Episode #054 How to Cut Through the Noise as a Midlife Woman with Guest Kim Brockway

Standing in the supermarket queue the other day I seemed to be surrounded by people complaining about noise – from neighbours building work to rowdy youngsters! Has the weather fallen from favour?

But there’s another type of noise that we just don’t talk about enough. The noise that threatens to overwhelm us… the noise of constant STUFF! Demands… pressures… Arghhhh! It can feel like we are being taken over, so that we can lose sight of who we are and what we actually want.

And, in my experience, at no time is this more evident that Midlife. So if you’re ready to find clarity in all this confusion, then join me and my guest Kim Brockway, Pagan wisdom keeper and founder of the Wise Woman’s Breathwork Temple, as we talk about How to Cut Through the Noise as a Midlife Woman. 

Connect with Kim 

https://wessexwisewoman.co.uk/start 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis Coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling midlife how it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So, welcome to today's episode. Now, this is arguably one of the loudest weeks of the year, thanks to Guy Fawkes and his crew. And love them or hate them, fireworks are guaranteed to get us talking about noise. But there's another type of noise that we just don't talk about enough. The noise that threatens to overwhelm us. The constant noise of stuff, demands, pressures, it can feel like we're being taken over, so that we can lose sight of who we are and what we actually want. And in my experience, at no time is this more evident than midlife. So if you're ready to find clarity in all this confusion, then this episode is just for you. Because I'm delighted to be joined by my guest today, Kim Brockway, pagan wisdom keeper and founder of the Wise Woman's Breathwork Temple, to talk about how to cut through the noise as a midlife woman. So welcome, Kim. It's fabulous to have you here.

SPEAKER_01: 1:57

No, thanks, Kate. I'm really looking forward to our conversation.

SPEAKER_00: 2:00

I am. Well, judging by a little pre-chat when I've just recorded checking the recording levels, this is going to be quite a juicy episode. So watch out, listeners. Here we come. Now, an alternative title for this episode could have been How to Come Home for Yourself. To for yourself, to yourself, even. I'm so excited, listeners. But we've intentionally steered clear of this, haven't we?

SPEAKER_01: 2:24

Yeah. Yeah. Because there were it's a lovely phrase, and it is, you know, really beautiful, but I don't think it actually gets to the crux of what midlife women are actually dealing with at the moment, or as you said, you know, or the noise, that seems to be the major issue that we're all dealing with at the moment. So that was yeah, what we're going for.

SPEAKER_00: 2:54

And I think as well, it it sadly, like the word authentic, which when I started out on my coaching journey all those years ago was something that I talked about a lot being authentically you, but now it's just lost its authenticity, really. It's lost its meaning. So no, we're just going to tell it like it is, which is what Midlife Unlimited is all about, isn't it? Yeah. Cutting through the noise. Now I'm going to quote your quote back at you because I read this and I thought, I need this woman. I need this woman in my life. I like what she's about. Midlife isn't about becoming a different person, it's remembering who you've always been underneath all the noise. And that's that's quite a bittersweet. That really gives me goosebumps.

SPEAKER_01: 3:35

Yeah, well, I think life is very bittersweet. It's you know, it's a double-edged sword. You I'm feeling quite emotional because that that really does conjure up so much for me.

SPEAKER_00: 3:47

I was gonna ask, well, what does that conjure up for you then, Kate? I I would want to say, but I don't do them. That the the temptation, the old me to go round that down that whole regret route. That oh the uh if and I I don't do those now, but I used to. I used to do if only's and self-blame, and oh, if only I'd like myself more, I could have done this, or if only I'd trusted myself more. And no, now I'm just like, well, you didn't do it, but you've got the chance now.

SPEAKER_01: 4:17

Yeah, I mean, and half of what I'm finding is that these regrets are actually coming from expectations that have been put upon us that we think there are, but they're not. They they can either be familial expectations, you know, what our family have put on us, what are the generations before, what society has put on us. And so it makes us it tries to mold us into this perfect little female, and we get to the stage where actually, no, I'm gonna not gonna be that anymore. So the the coming home to yourself, yourself could be something completely different from what you were as a child or as a teen or 20s, 30s. Every decade we evolve and we change, or we should evolve and change, because life experiences mould us, don't they? Um, so yes, it's quite when you really think about it and get to the nitty-gritty, it's it's quite a fluid statement, very powerful, but you're absolutely right. It is it is double-edged.

SPEAKER_00: 5:33

Oh, I think speaking personally here, but that's about the only one, the only thing we can do, really, isn't it? We can speak from our own experiences and then relate them, and hopefully they are relatable as well. But try not to forget what you were gonna say, Kate. But in terms of the disappointment or or the maybe regrets, as I understand myself now and as I understand how I felt, a lot of it was due to trying, like, you know, octopuses, they they or octopi, I don't know what the plural is. They had this amazing ability for for kind of shrinking themselves down to fit through this hole. And I think I then forgot though, I was trying to fit through, be trying to be something that was expected of me that didn't really align with what I wanted to be or how I wanted to express myself. But then the octopus kind of goes back, having fitted through this tiny hole. It's then like there's a wonderful, amazing tentacled octopus celebrating its shape and its passion and it's and I'm like, yeah, that's I've done that. I've squeezed through this rather uncomfortable time where nothing really felt right. And now I'm like, Well, hey, look at me waving my tentacles.

SPEAKER_01: 6:44

Yeah, and let's let's take a look at it.

SPEAKER_00: 6:45

I don't know where that analogy came from. I've not been smoking anything, it's just I don't know. Well, we perhaps you're hungry, you know.

SPEAKER_01: 6:51

Yeah, like um, but yeah, but the I mean you can look at it in two ways. Either the those small places that you've you've had to squeeze yourself through. A, they've taught you a lesson that you can squeeze through and you can survive, that you are okay. And B, that isn't that amazing that you can change yourself to squeeze through those ways. I mean, the octopus, if we're going with that analogy, the octopus does it because it's part of its nature. It is hunting for food, it's hunting, it's doing something instinctual. Where I think uh we uh especially as I'm gonna talk about midlife women because that's that's who you're talking about about. I'm talking to, we're all midlife women, yeah. Yeah, we have been forced to squeeze into these spaces of uh who we are supposed to be, what we are supposed to want, and how we are supposed to get there, right? What the journey is supposed to look like. And I do strongly believe that uh the menopause was for me personally quite a liberating time. I'm still going through it now, you know, um but I was finally able to say, well, you know, that's bollocks really. Um it's a very patriarchal view and and not even uh uh a patriarchal view throughout history, it's a relatively early, uh, you know, the the early males and females were much more collaborative than they were, you know, from the 17th century onwards. Um and I think that when it comes to us as midlife women, it's all about celebrating what we can become. Celebrating that we have the choice to become whatever we want to become. But it's quite a tricky conversation because it's quite scary because we feel nice and safe, you know. Human beings, we we don't like change that much, do we?

SPEAKER_00: 9:23

No, absolutely. I mean, I I make no secret of the fact that one of the major changes that has enabled my midlife metamorphosis is stopping drinking because it was controlling me. I've put my hands up, recovering alcoholic. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. Um, and I'm now in my seventh year of sobriety. But uh you I was using it to make myself even smaller, really, and to uh to give myself excuses and yes, to hurt those around me, not intentionally, because you know, alcoholism is it's an addiction, as so many other things are that just changes how you how you think and how you behave. But the point I'm not I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm not looking for congratulations because it's it's a thing. I stopped drinking, done. But we talk a lot about and say change, and that to me was a big change. In actual fact, it was a lot of it when I actually decided I am gonna do it this time. The actual change physically was a lot easier than like when I stopped smoking, it was like it's something I built up into like you do. You built up how am I gonna survive without well, your body just adapts, your brain. Obviously, I use my own mindset techniques, etc. And and if I could help other people do it as instantly, but it I think it depends on how you think, and everyone is slightly different. But we talk about change back to what I was saying. I love your phrase, the midlife conspiracy, because everyone says, Yeah, embrace the change, go with it, find your inner goddess. But a lot of the time we can feel we're just trying to get from day to day. We haven't got the we haven't got the inclination or the energy to try and find our inner goddess. We just want to be able to get out of bed in the morning and not feel like uh not another day.

SPEAKER_01: 11:04

I know, I know that that part of the current wellness, it is like mid-like, you know, it's not like oh get in touch with you, and to be honest, you're just you know, walking into a room. Why have I walked in this room? Where have I put my glasses case? Oh, it's in the fridge, of course it's in the fridge. Where else would it be? So bloody hot. Yeah. Um, I sometimes worry. Is that the right word? I don't know, but the language that is used is off-putting for many of us normal folk.

SPEAKER_00: 11:44

Um I know what they're trying to say with find your inner goddess, it's basically just find your inner magic, find your inner power, that empowerment that you unleash the woman you deserve to be, because that kind of takes it not takes it down a notch, but it makes it rather than like, oh my gosh, I don't feel like a goddess at all. Look at all these goddesses out there, and again, it brings in another should, and I'm am I good enough? Am I no, of course you are. Just a goddess is different to every you know, everyone's interpretation. It doesn't mean you have to grow your hair and waft around in a row. That's not what, but it it it is the slippery slope towards um comparisonitis again, but on another level, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 12:29

Yeah, and I mean that's the other thing, you know, the modern, the modern perception of what a goddess is is very male oriented, put woman on a pedestal. And if you've ever read any of the Greek myths, the Roman myths, you know, I mean, bloody hell, what a what a what a journey destruction. They were used and abused these so-called goddesses. So I think that yeah, it possibly does more damage than good using these terms, and I love your um your reframe, you know, that you you know, your your empowering women to to become their their fullest potential to be to be the woman that they can be, to embrace everything, and and that does it's not all stars and fluffy unicorns and everything.

SPEAKER_00: 13:26

It's that's it's not really tick boxes, is it? And I think we there is a danger of thinking, right, to get to this, I need to do be doing this, and again, it's then that takes you back down the shoulds path, and you start boxing having said, right, we're going to break free from these shackles of stereotypes and and pigeonholing ourselves. We're starting to pigeonhole ourselves just in a different way. It's like no now. I I've done this, I I've I've I've been the mum, I've been the career, I've done blah blah blah. Right now, I need to be the midlife goddess. What do I need to be doing to do that? And it's like, no, no, no. This is all about or what I'm all about is doing it our way, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 14:04

Not feeling you're either you're either this this etheral goddess vision, or you're a sort of like a shouty feminist, and it's sort of like, no, stop with the stereotypes. We are all beautifully unique individuals with our own stories, our own strengths, our own weaknesses. No, it's not even called weaknesses, they're not weaknesses, they're just quite who they are.

SPEAKER_00: 14:32

Yeah, that's not a weakness, and if they are, let's think of them as as opportunities. I'm gonna sound like I'm gonna sound like a gross mindset here. Yeah, no, no, but it it is, it's like these are really it's like in an interview, isn't it? Oh, what what are your what are your weaknesses? It's like, no, you say things that are actually strengths, and then you're really cunning and you sound fabulous, yeah. Uh, but what I'm quite excited about is obviously later on in the episode, each of my guests, I always say, Can you share some top tips? But I'm really quite excited about this because you're going to be using well, bringing in your your expertise with conscious breathing as well to help listeners cut through the noise. But we're just talking about stories and sharing our stories, and I'd love to dig a bit more into your own midlife metamorphosis, or even let's let's go back, let's go back to before that we'll turn back the clock. So employee, retail, banking. I mean, it's a world apart to what from what you're doing now, isn't it? Literally.

SPEAKER_01: 15:36

Well, yes and no. Because I was still see, I feel I always went for jobs that were kind of service-based. Um, so left college, walking through town, saw an advert in a shop window, come and be a sales assistant in our in our clothes shop. And that was my first job. And I really loved it, helping people find, you know, oh, what colours suit you? What styles? You know, it was great. And I got to chat to people all day and be paid for it. It was wonderful.

SPEAKER_00: 16:12

Sounds good to me.

SPEAKER_01: 16:13

Um, so I worked at various retailers, and then I thought, general, I don't know if I want to work bank holidays anymore. But I love working, I loved working with the general public and finding things for people that they needed or they didn't think they needed. And so I got into banking, but again, it was customer services advisor. And I did that for a decade or more, and I absolutely loved it. Finding helping people to find the best mortgage, the best savings account. But more than that, I'd have these lovely little pensioners come in and they'd they'd have their pension paid into their savings book and then they'd take out 20 quid or something, and I'd be there chatting all how's your daughter, how's your little grandson, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 17:07

But the huge point of contact for them as well. It's probably one without sounding condescending, that probably was one of the best conversations they had during the week.

SPEAKER_01: 17:16

Yes, because you you respect them as a oh, I'm gonna sound all you respect them as a human being and they deserve your time. That just sounds so naf, doesn't it? But but I loved it. The essence of it is true though, yeah, yeah. And I really enjoyed it, and I mean, I'm gonna blow my own horn here. I was a top sales performer, and I went to numerous conferences each year being a top sales performer. Um, but I didn't feel as though I was a sales associate or I was in sales, I was just chatting to people, I was just talking to them and getting getting to know them. And I think that's what I do with my new business. I I've skipped out all my my decade or so working as a teaching assistant. So that was again, you know, the same sort of thing, helping the children to understand the curriculum that the teachers had to teach them. Um and uh but I decided I wanted to get out of the education sector. I'm not gonna get on a soapbox about that, but it's less about teaching the children and more about ticking boxes these days. I wouldn't be a teacher for all the love or money in the world, they are amazing, but I still wanted to help people, and I was suffering myself with menopause really hit during the last time.

SPEAKER_00: 18:44

You had migraines as well.

SPEAKER_01: 18:46

Oh, yes. I had decided that I wanted something else to do. I've always been a bit of a bookworm right from when I could read my very first Janet and John's. I loved them. Now that's showing my age, but this is a midlife booklife book which you all know, Janet and John's. Um so I've always loved books, and as part of my hobbies, I would read books and I'd have a book blog, and then authors started sending me their pre-published books. And long story short, I trained to be a book editor. And I wanted to come out of being a teaching assistant and be a book editor full-time. But I found I couldn't I couldn't do the two things at once, and it I I'm gonna use the word burnout, it could be breakdown, but it was all very, very intense menopausal symptoms. It was causing me ocular migraines. Um, really awful. Couldn't see for you know an hour at a time. Um, my emotions were spiking all over the place. I was I was watching a Werthers advert, Kate, and I burst into tears watching a very emotional the grandfather giving his sweet to the little kids. Oh my god, it was real ugly crying, Kate. I've got to admit it. It was, yeah, it was um, but yeah, so I was crying all the time. I couldn't make decisions. So simple things like I don't know, what cereal should we buy for the family this week? And I was getting all everybody asking, you know, what cereal do you get? What cereal do you get? Which is the best cereal? I couldn't even decide simple things like what cereal to buy, and I decided, well, this isn't normal. I mean, you know, for me, it's not normal. Um, yeah, so I went to the doctor, bawling my eyes out. You can see a pattern coming here, okay? Yeah, bawling my eyes out in I I had suicidal thoughts. I just couldn't, I thought the world would be a better place without me.

SPEAKER_00: 21:13

Gosh, really.

SPEAKER_01: 21:14

I mean, this is this is what happens when the emotions take over you.

SPEAKER_00: 21:18

Yeah, logical things. I've had I've not had that. I had almost obsessive thoughts about dying, but getting emotional because I didn't want to, but getting like very tearful, and there are still certain songs that about not being here and not seeing my son grow up and all that that kind of like oh one not wanting to miss out, but still it just becomes overwhelming. Like this get on with now, bring yourself back to now. Stop thinking about these things you can do nothing about.

SPEAKER_01: 21:50

Yeah, yeah. I mean, our brains are just so weird. I mean, they're fascinating, they're so weird, you know, the thoughts they send us. Um, and I know that when you are in a particular, I've since learned, um, when you are in a particular heightened stress, anxious mode, your body is flooded with the chemicals that shut down your logical thought process, your higher functions, your um what's they called, executive decision making. You can't you can't you can't do it. Um and I was at my lowest, I had to reduce my work hours, I had to reduce how many uh clients I could take on in my own side hustle of book editing. And I thought, well, this can't this can't be right. And obviously the GP did put me on antidepressants first, actually. And then later decided, oh no, perhaps it's hormonal, let's put you on HRT. Um and I've got to say it helps because it it takes it it takes the edge off both the antidepressants and the HRT, but it doesn't really learn. What I'm what I've learned now is it doesn't really get to the root cause of things, it just puts the plaster on the on the cut or the symptom. It doesn't actually heal you.

SPEAKER_00: 23:25

I think that that this is what drives what you do, though, isn't it now? This is what drives what Wessex-wise women are all about. Yeah. Because it's getting it's not sticking plasters on things.

SPEAKER_01: 23:36

No, no, it's it's healing, it's serving, it's helping, it's I preventing um women younger than me from getting to the stage where they are crying at a word as advert or thinking of ending it all, or thinking of ending it all. You know, it's yeah, it can be prevented or at least tamped down, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 24:08

So how does it stem? I mean, is is it something you've been involved in or interested in from as a girl, or is it something that's kind of wove woven its way into your life?

SPEAKER_01: 24:20

I mean, I've always been interested in the psychology of you know, who we are and how we develop and everything, but no during my working life, you know, you have kids now, everything gets very um mundane, every you know, day-to-day. And those sort of thoughts get put on the back burner right into the dark, deep recesses of your brain, and you you don't really think about them anymore. Um and then I think uh when menopause hits, uh it's like a switch and suddenly uh things come to the front again, and you start paying attention to you know this episode is all about all of the noise, and we I started noticing more noise, but more uh particular topics in amongst the noise. And I decided okay, there's a smarter way to uh balance my personal life and my business life. I want my business life to take off. So I started doing all the courses and things that promise you the world. Oh, yeah, but I don't think I was in the right frame of mind myself to action what they were teaching me. I I've I've got files and files here, Kate, of courses I've been on and trainings I've attended with all this amazing information and gold mine. But have I implemented it? No, because my nervous system, my body, my mind, it wasn't in the right place to either accept it or action the changes. I was standing in my own way.

SPEAKER_00: 26:12

I hear that touch it out, and I I've done that. I've done that. We all have, haven't we? Yeah, because one thing that does fascinate me, and there's there's much talk again, it's another phrase, but the the phrase woo-woo. Some people shy away from it, some people want to be more it. Is it a phrase that you've had thrust upon you? Is it a phrase that you embrace? I mean, obviously, pent is it pentagon, pentagram? All these different things have got some people think they're dark art, some people think they're beautiful. Uh, you know, let's get with the earth. How how how do you fight through that noise, not fight? How do you work your yeah? That's another form of noise, isn't it? So much information or misinformation.

SPEAKER_01: 27:00

Misinformation, yeah, yeah. And I think it's it's harder now. Um, I mean, the the 1990s were quite an amazing decade. Creativity seemed to explode, the pagan scene definitely exploded. That's when I first understood. I mean, I thought I was just uh a religious or a spiritual person. Um but the teachings didn't quite feel right in C of E. Um but over the I I just met these I met some local people who uh kind of spoke my language. And the phrase woo-woo, I use it quite a lot now. I've I've taken it on and I've turned it into my own um spiritual, because I mean if I if I give you a word, if I say hot, what's the association with hot for you, Kate?

SPEAKER_00: 28:02

Me, it's I'm still very much perimenopause, menopause, hot flushes, being uncomfortable and getting irritable. That's how it is now. Have you got any colours associated with it or anything? Red, bright yellow, so kind of sunshine, fiery colours I associate with it. Yeah. And you were gonna say, but now before hot would have been, and now probably starting to think more about tropical beaches and wading into some nice, um, gently lapping waves. That'd be quite good. In a sarong.

SPEAKER_01: 28:37

Well, it's but it's our own personal interpretation. So your your association of the word hot has evolved. It it was horrible, it was associated with really you know horrible, uncomfortable feelings, and now it's perhaps going to sort of like luxurious holiday warm beaches, and the same can be applied to woo-woo. I mean, woo-woo started off as a very derogatory term, yeah. Oh, she's um, oh, she's a bit woo-woo, like flighty, flaky, yeah, you know, flaky, yeah, flaky, hippie, away with the fairies, away with the fairies, all this sort of thing. But there's as with most things, there are a few brave souls out there that say, no, I'm gonna take on that word, and to me it means X, Y, Z. It is my I'm owning it, and so you can be in two camps. Um, I am owning the woo-woo because I think it's I think it's a word that uh people feel safer with rather than pagan at the moment, yeah. Um, you know, and uh, you know, I wouldn't openly call myself a witch, although I have been practicing Wicca since the nineties, um, again, because of the Association. I know what it means. I know what it means to me. But to other people, it has completely different connotations. They're allowed to have those feelings.

SPEAKER_00: 30:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 30:11

You know, we're allowed to experience those. And it, I suppose, it depends whether I want that conversation and whether they want a conversation about what they're feeling.

SPEAKER_00: 30:20

It's perceptions as well, isn't it? I mean, obviously, we've just had Halloween, and I guarantee that anyone flicking through Prime, Netflix, etc., other streaming channels are available. Horror season thrust upon you, and the words witch and pagan will be featured quite heavily in a lot of the horror films out there. So, again, a lot of people and teen upwards will have perceptions of these words having evil, dark connotations as opposed to potentially beautiful, powerful, nature-related connotations.

SPEAKER_01: 30:57

Yeah. I mean, the original, when the Romans were using the word pagan, it just meant, you know, the the local, the local um faith, the local religion, not of our beliefs. So, I mean, that can apply to everything that's not. I mean, we live in the UK, so our religion is Church of England. All other religions are pagan because it's not Church of England, but we don't think like that anymore. It's been changed. It's the perception of it or the meaning of the word has has been changed. So I think it's can either be empowering to take on a word and make it your own, or it can be like knocking your head against a brick wall, especially as there are so many different variations out there. Back to this whole, you know, the noise of it all. No, absolutely the wellness space is full of it.

SPEAKER_00: 32:00

No, no, and I I'm I'm loving this conversation because I am all about smashing stereotypes and busting myths. And I think now would be a lovely time to move gently into your top tips for cutting through the noise, but also I'm very excited because if you don't mind, you did say, and I'm I'm picking you up on it, that you might share some seasonal pagan wisdom as well that weaves into that. So, I mean, obviously, shifting seasons, because as I understand it, paganism is I meant to do it closely linked to nature and the seasons and how this makes us feel. And I think as midlife women, I feel more intuitive. I I again and again, I mean, mindfulness is massive for me, and getting out into nature and planting our feet on the ground and and just listening to the lack of noise sometimes can be so transformative for me.

SPEAKER_01: 32:54

Yeah, I mean, it's wonderful just sitting in a in a park in in your local town or something, and just yeah, not turning off your phone and not having any distractions, just sitting there and listening to the birds, listening to the the breeze through the trees. You you can hear the trees, you know, their branches moving, and it's therapeutic and it's good for the soul, as well as all those lovely pheromones that trees and plants, you know, emanate, that our bodies naturally pick up on. Um, and that's that's part of what this time of year is all about. Um, yeah, you've got the fun of Halloween and and all the dressing up and the parties and things if you're into that. But it's also about well, look around you. I mean, I've still got roses in my garden at the moment. The poor things don't know whether they're coming or going. Bit like me sometimes. No, absolutely. I've got buds on them ready to bloom, and um, you know, it's it's crazy, but generally nature works on the system of okay, there's a time to grow, there's a time to blossom, then there's a time to you know harvest and bear your fruit, and then there's a time to sleep and rest. And we are coming into, as it's the beginning of November, we are coming into that time where it's okay to sleep and rest and look back on the year and think, oh, lovely, what have I achieved? What did I want to achieve that I didn't quite? What stopped me from achieving that? What am I going to do next year? Just sit and plan. I know my granddad was a keen gardener. This is when he'd get his seed catalogues and he'd be planning out his garden for the next year.

SPEAKER_00: 34:53

So we we can turn that into a metaphor then for ourselves, can't we? Absolutely. Kind of have our own get a journal or something like that, even if you're not going hard planning and hard goal setting. Yeah, but do do your own little metaphorical seed um seed catalogue. Yes, and plan out well what worked well, what didn't work well.

SPEAKER_01: 35:13

Have we got to rotate anything, you know, crop rotation?

SPEAKER_00: 35:17

I'm gonna leave myself fallow for a year, I think.

SPEAKER_01: 35:20

Yeah, well, that is the other thing. Back in the day before intensive farming, yeah, farmers would leave their fields to fallow. They they're not given the opportunity to do that now because it's got to be produced, produce, produce all the time. Um, and this is a wonderful time. I mean, there are more people out there taking the opportunity of during these months to slow down. It's very difficult if you're still in corporate, you're still working nine to five, they want blood out of a stone, seven days a week, 52 weeks of the year. You're lucky if you get Christmas Day off, even if you don't celebrate it, you know, it's nice to have a few days off. So, yeah, this time of year really is a time for contemplating or just slowing down for a bit, allowing yourself, giving yourself permission to slow down and think that's a powerful word, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 36:20

Yeah, yeah because the guilt, the guilt can slip in, yeah, and especially you say, in in a corporate world where the the everything you feel you're being judged, the kind of first in, last out mentality that that never seems to go away. But I think we we can be, and I will use the intentionally use the word guilty, even when we're running our own businesses, when we've taken a step away, we we've we've used midlife as a kickstart, a fresh start. We can still be guilty of putting those same restrictions or or what ifs, fear of judgment on our you know, bringing it over into this new opportunity. So now I did mention obviously because conscious breathing is something that you're passionate about, yeah, it's something you work with that you help other people develop. I mean, are there ways that we can use the conscious breathing now, as we said, to cut through the noise, to take stock, to to recharge ourselves. I mean, is there anything we talk through listeners through? Is there anything we can do? Yes, yeah, we can do something now if you like. Oh, yes, please. That would be fabulous.

SPEAKER_01: 37:27

So this is something that I use constantly, and it's just I sit and I close my eyes, which helps to then cut out everything around you. And what you're doing is you're drawing your focus into how you're breathing. Is it coming through your nose? Is it coming through your mouth? What's the temperature like when you breathe out? Is it a different temperature? Is your breath making its way all the way down to your belly? Is your belly moving or is it just your chest? You're not changing anything, you're just noticing it. Are you breathing quickly? Or is it quite slow? Or is it deep? You may find that while you're starting to notice you're naturally just slowing down your breathing. You may even notice any tension that you've had in your shoulders is gone. Perhaps even any tension you're carrying in your jaw seems to have just disappeared. You're just bringing your awareness back to you, back to your amazing unique body. And you're not doing anything special or complicated, you're just noticing how you're breathing. And that was just a minute. How are you feeling, Kate?

SPEAKER_00: 39:18

I feel more centered. Mm, definitely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 39:23

No, I found that really that was no particular technique. I do have other techniques, but that's just noticing taking 60 seconds to just notice how you're breathing. And that fact that that minute mini act just helps you to consciously breathe. It's easy, isn't it? Why isn't everybody doing it?

SPEAKER_00: 39:53

I mean, in in terms of obviously, we're going to be giving your contact details in a little while, and they'll be on the show notes um and on for our episode and on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website. But in in terms of the the benefits, I mean, I would have thought they're self-blinking explanatory, but but why would you suggest that particularly us women in midlife, what what are the top things that why we I'm not gonna say should, why we will be finding out more about how to consciously breathe with you.

SPEAKER_01: 40:28

Well you then have the tools that you can keep forever, you know. This isn't a I don't give a license for these, you're not paying for a you know, a permanent one or you know, this once is once you've got it, you've got it. Um you're feeling overwhelmed at the moment, can't make a decision, losing socks in the in the freezer or mobile phones left by the loo. These breathing techniques can get rid of all of that, and suddenly you find your confident self again. Maybe you find an improved version, perhaps it's a Kate 2.0.

SPEAKER_00: 41:21

Oh my goodness, well, watch out for that.

SPEAKER_01: 41:23

Yeah. Um and it's I keep using the word empowering, don't I? What's another word for empowering? It's it's re re-establishing yourself, it's uh being able to make decisions, being comfortable and confident in those decisions that you make, and uh being comfortable and confident in your own skin. You know, um I love it. I mean, example, I've I've been working with a woman who um right from childhood, she had asthma, had her had to take inhalers everywhere. Um after a year of doing, you know, these breathing techniques, she can't remember the last time she had to take a puff of her inhaler. Wow, and this is this is doctor-medicated stuff that she can now do. And she said, not only has it changed physically her breathing, but it's keeping her in a more calm and centered place so that it's not that knee-jerk reaction when she does have to make decisions, and when she is in a stressy situation, like when she's got a phone, I don't know, the telephone company or the gas company, you know, yes, she gets het up because that's what she needs to do, but her her recovery rate afterwards is a lot quicker, so you you recover from any stressful situation quicker by having these techniques.

SPEAKER_02: 43:01

I love that.

SPEAKER_00: 43:04

Ooh. Well, I'll say we're gonna be sharing your contact details in a little while. Um, but before we go into your three questions, there's just one word as well that summed up our little chat because you know, listeners, I always like to have a little brainstorm with my guests, and Kim didn't escape that, as she's not going to escape the questions in a minute. But the word willingness, that's an important word for you as well, isn't it? And about as you say, obviously, and it may apply to try and new things like um conscious breathing, but how just to have that willingness to feel uncomfortable, to give it a go.

SPEAKER_01: 43:41

Yeah, yeah, because as we said earlier, we we are we are people that human beings don't like change. Funny, really, considering we are a species that likes to explore and expand and evolve, evolve, we don't like change, yeah. Um, but so it's being willing to feel comfortable with being uncomfortable, if that makes any sense to anyone else. It does, it makes complete sense. I love it. Because our our brains interpret certain body signals, you know, like those butterflies in your stomach, they can either be they can either be butterflies of excitement or butterflies of nerves and anxiety, and that all depends on our brain set, uh, you know, how we are going to view those, which again is a choice. Yeah, um I I actually call it nervous sighted.

SPEAKER_00: 44:42

Yes, yes, it makes it even if you are feeling a bit sick with it, it turns it into a positive it turns it into a positive. It does.

SPEAKER_01: 44:50

What was it about sometimes, you know, depending on the time of the month and how our hormones are fluctuating, that will either be a good thing or it'll be a damn scary thing. But you've always got the choice of how you're gonna deal with it or how you're gonna think about it, and a willingness to step out of your comfort zone, a willingness to be to be just a little bit brave, you know, dip that toe out and see how you get on. And I promise you that you'll actually love it, you'll get a buzz from it, and then you can put yourself back in your comfort zone, and then the next time just eek out a little bit more, and before you know it, you are gonna be the amazing woman that has always been inside of you, and everybody else will be able to see it.

unknown: 45:43

I love that.

SPEAKER_01: 45:44

It's lovely.

SPEAKER_00: 45:46

Right now, you're not escaping before we share your contact details. I am going to ask you the same questions that I ask each of my fabulous female guests. So I would love to know. But I'm trying to I'm trying to think if I can guess. I don't think I can actually. What is the title? Oh, what is your midlife anthem, the song or piece of music that lights you up?

SPEAKER_01: 46:16

This was the easiest of the three questions for me to answer because it came straight away. I am a huge Bon Jovi fan. I've been to numerous of their conferences. I've been a Bon Jovi fan since the 80s.

SPEAKER_00: 46:31

So, you know. Yeah, I saw them fit, no, not first of all, that was Adam the Ants. I saw them Hammersmithodian. One of the one of their first one of their when little John was on a wire flying around. Flying around, yeah. Brilliant. I was I think I was there, probably would have been probably.

SPEAKER_01: 46:49

Um yeah, so it's a Bon Jovi song and it's uh it's my life. Um because you know the lyrics just they're they are such an empowering anthem, you know. I'm gonna live while I'm alive. Um that's exactly what midlife should be. I did it, I did it my way, you know, it's my path I'm choosing. It's it's all just taking ownership, um, not apologizing for who you are. I mean, yeah, I love it. It's definitely if I if I when I was gonna say if, when I get to walk on a stage and they ask, what music do you want, Kim? I'm gonna say, There we go, Bon Jovi, it's nice, just sums everything up.

SPEAKER_00: 47:39

I'm gonna be there, front row.

SPEAKER_01: 47:41

Woohoo! Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 47:43

Brilliant. Well, this leads into question two, then when you arrive center stage, your opening words will be your midlife mantra, and what will you be rousing the crowds with? Oh god, I flip-flopped on this so often. I was gonna I was more than one. You can have more than one. I'm feeling generous.

SPEAKER_01: 48:05

Well, okay, so um the first thing that popped into my head was bollocks to that because that's something that my passionate menopausal self is really embracing. That I'm not taking there are no sacred cows, you know, that you know, however things used to be, they don't have to stay the same. So it's all morbollocks to that. But I actually think a more important mantra that I found myself using quite a lot with my clients is no permission needed. Um, I personally spent years sort of like shrinking. I was a people pleaser, I was apologizing. You know, someone would bump into me and I would say, Oh, sorry.

SPEAKER_00: 48:58

Did you ever do that? That that's one that's one of I've I've let go of so many things, so many things that were dilute in me. But that is, I still know, I still scott my other half. Why did we do that? Why do we apologize? I thought I don't know if it comes out. It just does.

SPEAKER_01: 49:16

But that's all part of the you know, these boxes that we're trying to squeeze ourselves into, these, you know, this social etiquette of what is deemed the thing to be or the thing to do. So yeah, no pish, no permission needed is gonna is my midlife mantra at the moment. See, you know, depending on my hormone level, you might catch me and it's gonna be a bollocks to that. But most of the time together, let's keep it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 49:44

Both of those no pish and no no position. Permission needed. Both of those would make a fabulous title for your autobiography. So are you going to come up with something else?

SPEAKER_01: 49:56

I know. I was thinking they're very, very good for the autobiography. And again, I was being an ex-book editor. Yeah. I do know, you know, that phrase, oh, don't judge a book by its cover. Again, you know, bollocks to that. Everyone judges the book by its cover. That's what makes you pick it up. Yes. So I was thinking back, well, what is the one thing or what's the theme that I really feel has specifically my midlife part of my life rather than my whole life autobiography. And I've gone for the cavalry I've been waiting for. It's a very, you know, um, Fiona, Princess Fiona from Shrek, you know, she didn't keep herself in that that tall tower surrounded by the the fiery dragon. She bloody rescued herself. And for so many years, up until my menopause really kicked in, I was waiting. I was waiting for external validation for someone to notice and say, Oh, yeah, Kim, you're doing a really good job. You know what you're talking about. Um, and I was waiting for I was just waiting, yeah, waiting for other people to come to me. Okay, that's all right. Well done. Yeah. So and then I kind of, you know, the cavalry is me. I'm I'm that knight in shining armor. I'm the person who is gonna save me. Not that I needed a huge amount of saving, but you know, that's so my autobiography, especially for this part of my life, is the cavalry I've been waiting for.

SPEAKER_00: 51:50

That's just that is such well, use the word, that is such an empowering note to leave that on. Oh, genius. Blinking genius. Thank you very much, Kitty. Yes. We are now ready to obviously all your contact details are in the show notes for our episode, which, if you don't know, is available wherever you listen to your podcast, but you'll know that because you're listening to it on one of those places. Um, and on the uh your guest profile on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website. But verbally, could you let listeners know how they can get in touch with you, please? Yes, and anything you've got coming up the rest of the year or going into 2026. How?

SPEAKER_02: 52:31

Yes, I know.

SPEAKER_01: 52:33

Um, okay, so my website, wisewoman.co.uk, that is my hub. You will find all my free material. I've got loads of blog posts, I've got information about my different services that you can come and chat to me. So the hub is my my, you know, my website is my main hub. You'll also see me on the odd occasion on Facebook and LinkedIn and all the normal socials. Um, but they're so noisy, aren't they?

SPEAKER_02: 53:07

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 53:08

Um, you know, and so things that I post on there, you might see them, you might not. You can come and find me, absolutely. Um, but my website is my main hub. Come to my website, wisewoman.co.uk, and then you can connect to me, you can read my blog posts, you can you know, shout at the screen, or you can cheer me on whatever takes your baffle our way through the noise together.

SPEAKER_00: 53:39

Oh yes. Brilliant, brilliant, and uh listeners, I'd love your feedback on today's episode because I've really enjoyed myself. I think Kim has as well. But have you enjoyed it? So it'd be fabulous if you could leave a review, or you can email or text me via the link in the show notes, and you can come and join the Midlife Unlimited podcast Facebook group. Kim's in there, and you will also find the website link with details of my exclusive VIP Midlife Metamorphosis Coaching. And drum roll, please, for all you budding experts who want to transform from nervous podcast guest wannabe to the expert that podcast hosts want on their show. Or if you've been procrastinating about launching your own podcast and you're ready to stop playing and start recording, see what I did then, head over to the school platform, that's S-K-O-O-L, and join my new community, Pop Your Podcast Cherry. And there's a founding member offer on as well. So back to Midlife Unlimited. Thank you for joining me, Kim. I've had a fabulous time today. It's been a blast. Brilliant. And there are so many other things being well, we've got our live coming out, so we'll have to save some other things for that. Um, thank you for listening. I look forward to tuning in next week because don't forget Midlife Unlimited has a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcasts. So here's to being fabulous and flourishing together, and to living Midlife Unlimited. Thanks ever so much, Kim. You've been a joy. Thank you, Kate. It's been wonderful. Bye.

unknown: 55:22

Bye.