How to Get Dressed for It with Guest Victoria Hamilton

I've got nothing to wear...I'm too old... I feel frumpy...It's not comfortable...What would they think?... Do I dare?

Sound familiar?

If you've had enough of reaching for the same outfit on repeat, and feel stuck in the Midlife style safety zone, then this episode is just for you.

Connect with Victoria

www.victoriahamiltonlifestyle.co.uk

www.instagram.com/victoriahamilton_lifestyle

www.facebook.com/victoriahamiltonlifestyle

https://www.linkedin.com/in/victoriahamiltonlifestyle/

https://bit.ly/PowerOf10VHL

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis Coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling it like it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So welcome to today's episode. I've got nothing to wear. I'm too old. I feel frumpy. It's not comfortable. What would they think? Do I dare? Sound familiar? If you've had enough of reaching for the same outfit again and again and feel stuck in the midlife style safety zone, then this episode is just for you. Because I'm calling in the expert and I'm delighted to be joined by my guest today, Victoria Hamilton, Identity and Style Coach, to talk about how to get dressed for it. So welcome, Victoria. It's fabulous to have you here.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Woohoo! I feel as though you need a round of applause. Like we need a squad around us. That was a gorgeous introduction. Thank you for having me, Kate. Well, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

But I think it's fair to say that obviously I flung various do you feel like this? Do you feel like that? But I'm pretty sure that at least one of those is going to resonate with the wonderful ladies listening, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 1:47

Oh, absolutely. And probably many, many more. The way that we limit ourselves to dressing for fun and joy has escaped a great number of us as we've hit a certain milestone, a certain age in our life where we suddenly think, I'm not worthy to dress like this person, or like you said, you know, I've got nothing to wear. But unless you are a nudist and you know, celebrating anybody who is, um you do have clothes to wear. It's more likely that you've actually just outgrown the clothes that you own.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Yeah. And we don't we don't mean size-wise, we just mean mentally, mentally your whole attitude. I mean, it is that feeling, and I was there. I mean, style, I'm that's I'm I'm so excited. I mean, I love everything about you. I love your honesty, I love your vibrancy, I love your real. But yeah, it played rediscovering or actually discovering for the real the first time, really, really discovering my own style was such a huge part of my own midlife metamorphosis because, and we're going to talk about this, dressing had become a bit of a chore. It was a bit of like, oh, and because I didn't really like how I looked, how I felt, how my clothes made me feel, all that kind of tied together and just made me feel even blinking worse than I was already feeling. It was like just the icing on the blinking cake was the fact that it was just like, oh god, really? Do I have to? And then you start thinking, well, I'm not gonna go out, I'm not gonna go to this event, I'm not gonna do this, but we're gonna come to that, we're gonna come to that. But another alternative title that I'd like to put out there to the listeners, because we did talk about this, we we settled on get dressed for it, and we'll explain more why. But another one was how to dare to wear. But again, I my little mantra, which I talk about quite a lot for style, is wear what I love and love what I wear. And the whole idea of daring to wear it, to me, it smacks of this whole blinking bikini body thing. Yes, we dare to wear it because we don't have to justify ourselves, do we? We don't have to apologize. If we want to wear the dress, if we want to wear the hat, blinking do it.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

100% agree with you. You know, wear the damn thing is something that people say there's a hashtag that goes around every summer. You know, wear the damn shorts. Who cares?

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Well, you did a wonderful, wonderful last summer. You're inspiring, and this is what I mean, listeners, about Victoria, just being real. It was sports day, I remember. You did this amazing post, it was blinking hot, it was sports day, and you were like, I'm going to my kids' sports day, I'm wearing shorts. I feel good. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

It was so hot, and then you know, the sad thing was at this sports day, there were people there, and it, you know, this was one of those really hot, hot days that we had, you know, last year, where it was like, you know, 35, 36, and which in the UK outside with no shade on a concrete playground makes it even hotter. And these lovely events do go on, don't they? They do. You know, life goes on. We can't you know ignore that, unfortunately. Um, but there were people there wearing jeans, and it made me feel really sad because I know that they wouldn't want to wear jeans because that would just make them hotter. Now, I'm not saying everybody should go out and wear the shorts. Yes, I did, and I did a you know, bit of a tongue-in-cheek post, and there might have been, you know, a middle finger pointed at some people about what people think about middle-aged women wearing uh shorts. But it doesn't have to be shorts, you know, it can be just a lighter fabric. It doesn't have to be denim, but we get caught in that style rut of, oh, I'll just wear this. This will do. Oh, I've got nothing else. I'll I'll just wear this. I daredn't wear that, I dared not wear this. So when you talk about that dare to wear, realistically, why are we daring? You know, you said it screams of this and that. It takes me back to those, you know, 90s magazines, you know, growing up, where you'd see somebody who was a size 10, maybe, maybe pushing a 12. You know, it's very rare any bigger, but it'd be like, oh my gosh, they've dare to wear a bikini. Like, are you?

SPEAKER_01 6:10

Yeah, yeah. This poor woman, whatever size she is, anyone coming out of the water like that, male or female, you might have a bit of seaweed on your head. And it's like, oh, it's pointing the finger, it's bullying, basically. That's all it is.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

And like you say, it is men and women, you know. Whilst I predominantly work with women, so I talk, yeah, you know, mostly like yourself about women. That's not to exclude, you know, men or other genders from the conversation. You know, we're all a part of it.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Yeah, and your top tips you'll be sharing later, which I'm really I don't know them yet, listeners. I'm really quite excited about this. Because I say I love, I love, I love everything about clothes. I don't follow trends. I said them. Well, I don't necessarily say them. I've been wearing leopard prints since I was 18. So I'm worried about that, and I am not changing it.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

But actually, that's really important because the main part of style for me, like you said, it's not about chasing trends, it's not about fashion, it's about knowing your self-identity. And once you've got that, and you know it takes time and it can evolve, and you can have many different identities through your you know entire life. You can have many different identities that coexist at the same time. So, you know, at the moment, I will get dressed for client work, I will get dressed as a parent, I will get dressed, you know, as a wife if I'm going out for a nice meal. All of those people are the same person, but I will wear a variation of something different to each of those identities, but there will be core themes weaved into those so that that you know, piece of leopard print for you that you've had for the majority of your life is part of your style identity. And knowing that becomes so important on those days where you're like, God, I hate this, I've got nothing to wear. You're looking in the mirror, not recognizing the person staring back at you. But if you can really hone in on what it is that you like and stay clear of style trends, you know, avoid them pretty much at all costs, because actually that social media comparison, that's a real thing. I could go off on a rant about, you know, how we compare. Well, now it's changed. So when we were, when we were growing up, we would have magazines, of course, and you would have media, but it was very much non-attainable because it was always about celebrities. So the people that we compared ourselves to most were, you know, people of a similar age, similar background, similar class, similar, you know, financial incomes as a family or as an individual. Now, what we see is that that's opened up, you know, tenfold because of social media. So we compare on ourselves now to people who are outside of our social class, outside of our beauty standards, outside of perfect curation, outside of monetary value. And so that playing field of comparison has grown exponentially, which again then is limiting to people who are struggling to find their personal style and identity.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

No, absolutely. Now I'll say I'm delighted later on you're going to be talking us through your power of 10, which I think is fantastic. I love the title. I want to find out more. But before that, can we can we dig a bit more into Victoria? Your whole, well, A, midlife metamorphosis, but B, how you became a stylist, because I know it feels it feels, it means so much to you.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

It really does. So my background is predominantly HR training um within the recruitment and care field, and I absolutely loved that job. I loved it. I finished qualifying after I'd had my first child. I was excited to go back into the workplace. I had a pretty decent remit in terms of you know what I looked after, the who, all of that, I absolutely loved. And then I fell pregnant with my second child. I had a terrible pregnancy with varying health complications throughout. And so when this little bundle, we affectionately call her Hurricane Hattie, and now that she's 11, um, that title still remains in full force. But as soon as she arrived, her ability to flip my entire world upside down and cause the most amount of chaos uh happened. And it was a certain point when I was thinking about going back to work, and my dad actually, so even up to this point, my husband's super supportive. He is my you know biggest cheerleader. But it was a conversation I had with my dad, and he said, Why do you have to go back to work? And I was very fortunate to be in a position where I could make the decision not to. So whilst I went back for a short amount of time, it really in that time period solidified that actually I wasn't being a very good human to anybody, including myself. So I'd lost who I was as a person. And fundamentally, I think that was because I was trying to be all these different identities and actually not doing a very good job at any of them because I wasn't focusing on me. So the 1% that I had of my well-being that was surviving, you know, no sleeping, illness, mental health problems. Um that 1% wasn't enough to sustain myself, let alone anybody else. So it kind of compounded to the point where I made myself so unwell that I had to leave my job. So I already knew that I wanted to. I'd already kind of been given the permission by my parent. You know, I even as a grown adult, that permission piece surrounding you is really important. And I can talk, I can talk more about that in terms of then when I work with people. Um but having my second daughter was a completely different experience to my first, and I knew at that point I couldn't continue in the way that I was. So, you know, like you were saying, the days where you know you don't want to get dressed, you then start not going out. I was recognising these patterns, and I literally lived in leggings, oversized t-shirts. I didn't really care what I looked like, and I knew at that point that something had to change. Yeah now again, luckily for me, I've built a life where people surrounding me are super supportive, and I was able to make those changes. Um, one of those changes has obviously led on to this fabulous career that I have crafted for myself. So it's weird to be grateful for my past, but I think if I'm not, today wouldn't exist. And I happened to see a peer of mine on Instagram um posting stories about this qualification she was doing for personal styling. And instantly I was intrigued. I was like, oh, this sounds like something I need from a personal level. Yeah. And so eventually I decided that actually I'm gonna do this for me. You know, I'd been looking after babies, children, husbands, jobs, you know, everything else. This was for me. And within about no lie, within 10 minutes, perhaps even less, you know, those light bulb moments that you have in life, a bit like the sliding doors film where you know that the next chapter is coming. I knew in that moment that actually I wasn't there for me, I was there for future me and the women that would follow. Because I thought, gosh, you know, I am and was a really confident, outgoing, funny, joyous person. And so to have lost that and minimised that, I thought, gosh, if that can happen so quickly to me, this must be happening to so many more women. Yeah. And I think we've come a long way in 11 years in the fact that we do talk about this a lot more than, you know, we did then. But I knew at that moment in time that I needed to create a space that was safe, that was fun, that was joyful, that was playful for women who can identify with those different metamorphoses throughout their life where they haven't been their self and they truly want to be, they truly desire that. And I knew then that I needed to create something that would allow women to do that successfully and have fun along the way.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

I love that. I celebrate you for that because that is exactly my path as well. It was that feeling that blink and heck, this has happened to me. I know there's a way. I can if I don't help other women that need this, I'm doing them a disservice. Oh, I've got goosebumps. I've got goosebumps.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

Absolutely. Now, one thing we did the thing around that as well. Sorry, Kate, is Yeah, no, no, go for it, go for it. You know, we we have that lived experience, and I think that that counts for so much because you can relate more to that individual. And one of the things that stopped me in my tracks a little bit when I was building my business, so now you know I'm in my eighth, ninth year of business, those early days I really questioned, although I knew that there was a desire and a need because I'd felt it, I'd been through it. That I still had those questions of self-doubt. You know, it wasn't all, you know, who am I to do this? This is brilliant. You know, I still had those questions of self-doubt because you know, I wasn't somebody that you regularly saw talking about style. You do now, again, the industry has grown and I welcome that for everybody. I didn't go to fashion college, you know, I couldn't tell you the difference sometimes between, you know, a designer that did this particular, you know, pattern or this or this fabric. And those things really halted the growth of my business at the beginning. Now I know that actually most people don't care about those things. Most people, or certainly the women that I work with, actually want lived-in experience of somebody who can go, I have felt like this. This is what I did, these are some tools that I can teach you. This is the end result. And I can whilst not promise you that you will get there, I will give you my promise that I will get you to that point where you have enough belief that you can at least try.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

Yeah. I mean, it's the whole, yeah, aspirational, fabulous, being able to spot a certain designer from just you know, without seeing the label, absolutely brilliant. But you are about actually unleashing what works for that individual. And we were talking before when we because I love to have a little pre-chat. I mean, obviously, we've yet to be, I can't believe that because I could talk to you all day. It's one of those situations where you just click, you just because you're on the same wavelength. But we were saying obviously there are the style archetypes, there's color analysis, um, and they're great, and as you say, they're fantastic tools, yeah. But it's about more than that, isn't it? And I know with me, some of the colours, I've blatantly said, Well, actually, I wouldn't wear that if you paid me to wear it because I don't like it. Or the style archetypes, I seem to be a bit of a a melting, a wonderful melting pot because I love playing, I love having fun, I love going, oh, I wonder what that would work with that. And if I don't like it, take it off and try something else. So it's about having the fun as well, especially now in midlife, when we can. If we can't wear the hat now, when can we?

SPEAKER_00 17:49

Exactly that. When can we? You know, we do float around that of, you know, oh, I'll save this for best. Every day is best, you know, no day is promised. Continue to wear what brings you joy when you look in the mirror. And yes, as a style coach within the styling industry, you know, there one thing I will say for the styling industry now, it's grown so big that there is a stylist for everybody and for everything. So if designer is your bag, great, go for that. If identity is your bag, hello, I'm here. Welcome to my audience. I'd love to have you. You know, there's room for everybody and there's somebody for every need that you have. But for me, what I found in my transformation through my business and through client needs is that yes, it's great to know your base colours. Yes, it's great to know what your silhouette is, and it's absolutely fantastic if you can understand a bit more about your style personality. And I teach these two clients, I empower clients to go through that process so that they have the basic tools to help them when I'm not there, you know, to hand hold, to cheerlead, to be their, you know, their person. But what I really care about when I'm working one-to-one with clients or in any group work is that fundamentally we find out what that person likes and needs. So I think I've said this to you before: I have this whole toolbox or style box, as you will, of all these different techniques that we can use. So whether it is, you know, this shade of green is perfect for you, fantastic. Some clients really need that very particular step so that when they go shopping, they are only going to buy that shade of green because they know when they've looked at other shades of green, it doesn't make them feel great. Yeah. But again, that's this feeling that I want people to hone in on, which is where my power of 10 will come into. Because actually, if I said to you, Kate, this green's amazing, you should wear it. And you go, Well, I don't like it. I like this green, I love it, in fact. And I go, Well, that's not in your palette. And you go, Oh, okay, well, I'll wear the green that makes me feel a bit sad, even though it's nice. Your whole body posture would change, your whole confidence of you. Your how you know go about your daily life talking to people, because you would feel uncomfortable in the green that I have told you to wear rather than the green that you experience joy and fun and playfulness in. And it's that playfulness that I think we sometimes forget through style, is that we can still have fun with it. You know, when we were younger, and I talk a lot about this toy chest as a child, you know, for me, I look back and I think, oh my gosh, you know, I used to love these cake-hack shoes that you would walk in, you know, the little princess shoes, and you'd have a tiara and you'd have, you know, children round them everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

Negligé as well. It was kind of all floaty and twil, however you pronounce that word.

SPEAKER_00 20:43

It was like, oh yeah, I wish I had it now. And and look at you, you know, obviously, for viewers, Kate lit up talking about this. I mean, is that it is that thing of joy? And actually, you think that was when you were, you know, a younger version of yourself to what you are now. You still remember that piece of joy. And a great example of this, I always use um again, I have two gorgeous children. Um, Harriet Hurricane Hattie is the one that tends to come at most because she um lives her own roles to life, and she will go far beyond her measure in in the years ahead of her. But I remember one day we were walking um to school and nursery, and you know, Scarlett was in her very, you know, uh tidy uniform, everything was perfect. And there's Harriet walking to nursery. She had a Paw Patrol t-shirt on, a witch's hat, a pink chall skirt, um, and pink crocs, and she had a toothbrush for a wand because she couldn't find anything else. And she's walking, oh yeah, a little backpack jogging along. And she's walking around. Oh, she had a pair of binoculars as well. And we're all about the accessories here, and she's walking along, you know, feeling this 10 volume into her world. She didn't care that it didn't match, she didn't care what she looked like. She dressed for fun. And I think sometimes we need to look at actually what are we missing now that we enjoyed so much when we were younger? Was it colour? Was it fabric? Was it a certain print? Was it a style? You know, we talk about you know different eras of fashion. I'm a big 90s fan, you know, I'm a big 90s girl. So for me, whenever I see anything, I'm like, oh my God, that's so awesome. And I think again, we kind of lose that. So when I work with clients, yes, I've got this style toolbox of everything that we need, but it's also about going those deeper levels down, actually really finding out, you know, why is it that a colour doesn't work for you? What are those emotions? Why are they coming up? Or what are the stories that you've told yourself, or what are the stories that other people have told you that you're not allowed to wear this or you shouldn't wear that because of, you know, education, religion, you know, whatever that might be. And it's going back to what you were saying earlier, it can be really shameful. And we carry that into our adult life and don't then know what to do with it, which is why I then qualified in life coaching. It's why I study fashion psychology and human design so that I can then help clients go that little bit deeper on their style journey to understand actually what their limiting beliefs are, why is it a challenge? How can we overcome them? And really put in, like a I call it a style print for them to then follow for the rest of their life and beyond.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

I love it, it's like a blueprint, but a style print. Yeah. And what they will say, we're gonna go into your 10 now in a minute because I'm I'm I'm like, I'm itching. I'm like, but I'd like to say my go-to, I love 70s. I love a dagger collar, I love a patch pocket, I love a wedge heel. But going to the green, a word that immediately sprang to mind when I've been told these are your colours, drab, they make me feel drab, and I'm not a drab person. And I would say as well, I'm sure you'd probably this would be your advice. If there's a colour that you love, but it just isn't your colour, buy a pair of shoes in it, or buy a big sandboy or a handbag, rude not to, or a belt, something that isn't directly next to your colouring or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

Exactly that style doesn't have to be loud, it doesn't have to be bold, it can be unassuming in how we carry that. For example, I've got one client who she really likes the colour red, but she's a very neutral person. And she wanted to add red, so I said, just try painting your nails and see what happens. Loved it. Just try a lipstick, even at home, get comfortable in the uncomfortable, but in your home surroundings, and just making those small little tweaks can just build your style confidence. It doesn't have to be, you know, on day one, here's a brand new person and here's your new style portfolio. It doesn't work like that. It really is a building block, and we evolve and change, you know, every day as to what we want to wear. But if you don't like something, for the love of all things, whatever it is you pray to, please don't wear it. Please don't. Just wear what you love that makes you feel utterly fantastic.

SPEAKER_01 25:12

And experiment. Experiment. Yeah. Right. I want to know this power of 10. Are we going into a little it talk, talk me through it? I I am here. I am here to experience it. Come on, listeners, we're ready for this.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

Right. I like I need a like little uh drum roll coming in. So my power of ten style system is something I've used pretty much for the entirety of my styling career. And what I really like is that even clients that I haven't worked one-to-one with use this as part of their own day-to-day. And I often get messages from people on LinkedIn or Instagram going, Oh, I thought of you today. I was trying this on in you know, Marks and Spencer's, um, and I didn't buy it because it made me feel this. And so, what I really want my clients, your listeners, audience, everybody to hone into is actually that feeling of what makes you feel fantastic, what makes you feel happy. When you look at your reflection and you think, damn, this is a girl that's got it going on. You know, you are ready for the day ahead of you. No matter what, you know, is going to come your way, you are prepped, you are ready, and you are, you know, off to go. But what I don't want people to do on the flip side of that is stand in the mirror and go, oh, wow, this looks terrible, doesn't it? Because instantly your shoulders drop, your mood drops, your ability to handle different situations changes because your mindset is not where you would like it to be. And the differentiator between those is actually being able to put a number onto a feeling. So a few years ago, there's all this chat around editing your wardrobe for what holding on to things that what brings you joy. Now I can tell you that the black vest top I have on underneath my jumper, because it's cold, doesn't bring me joy, but it does complete my outfit to make me feel today like a 10 because I know that I'm having this podcast with you. I've got a Zoom meeting after, and I've got a client call at four. So I've known today that I want to feel a certain way. So I've looked in my wardrobe to be able to say, and luckily for me now, obviously, I've crafted my wardrobe that everything has this number assigned to it, to be able to pick out things that I know I'm going to be able to put on and go, yep, this feels like a solid eight today. This is a nine, this is a ten. So what I want people to do is really think about a time where you felt unstoppable, unapologetic. Absolutely that you've nailed what you're wearing. And when you have that outfit in mind, I want you then to go deeper. And I will add a link so that you can do this process in real time to figure out what it is that makes that a 10. And what is it about another outfit that actually might only make that a seven? And what is it about another outfit that might make that a three? Because I can guarantee, and I know this as fact because I've been through hundreds of people's wardrobes, we hold on to threes and fours and fives in our wardrobes. We either never wear them and then wonder why we have nothing to wear, because I said at the start, we've outgrown that person that we once were when we bought it. But if it's somewhere in the middle, say hovering around a six, I want to question clients more on well, if it's a six, why is it not a five? And why is it not a seven? So for me, a bit like uh, you know, the old game shows, seven and above, seven and higher, you know, if we've got that, then seven and above is what we want in your wardrobe. Anything that's a six, really think about, well, actually, what's going to make it a seven? Is it that I don't have the accessories? Is it that actually I could do with a style call with me to talk through the outfit? And then if it's the six and we think, well, actually, no, it probably is it a five, because I don't really like myself when I wear this because I feel as though I'm a bit more negative, then we need to edit those pieces out of our wardrobe because they really change how we feel. So to be able to have this bank of outfits, then that are a seven and above, I like clients to take selfies. You can create separate albums on your iPhone, or if you are lucky enough to be in my membership, you can do that on your own app. So there are different ways that clients and your audience can work on this scale of feelings. Because if you feel like a 10, you're unstoppable. If you feel like a four, then unfortunately you are stoppable. And we do not want that for people. We don't have time for that in our lives. We're here for sevens, eights, nines, and tens.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

I love this, but one question you are more about the questions that sprung to mind. Now you mentioned your black vest top. So do things like a a nude vest top, uh, a black pair of trousers, you know, but staples, shall we say? That do they are they separate from the items that we rank seven and above? Or do we say, right, a pair of trousers, and it has to be because I mean, I must admit, I've probably got about 10 black vest tops, some for going walking in, some for wearing as layers. But do I really need 10? And of those, there are a couple, I think. Well, I've got massive boobs, and a couple are like, oh, and when I put them on, I probably spend half my time readjusting my bra because it's yeah. So I suppose the same rule I've I've answered my own question.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

You've answered your own question. You you have a range of black vest tops that are probably a four, an eight, and a nine. So anything that makes you feel uncomfortable when you put it on isn't an immediate no. Why do we need them? Especially if you have plentiful others. But as far as the individual items go, as I say, you it's more difficult to assign those a number or a feeling if they are part of an outfit. So if you think of this 10, now for me, if I think of a 10, my first thing I think of is my wedding dress, right? I felt the best I've ever felt in my life on my wedding day. I loved everything about it. Now, as much as I would like to hop to Tesco's and get some.

SPEAKER_01 31:43

I think you should.

SPEAKER_00 31:43

I think, yeah, we don't do shoulds, but this is the we don't do shoulds. We don't do it. It's a must. You must go to Tesco. I'm quite sure it's the vibe that I'm going for in my shopping identity. Um, so it's really thinking, okay, well, what is it about that wedding dress? Why did I like it? I'm like, right, actually, I loved how it fitted my body. I loved the neckline on it, I love the detailing on it, I love there was a bit of secret on it, I love that there was this, you know, and you pick out those parts and go, ah, okay, I get it. What is in my wardrobe that has that neckline? Or when I'm out shopping, what has that same neckline that will give me that same feeling? So that we start building up almost like a bit of a recipe bank. So you know those days of the week where you're like, oh God, it's Tuesday. What am I gonna feed the kids tonight? They've already had chicken nuggets 10 times, you know, in the last 10 days. I can't do that again. Having this kind of recipe bank of clothes that you can quickly look on your phone or my app and go, ah, do you know what? I'm gonna wear that today. I bloody loved wearing that last week. I felt fantastic going for coffee with my girlfriends, and I'm gonna do that for today's Zoom meeting. It's a way of just replicating and making life easy so that on the days that do feel challenging, on the days that do feel a bit overwhelming, or just on the days you know you want to feel fabulous, you have this bank of recipes that are that power of 10 go-tos. Admittedly, tens are gonna be difficult every single day, which is why the sevens and above are really, really important. But if we can focus on those in the moments where we're having a wobble or we really don't like what we see in the mirror, having that bank will honestly change the way that you get dressed for it every single day.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

I love that. Oh, I'm I'm now I'm I'm mentally going through my it's not that organized. I'm in the process of of curating because I I love, I love pre-loved. I can't remember the last time, probably, apart from basics like you know, pants and stuff. Yes, that I buy new, I just love, but the result of that is it's that kind of like, ooh, oh, I do like that, and I end up probably with well, I I know I end up with more than I need.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

Um that's a that's a whole other conversation, isn't it? More than we need. But as long as you wear them, that you know, that doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_01 33:59

And if you have more than you need and you don't wear it, then there's a problem. I try to offload what I'm thinking, actually, I'm never gonna wear that. Um, but another thing I heard on the news this morning, and we are we are recording just before we actually air this episode. I thought I get your your views on this as well about online shopping for clothes, and now I know you're big on sizing as well, yes, because like me, I don't care what size my outfit my outfit is. No, I don't care what it says on the label, I care how it looks because no one is going to say to you, gosh, Kate, are you wearing a size mayor? They're gonna say, Your jacket looks bloody great today. I love it.

SPEAKER_00 34:40

Can you imagine somebody coming up to you going, Kate, that size 10 top looks amazing on you, or that size 10 top looks terrible. You need an 18. Like, no one uses these numbers except for shops to sell us things, right? It's an arbitrary scale.

SPEAKER_01 34:55

Absolutely. But the the the article on the news was, and I think it was ASOS, but other other clothing companies as well, are actually going to start charging for returns for people that have become serial returners, as they refer to it. But so many of the people in the box pop were saying I have to buy a size 16 and a size 18 because I don't blinking know how this outfit is gonna fit me. So it's almost adding another barrier, isn't it? You've more likely to think, well, I'm not gonna bother then.

SPEAKER_00 35:27

I'm not gonna bother. It's really confusing for the consumer, and I think retail in general has a lot of catching up to do with the world of retail, which sounds silly, but actually they're not very smart in how they market to people, how they market their, you know, what they can offer, how they market their sizing, whether they're size inclusive or not, or they say they are, and actually they've got two skirts that are a size 20. They don't do enough to promote actually knowing what your measurements are. So for me, one of the things I always get clients to do is to focus on their measurements. And actually, then when we're online shopping, with it might be a bit, you know, take a little bit longer, but in the long run, it will serve you better in terms of returns, is that actually look at every single item that you're going to order and look at what those measurements are. Because even in the same retailer, one size of size 10 jeans might be a 12, you know, one dress might be an 18, but actually it's more fitting to a size 20 because of the bust measurement. And so I think there's almost this part of us as women growing up in a certain era that we must fit into a certain size and we must make ourselves smaller because you know, small is wonderful. But actually, that's not to say women who are also in smaller bodies struggle too. You know, as a female race or people buying female-based gender clothing, it is very difficult to understand actually how the design is going to fit your body until you actually try it on. So, whilst yes, online shopping is great, whilst knowing your measurements is great, you sometimes will still have to order two or three of the same item in a different size. I think the problem of returning items becomes greater when there are people who are in the fashion influencing world that will be. That's the first thing that reveals. Yeah, that's the first thing I thought.

SPEAKER_01 37:36

Hang on, that's what they're actually clamping down on. Because I don't think my Instagram Brenda around the corner, you know, ordering sweat tops in this a different size. Because that that takes away then the fact that Brenda can't necessarily get to a high street and actually spend the time in the dressing room with or the brand that she's looking at may only be available online. But so I think that is an important trying on. Because if we don't get to try it on, the chances are it'll end up somewhere with the label on, and we'll discover it six months later. It's too late to send it back. We'll never wear it.

SPEAKER_00 38:11

So another problem with returns is that a high percentage of returns, especially to fast fashion retailers, don't actually get returned and recycled and put back into the buying circular. They will either get destroyed, shipped off, or you're told as the consumer to burn it, rip it, bin it. And I think it's so irresponsible as a retailer to put the problem. And I had this conversation with my girlfriends last week about varying issues, that the problem is always put on the consumer rather than the retailer or the you know, person who's trying to sell you something. And there's a whole other, you know, I could probably talk about that for another two hours. I won't. We don't have time for that today. We'll save that for the live. Yeah, we'll save that for the life. But there is a too much responsibility on the consumer to get it right when actually the retailer isn't doing it right in the first place, and it makes it really challenging. And especially if you are struggling as somebody to buy yourself something nice, the last thing you want to then do is try something on in your size, and it's either way too big or way too small, and that's across ages. You know, my eldest daughter has two skirts, they're exactly the same size, one is an inch and a half bigger on the waist than the other. And she's a teen. And then we wonder why we have so many issues. Whereas if John from around the corner can pop to MS, he'll just buy a 3432 and it'll fit perfectly. He can go into River Island, buy exactly the same size, fit perfectly. I don't know why there is such a discrepancy in in-store retailers selling sizes that don't actually match their own sizing.

SPEAKER_01 39:52

So I think that's you've had some brilliant advice there. I knew you would, I knew you would, but I think that is a key part then. Going for the 10, maybe not every day, but seven and above. So we do feel fabulous. Yeah. And bear in mind, don't give a poo about what the size says, but know your measurements.

SPEAKER_00 40:14

Know your measurements. I will say, because I know from working with so many women that sizing really does have a negative effect. And it's easy for me to sit here and say, just get the next size up.

SPEAKER_01 40:27

But one thing I found with midlife as well, isn't it? Our bodies are changing. Bodies change all the time. I just spoke over you. One thing, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:35

Okay. One thing that I would say has helped clients, and I would urge people to do if they find that this really is a bit tricky for them, is to cut the labels out of the clothing that they wear. So you're then not seeing the number, you're not reminding yourself of the number, you're just putting on your favourite pair of jeans that feel good, look good, make you feel like an eight or a nine. And you know, whatever you're going to go out and do, you're going to feel comfortable. And I think it's really important that we don't then focus too much on those negatives and look at actually how well how can we flip the switch? What can we reframe? How can we do it differently to make getting dressed that bit? Like I always say, you know, get stressed addressed is like my signature go-to, or get dressed for it. You know, these are the powerful slogans I want women to embrace. But it's looking at actually, well, what are those little hacks that might help us just move on and put those pairs of jeans on? Just cut the labels out, honestly. It's it's quick and easy, chuck it in the bin, say goodbye to it, and carry on with your day. You're worth way more than a label.

SPEAKER_01 41:35

Oh, I love that. Oh, ooh. Well, I know there are gonna be so many listeners that are like, right, I need to speak to Victoria. We will be giving your details in a minute. Obviously, all your contact details are in the show notes and you have your guest profile on the Midlife Unlimited podcast.

SPEAKER_00 41:52

Yes. I will also share with you, Kate, my link to my Power of Ten visualisation so people can go over that in their own time as well.

SPEAKER_01 41:59

Superb, superb. And I'll make sure that's in the show notes as well. But before we go there, you're not going to escape the three questions that I ask each of my fabulous female guests. So, very musical intro for the first question. What is your midlife anthem? The song or piece of music that when you hear it, you're like, Yep, today's gonna be a good day.

SPEAKER_00 42:27

Today is gonna be a good day. It is always and has been since I was a teenager. The spice girls spice up your life. Oh, if I hear that song, my whole body feels it. Yeah. That first kind of sense of girl power and you know, women wearing what the hell they want, and each of them having a different identity. Yeah, for me, I was just like, oh my god, and like Jerry's iconic, you know, you didn't dress is just amazing. Jerry's leopard print. Oh, well, exactly. There you go. Between us, we could form our own little uh spice girl. When um when we were when I was younger, my friends and I, there was one friend in particular, if you ever said, you know, what do you want to be when you grow up, her answer would be a spice girl. And so that I think is good advice for an admirable thing to want to be. There's a spice girl for everybody, isn't there? Whatever, whatever you want to be, choose your spice character. You know, like you used to have in Nintendo games, you'd be like, right, choose your spice girl. Player one, ready. But yes, anytime I hear that song, I instantly feel ready to go. That's perfect, isn't it? I am ready to go. I do have to also give some memorable mentions though, because that was my first instinctive. It's it's that song. There's nothing else that comes close to it but um another couple of tunes that do hold a flame to that that is really Taylor Swift. I'm a big Swifty, I love everything about her. You wait to see her.

SPEAKER_01 44:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:03

No, I mean I couldn't get it. Oh, did you not?

SPEAKER_01 44:06

Oh, I know you've done you didn't know it was a post I saw about was it her new album, The Showgirl.

SPEAKER_00 44:11

Yes, yes, yes. So I'll have done that. I love her, I love everything about her, how she runs a business, how she starts that yes. She might be listening, she might invite you to the wedding. Tay Tay, I'm in, I can make it. Um, so really a lot of things by her, but ready for it and mastermind are just perfect. As is This is Me from The Greatest Showman, because I think that gives a real, like proper anthem tune as well. So, yeah, Spice Girls are my number one always, but they were on the peripheral.

SPEAKER_01 44:41

Oh, I'm I'm all right, spiced up now.

SPEAKER_00 44:44

I'm ready. We're gonna go and listen to the Spice Girls as soon as they're gonna be. We are, I've got the album, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:48

I've got several of their albums actually. And I'm very excited that that I think it's the first Spice Girls track we've got for the Midlife Unlimited um, so yes.

SPEAKER_00 45:02

Whoop. I mean, there could be lots of other Spice Girls songs, literally a whole Spice Girl album, but that song in particular is the one that I just really remember from being young to now. It's given me the same feeling for you know, however old that song might now be. Like 20 something years, perhaps. 25? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:21

On that note, we will move on to move on, moving on. What is your midlife mantra? Is it a spice girls lyric? No, it's not, but it should have been, shouldn't it?

SPEAKER_00 45:31

Shall I now say yes, it's spice of pure life? Um, it's not. No, I did think about this one, and to get to it, I've decided because actually I think as we get to this stage of our life, boundaries become really important and also very protective of our person, our energy, our beliefs, etc. So my mantra is no is a full sentence.

SPEAKER_01 45:58

Yeah, it's so true.

SPEAKER_00 46:02

Because I think throughout my life, I've definitely said yes to things that I should have said no to or wanted to say no to, and you know, we're not here for the shoulds. Um, but certainly as I've entered my 40s, saying no to things actually brings me a certain amount of joy, both you know, personally and professionally. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:25

Well, I said I've I mentioned before, I I don't normally do words for the year, but this year I've actually got two, no surprise there. So my main word is more, because obviously this is the podcast for women who want more. My group programme is called More, but more and less, because you have to do less of things in order to get more of what you want. Oh, I love that. Yeah, that's so perfectly which kind of ties in with the no is a full sentence. You have to start saying no to be able to say yes. The two go hand in hand, don't they?

SPEAKER_00 46:57

If we fill up with too many yeses, like you're saying, then there's no room to do the things that you actually want to do because you're too busy doing things you don't really want to do. Uh oh.

SPEAKER_01 47:06

And that you don't need to do because other people are perfectly capable, but we won't go down that road. I'll start a little mini round. Yeah. Well, I'm loving this so far. We're gonna go before we give your details. The final question, and I'm intrigued with this one. What is the title of your autobiography?

SPEAKER_00 47:23

So, this one actually I found a bit more tricky, and only because I really wanted to give this question justice because the other two were so quick to me in my response that I sat with this for a little while. Um, but I have decided that my autobiography book will be called Becoming Untuckable for the Girl I Was to the Woman I Am Becoming. I have to be careful with how I say becoming untuckable. Untuckable, though I love that. There is supposed to be the element of, oh, did she mean uncleable? And actually, yes, I mean that too. So I created a style coaching programme, and it's called Becoming Untuckable. You know, I want women to get untucked. And I really like the play on with and actually tucking, because you know, we do tuck our clothes, everyone likes a French tuck. Um and so it was that play on actually, it is the style world, but it's also that world of midlife women saying no is a full sentence and stop being effed, and to be able to create that space where it's almost like you have this permission slip to be who you are always meant to have been, rather than you know, hiding in the shadows or pretending to be something because you think you should. And again, you know, those those shoulds are what catches us out. And actually, when I was studying for my um life coaching certification, I can't remember who said this, um, or I would attribute them, but it's one of the best things I've ever heard. And she said that should is the word could dressed in shame.

SPEAKER_01 49:15

And I thought, Oh, I've not heard that. How is it?

SPEAKER_00 49:20

Interesting is that because if you think, oh, I should or shouldn't wear this, as opposed to, oh, I could wear this, the energy is so different, isn't it? And so to have that kind of untuckableness with going forward in life, and I always think, you know, that girl who I was, she was really important because if I wasn't that girl, I wouldn't be the woman I am now, or certainly who I'm becoming. And I think if you can, you know, have your eight-year-old self think, wow, you're cool as anything, and yet your eight-year-old self thinking, I'm so proud of you, that's perfection to me.

SPEAKER_01 49:58

Yeah. And to keep keep growing and keep trying and keep experimenting. Absolutely get it wrong. That's it. You know, let's let's all wear purple. Why not? Why not?

SPEAKER_00 50:09

Why not? Wear whatever you like, whenever you like, wherever you like.

SPEAKER_01 50:13

Well, anyone listening and thinking, yes, I need Victoria. Obviously, I said all your details are in the show notes and on your guest profile. And we'll be popping the link as well for the power of 10 visualization. But can you talk us through how we can find you, how we can connect with you?

SPEAKER_00 50:30

So you will quite often find me in my stories on LinkedIn. Um, on Instagram, sorry. So that will be Instagram.com Victoria Hamilton underscore lifestyle, or on LinkedIn. I think I am just Victoria Hamilton. But I'm usually hanging out in one of those two places. And the reason for that is that I like the interaction of being around fellow business owners. It's how I met you, it's how we've connected. And like you said, it's unbelievable that we have not been in the same room together. But the power of connection through hanging out in those places and meeting fabulous people is what I really love. So I'm I'm often there. My website is getting a massive glow-up. So look out for that in the next couple of weeks. And that is victoriahamiltonlifestyle.co.uk. And from there you can find links to absolutely everything you need, whether you're looking for energy, coaching, styling, just a chat about life. I am generally always open for these types of things because those open magical doors to meeting people like you.

SPEAKER_01 51:37

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 51:38

Oh, oh, I love that. I love that. Very true.

SPEAKER_01 51:41

Thank you so much for having me on. Oh, well, my pleasure. And listeners, I'd love your feedback on today's episode. So it'd be fabulous if you could leave a review. And you can email or text me via the link in the show notes. And come and join the Midlife Unlimited podcast Facebook group. Victoria's in there. Again, the links in the show notes, and you'll find the website too with details of how you can join the wait list for more. My award-winning all-in-one, because it's it's not just group, it's one-to-one and group that's coming back this year, and details of popular podcast cherry one-to-ones as well. Need I say more. So thank you for joining me, Victoria. It's been an absolute joy. I knew it would be, you'd never fail to disappoint. I love your passion, I love your honesty. I just love you. I love you. I love you right back. Thank you for listening, everyone. I look forward to you tuning in again next week because don't forget Midlife Unlimited has a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcasts. So here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and living Midlife Unlimited. Thanks, Victoria. You've been brilliant. Bye.