Episode #052 How to be Heard as a Midlife Woman with Guest Anne Leatherland

How often do you hold yourself back from sharing what’s really on your mind? Worried about saying the wrong thing? Or that what you say will be taken the wrong way? Even that no one will be interested in what you have to say?

I don’t just mean taking to the stage.. launching a podcast… or putting your tuppence worth forward in meetings.

I mean in day-to-day conversations too. From family gatherings, to long-postponed phonecalls.

If you’re tired of feeling overlooked and taking a back seat, and want to find your voice, then this episode is for you. 

Take some vital Me Time and join me your host Kate Porter The Midlife Metamorphosis Coach® and my guest Coach and Voice Expert and founder of Vocal Intuition Be Truly Heard and the podcast of the same name Anne Leatherland as we talk about How to be Heard as a Midlife Woman. 

We discuss how so often us women over 50 feel overlooked and unheard. And that this feeling of fading into the background is not helped by the fact our actual voice is impacted by hormonal changes.

Anne shares her midlife metamorphosis story of how she broke free from being defined by her singing voice and now shares her insights and experience to help others overcome low self-esteem and build self-belief so that they can speak with impact, warmth and authenticity.

And tune in for Anne’s top tips and exercises for being and feeling heard in Midlife and beyond.

Connect with Anne

 https://www.linkedin.com/in/anneleatherland/

 https://anneleatherland.co.uk/

  http://subscribepage.io/zZFj3G

  https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/146799/165505181794961403/share

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis Coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you're not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling midlife how it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So, welcome to today's episode. Now, how often do you hold yourself back from sharing what's really on your mind? Worried about saying the wrong thing, or what you say being taken the wrong way, or even that no one will be interested in what you've got to say in the first place. Now, I don't just mean taking to the stage or launching a podcast or putting your tuppence worth in in a meeting. I mean the day-to-day conversations too, from family gatherings to long postponed phone calls. So if you're tired of feeling overlooked and taking a back seat and you want to find your voice, then this episode is just for you because I'm calling in the expert and I'm delighted to be joined by my guest today, Anne Leatherland, coach and voice expert and founder of Vocal Intuition, Be Truly Heard, and the podcast of the same name to talk about how to be heard as a midlife woman. So welcome, Anne. It's fabulous to have you here.

SPEAKER_01: 1:52

Thank you, Kate, for such a wonderful introduction. It's really great to be here. It was quite a long one, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 1:58

Talking about being heard. I've made myself very. Now, when we first met, I can't believe it's a couple of years ago at the Fab Collab launch, wasn't it? Or celebration. I just loved your warmth. You you were just so easy to talk to. And I know talking and finding our voice is a huge passion of yours. And we're going to be sharing your story later on. I'm delighted about that. Um, and your top tips for how to be heard. But it really is something that I hear you hear from women, we will say the of a certain age. Because we do tend to feel overlooked, don't we?

SPEAKER_01: 2:37

We certainly do. In fact, Kate, this comes from women of all ages, but particularly once we get to, I don't know, 45, 50 plus.

SPEAKER_02: 2:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 2:48

And we get women who or I meet women who have tremendous experience and skill and yet start to be overlooked and feel sort of invisible, as if people are not paying attention to them anymore. And they're overlooked sometimes for younger people, if you're talking a corporate environment, or just generally in life. I mean, I don't know if you've ever felt like that, but sometimes I just walk down the street and I think I'm invisible. You know, I was never really one of those people who was looked at a lot, but it's it's almost like if you're waiting to get on a train or go through a door or something like that.

SPEAKER_00: 3:30

I was gonna say waiting for a drink at a bar. I mean, I don't drink anymore, but just that kind of thing when you're in a queue trying to get attention, it can and I think there is a fine line as well because yes, it does happen, and it's happened to me even when I'm wearing leopard print, bright green, when you look like red linen. Or I don't I don't I don't mean about looking fabulous, but even you know, I'm hide, I'm hard to avoid a lot of the time, you know. I'm I'm in hills, I'm I'm five nine. It's like I'm not I'm not a wall flower, but I still get overlooked, and finding that excuse me, confidence, or you know, owning your space, and also if it happens once, it's almost self-perpetuating, isn't it? And it's like, oh I was ignored before, and the word invisible, I mean, I actually use it, you know, in my marketing from invisible to invincible, but it's a word that you think, no, we don't want to start owning the word invisible because it's one of those, oh yes, no, I do. And people start people, when us women, us fabulous women, we start associating with it then, thinking, God, yeah, is that how I'm meant to be? Is this is this my time to be invisible? No, it blinking well isn't.

SPEAKER_01: 4:42

I completely agree. And I was chatting to a client the other day, and she was saying to me, you know, I've changed the whole way I speak to myself, and it's the words that we choose, isn't it? I'm not invisible, I'm taking up space, yeah, and owning it and owning it. And that those are two of the themes actually I've taken in my own podcast, and that's so important to me. It's not about being big and shouty, but it's about saying, I'm here and I'm worthy to be here, and I have worthwhile things to say to you.

SPEAKER_00: 5:18

No, absolutely, because that's something I think we're going to come on to later on. The whole idea of it's not about us shouting, saying, We're here, we're here. It's not that, it's about feeling right to us, isn't it? And and being able to speak out in a way that I mean, a word that just sprung to mind, yeah. People talk a lot about a lot about gratitude. Yeah, gratitude's great, but we shouldn't be feeling grateful for people taking notice of us. We shouldn't feel like they're doing us a favour by actually listening to what we've got to say because we're just as this whole idea of are we not enough? Have we lost our our per did we ever have a purpose in the first place? You know, are we still relevant? Yes, we're relevant, we're more relevant now than we've ever been. Come on, girls, let's blinking show. Yeah, absolutely. Now I'm so excited for you to be sharing your story because it really is. I mean, I use I do say inspiration a lot, but no, we're we're we're real women here telling real stories. But another thing that you pointed out in our little pre-chat, and I do like to have a pre-chat, is the the actual, very real, however, we're feeling about speaking out, and it can be daunting, it can be scary, it can be something that we think I've never done it, why start now? But physically, too, Mother Nature, wonderful as she is, our actual voices at this time can change, can't we? Whether it's dry throats, hormones, and that kind of like almost a nervous wobble that again you think, no, I don't want to be speaking out because my voice might go funny. Yes, these are real, these are real things, aren't they?

SPEAKER_01: 6:51

They are, they're they're real concerns. We we have this through our lives actually, first at adolescence, and then if we have children roundabout pregnancy, and the whole we're we're using all the time, you know. Yeah, but certainly at midlife, what happens is those hormones, the balance changes, oestrogen drops, and this can cause a dryness and a different feeling in the throat and in our voices, and the vocal folds, as we call them, rather than vocal cords these days, because they're not really straight strings, they're more like they're more like folds of tissue in the windpipe with a muscle in the centre, but they need to be uh of a certain texture, and they've got a very moist um coating on them. They need all of that in order to function effectively, and the hormone changes can disturb that balance, as well as other balances in our bodies like our muscle tone and our energy levels, and all of that plays into the voice as well, and then of course, there's our mood and how we feel about ourselves, yeah, because our nervous system is absolutely linked to our voice and how that voice comes out, so there's we we get it on all levels physically, emotionally, the lot, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 8:14

Absolutely, because obviously, you know, when you think of vocal cords, you hear quite a lot, and obviously we're gonna be hearing about your story because singing has been a huge and still is a huge part of your life, and it's it's how well I won't I won't put any um damp not dampness, spoilers on it, but in terms of you think or speaker or actors and singers looking after their voice, but something it is something that perhaps I'm gonna use the should. We're going, ladies, we should, and it's a must. It's not it's my it's my voice in your head. We should start looking after our voices in the same way as we're going for our six-pack and our wobbly bottoms and boobs. We know this is all that's something we need, we need to be looking after our voices.

SPEAKER_01: 8:53

Totally. Well, whether it's for life or whether it's for your business, if you're using your voice a lot, you are in a way a professional voice user. Yeah, and and again, that's true all through your life, and even more so when you get to this stage that we're at, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 9:10

This um well, you think you think on an average day, even if it's just down to you know answering the phone or doing Zoom, you're constantly, aren't you, being vocal, literally, constantly being vocal.

SPEAKER_01: 9:23

And the trouble is, and I found this in my work, is that people take their voices for granted, and they only really notice them when something changes or something doesn't work, and actually it's like any other part of our body, and what you said about the six-pack and all the rest of it, you know, yeah, joking.

SPEAKER_00: 9:42

Well, not joking, no, because we put so much, isn't it? Like, you know, I've said to myself, I want and I've told my son and I've told my partner as well, I want a six-pack for my 60th. Um, we'll get there, ladies, we'll get there, but uh you know, I'm going for it.

SPEAKER_01: 9:57

Yeah, I mean our voice depends not just on these vocal folds that I've mentioned, but on our breathing muscles, our big body muscles, how we engage the energy into that body. And if all of that is out of balance, which it can quite often be because of habits we build up through our lives, and then even more so when the hormone thing kicks in, and posture, I would have thought as well. Yeah, posture, it's more to do with the head and the neck alignment. Oh, okay, and then having a nice ability to breathe well, really. Because I mean, you you can speak well and lift your shoulder, that's not something that's going to affect you if you just do it once. I'm just showing an idea, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, let's let's go to the singers. Opera singers can lie on the stage inverted commas dying and sing brilliantly.

SPEAKER_00: 10:51

My son's girlfriend, she was in Le Mise, and I can never pronounce it, so Beth, I apologize if I mispronounce Epinine. That's correct, and the die the death scene. Her voice was I was like, How? How on earth did she do it? A little drop of is it a little drop of rain that she's little fall of rain.

SPEAKER_01: 11:10

That's it. And she's oh my she's close mic'd.

SPEAKER_00: 11:16

Yeah, and she's laughing as well because she's joyous.

SPEAKER_01: 11:20

She's lying in his arms, and so you you have to work out in that situation how am I going to get my breath and my body working for me? There's so much to it. Now, okay, we we just as I say just we we maybe do a lot of Zoom meetings or meetings in person if we're doing networking or meetings with our friends and families in our general lives, but if we don't pay attention to those things, eventually the voice loses efficiency. It's a bit like having the energy um of the engine in your car. I was thinking about a car, yeah. Yeah, if you don't check up on it and how everything's working from time to time, it gradually loses efficiency and it doesn't work as well as it might, and it will keep going, and then all of a sudden it breaks down.

SPEAKER_00: 12:05

That's the thing, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 12:06

It's not do with their voices, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 12:08

They don't notice not noticing the incremental changes that may be small, small little things, and then suddenly it's like, oh bugger, oh bugger. Well, I say it's brilliant that later on you are gonna be sharing your top tips and maybe maybe some exercises. If we don't do them now, listeners, we'll be doing them in our life of five video podcasts that was going to be the day this episode. We'll we'll do we'll do everywhere. But first, I'd love I'd love to I know a little bit, but I'd love you to share with listeners your your vocal journey because singing, I mean, it it's huge for you, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 12:46

It is, and singing is something I've done since uh I can remember from being a child, and I grew up in a big Irish family. My dad was the master of ceremonies, it was our habit to sit around uh in social situations with other members of the family and friends. It was a big Irish Catholic community, and we'd share songs, and that's what we did. And I found out quite early at school that I had quite a good voice. Some people gave me lots of feedback on that and lots of praise. And as a youngster, that's great, isn't it? So you develop that. I didn't take any lessons early on, I just sang in the family, and I was in very good choirs at school, and my voice developed, and it was something I was and am known for. And it would be, oh, come on, give us a song. It became over the years that that's how I would express my emotion because my dad wasn't very good at talking about his emotions, but he could sing them, and so he would like us to do the same thing. He really loved a song where you could feel the emotion in it. So it's not just a pretty tune and a nice voice, you actually get that message across, and I love that. But what happened unfortunately was uh I sort of got my identity from that. You know, I'm the singer, uh I'm the one that everybody wants to hear. Come on, Anne, give us a song type thing. But not uh not even that, give us that particular song because it makes us all feel innocent. Well, what was what was the particular? Well, there are certain Irish songs which you may or may not know, but they um there's one called the uh Valley of Schlievenamon, which they used to like to hear me sing. She moves through the fair, and um another song called Carrick Fergus. And oh, that sounds familiar. You know, it's sort of I wish I was in Carrick Fergus. It's that sort of song.

SPEAKER_00: 14:50

Oh, beautiful, no warm-up listeners, no warm-up. She went straight into that. I'm prepared. Oh, Goosebump City, love that.

SPEAKER_01: 14:58

So I began to feel that it's you know, they're always asking me to sing, but nobody's really interested in what I have to say.

SPEAKER_00: 15:07

Yeah, because obviously the lyrics, they're not your words, you're you're yeah, beautifully interpreting someone else's words, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 15:14

Yeah, and I've put all my emotion and feeling and the things I wanted to say as a teenager into those, and that carried on as I grew up, but I was always quite nervous about speaking up for myself, and especially when I got to university and you had those seminars, you know the ones where you have your tutor and there are about four people and they um put you on the spot.

SPEAKER_00: 15:34

Yeah, and I used to just freeze sometimes and not say because it can also feel like the kind of the cool kids get, you know, the loud ones and the really confident ones that like it always reminded me of that old saying, empty vessels make the most noise. But and I've actually I I've known people that have actually said, you know, oh, if you say something with enough bravado, people believe what you say, even if they're talking absolute rubbish, people are like, oh my god, they know what they're talking about. Uh I I won't say anything because this person will always have something to say. Yes. And when you play it back later on, you know, when you're older and wiser like we are now, you think they were talking a load of old shite. Absolutely. And at the time you're like, oh, Gerald knows far more than I do. Who you know, I'm gonna keep my opinions to myself because or I'll say the wrong thing, wrong in quote marks, and they'll laugh at me, or I'll be known as the girl who said the wrong thing.

SPEAKER_01: 16:33

It's like I mean, absolutely, and I didn't take music actually at A level. No, I took sciences, I took chemistry and physics and maths, and uh I went on to be a science teacher, and I did that for 11 years, and my music was a hobby thing. I did some study on the side, you know, but eventually I ran the school show.

SPEAKER_00: 16:56

It came back, it was there, wasn't it? And I hear them so often, and I love it. It's even if we try and we put it on the back burner, we try we try and go, Oh, it's not it's it's not a proper thing to do, it won't earn me the big bucks or whatever, it's not a real job, but it's like it comes back, comes back, it does, and I was a bit of an all-rounder at school, and so therefore, people would say, Oh, do the sciences, you can do the sciences, and I am interested, I was very interested in what I did.

SPEAKER_01: 17:22

But I did these shows with the young people at the school I was at, and it completely transformed the relationship I had with them, and I thought, this is education, this is fantastic. No one's as interested in an experiment that I do in the lab with a heaven forbid mercury thermometer. You know, we used to pour it out of the bottle in those days, and uh, I'm surprised I'm not dead, and uh um and I'm still in touch with some of those children now, and they're in their 40s because I'm 62 now. Wonderful, and they said, you know, and that was one of the best things we ever did at school, and we did several big shows, things like Oklahoma, Oliver, My Fair Lady, and some of them went on to professional work or working in that industry, and it was after a few years of that that I thought, you know, a bit of a square peg in a round hole, Ofsted was coming in, we were being told as teachers that nothing we did was ever good enough. Parental uh approaches were changing, if you want to put it that way. They would now write in and say, Don't you speak to my child like that, or you know, or even with the show. You told my children of the hole and and all that, and can't you just have fun? I thought, yeah, I can just have fun if you want it to be rubbish, I can do that. I can not hold them to any discipline. And I thought I'm fed up of this, and it it made me quite ill, to be honest, Kate. And I I decided to just get out, and I left mainstream education and I retrained using my singing with a wonderful lady here in Burton on Trent, Coral Gould. She's now MBE and she's retired.

SPEAKER_00: 19:02

But how how did it feel taking that big step though, that big shift?

SPEAKER_01: 19:06

Scary, but absolutely vital. And my husband said to me, he said, you know, you just do it, you need to get out of that situation. You're not feeling it's educational, they're not supporting you, you know, and the whole ethos of parents was changing, and the whole ethos of schools it was all about making the parents happy and getting the league tables right, and that to me isn't education. I might be getting political here, but it's not. Education for me is much wider, it's helping people to discover and explore and to be more fully themselves, yeah, and to be accountable as well.

SPEAKER_00: 19:46

Absolutely, yeah. Not you know, they you know, these are these are young adults in the making here, and I really believe that. And I think you know, it's you've got to start taking ownership. I I'm I'm very anti-blame culture, I'm very anti, oh, it's not it's not my fault, it wasn't me. No, it is you, it is you.

SPEAKER_01: 20:04

Yeah, you have a part to play in this, it's yeah, otherwise, you're playing the victim all the time. No, I'm not that's not a way to be, and so there was all of that. So I left, I set up my own business singing, and I took lots of youngsters, word of mouth, and I started right at the very beginning as Julie would sing, and uh and actually that song is brilliantly written, it's so good for teaching kids, and they all know it and they all love it. And I taught young people and they stayed with me, and they went off to college and they did things. Some of them went into the business, some of them didn't, but didn't matter, it was all about building their confidence and their skill. And then after about 10 years, I did some more advanced training with uh a company called Vocal Process, who I work with now as an associate trainer. And they at the time were working in the West End with a lot of musical theatre performers and would teach out of London and ran courses, and so I took their accreditation program at the time and qualified, I suppose, in advanced vocal practice, and on the back of that, I got a job teaching undergrads in Liverpool and I was teaching at Liverpool Theatre School and then also Lipper, the Institute of Performing Arts, the one where Paul McCartney uh was, or actually founded Institute, you know. So uh I did that for two or three years, but then things got a bit um busy because I was going over there for three days a week and then coming home to Burton. So it just all got very busy. Yeah, it's a lot, isn't it? Yeah, I I loved it, and I did that. I met some wonderful young people again, that's 18 to 25 age group, really. And I started teaching actors voice as well, so I started to do the speaking voice thing, and I thought, you know, I love this. I'm feeling so much more confident in myself speaking. I noticed I stopped saying sorry every time I opened my mouth.

SPEAKER_00: 22:10

Oh gosh, that is such a huge thing. That is such a huge thing, and even though I I've I've stopped feeling the need to say it, I still say it because it's it's such a habit, it's such a little triggery word, isn't it? Even stupid things like in a shop, if if you if you accidentally brush against someone reaching for a loaf of bread, I just just yeah, we used to say, Oh, excuse me.

SPEAKER_01: 22:36

Yeah. And now if somebody wants to say, excuse me, can I come past you, they just go, Oh, sorry, sorry. So we've become very apologetic in that sort of move of language. Uh don't get me going. The other thing I hate is can I get? But we won't go into that one.

SPEAKER_00: 22:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 22:56

I was thinking, yeah, it's over there, go and get it, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 22:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 23:00

No, what happened to Please May I Have, you know?

SPEAKER_00: 23:03

Yes, no, absolutely. It's the maze and the cans. It's um, yeah, we can anyway. Can I I digress? I was like a bit of digression telling this story, and I loved that.

SPEAKER_01: 23:16

And uh, I'd got very healthy and happy, and I'd been going to the gym and lost a lot of weight, and I was very happy in that particular time teaching the actors as well as the singers, and it was all musical theatre, and I had a few clients at home of various other genres, and I thought I really like this speaking voice stuff. I'm going to get more into it. Then I had a bit of a moment because I had uh cancer of the uterus, it was a stage one level one, so it wasn't massively serious. They could get rid of it with a total hysterectomy, which they did, and I was very it was a massive thing, but I recovered very well, and then wham, I got an instant menopause like a truck hitting a brick wall.

SPEAKER_00: 23:59

And how old were you?

SPEAKER_01: 24:01

I was 52. Oh gosh, I was on the way there anyway, so it's about 10 years ago now.

SPEAKER_00: 24:07

But still, it was a boom.

SPEAKER_01: 24:09

Yeah, it was just like crashing into a wall because all of a sudden I would go bright red and puce in the middle of teaching. It took me several months to get back to teaching in Liverpool, but I would be so tired by the end of the day, and I would feel dizzy, I would feel emotional, all those things that come with it. And it's very difficult when you're teaching 90-minute classes and then people one-to-one for the rest of the day, you know?

SPEAKER_00: 24:36

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 24:38

So I came to the decision eventually that I would leave that and I would set up again just on my own, like I started, but I would reframe into professional voice because I'd done a lot of working with amateurs and younger people, and then training the undergrads. And I thought uh if I do singing, I'll work with professional or gigging singers who have particular needs, and I'll also reach out to the business community because it became clear to me once I started marketing properly, because you don't have to when it's just youngsters and it's word of mouth, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 25:10

Yeah, no, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 25:11

Um I thought they don't know what to do with their voices, they don't care about them, they don't look after them.

SPEAKER_00: 25:19

And as as we said, in in in business terms, our voice is amazing, part a tool for us to use, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 25:27

Yeah, I mean, you even get people who are teaching public speaking who know nothing about the voice, and to me, that's a complete anathema. You can do so much with the internal motivation, you can do so much with presentational skills, but if you can't change your voice to suit the arena and suit the occasion, then you're missing something. So to me, voice is all about the body and the voice, and also the self and the voice, and all of that works together. I don't think we can really have one without the other, and this isn't doing anybody down, but public speeching, public speeching. I like that. I'm gonna start calling it that. Public speaking, coaching, which doesn't include some knowledgeable work on the voice and how to change it, how to use it, how to play it as an instrument in speaking, to me is missing, it's lacking. No, I love that because we can do it.

SPEAKER_00: 26:32

Yeah, no, it reminds me of something you mentioned before when we were chatting about obviously our voice being a tool and public speeching, which is what I'm gonna start calling it now. Um, and yeah, the idea of if our vote if our voice is quite high, we're perceived as like a dolly bird, or if we go too low, we we veer into the apologies, Teresa. No, no offense intended, but the Teresa may and it's minding watcher. Yeah, it's fine or being shouty, shouty be you know, but and be coming across as overtly in your face. It's it's a potential minefield, isn't it? And again, we don't just mean standing on a stage, we just mean in trying to speak out, trying to go, yeah, listen to me.

SPEAKER_01: 27:18

Yes, I often watch the TV, and if it's a woman speaking, I think, for heaven's sake, get into your proper female adult voice. Because so many people speak like this, and I think if you've been brought up in the 60s and 70s, there's that thing about you know, demurring and not being very definite on your voice, it's that little girl voice, you know. Oh, yeah, and then there's the then there's the holding the voice down to sound deeper, and uh, you know, it's it's the Margaret Thatcher voice, isn't it? Well, it's the whole idea of you know, as if that makes you be taken more seriously, but it's it is it just sounds wrong, and if you get it wrong, and again, apologies, Teresa and Anne Whitakam, actually. Yeah, yeah, you get that sort of thing happening where it's just on the cusper braking, and uh and she would go down here, and then you get that one flipping in because there isn't enough control of the vocal instrument to understand how to take that direct sound into a better pitch place in your voice. So you're very good, you're very direct, and you speak in a comfortable place for your voice. And oh, me, you're talking to me or Jennifer. Yes, no, I'm talking to you. Oh, that's good to know. That's good to know. And you also have, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I was gonna say you also have a nice bright resonance on your voice, which makes it carry, but perhaps sorry, I wasn't here to just give you uh a dynamic. No, go for it.

SPEAKER_00: 28:46

I love this. Listeners, I'm getting a little freebie out of this before we go into your top tips for everyone. Well, start, yeah, start start with me with you.

SPEAKER_01: 28:54

You have a very clear voice, it has a good resonance. I'm just doing it now to add a bit more of that brightness. I think you can probably hear it as opposed to that sort of timbre. My natural timbre is a bit warm and woolly, so I have to add a bit of that to make it have a bit more stridency if I want it to be there. I'm hoping you can hear that on the mic. Um, and so what we have to watch when we've got that kind of brightness in the voice is that we just don't overdrive the airflow because it can get very tiring, and your voice can tire quite quickly and start to feel a bit irritated. So, how do I know that? Well, I've spent years and years and years working on my voice in different ways, and I can change it at will to do what I want it to do.

SPEAKER_00: 29:41

You know, I that that is fascinating because I must admit, I don't, and even though obviously I've been doing this coming up for a year now, um I when I say this, I mean the podcast, it's not something that I really and I really think I need to start thinking about it because it's not just the hour of recording it's all the other stuff that goes with it isn't it and I want I want my voice to sound it's not about me I know it's oh it's all about me it's my podcast but I I want people to listen and almost not not think about my voice but listen about listen to what I'm saying yes like the the voice really suits you and it really suits your personality because it's bright and it's cheerful and it's get up and go and let's go and do that.

SPEAKER_01: 30:28

So just to finish the story because I've digressed again oh no absolutely sorry I just jumped just to say so over the years I've niched into helping women with their how did that come about came about because when I did some market research and interviewed men they all said no no our voices are fine there's nothing wrong with our voices and I thought I'm on a hiding to nothing with this lot. I mean I do work with men who could who will come and and ask but I thought if I'm going to put an offering together it needs to be for women we're at a natural disadvantage there is this thing called the authority gap that you've already touched on where if we speak if we say something it's not taken with the same gravitas as if a man said the same thing.

SPEAKER_00: 31:13

They can be mediocre and be heard we have to be brilliant to be heard and that shouldn't be the case no we should be heard because we're worthy of being heard and brings us back to the beginning really doesn't it with the idea about our experience and what we have to offer as 50 plus women but just because the timbre of our voices isn't the same as a male voice and male voices have dominated the world for so many years then they hear us differently but weirdly there is actually a scientific reason they perceive female voices differently than we do as well so it's it's working with all of that you know there might there might be a TED talk here somewhere if I ever get round to it Kate no absolutely I I think I think that sounds like a great one I mean obviously we'll be giving details because people are going to be listening people lovely ladies lovely ladies going going back to lovely not that kind of lovely ladies ladies of the net uh I almost forgot what I was going to say uh yeah we will be giving details later on because I'm sure I'm sure there are going to be ladies listening that are thinking I need a bit of Anne I need a bit of this so we will be giving your details later on um in the episode and obviously they're on the show notes and on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website but we did promise we were going to have some top tips and some exercises from you. So I think if you're happy this might be a good time obviously you've you've given me some brilliant tips there and I I literally am going to start even if it's just honey honey drink I do a lot of herbal tea a lot of lemon and lemon and ginger but I think I'm gonna start looking after my voic voic voical my voical cords but in yeah in in terms of sharing some of your tips and advice what are the main things we need to be thinking about doing okay number one let's go vocal health for number one you just mentioned honey and and herbal tees they're great for keeping the back of the upper throat moist but ultimately they go into your stomach if you want something to actually hit your vocal folds vocal cords it has to go down the windpipe where you breathe it's a different tube.

SPEAKER_01: 33:32

Yeah so essentially the best thing you can do is steam get some hot water in a little cup or a bowl not ram rampantly boiling you don't want to scald your throat but as if you like you would if you had a cold and you just inhale it through the mouth and nose gets right down into the airway and it makes the coating of those vocal folds nice and moist I think I mentioned like the inside of the cheek that's how they need to be in order to function properly.

SPEAKER_02: 34:06

Wow.

SPEAKER_01: 34:06

Any water you drink is also vital but it goes through your stomach first and it goes through your bloodstream then to your vocal folds so that's that's the thing there. With the steam is there any benefit in adding any essential oils to it or is that just it smells nice but it does no actual benefit it's the steam not the it smells nice and if you add menthol and things they that can actually dry out the fine coating on the vocal folds so you're doing the the absolute opposite I'm doing the opposite to what people think they should do. It's the same thing with throat sweets they go into your stomach they help your the back of your mouth the very upper throat what we call the pharynx okay the oral pharynx and honey if it's good honey will help uh through your whole system with a natural antibiotic effect so there are good things but I always say for throat sweets just get glycerin pastels boots do them and some of the other pharmacies and they do them in various flavours and it's about keeping it moist in the back of the throat so you feel comfortable. But that sweet doesn't go anywhere near your vocal folds it just goes into your stomach. Yeah and if they be beware of any sugar and stuff like that as well and and spot spicy food late at night and that kind of thing uh so but that's the thing steaming is underrated people go oh yeah yeah and they don't do it but if you do it in the morning and it has to be about 40 minutes to half an hour before you speak a lot the reason how long are we talking about doing it just a few minutes a few minutes oh right so yeah two to three minutes five minutes tops uh don't do it just before you speak because it brings the very fine blood vessels to the surface of the voice uh the vocal folds and we don't want any risk of them rupturing because they they're close to the surface you know if you put your hands in warm water and they go pink that's because all the blood's come to the surface and that just makes them a little bit more vulnerable if you suddenly go speaking a lot. So leave it half an hour after you've steamed and I sometimes say to people do it before you go to sleep as well there's no danger then of you speaking unless you're a big sleep talker but uh that's good. Okay so that's number one steam steam steam that one uh number two is get in touch with your breath and your energy and a lovely little exercise I do all the time and this is the tip of an iceberg of it is just to take a sound like a V or a Z and do and we're lifting that's it lifting the energy up from our tummy oh it makes your lips tingle it does or tries like a mad that's it like a mad wasp. And you might think well what does that do? What it does is it starts to make your vocal folds vibrate really efficiently because the air it's a bit sciencey sorry but the air hits the science we like the science hits them and it has to do it in a way that suits them if you like it's not just to do with breathing I can breathe in and out all day I can get brilliant at holding my breath but I'm not voicing. So to me breath exercises without the voice included are a bit of a waste of time so I I always do a breathe in nice and low let the tummy go not high up here into the chest and then engage my tummy and zzz hello hi my name's Anne gives a directness and clarity to the voice so use a bit of Zdding or Viving to warm your voice up these are gonna be coming into my repertoire and get that balance right and I'll just give myself a plug this week because my next episode is actually all about warming up and doing some of these exercises as well. So if you want to tag in to be truly heard in the next episode out next week actually on Thursday then that's what I'm talking about there. I alternate solos and guest slots.

SPEAKER_00: 38:26

Oh excellent well we'll make sure that the links are in are in your show note details as well we're both we're both Thursday podcast Thursday is a good day it's a good day for Brah and the and the third one is and this is the hardest one say to yourself every day I am worthwhile I am worthwhile and I would add what I have to say is worthwhile but I'm stealing my own thunder for later because that's my thing.

SPEAKER_01: 38:57

But I'm worthwhile and what I have to say is worthwhile and that's all that matters and again this is a tip of a very large iceberg of work that I do to help people change the thought oh I don't like my voice what if I speak and nobody listens oh what if they don't like what I have to say I'm worthwhile and what I have to say is worthwhile because our nervous system and our voice are so closely interlinked.

SPEAKER_00: 39:25

If you're upset where does it go your stomach your gut and your voice so they're my they're my three they're my three yeah no I love that I love that because it does it does boil down to self-belief's tough but but valuing yourself and and you say not not feeling grateful that someone's asked you to speak but actually thinking right okay I've got this opportunity and whether we're talking about walking down the red carpet onto a big stage or whether we're just talking about picking up the phone and having that conversation or at a dinner party if if there's something that you think yeah actually they're talking a load of shite I'm gonna put my tuppence worth in now having the this the the self-belief to think yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna say what I think right I mean how often have we sat there going god here they go again they're going off I want to say something so Anne you've brilliant brilliant tips there brilliant tips no I love those I love those and I say we're gonna be sharing your details in a little while how listeners can get in touch with you obviously go and tune in to Anne's podcast as well and all your connection details are on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website. Thank you but the next step in our little conversation and you know what's coming because I asked the same questions to each of my fabulous female guests so you're not going to escape this time and I'm really looking forward to the answers as well. So three questions the first question musical theme continues perfectly there.

SPEAKER_01: 40:59

Do love a segue what is your midlife anthem are you going to sing it for us what's the story behind it over to you this was really hard because I bet it was actually for someone who's life is music it it's it's music and it's voice so I mean I do I I do about half and half between oh of course yeah yeah speaking yeah but um I thought well most of the songs I really love are really quite heartfelt and slow and probably not about boosting us up for midlife so I thought what what would I what do I really like what strikes me and I thought of an old Judy Garland song and not not the one you think it's not over the rainbow that could be that but it goes I don't care I don't care or something like that. I don't know the tune very well but the words are great I'm sort of independent I'm my own superintendent superintendent and my star is on the ascendant that's why I don't care oh I'm gonna dig that out that is good and it's great and it's a it's a comedy song you can find it on YouTube. Uh there's a second verse which is a bit of its time about you know if people tell me how to behave in front of the men uh you know where we were all brought up to behave a certain way but then she ends up saying well I don't care we should be smashing those yeah smash stereotypes bust myth this good so she says propriety demands we walk a narrow track uh uh when the fellas used to blink at me I'd freeze them and they'd shrink at me but now when fellas wink at me I wink right back I don't care so and it goes on you know don't try and rearrange me there's nothing that can change me because I don't care and I've chosen that because I did care an awful lot in my younger days. I cared how people saw me what they thought of me whether they liked me whether they liked my speaking and hence I used to apologize for myself like I said earlier on. Yeah and so now I find I'm in that stage of do you know the poem when I'm an old woman I shall wear purple and a red hat that doesn't go that one. Yes and it's that I don't care I'm me I'm worthwhile and what I have to say is worthwhile and that's actually the answer to the next one what do you you say to yourself?

SPEAKER_00: 43:25

Oh I love that right yes it's this is what you this is your midlife mantra then it is and I know I've just mentioned it as a tip but I think No but that proves that it's something that encapsulates what you do yeah and who you are and it's not just my singing it's who I am as a person and what I have to say and what I have to pay forward to others as a woman as well and that's what my aim is and that's why I love be truly heard uh so yeah that's my mantra no I love that so you may be working on it already but what is the title of your autobiography oh you're laughing the title of your autobiography I had loads of ideas for this and um uh pardon pardon my using a swear word but my first one was it doesn't bloody matter yeah but so true it's it's the same theme isn't it so true but so liberating and gosh if we can't say it now when can we bloody say it?

SPEAKER_01: 44:30

It doesn't matter what colour coat you've got on or whether the person in the corner doesn't like what you say or how you look or who you are they're not your person and what they think about you is none of your business.

SPEAKER_00: 44:43

No that is that is such a liberating realisation that is it really is.

SPEAKER_01: 44:47

Now when I say I don't care and all of that I don't mean that I don't care about everything. I care about my own values and my own integrity and showing up in those and kindness and empathy and and supporting other women but I don't care if some idiot across the room says something stupid anymore or doesn't like me you know it's this it's the stuff that that it's got no worth to you it bring it doesn't light you up it doesn't it has no let them get on with it.

SPEAKER_00: 45:16

It's like the the the rubbish in the world that doesn't matter to you you don't care about it. You haven't got the time or the energy to worry about it anymore.

SPEAKER_01: 45:25

Yeah and the same as people who criticize us and then when we think about it well they don't actually have the knowledge in the background to give a critique of my work and that's what I used to think about Ofsted and I'm sorry if anyone out there belongs to Ofsted but that's what I think. And uh anyway not back down the that sort of place but no another conversation but definitely worth one worth having another time oh no I love that I love that. So is is that the title you're going for you said you said you started off thinking about that are you sticking with that stuff with that and I might tag on the end of it you know it doesn't bloody matter so be truly heard yes go and be truly heard in other words put your message out there speak it with impact like I just made a very um I suppose what's the word iffy statement about Ofsted there you know I I it it's what I feel yeah yeah don't don't dilute yourself say what your experience is uh without upsetting people without being cruel to people yeah but I think we we're so often holding back and not saying what we think and so we're called uh emotional or we're called um not direct enough and all of those things on the other hand there uh you know this is why I do what I do there is a dichotomy because if men hear us speaking very assertively we get called bossy and confrontational oh yeah and a man stands up and does the same thing and he's the boss and I say that's like oh look at look at her kicking off yeah yeah yeah oh she wears she wears the trousers yeah I down well they would they would they used to say is it is it that time of the month or whatever I'm not sure what they'd say to us now.

SPEAKER_00: 47:13

I know and I think there's in fairness to the blokes out there there's a lot more understanding now and and it's getting better but it just comes from ingrained cultural approaches that all the way through time since they got rid of the Mother Earth goddess have uh perpetuated that took me into a strange place I love this I'm gonna have to get you back we've got so much more to talk about but before to round off this episode we'll get you back well we've we've got our live get me back on get me back on track Kate yeah no no no I was gonna say get you back on here for another episode but also yeah we'll be going live as well so we've got so much you don't miss the live video podcast that will be on my YouTube channel Midlife Unlimited but before we go uh I say of all your contact details are in the show notes and on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website but could you talk listeners through how they can get in touch with you and I think you've got a freebie as well for our listeners I do I do have a freebie and the link will be in the notes as Kate just said and it's some something called the ultimate voice care planner for businesswomen and it knits nicely into that tip number one that I gave about actually knowing how to look after your voice but it's it will come to you in three parts because it's quite a long thing and I didn't want to just drop a 30 page document on everybody.

SPEAKER_01: 48:34

So you get the first part and it's a bit like a workbook you go through it and you say how do I perceive my voice what do I think about it what do other people think about it and um there are a few little exercises to do to just get in touch with your voice. Then the second part drops and that's all about looking after your voice the things to do and not do the steaming the things to eat when to eat all that sort of thing and then the third part drops which is how to plan for different activities using your voice. So a day where you're just at home as opposed to a day in the office or on lots of Zoom meetings or going out doing presentations. And so it's a three part thing. So I'd love for you to uh download that and let me know what you make of it and get in touch on the back of it if you feel that it's helpful because I'd love it to be helpful. Uh you can also email me Anne A double n e at an leatherland L E A T H E R L A N D not leatherhead leatherland dot co dot uk they always call me leatherhead because the brain does that thing where it sees the word so Anne at an leatherland dot co.uk there is my podcast and I do have a LinkedIn page as well um my profile where you can join me uh and also a website so there's all sorts of things there where you can contact me.

SPEAKER_00: 50:03

And I say all the details are in the show notes and on the website. And I would love your feedback listeners on today's episode. So it'd be fabulous if you could leave a review or you can email and text me via the link in the show notes. And you can come and join the Midlife Unlimited podcast Facebook group again link in the show notes where you'll find details of the website with my midlife metamorphosis coaching offers and also rather exciting new announcement development come and join my school platform Pop Your Podcast Cherry it's free now I've made it free because I want to be helping all of you that are sitting there thinking I want to be the go-to expert but I don't know if anyone wants will anyone want to listen to what I've got to say I'm nervous I'm not sure of my messaging come in it's a free community I'll be coaching training we've got live zooms enough about that go over to school pop your podcast cherry join up now for free I might even get Anne to come and join as well she can have some conversations with you all uh well thank you for joining me it's been an absolute pleasure I knew it would be thank you for listening I look forward to you tuning in next week because don't forget Midlife Unlimited has a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcasts so here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and to living midlife unlimited thanks ever so much and it's been an absolute pleasure oh it has thank you thank you bye bye