How to Not Take Yourself Too Seriously with Guest Mary Gregory

One of the most amazing results of my own Midlife metamorphosis has been unleashing the ability to laugh at myself. And I love nothing more than helping other women experience this too.

The freedom to not just accept our foibles and failures, but to celebrate them as what sets us apart. What makes us US! To stand up and stand out. To harness the power of humour that lies at the very core our our humanity.

So I'm delighted to be joined by my guest Mary Gregory, award-winning executive coach, leadership facilitator, author, speaking and host of She Leads Collective podcast to talk about How to Not Take Yourself Too Seriously in Midlife!

Connect with Mary

https://www.linkedin.com/in/marygregory

https://www.facebook.com/marygregorycoachandauthor

 https://www.instagram.com/mary_gregory/

 https://www.marygregory.com

 https://www.youtube.com/@MaryGregoryLeadershipCoach

Transcript

SPEAKER_03: 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis Coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling it like it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So, welcome to today's episode. Now, one of the most amazing results of my own midlife metamorphosis has been unleashing the ability to laugh at myself. And I love nothing more than helping other women experience this too. The freedom to not just accept our foibles and failures, but to celebrate them as what sets us apart, what makes us us to stand up and stand out, and to harness the power of humour that lies at the very core of our humanity. So I'm delighted to be joined by my guest today, Mary Gregory, award-winning executive coach, leadership facilitator, author, speaker, and host of She Leads Collective Podcast to talk about how to not take yourself too seriously in midlife. So welcome, Mary. It's fabulous to have you here. Thank you so much, Kate. It's really, really good to be here. Oh, now it's taken me a year to get you on because you've been around from the very, very start. We actually did Donna's course together. Your podcast is about to start or just started yesterday's second season. So congratulations on that. So we're kind of podcast buddies, worky buddies. You get me, I get you, and this is going to be fun. Because we're talking about a subject that's close to both our hearts. And an alternative title for our episode could have been How to Get Over Yourself, which again, that phrase in itself means a lot to you, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 2:26

It does indeed, because it's kind of the subline of my book. My book is called Ego, Get Over Yourself and Lead. Um, because actually, from my experience, my own learning journey, but also working with the clients I've worked with over the years, the thing that more often than not gets in the way is ourselves. And humour is one way of being able to get over ourselves. Although there's lots of other ways we can get over ourselves, humour is definitely one of them and can be helpful and it can hinder sometimes as well. So I have a I have a I always have a double-edged sword on everything.

SPEAKER_03: 2:58

But um absolutely, and I say it is something that I mean, I I think we both have in our younger days, we've used humour perhaps as a defense mechanism or a reflective mechanism. Is that true to say?

SPEAKER_01: 3:13

I certainly have. I mean, I can remember once years, this is years ago, when I was first um, I must have been in my late 20s, early 30s, maybe, going into the work of becoming a corporate trainer and being on a train-to-train course, and you have to actually do the practical stuff and stand up and facilitate a session. And the first thing I said before I started was, you're all gonna laugh. And that was immediately a deflection and a defence mechanism, so that if people did laugh and I didn't do it very well, I I'd already said, Well, I've told you you would find me funny rather than thinking this is any good. So it can be a real deflection humour.

SPEAKER_03: 3:48

Yeah, you're almost setting yourself up to mess up, aren't you? And apologising for it as well. Yes, yes. Yes, no, uh, that resonates so much. And you used a great little two-letter phrase just now, stand up, and we're gonna be delving into some rather exciting things that you've been doing because you've literally been exploring the power of comedy and humor firsthand. But listeners, more of that in a minute, because also later on, I'm delighted that you're gonna be sharing your top tips for harnessing humour. As you said, obviously, your book is about leadership, but all the advice, as with so many things, it applies to our personal lives as well, doesn't it? There are lessons learned that every everyone and anyone listening, leaders or otherwise, are going to be able to integrate to actually think, oh, blinking X, that yeah, I've been doing that, or that I could actually rethink that. But um laughing at ourselves and not taking ourselves too seriously, it is just so freeing because that weight of constantly worrying about putting a foot wrong or being judged, it's exhausting, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 4:59

Absolutely, it's exhausting, and um, you know, it makes everything so much more harder work as well. You know, I you know, I work, I do a lot of work with women leaders, and quite often women have the experience of being in a meeting and feeling shut down, they find they can't speak up, they can't find their voice, because they're in their heads editing how should I say this in a way that won't offend anybody or that will have the maximum impact. So by the time they're editing it and deciding what they're gonna say, the whole context and subject has moved on, and it's too late for them to contribute at that point. So absolutely, when we take ourselves so so seriously and we worry so much about the impact we're gonna have and what people might think of us, then we automatically lose the impact that we're gonna have altogether.

SPEAKER_03: 5:46

Because when we were having, I always had an uh I like to have a little pre-chat before we actually record. And we were saying sometimes taking things too seriously, it is a sign that we care, isn't it? It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it can put the focus in an unhelpful, I won't say wrong, but in an unhelpful place, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 6:06

Well, it can mean, and and again, this is based on research about women. Women tend to ruminate and worry an awful lot more than men do. So if they make a mistake or something goes wrong, a man will think, oh, well, I've made that mistake, I'll take what the lesson is and I'll move on. Whereas women, we tend to be thinking and analysing, we're going to you know, paralysis by analysis is a great phrase, isn't it? We tend to do that because we're worried and we're concerned and we get very heavy about things. So sometimes we need to just learn to how we can lighten up here. And one of, yeah, I can think of one client I worked with who was actually uh the chair of a CCG, which is a clinical, um, I can't remember the second name, but anyways, it's a clinical group for GPs that the government brought in, and it was a massive change, it was loads of bureaucracy, really heavy. But every time I went for a session with with this person and their team, um, they were always really full of vim and vigor about it, really enthusiastic. And I said to them, how do you stay so upbeat about this? Because a lot of people would feel quite defeated by the amount of paperwork there is and the amount of change you're having to navigate. And they said, Well, nobody's gonna die. You know, that was their result. That you know, they were a GP, they'd had to deal with really difficult crises that were life and death. And actually, sometimes in the world of work, we get so caught up with the seriousness of it when actually is anybody gonna die if you don't actually get your deadline met that particular moment, you know, and then there are always alternative things you can be doing if if things aren't gonna work out as you might have planned, but it's always about that, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 7:45

It's like I say it's a line, it's a line that I use so much in my coaching, and to myself, if I find myself in that place, well, I might call it rather than I mean the old me catastrophized all the blinking time. Now I call it positive catastrophizing. Because if you actually do ask, what is the worst that can happen? I mean, obviously, in certain situations, death actually might, and we're not trying, we're not trying to be frivolous, but 99% of the time, what is the worst that can happen? And then you can actually think, well, if a zebra did run out in front of the car and the car careered into a lamppost and da da da what would I do? It helps you actually come up with a plan. So if this catastrophized worst that could happen happens, you've planned for it. Yes, and we can guarantee you, can't be merry, that 99% of the time it won't happen.

SPEAKER_01: 8:40

It won't happen. No, it won't. It's all our fear talking, which takes me back to ego because whenever our fear is talking, then that's a great sign that our ego is in action, and we're coming from ego rather than coming a much from a much more empowered and loving place for ourselves and for the world.

SPEAKER_03: 8:58

So oh, I'm looking forward to your tips later on. But first, I want to find out because this is something, dear listeners, that I've been, I will admit, I've been toying with. It's on my list, but I haven't actually done it yet. So I think this chat with Mary may well push me over the edge, so to speak. That sounds a bit dramatic. I'm catastrophizing again. I've actually I love going to the comedy store because I put my teeth in, comedy store in London, and I've actually stood on the stage under the spotlight. I've got a photo of me doing so, but I wasn't actually performing there. But I think I'm not saying I'm funny, but I've got stories to tell and telling stories is something that you have turned into an amazing comedic experience working with. Now I've yet to meet Lynn, but I've heard wonderful things. Tell us more. What have you been up to?

SPEAKER_01: 9:57

So Lynn Parker is a is now, she wasn't when I first started going to Funny Women, but she's now a very good friend and colleague. And um, she is she's she's been a guest on my podcast, actually. So there was an episode where she shares her whole story, but she's a phenomenal woman that's that um was in PR and somebody said to her, Women aren't funny, which completely uh activated her, yeah, red dragged to a bull, and off she went and um started Funny Women, which is um it's it's a CIC, it's it's a social um entrepreneurship business, and she um set up Funny Women with the sole intent of supporting women to get into comedy and providing the opportunity for them to find their voices, to get the development they need and to get them into the into comedy. And she set up the Funny Women Awards on the back of that as well, which is all about you know giving them recognition and it's an annual event every year that gets a lot of attention, it's sponsored by the BBC. Um, so it's you know it's it's got a lot of profile. So she does this all for the stand of women, which ties in so much with my whole belief and drive around gender equity and making sure all voices are allowed to be heard. Um, so for various reasons, but that that's that's who that's who Lynn is. She's an amazing woman, and and she'd be a great woman to have on this part of the show. I think Lynn, if you're listening, we need to have a conversation. Yes, I'm sure she'd love to join you. Um, and she's actually got a workshop coming up in February. That's a bit of a plug on the 7th of February, which I am going to because I'm I'm committed to keeping developing that part of myself. So, what drew me to going on the workshop was first of all, I've I you know, in my own journey, in the early days, I used to laugh at myself a lot. And and I got feedback once to say, Mary, stop laughing at yourself, just smile rather than making a joke out of something and about something that you've done. Just smile and go with it, and rather than than as a way of creating more gravitas for myself, actually. Because I think humour can, particularly with with it's self-effacing humour, is very um, what's the word? It does connect you with others, but if you overdo it, like anything you overdo, it can demean yourself and it can hold you back. Yeah, yeah. So I think when I was younger, it used to hold me back. Then I got much more okay with myself and was less self-demeaning, but then I started to become the person who didn't get the joke. So my partner, for example, he loves humour, and you know, we sat around a family dinner table or whatever, and someone will crack a joke, and I'm like, mm-hmm. Yeah. And about 30 seconds or a minute later, I'll go, oh yes, to see what you mean. Or or maybe not even then, I might sometimes say, can someone explain that to me? So I had this whole thing of I've lost, I'm I'm still quite a humorous person. You've lost your funny. I've lost my I've lost my funny bone. So I thought, I know, do you know what? Going on one of Lynn's courses might be a really great way to get access to that. Find your funny. Yep. So find my funny, and then I love the way you said that, find my funny, and then also because I do a lot of presenting, I do a lot of facilitating, I thought it can only help me with that because it will stretch me. I will be out of my comfort zone, absolutely, which indeed I was. And every time I attend one of Lynn's courses, I'm definitely out of my comfort zone. But what one of those courses did for me was um for a start, it it she always has some experts, some comedians there around um how to present yourself or about about freeing yourself up in that space, but then also about how to write comedy as well. And and that, you know, it's really it's just very interesting to get into that side of it, really. And then by the end of each each workshop I've been on of hers, you then deliver your own three-minute stand-up comedy routine. Incredibly challenging and stretching, but very supportive. It's a really it's all women and it's a really supportive group, and it's quite remarkable. People, you get up and you do it, and people actually laugh. I think I was particularly surprised the second time on the second workshop I did, I thought, oh, this is just not funny at all. And then you stand up and people were laughing quite spontaneously, and it was landing quite funny, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 14:18

Well, you know what I'm gonna ask you because I I love I don't know if the right word is situational comedy or or basically comedy that that reflects real life and our experiences. Because I think if I mean obviously I'm a writer, a journalist by trade, but if I was to write a comedy script for want of a better word, probably is it a script when you're writing your own uh routine? Routine, maybe. Um I probably would rather than telling punchline jokes, I think it would be you won't believe what happened to me on the way to the bus this morning, type thing. Yes, um, and I I imagine the stories you were telling were literally resonating so much with the fabulous crowd of women that were there.

SPEAKER_01: 15:02

Yes, so it absolutely was, and one of the things I learned was that you focus on this very every day and notice how could you turn that into something funny. And the first time I did it, the routine I did was all about the fact that myself and my partner and our friends, and we're all of the same age group, um, enjoy a lot of cycling. You know, we're not young, we're not, we're not, uh, we're not um, you know, young chicks or whatever. We are older people, all in our 60s, all in our 60s. Mountain bikes or racer bikes or no, we we do we've done the coast to coast, we've done um goodness. We've cycled all over Holland and along the Danube and things like that. We've done some quite adventurous cycling rides and holidays. Um, I do ride an e-bike, I might add, so that really does help on the hills. But my car uh you get used to it, you and they're away, and yeah, a good pair of cycle shorts makes them.

SPEAKER_03: 16:04

I've when you're behind these these cyclist chaps, well, and chap S's on their really amazing bikes, and they've got all their they're kind of standing up and they've got all these padded things in their shorts.

SPEAKER_01: 16:15

And I'm like, Oh, that makes a huge difference. I also have a gel saddle saddle as well, which I noticed the boys don't, they have just ordinary saddles, but they must have them men are built differently to women, anyway. Um, we so my first sketch was all about here. We are thinking we're really cool in our lycra, going off on the bikes, and what happens when we go off on the bikes. And it was just things about that, including something that was quite a traumatic situation at the time, because I fell off my bike um and got knocked out. So I told a story around that and managed to turn that into a funny story. So I don't know whether I could deliver it now because it wouldn't sound funny, but at the time it did get laughs.

SPEAKER_03: 16:58

So well, if you think about it though, how often when something pretty again, not life or death, but something pretty hair is happening. Have you turned I know I have. Have you turned to your partner, your friend, whatever go blinking at, we'll laugh about this one day. Yes. Oh, completely. And this was definitely an example.

SPEAKER_01: 17:19

Yes, yes. So you know, I've had other adventures falling in the canal, even you know, falling in the canal was a great one, because I didn't that didn't have to to, you know, I've got very good friends and my daughter, who as soon as I told them they just laughed because they know that's more about who I am and that it would it would happen to me, sort of thing. But it you know, I look back now and that was horrible at the time, funny afterwards. So that's a very good truth that you've just identified there that yes, often when we're in those traumatic situations or challenges. When you breathe that slow from later, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 17:52

I think once once you know that it hasn't been resolved yet, but resolution is in the pipeline. You're like kind of like, oh, we laugh about this one day. Yes, but you look like a swamp monster when you emerged from the canal. I have got photographs still at shopping. No, no, no, I think I should use uh I'll use the photos on the graphic for our episode, but no, no, no, but that's another thing because do you think we're born funny? Do you think we learn to be funny? It does it how does it tie? Obviously, you're the expert on ego. How does funniness human being? Yeah, no, that's very interesting.

SPEAKER_01: 18:34

That's a great question. I don't think we're necessarily born funny, I think we use it as a way of connecting and also a way of relieving anxiety. So that's why I think it can be positive, and I also think it can be uh I don't want to use the term negative, but not so helpful because I think we use it definitely to connect. And if you think about if you go to a talk or a presentation, like or you watch a TED talk, someone who cracks a bit of a joke immediately or or or cracks tells a dirty on themselves, immediately makes a bigger connection. It kind of breaks the ice, doesn't it? Yes, and it's like, oh, they're human, it kind of really gives you a sense of this person's human. Where it's less um helpful, and I've seen this more in particular when I'm working with a team or whatever, is I can think of one team I work with where humour was definitely a distraction. So rather than talk about something, you know, that was affecting the team in a more serious way, they'd use it as a deflection. Or a classic one, actually, for women is if you if someone, if you want to address, say, some bias that you might have addressed, uh experienced with with one of your colleagues, and the response is I was only joking. That is a real that is not a good use of humour, because actually that isn't a joke. You actually have had an impact on somebody which wasn't helpful. So Sexist jokes, um put downs, things like that, you're moving into the space of actually disconnection rather than connection.

SPEAKER_03: 20:09

And also it could be quite potentially hot water that you're moving into as well, in terms of saying something that's inappropriate that you think's funny, and again, something that perhaps in your social circle may be acceptable because people know you more, yeah, but it's still not quite right, but then bridging that or taking that into the workplace or into not even the workplace, into a new friendship group or a or a no, we have to be we have to be careful. I'm I'm not gonna say the shoulds because I I I don't do shoulds, but in terms of think think twice sometimes about what we think's funny, but not everyone else is weighing up the context, the social context, because I can remember cultural context as well.

SPEAKER_01: 20:53

I remember once cracking uh well, it wasn't a joke, but it was sharing a funny story that I'd seen online somewhere, um, with two people, very senior people in the organization I worked with at the time, and I was halfway through telling it and it became really apparent. They were like not thinking this was funny. So I had to suddenly just sort of curtail it and say, Oh, we can change the subject.

SPEAKER_03: 21:17

So it is about reading the room, isn't it? Oh, absolutely, and I find at the moment, I mean, hopefully over time my brain fog will abate slightly, but I I can I find myself going down a little, you know, you know, they say you're digging yourself a hole because it's like and I'm laughing to myself, thinking this is so and it's like no, no one else, it's not that I'm being inappropriate, it's just I'm talking such off-the-wall stuff that no one really is quite tuned into what in my head is absolutely hilarious.

SPEAKER_01: 21:46

Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03: 21:49

I I won't, I won't start doing that. But on the flip side as well, again, again, we'll mention it, you know, in the workplace as leadership, but it works in friendship groups, especially perhaps if you're meeting new people or in networking situations. Yes, being humorless, you can you can think, oh no, I mean it's to my mind, you know, the whole devil wears Prada, walking through, being aloof, being that that's not a great look either.

SPEAKER_01: 22:19

That's very intimidating, and again, it's very disconnecting. And in in the organizational business context, I mean, using devil made devil's wear prada as uh as an example, as a leadership role model, you know, putting the fear of God into people, that's not the way to get the most out of people, you know, because they're all terrified and acting in very high levels of anxiety to deliver stuff.

SPEAKER_03: 22:46

And then, as you say, the people that appear to be your supporters are probably doing it for the wrong reasons, that they're kind of the yes men and women that are really holding on to your jacket tails, skirt tails, whatever the word is nowadays, they're kind of trying to climb on your back. Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 23:04

And it's like a watch-your-back scenario, isn't it? Yes, yes, absolutely. And exhausting, exhausting for those people that are working for that leader, and also very short term, because you know, I mean, I can get that in something like the fashion industry, there may be a great attraction to, you know, this is this is the the career I want in fashion. I'm prepared to give up on so or compromise on certain values for myself, but long term that's not gonna work for anybody, really. Um, that's how you end up leading to burnout, really. No, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03: 23:38

Well, we're gonna turn that around then because we don't want that, but we do want more use of humour that will benefit us and everyone around us. So I'd love I'd love to start talking through your your tips, your insights, lessons that you've learned from standing. How does it feel with a spotlight on you? When you mean I obviously I had the spotlight on me, but I wasn't doing anything. Yes. Did you? I mean, I love the word nervous-sided. Did you feel like you were going to vomit on your shoes?

SPEAKER_01: 24:05

Was it didn't didn't quite feel like that. I think I am used to presenting. So I've done quite a lot of presenting over the years. This was definitely different because there was like an expectation that you were looking for a certain result from your audience. That's that's one thing.

SPEAKER_03: 24:23

Yeah, in terms of, I mean, we're all doing more of it. This is going to be the year when I'm going to be doing more in-person speaking. Yeah. At is one thing, but as you say, this, you're not just looking to connect, you're looking to connect and make them laugh as well.

SPEAKER_01: 24:36

Yes. So I would say uh, so some tips from my experience of doing it was firstly stay connected with your audience. So I think this is a this is also a common presentation thing, is that often when we're we're up in front of a room, we get very intimidated and inhibited about ourselves and focus on ourselves. And actually, the focus needs to be on connecting with the people in the room. So giving good eye contact, smiling at people that might be smiling at you, noticing the people that are giving you positives in terms of their non-verbs. Because it's so easy to focus on the person who's got their arms crossed and looking at their phone. You want to notice other people that are giving you the positive support. So stay connected with your audience, deliver what you need to deliver. Some of it will land, and my experience was some of it landed and people really laughed, and that was a fantastic feeling. And then there were other times where I delivered something and it didn't quite land, and it kind of went, it was kind of a you know, that damp squid moment where it just went flat and just fumble wings coming across. Yeah, just keep moving through it because it's no good at that point going, oh my god, I'm a complete failure, I can't do this. You just got to hold with it. Was it from finding Nemo? Just keep swimming, keep swimming through it because then you're onto the next line, and that will get a reaction. So it's like being able to recover and keeping yourself, I suppose it is about self-management here, not taking it all massively personally when it doesn't happen, maybe as you might might have liked it to happen. Just use it as that learning opportunity, keep going through it, notice the wins, keep connecting with your audience. And you know what? Three minutes is over in a flash as well. So that's another lesson, actually. Even if you if you're making a presentation and it's longer than three minutes, it will all be over in not too long a time. So there's something around just hold with it, hold yourself in it, and it will you will make yourself get through it. Don't know whether I've worded that quite rightly, but hey.

SPEAKER_03: 26:54

No, no, absolutely, because I particularly like what you just said about connections, and it is like finding the friendly faces because it can be we can find ourselves, as you say, instinctively drawn to the people that aren't looking at you, or but again, they might be doing that because they're worried that you're going to try and involve, particularly with a comedy routine. They're like, Don't you talk to me, don't, don't, don't ask me a question.

SPEAKER_01: 27:22

Yes, yes, that's very true.

SPEAKER_03: 27:25

And and how did you feel having done your stint, watching the other women? Did you learn anything from theirs? We were you very similar in the way you all approached it, or were there very different surprisingly different.

SPEAKER_01: 27:37

I'd say there's quite different approaches. I mean, some people I mean, I don't I think mine was quite bog standard, really, in terms of I chose a situation that I'd been in and told the story around it and tried to put a comic edge to it. Others told, you know, were much more left field, I would say. I'm trying to think of an example. So, you know, someone used poetry, told us a funny poem, which was very different and and inspiring. Very inspiring to see the different approaches that you can take.

SPEAKER_03: 28:11

So, can we have a little a little sneak? You say you're going to be doing February again. Have you had any ideas for what you might be doing?

SPEAKER_01: 28:19

Or any sailors, but no, I suppose for me, February. I'm going on the workshop, I've got some friends going on it. You're very welcome to join me, Kate, if you're around, or anyone else who's listening I've definitely it's definitely on my list. Yeah, look up funny women, funny women and Lynn Parker. You'll be able to find your way to the website, and and it's Stand Up to Standout in February. Um, and it's at the it's at the Groucho Club as well, which is always fun to go to as well. Um, so I haven't got any spoilers for February because I am a very spontaneous person and I don't necessarily think about what I am going to do. I I I take what happens in the day, and each day that I've done, Lynn has different comedians coming and sharing their experiences and um their writing tips. So each day is a different focus in terms of what you might write about on those days.

SPEAKER_03: 29:12

But it's like with this show. I mean, I I that's another reason why I like having the little brainstorm sessions because I can go into those knowing a bit about the person, you know, a bit about my potential guest, and going, right, but it's gonna be about this. But then something else comes up, you know, and as you say, it could literally be a funny thing happened to me on the way here. It could, yeah, and those are the most refreshingly honest, open. Yes. I'm I'm trying to think of funny things oh, funny things happen to me all the time. But I say they're funny to me. That I think that'd be my not holding me back, but uh it's like I think a lot of people listening will be questioned, you know, I find it funny. Does that mean it'll be funny to other people?

SPEAKER_01: 29:56

Well, again, it's about how you position it and the way you still tell the story around it, and a lot of it is to do with storytelling as well, so how you actually deliver that story, and in the workshop, you are helped and supported with the story you could tell and how you frame it and position it so that it lands with people. No, definitely.

SPEAKER_03: 30:18

So before before we go into well, later on, we'll be sharing your contact details as well, because I know there are going to be people that want to find out more well about your book as well. Um, but in terms of the lessons then that you've personally learned and the lessons that you share with leaders that obviously we can take day to day, what would you say your main takeaway regarding humour is and how we can use it to our advantage and everyone else's advantage?

SPEAKER_01: 30:46

I think the big key is not to take yourself too seriously and not to take, I mean, obviously, there are situations that do require you to be serious and to be very sensitive. So if you've got somebody on your team who has lost a parent or somebody close to them, obviously you're going to be very sensitive and serious at that point, um, or they're struggling with their health, or whatever it is, there are certain situations that require you to be serious, but there are many, many situations that we take far more seriously than we necessarily need to. So there is something around noticing when you do that and when do you need to lighten up. And, you know, we talk, you know, in the world I work in, they talk a lot about, oh, you know, they've got to have gravitas, you know, to be a senior leader in this organization, you need a certain degree of gravitas. And I don't dispute that. You know, you need to have a certain degree of authority, you need to be able to engage people and help them come on board with you, be able to state your vision, all that sort of stuff is really, really valuable. However, you also need levitas, which is that lightness. So it's being grounded, it's having the power and the authority, but it's also having the lightness as well. Because that, you know, that is what helps people engage with you. It also helps people, you know, if they feel vulnerable and you're this very strong, perfect leader, that is never going to help them be able to open up about say they've made a mistake and they don't feel they can share it, if they think that you're this person who is always going to be the all-perfect, all singing, dancing leader. So being able to use lightness and humour, telling the odd dirty on yourself is really, really invaluable in terms of um connecting with people. And the other thing that I think is really helpful is that sometimes it's about speaking the truth, that sometimes we don't say the obvious, and humour can help us do that. You know, like for example, I I think about a time I might have facilitated a team and they spent the whole, you know, the first hour of the session avoiding the topic. And actually, just for me to say quite lightly, oh, it's interesting, we haven't talked about the topic that's on the agenda yet. I wonder what's going on there. And that was really useful for them to suddenly realize we're all feeling very nervous about talking about this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 33:13

Um, and then you get that nervous laughter as well, don't you?

SPEAKER_01: 33:16

That kind of yes, but to recognise that really absolute relief. And if I'd if I'd said it in a different way, if I hadn't treated it so lightly, it might not have landed with them. They might have got defensive. But humour, entering a bit of lightness, and it's not even humor, it is more lightness than just humour, can really change the whole course of the conversation and address topics that otherwise might be difficult to talk about.

SPEAKER_03: 33:43

As you said, it especially it just emphasizes the the huge impact that you can have in your in your role. But it is, it's it's almost like permission, yeah, giving us permission to go, yeah, we're all we're all feeling that. Yeah, but together, and and in terms of team building, it it really is a massive thing, isn't it? Just to, as you say, spark that connection. We're all in this together, and by finding that common ground where we can. I mean, I used the line, which it sounds a bit up myself at the beginning, but it I think it is. I think humanity, humour is right at the core of it. It's about what sets us apart, I believe. I mean, some my dog looks like he's laughing sometimes, but I think he's just panting. But I I could I don't know.

SPEAKER_01: 34:31

Do other creatures laugh? I'm not sure. Well, they certainly there's this thing about dogs smiling, isn't it? And I'm I'm absolutely sure one of our dogs has a smile on her face now and again. So we can't tell with the other one because his face is so dark. He's got um he's got a very black snout, so we can't really see whether he's smiling or not. But certainly Lily looks like she's smiling at times.

SPEAKER_03: 34:53

And then the other thing is even if you can't find something to laugh about, the old Mona Lisa smile is an amazing thing. Just by having that little corners of your mouth up, it just tricks your mind into thinking you're smiling and it floods you with the positive endorphins, yes, positive hormones.

SPEAKER_01: 35:15

The biology of it, absolutely, and then and the neuroscience of it comes in, doesn't it? So, yeah, great. Smile.

SPEAKER_03: 35:23

Let's all smile. Well, I'm hoping we're all gonna be smiling by the end of your three questions. I don't know. I don't know. Sometimes I really I get quite emotional. I do get goosebumps. So are you ready? Because you're not gonna escape. The first question is what is your midlife anthem? The song or piece of music that when you hear it, you go, Mary, today is gonna be a good day.

SPEAKER_01: 35:54

Well, it is quite an emotive one for me, it might not be for anyone else, but it's Louis Armstrong, Wonderful World. Oh, yeah, and um the reason it's that, and I'm feeling quite emotional sharing it, is it was one of the first records I remember my parents playing when we got a record, you know, one of those single record, single deck um record players, and uh that was one of the first ones they got, and it's such a beautiful, beautiful track. So it reminds me of them, but also it I as I've got older and I've found I connect with nature, it's I find it so useful, it's energizing. So I'm I'm you know, some of the work I do, I talk about how we need to keep recharging our batteries and find simple ways to do that. And one of the ways I recharge is going out with my dogs, going on a walk, just breathing in the fresh air and the countryside, or you know, in the morning I'll always pop into my garden. I've got a very small garden, but just to go and see what state of the plants in at the moment, are this other are the buds coming through yet and all that sort of stuff? That connection with nature really, really fulfills me and helps lift me up and re-energize me. And that song so reminds me about that connection to nature. So that is, I don't know whether it's an anthem, it's not really an anthem, but it's a beautiful no, but it is no, it's ex that is a beautiful example.

SPEAKER_03: 37:19

I'm looking, I am gonna do this playlist. I keep talking about it, but now there's gonna be 60 odd songs. We've not had, I don't think I've had one duplicate yet. Oh, that's fascinating, which is pretty amazing, isn't it? We've had duplicate artists or artists, yes, but uh no, not a duplicate. I'm gonna be proved wrong now. Someone's gonna say, Come on, Kate, how could you forget? No one's chosen mine yet either. So there you go. What's yours? Oh, do I dare do it? No, I have I have told people. Mine is panic at the disco, high hopes. You gotta have high, high hopes for the living. So, oh no, that's a lovely share. Now, I look forward to finding out your second answer, then. What is your midlife mantra?

SPEAKER_01: 38:07

Well, this links very much to what we've been talking about, and I think it's emerged really partly from preparing to have this conversation with you, and then during the conversation as well. And I was once given a card with this on, and it's it's up on my on my office shelves to remind me. And it is angels can fly because they take themselves lightly, and I just think that is a lovely way to remind ourselves not to get so caught up and so serious and significant about ourselves and what's going on. Take yourself lightly, perfect.

SPEAKER_03: 38:45

What a one that's such I love a segue, and that ties in so beautifully to what we've been having this conversation about, which I've loved every minute of. So, your last question before we tell listeners how they can connect with you. What is the title of your autobiography?

SPEAKER_01: 39:03

Okay, so this this did, I did, I had an initial thought, which I've actually gone with, though I have been round the houses with it. But the actual title is She Was More Than Just a Geordie Lass. Oh yes, that is because I hail from the Northeast and I always identify with being a Geordie. I'm not, I don't know whether I'm a pure Geordie because I've born on the coast, but I always identify being a Geordie. And you know, being a Geordie, there's a certain grittiness, resilience, joy of life, all of that is the Geordiness. And because I've left the Northeast and have done all the things I've done with my life and the work that I do, I feel I'm beyond, I'm a bit beyond that now. So I'm more than just a Geordie lass. Oh.

SPEAKER_03: 39:51

Oh, that's brilliant. I look forward to reading it. I look forward to reading it. Well, we've we've mentioned your podcast that say season two was out year. Yesterday, I believe.

SPEAKER_01: 40:01

Yes, yes, yes. Season two is now well underway. We've got some fantastic guests coming on that as well.

SPEAKER_03: 40:06

So I'm guessing like Midlife Unlimited, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. It is indeed. I think the same platforms. So how can listeners connect with you? Obviously, all your details are on the show notes for our episode, and you have your guest profile on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website. But talk me through how people can get in touch with you.

SPEAKER_01: 40:30

Okay, so they can connect with me on LinkedIn. That is probably the easiest and quickest way to connect with me. And I also have a weekly newsletter that comes out on LinkedIn so they can sign up for my newsletter as well. Um, so do connect with me on LinkedIn. I have a website, marygregory.com, which actually I'm just reviewing it at the moment. So I'm about to update my website, but you can still connect with me and see the services I offer on there. I'm about to revise and refresh my services. That's why I'm saying I'm kind of putting that second to my LinkedIn profile because that's probably the easiest. And I do have an Instagram account, although my Instagram is a bit about me in work, but it's also about my personal life as well. I use that more as a as uh things I'm getting up to with friends and family as well as your cycling in my work as well. My cycling, yes. You can if you want to have a bit of a giggle, you can go and find photos of me on my Instagram account in my good old Lycra cycling shorts.

SPEAKER_03: 41:29

I will be heading there straight after we finish recording this, don't you worry? And listeners, I'd love your feedback on today's episode. So it'd be fabulous if you could leave a review, or you can email or text me via the link in the show notes and come and join the Midlife Unlimited podcast Facebook group. Again, the links there, and you'll find details of how you can join the wait list for more. Yes, my award-winning all-in-one coaching program is coming back this spring. So you can connect with me and get on the wait list for that and find out more about my one-to-one pop your podcast cherry sessions as well. So thank you for joining me, Mary. It's been an absolute delight. I knew it would be. I knew it would be. Thank you for listening. I look forward to you tuning in next week because don't forget Midlife Unlimited has a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcasts. So here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and living Midlife Unlimited. Thanks so much for joining me, Mary. It's been a pleasure. Oh, it's been my pleasure too. Thank you, Kate. Bye.