroline?

SPEAKER_00: 28:17

Well, there are occupers, there are steps because it it's it's a bit of a framework, I guess. Oh, excellent. I like a framework. So there you go.

SPEAKER_01: 28:25

I'm ready, I'm sitting comfortably, I've got my pen and pay.

SPEAKER_00: 28:29

Now I actually called it the stage system. See the little thing that I did there. Yeah, like that. Um so it kind of goes, it starts off with the the S, which is for self. And I think that's where it all starts, really. Is thinking about who you are, what you really want, you know, forgetting about all your roles and responsibilities and all that sort of thing, but actually taking some time to reflect on what would what would fulfil you, what are your values, what are your strengths, what is going to really truly make you happy in terms of a career.

SPEAKER_01: 29:12

It's a stop take, really, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 29:13

Yeah, yeah, and I think that's the way, I think that's the way it should start, really. Um, because you don't want to kind of end up. I mean, I mean, I know we talked about the fact that you know there could be changes for a number of reasons, like things like redundancy and stuff like that. And I guess in those sort of circumstances you kind of haven't chosen to make a change, it's more you it's been forced on you. But I think that's still a good time to reflect on what would actually be the best next move. What is gonna fill you up, what is gonna make you feel purposeful and want to it's fine in that silver lining, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 29:50

Which can sound crass, but it is there, and this this has happened. Let's get let's get some good from it.

SPEAKER_00: 29:58

And I think just thinking about. you know things where like I say thinking about your strengths thinking about your values thinking about things that you have done well things that have brought you you know have brought you more joy and you can even go back as far as you know when you were when you were a child which was what what I'd done essentially um because you know we we change and evolve so much over our lives but there are sometimes common themes and patterns of things that you might have liked when you were younger and you've maybe not had the chance to explore it or absolutely what we said you know dream whispering absolutely yeah so I think that's that that's that would that's my sort of starting point it's the S the self and then the T which is thoughts um and that's what I was talking about before about the the inner inner critical voice yeah that's gonna start mine's called deirdree oh right okay I should give mine a name no they're not or best thing to do give it a name because that really enforces the fact that it's not you it's not you yeah it's outside of you it's that that that voice that tells you that you know oh no you couldn't possibly do that that's not for you trying to protect you really yeah it is all about self-protection it is it's that um but that's that that's my next step is to think about the things that might hold you back and and start tackling those and I've done a lot of work on mindset um you know dealing with imposter syndrome and all that sort of thing and I think that's the the thing that I think is definitely quite key.

SPEAKER_01: 31:38

Well I think this because there are some things that are actual potential roadblocks that you can then think right I can't do it now yet I can't do it yet what do I need in a to enable myself to do it and then you have the physical sorry the the actual self-inflicted boundaries of oh I can't do that and you're like well why why what is it that you're believing so there there are two different two different prongs to it which is fascinating yeah yeah yeah there are as well because there are there could be other obstacles you know not just your your your thoughts but yeah because there are some things that yeah actually I can't I can't use Excel spreadsheets but I can go and do a course online very straightforwardly in the evenings and within six weeks a month I will be able to do that so I can add that to my CV or I can apply for a job that needs that yes it's a matter of turning literally I can't into well I can't yet but exactly yeah yeah five weeks yeah yeah that that that does come on to an another point okay I've got to cover that later on but that but that is a valid definitely valid point.

SPEAKER_00: 32:51

So my next bit then is A which is alignment and that's then then thinking okay taking into account what you've discovered about yourself what is the finding that right career or business if you decide you want to create your own business what is it that's going to then reflect those values and those strengths so then that's the matching of saying you know I know what I I know I know who I am I know what I want you've got that clarity and then you need to then decide then okay where am I taking that what am I doing um so that's the next piece obviously you know figuring that out and and seeing what the options are and then once you know where you're going the next bit is G growth which is where you start taking the actions and that would include things like maybe if you need to retrain which is what I did but I need to be you know I I'm not I'm not naive enough to think that okay I want to be an actor I'm just gonna go and do it I did you know get the training to do it. Well it's giving yourself the the the best chance as well isn't it it's equipping yourself to make make yourself as good as you can be yeah yeah yeah so that's the bit where you you know you gain confidence you gain new skills you gain new experience and then you're you know basically sort of taking that action and moving forward and then the final uh step which isn't isn't a step as such really but it's it's the E which is the embodiment where you actually then become what you set out to do. So that's the kind of the final step that's not really a final step it's just the the end result as it yeah and it's an ongoing process yeah so that's that's the kind of the methodology in it no that that is so empowering E.

SPEAKER_01: 34:51

There you go that's another E.

SPEAKER_00: 34:53

Yeah another E yeah love goody energy that's another good E that I love yeah yeah I saw a lot of that yesterday I went to um uh I was speaking at the Speak and Shine summit and it was amazing it was that to Kia and the gag yeah oh it was amazing what she's created is phenomenal because she only just she had this idea literally wasn't it yes it was in the shower yes yes it was in the shower I get wrong we keep we keep talking about oh you should she keep coming for you yeah definitely oh yeah she'd be an amazing guest um and uh yeah so she had this this this idea after going to an event um that she'd been to with the amazing Laura Brunton got to see her speak she was brilliant oh yeah we love Laura yes yes um I'd never heard her speak before but she was she was their keynote speaker and she was absolutely phenomenal and um so where was I going with that now?

SPEAKER_01: 35:55

Yesterday about empowerment and uh yeah embodying embodying yeah and everybody yeah and we had so we had it was 11 of us speakers and we all got up and we had you know all various different messages we're all coming at things from different angles but it was the theme was all about vibrancy being vibrant and it was just so empowering to be in that room with with so many wonderful women a lot of whom are in midlife you know I mean there were some probably that were younger but there was yeah it was a it was a lot of very you know wonderful women no I love that I love that and we will be giving your details in a little while for how vibrant women or women who want to be vibrant that they are they are diluting their vibrancy. Come on we're gonna we're gonna shake up that vibrancy oh yes we'll be giving you yeah we'll be giving your contact details in a little while obviously all your contact details are in the show notes for the episode as well yeah um because you know me I'm all about midlife recharging these hopes and dreams and I'm also part of refinement as well which is for us I mean I'm 56 so it's it's reimagining what retirement looks like because everything is changing we were talking obviously about longevity about the retirement pension age shifting so again anyone interested in finding out more about refinement head to the website refinement.biz or just get in touch with me but back to you Caroline back to you okay because before we go into how to connect with you I'm going to delve a bit deeper into your answers to the three questions that I ask each and every of my fabulous female guests so you're not going to escape today. So to start off and I'm intrigued I love I love music so I love to know this what is your midlife anthem the piece of music that when you hear it you think yes today's gonna be a good day well it's it's probably more of a a modern song and I do I do like a little bit of I'm quite a got quite eclectic you know music taste I I I do love I do love a bit of harking back to the 80s and 90s because that's my era um but actually this is a newer song and it it just every time I hear it it just makes me feel empowered and it's the uh song Rise Up by Andrew Day oh I think I know that one rise up I can't sing so I won't I won't start singing yes I do yeah you know that but yeah I don't know what the words either but I just the the the the just that it's that's the bit I know and uh it just really speaks to me about you know when you get to midlife it's not about slowing down it's about reinvention rising up again and again you know um and it just reminds me that no matter how many challenges life throws at us we always have the ability to get back up and stand tall and rise up and I think yeah it just it speaks to me. Love that and as you said resilience resilience is something we have we have been so resilient but I think we forget that we've been resilient. We forget what we've come through and I don't just mean bad times even sometimes what we think of as good times take resilience to come through as well not everything you know we can think oh that was great but you you forget that they were tough bits as well so uh oh no I'm gonna go and put that on the playlist definitely I am gonna do this I keep talking about it it's one of it's on my tadar list this Spotify list for Midlife Unlimited but one thing as well that is going to be a thing is the midlife unlimited the midlife mantra book so let's hear yours because yours will be going in the book as well what is your midlife mantra I know okay it's it's it's it's kind of well it's it's a long one but it's it's not too long. So it starts off it's never too late to start over because you're not starting from scratch you're starting from experience oh I love that and that epitomized what we've been talking about. Exactly yeah oh yes we have to get plat made out of that I love it I love it so you know that midlife is not the end it's it's it's almost like a brand new chapter isn't it well I I love the phrase second spring I mean that's why I called my business it because it it's talking about it's re it's new growth new beginnings new starts and and a fresh pair of eyes but coming as you say with the whisper with that wisdom and the expertise that we've got already yeah yeah and it's funny because I went to um the reason why I I kind of um chose that as my mantra I went to an uh a training event was last year was either last year or earlier this year anyway and um I was saying to the you know somebody I was speaking to that um I was going into coaching and I was new to it you know I was just starting out and all this kind of stuff and they like they looked at me and they said you're not new I was like okay they said because you've got how how you know you've got how many ever years of experience behind you so you're not new you'd never say you're new and that really struck me I was like wow that's a good point yeah you're never you're never new at you might be doing something different but you're not completely starting from scratch you already have that that's where I got that from it was something that somebody said to me and I thought yeah you've got a point you're not new well people talk a lot about oh bringing your baggage with you but let's have a think about the baggage because some of this baggage when we unpack it is fantastic we're like oh I forgot I had that you know when you kind of discover a bag in the wardrobe of of clothes that you haven't seen oh my goodness I have forgotten about I'm gonna wear this tomorrow and it's that same kind of feeling if it of discovering or rediscovering things you'd forgotten about whether that be skills whether that be interests and that's what I've been talking about the whole process is about rediscovery isn't it it's rediscovering who you are what you want to be what you want out of life um you know you don't want to get to one of one one exercise I I do a lot with people is say you know imagine if you imagine yourself 10 years from now and how old you would be at that age how would you feel if nothing had changed between now and then you know what feels 10 years are still going to pass.

SPEAKER_00: 42:44

Exactly so don't don't live and think oh well I'm gonna have regrets and you know just if you've got something you want to do just do it don't wait.

SPEAKER_01: 42:54

Because what's the worst that can happen? It doesn't go quite to plan and so you rethink it. Exactly yeah there's no failure it's just you know lessons yeah absolutely so talking of lessons then I I think there are going to be some lessons in this you might be already writing it but I would love to know the final question what is the title of your autobiography I I did think quite hard about this one because there was a lot of things I could have chosen but I think the key thing that I think about if it's my autobiography is that it'd probably be something that's be as simple as the courage to be me.

SPEAKER_00: 43:38

Oh yeah because I think the the one thing that I've learned is that you need to embrace who you are your authentic self and another thing that I haven't mentioned didn't mention earlier is that um I actually a few years ago uh had a late diagnosis of autism. Oh right okay so following my son being diagnosed as autistic I also then realized when because I did it wasn't something I even knew about to be honest um but from him going through that process and us myself and my husband learning more about it I started to see the similarities.

SPEAKER_01: 44:26

No that's exactly I I've had previous episode with Talia ex about midlife you know midlife diagnosis neurodivergence.

SPEAKER_00: 44:34

No absolutely similar story yeah yeah and um you know like I talked about when I was when I was younger about me you know not feeling different and not sort of playing in the same way as my sister might have wanted me to there are all these differences from the beginning that I never really thought of as it's like suddenly the jigsaw comes together doesn't it? Yeah yeah yeah and I think that's the biggest gift that I've got in my you know 40s I mean I'm now out of the 40s but you know but that's probably the biggest gift that it's given me is just the courage to be me.

SPEAKER_01: 45:17

Yeah absolutely not fitting into anybody's expectations just being who I want to be no and I think that that to me that that's the biggest gift we can give ourselves as midlife women to go right whatever's happened up until now from this day forward we're just gonna be ourselves. Yeah yeah and we're all unique we're all individuals you know we all have our own you know things that we bring so we shouldn't you know try and fit in and try and be like others but I spent so long doing that you know I'd I was never really very good at social situations anyway but I know that I would always sort of try and blend in with everybody else do what everybody else was doing just to fit in with everyone else so I said if you feel if everybody else was loud you'd be loud if everybody else was so you you know you'd see me in different situations and I'd be like a different person in different places because I was always trying to meld in with everybody else so yeah no we've got to be ourselves that's oh here's to celebrating that here's to celebrating that oh love it love it so as promised all your contact details are on the show notes for our episode and you have your own guest profile on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website but just for listeners can you just talk through how they can get in touch with you as well um well the platforms I probably on like social media I mean the places I hang out the most I've actually got quite into LinkedIn funnily enough I never used to use it um but being that you know my sort of work that I'm doing now is around sort of you know mainly sort of career coaching I thought well that's probably a good place to to be yeah absolutely I I love LinkedIn but I do it my way yeah yeah and I've kind of just found my way with it to be honest I started using it probably about five or six months ago and just really just um yeah got quite into that.

SPEAKER_00: 47:19

So I use that Facebook Instagram or just Caroline Nealed my name but you'll put the details in the show notes anyway and can you spell it out for people as well just your your name oh right as in my surname yeah N-I-E-L-D Field with an N.

SPEAKER_01: 47:36

That's perfect and yeah I would love your feedback on today's episode so it would be fabulous if you could leave a review and you can email or text me via the link in the show notes and come and join the Midlife Unlimited podcast Facebook group. Again the links are in the show notes where you can find the website link with details of my exclusive VIP Midlife Metamorphosis coaching. And for all you budding experts out there who want to transform from nervous podcast guest wannabe or halting host you've been putting off launching your podcast head over to the school platform and join my new community Pop Your Podcast Cherry so thank you for joining me today Caroline thank you for listening don't forget there's a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcasts. So here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and to living midlife unlimited. Thank you Caroline it's been brilliant bye oh thank you so much bye bye