Episode #033 How to Find Your Strength as a Midlife Woman with Guest Sophie Pittaway

Taking back our power is one of the most freeing aspects of Midlife. But all too often it doesn’t come easily. We are so used to giving away our power… feeling drained and frustrated as a result.

So how do we go about nurturing ourselves inside and out at this pivotal time in life? Finding our strength and cherishing it? Both on a physical level – because this really is the time to use it or lose it.

But also our inner strength, especially when navigating a heartbreak and feelings of abandonment.

If this resonates, join your host Kate Porter The Midlife Metamorphosis Coach® and her guest founder of House of KICK Sophie Pittaway for Episode 033 as they talk about How to Find Your Strength as a Midlife Woman. 

Kate is honoured that Sophie lifts the lid on a taboo in this raw and empowering episode by talking openly and honestly about how losing her Mum to suicide when Sophie was 16 lead to her facing two choices of path – that of victim, or that of survivor. 

Sophie passionately shares with Kate how choosing to navigate the survivor path lead her to Thailand  - a decision that not just saved her live but resulted in KICK being born. 

From building muscle to fasting via reassessing boundaries and choosing our pain, tune in for Sophie’s expert insights and advice for how we Gen X women can stop making excuses to ourselves and start developing a positive health routine to live our Midlife and beyond to the max. 

Sophie, who also lost her brother to suicide last year, said “If anyone is struggling, I am here to chat – anytime, no rush.”

Connect with Sophie

https://www.houseofkick.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/sophie-pittaway/

https://www.instagram.com/coach_sophs/

https://www.facebook.com/CoachSophs

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis Coach, and I know what it feels like to be stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling midlife like it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So, welcome to today's episode. Now, taking back our power is one of the most freeing aspects of midlife, but all too often it doesn't come easily. We're so used to giving away our power. and feeling drained and frustrated as a result. So how do we go about nurturing ourselves inside and out, finding our strength and cherishing it, both on a physical level, because this really is a time of use it or lose it, but also our inner strength, especially when navigating a heartbreak and feelings of abandonment. So I am delighted to be joined by my guest today, Sophie Pitaway, founder of House of Kick and creator of the Kick four-minute workout method, transforming lives four minutes at a time, to talk about how to find your strength as a midlife woman. So welcome, Sophie. It's fabulous to have you here.

SPEAKER_01: 1:49

Oh, thank you so much. I'm very excited about our

SPEAKER_00: 1:54

chat today. Well, absolutely, because Be Strong is It's a platitude that we hear and we say often, but when you actually boil down what being strong is all about, it encapsulates so much of what we're going through in midlife, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 2:11

It does, because I work on four phases of transformation, the physical aspect, the mental aspect, the emotional aspect, and then the spiritual, whatever spiritual means to me. Any different person is something completely different. And I feel like people think being strong is either one of those four. When I coach women, they come to me with one of them or two of them. And so we need to really focus holistically on how we become stronger in midlife, working your body, because my thing is, Fitness comes first, because if you're not fit, you're not fit for business, you're not fit for family, you're not fit for life. Because as you get older, we lose muscle mass. We'll go into that a bit later. Obviously, mentally... Are we strong whilst we're going through this midlife transformation with perimenopause, menopause? Do we take HRT? Do we not take HRT? Do we get our bloods tested? Do we not? Do we do this? The information is overwhelming. And then obviously, emotionally, Our emotions and our hormones and our insulin needs completely regulating and midlife women have no idea about that unless you're really into the business and you have that knowledge. And all of that mixes together because if you're not regulated, you're not sleeping properly. And when you're not sleeping properly, it affects your mental state. And if you're not sleeping properly and your mental state is affected, you're too tired to work out. And most midlife women do not want to go to the gym. They don't want to buy the outfits and they don't know what to do. And that's why I created the kick four minute round workout.

SPEAKER_00: 4:11

And it's so timely as well, because I've spoken on midlife unlimited before, but it is a time of, we don't necessarily want to go back to a fitness regime that we had before because it doesn't necessarily serve us now. And as you said, if we have lost confidence in our new look body, whatever new look that might be, it is quite daunting to actually, I say, pull on the Lycra or crop tops or whatever and show up in so many different aspects, but particularly in the gym. So finding something that does... with us as we're feeling about ourselves now is so empowering, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 4:56

Yeah, and the beauty of my methodology is you can do it at home. So that's just sort of answered your question and anyone listening because you can work out and train at home following the right programme without any... any weights or anything to start off with and get results when you have a food program that works in alignment with what you're doing. I have women that come to me and they go, Soph, I'm fine. I go to the gym six times a week and I do this class and that class and this class and I'm really healthy. But I'm three stone overweight and I cannot get the weight off. Wow. But they are doing the work, they think, because they're going to the gym, so they think tick. That's an hour class six times a week, so that's six hours of training. Maybe they're getting their steps in and they eat healthy. Like they'll go, oh, I'm going to eat a big punnet of... blueberries at 9pm before bed, but I haven't eaten all day because I'm busy at work and then at night I have chicken and salad. And so if you look at that as a routine, there is no way that that human is going to lose any weight or it's going to work. But for the person that doesn't understand, you're going to go, Well, why is it I'm training six hours a week in the gym, full on HIIT training. I'm doing circuits. I'm doing boxercise. I'm doing a spin class. I'm doing a step. I've got a yoga in there. And I'm eating loads of blueberries. And oh, that's really healthy, isn't it? I know I'm having only one meal a day. But from where I am, I go, right, we're midlife women, adrenal glands, stress hormones. You've raised your insulin right before bed with these blueberries. You're stressing, you've got cortisol and your hormones are all over the place. And that is why you're not losing the weight because the food is A, not enough to be eating three times as much as that every day, every day to work within your training routine. So what we work with is my formula called the non-fat formula. F-A-T, and this is for food and fasting. So we talk about F. F is frequency of when we eat. And my clients come to me and go, I'm really healthy. And I say, well, how often do you eat a day? And they'll go twice. And I'm going, that frequency is incorrect because we need more. Then A is for the amount. What amount of food are you eating? Okay? What amount of protein is on the plate? What about carbs are on the plate? What amount of fiber and all of it? What are the amounts? And nine times out of ten, the protein is small and the carb is high, the pasta, the rice, the potato, whatever, and there's a bit of salad and a bit of veg. So I really double down in the data of the amount because that is absolutely crucial for building strength. So... We need to build muscle, which is my 4B process. Build muscle, build metabolism, burn calories, burn fat. So when people come into my prayer and they work that system, and when you're eating the correct amount of food and doing your kick formula round workout, you are building muscle, right? When you build muscle, we speed up our metabolism again because at midlife, women, our metabolism goes down. The engine's slow. It's cranky. We've had five decades of sludge. And we need to be, basically, I call it flushing. We need to be flushed out like a plumber coming in and flushing out the pipes. Okay. So once we've built our metabolism a little bit, Our body starts to react a bit better. And that's how it helps us burn the calories quicker and burn the fat. So that's my 4B process. Build muscle so we get stronger. It helps us build the metabolism so our engine starts to work a bit faster again, like it was in our 20s and 30s and 40s. And then that helps us burn a bit more calorie every day because it's working better. We've got a nice, we're finely oiling the machine. And then that helps us then just get rid of the calories bit by bit every day, every day. Okay. And then the T of the fat is time. What time are we eating? And no one that comes into my program initially eats within the correct time window.

SPEAKER_00: 10:17

Okay. Yeah, I suppose. It's all about commitment to ourselves as well, isn't it? And I'm really excited. Obviously, you've given a taster now and I want to hear more, but we're going to find out more about you first. But you will later on in the show be sharing your top tips to stop making excuses to ourselves, really, ladies, isn't it? And to start developing a positive health routine. Because, as I say, it's use it or lose it but you're such an inspiration in terms of I love I'm all about being passionate about what we do and you do you live and breathe it you are kick is you you are kick how how did this all come about take me back

SPEAKER_01: 11:08

so let's go back so I'm 52 now I'm 53 in a couple of weeks and I can hand on my heart say I've never felt fitter and stronger in healthier more clarity emotionally calm ever ever ever in my life and yeah this has been a very very long journey but this is how i coach my clients through these transformations physical mental emotional spiritual because we have to tap into all the different parts but basically when i was at school i was always good at sport i was county hockey and athletics. My dad was in the military. We travelled all over the world. And I then was playing hockey and athletics for RAF Germany and RAF Larbrook. So I was playing at a high level. Then I moved to, then my mum died when I was 16. So I was always into sport. So I was always fit and healthy. But back in the day, you know, you were, We were always, if you did it, you did it. We didn't understand what that was all about. But then suddenly my mum died when I was 16, when I was living in Germany. And my mum had mental health issues. And rest her soul, she was no longer needed on this planet. So she committed suicide. So I've lived with suicide, being a suicide survivor. survivor or victim, whatever people want to call it, since I was 16. And obviously that impact on me was huge. And although I was representing RAF Larbrook to RAF Germany, so I was playing Switzerland, Holland, France, Spain, because it was a European, I was playing at a really high level. I was drinking a lot. But that was also the culture of being in the military. You trained and you went out at night. You went to work, you went out at night. And then, so it all seemed part and parcel, but clearly now looking back, I was just avoiding the pain, the pain, the emotional pain. I was physically strong. But I was emotionally in pain. And this is why I've created what I've done. Because even if you're strong in the body, all these athletes, bodybuilders, whatever, if you're not holistically programmed, the pain will take over at some point in our lives. And so to cut a long story short, I was then asked to join... As a PTI, which means physical training instructor, I went to learn how to become a physical training instructor in the gym at REF Larbrook on the military base. But I wasn't in the military. My dad was. He was an officer, flew the tornado, went to all the wars. He was top gun. So they allowed me to go on this program because I was dependent to learn PTI. They wanted me to join up as an officer. And I didn't want to because I saw how this lifestyle in effect was detriment to my mother's mental health. She didn't like it. I was sent to boarding school before I got expelled. That's why I ended up in Germany. I left home at 12 to boarding school. Then I came back because I got expelled. My brother went to boarding school at eight. It's too early. So we have attachment issues, loss, all of the stuff that when you don't go to boarding school, you have because you're living with your parent that loves you and gives you that attention and gives you all that unconditional love so anyway so i didn't want to do that and i then left moved to london my dad and my brother and i weren't getting on because we couldn't cope with the loss and instead of coming together it drove us apart and it was not a pleasant home environment for us to be in so i was like I'm going, I need to go to London. I need to find what I want to do. I don't want that military lifestyle. I've experienced it at a distance and I don't want to drink like this is what they do. Also, I was questioning my sexuality and you can't do that when you're in the military. So it was illegal. So I had a lot of things going on, but I couldn't talk to anyone because it was illegal. So I was like, right, I'm going to London. I'm going to have fun in London. So I came to London when I was 18. And after going into many jobs and all this, that and the other, I was able to land a very good job in Marlborough near Regent's Park on a private property estate with a private health club as a manager of this private gym. and that kind of almost saved my life it gave me back structure accountability discipline and that's what i instill in my programs now because i went to boarding school structure discipline accountability i'm in my i have military background this is instilled in my dna and this is what i know works in a routine to get your results. So we'll go into that a bit later. And anyway, so in my new job, my boss was five times world champion Thai boxer.

SPEAKER_00: 17:04

So was this your first introduction then?

SPEAKER_01: 17:07

Yes. I was always going to the gym. I was always doing this, always doing that. He said, I'm sorry if you need to come and do Thai boxing. I said, no, I'm a lover, not a fighter. And anyway, it took him a year to get me down the professional gym in Tottenham in London, opposite Tottenham Hotspur football ground at the time. And I'm now 20, 19, 20. And I went into this gym and I was absolutely in awe by the training, the people, diversity. You know, I'm white, middle English. upbringing but i i don't relate to that at all because i really don't like it i like being mixed up with all different cultures and diversity and here i am in tottenham we all know what tottenham's like in london and i everyone from every walk of life is in this gym if they've been in prison they've been drunk

SPEAKER_00: 18:05

like a melting pot

SPEAKER_01: 18:07

yeah like a melting pot they've been they've got phds they work in the city they're bankers lawyers they're in real estate They're nurses and doctors. Forget it. The melting pot, they're all in it from all walks of life, from all over the world. Boom. And they're in this gym, skipping, sparring, punching, bag. And I kept hearing this bing, this buzzing noise. And I was like, what's that? And then three minutes later, the buzz went again and the gym was silent. Everyone stopped screaming. training and i was looking around going what's going on everyone was just full on into their training whether they're on the bag sit-ups push-ups skipping in the ring and then the buzzer went and everyone stopped everyone had a drink of water rehydration one minute later the buzzer went again and everyone started training again i was like okay Then three minutes later, the buzzer went again. Everyone stopped. They had a drink of water, had a stretch. One minute later, the buzzer went again. Everyone started training. That is the kick four minute round workout that I've created for all of you because I know that that structure equals the discipline and that works. So in the gym, they're doing like 20 rounds, 30 rounds, 40 rounds at a session. 12 rounds is 48 minutes. Four times 12 is 48 minutes. Okay. That's what I train people to get to 12 rounds. Start with one. Train three minutes on, one minute off. Every day, every day with a bit of the food from the nonfat formula. My women are getting stronger and they're losing kilos. five to 30 kilos boom and i say start with one round first one full minute and you and you build up and you get the result so back to the gym i was like okay i'm gonna i'm gonna have a go at this so he said right get in the ring here's some gloves and i was like i've never i've never even got in the ring ever in my life never done any of this and i was in with the british title champion this girl and she punched me in the head and i went to the ropes It was like I was in the movies, Saw Stars, blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_02: 20:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 20:46

Hit the deck. And then my boss was stood next to me at the ropes because it's one of these big professional rings. I'm up high and he's down there. Not some little mat on the floor. And I was like, right. So I got my breath back, got back up, went in, did my bit. She came down and then he went, right, you've passed your initiation test. I was like, what? And he said, yeah, because if you're not up for it or anything in life, you would have gone out and cried. But he said he didn't. So that was the beginning of the journey. And so I started training and I got addicted because I have a very addictive personality. And I got addicted and obsessed because my body was changing overnight.

SPEAKER_00: 21:39

Was it really that quick?

SPEAKER_01: 21:41

that quick because I was like, I'm in the zone. So I went training every night, but if I was training every night for two hour, I'm not eating. I'm not having a nighttime meal and I'm in my twenties. I don't have family. So I'm not eating. I'm training. I'm burning calories. I go home. I have a tiny bit of protein, go to bed, get up the next day, repeat. And then I run at lunchtime. eat certain things, and then I go to the gym. What I've had to do for my program is realize I'm dealing with midlife women. They've got children, aging parents, husband, businesses. So what I've done, I've managed to master how we can get those results without going to the gym for two hours like I did back in the day.

SPEAKER_02: 22:28

I've

SPEAKER_01: 22:29

done that, and that's why the method works, because you can do it all at home. You don't have to go to the gym. You couldn't do it. But it helped me, punching and kicking, take away the pain that I was suffering with the loss of my mum. And that was one of the drivers because I couldn't, in my mind, process emotion. And I have a very difficult relationship with my dad and still do to date because he has PTSD, military, so he can't even think properly. or Phil or he's just not normal and it's helped me deal with my relationship with him and learn Buddhism philosophy so because it's Thai boxing I started going to Thailand every year since I was 20, 21 and I got into the Thai culture and I've had to learn Buddhism as my spirituality because I've had to learn to let go forgive All these things that we need to do to create peace in our heart and soul, in our life on earth. And so the training is really powerful because you become strong in your physical body. It helps you become strong in your emotions. It helps you set boundaries. Your stances rise because you... don't want to go out drinking and taking drugs with these people because you want to go to the gym the next day. So you'll lose people along the way. They say that when you make money and become successful, you lose people along the way. It's exactly the same with this because you can't do that anymore all the time. So you're constantly going through a revelation of transformation because it breathes into all these other areas of life. breathes into your home. You want your environment to be cleansed. You want to feel clean and tidy. You want to be with supporters, not saboteurs. You want to be with people

SPEAKER_00: 24:43

that... Oh, I like that.

SPEAKER_01: 24:43

Yeah, I've got a whole thing on that in my programme. Are you around saboteurs or supporters? Because when you're going on this journey... You need to tell the people that are going to support you, not the people that are going to push. Oh, come on. You can come to the pub tonight. Oh, come on. No, I can't because tomorrow morning I'm training. I'm doing my kick four minute rounds. I've got to eat like this. I've got to eat like that. My program's 80% of the time, by the way, at the beginning. I'd never tell anyone to give anything up.

SPEAKER_02: 25:19

It's

SPEAKER_01: 25:20

If you want to drink, fine. If you want to go and take some drugs every night, do what you need. But here is 80% of the time, this is what you're following. And when you're following something and you're committed to this routine, you're going to

SPEAKER_00: 25:37

get results. I think there's a shift as well, isn't there? That feeling of when you're denying yourself, when you feel you're taking something away, you kind of, you build up that feeling of resistance. Whereas if you re-think that in terms of you're giving yourself something new, you're giving yourself a new opportunity, you're opening your mind to new things. It's a completely different, it's a reframe, isn't it? And I know that phrase, obviously, your key phrase, but... Yeah, and I'd love to know, I've never been to Thailand. It's long been on my I'm going bucket list, if that's still the right word. Oh, I have a kick

SPEAKER_01: 26:15

retreat in November in Thailand.

SPEAKER_00: 26:18

I was going to ask you about that later on. But how did it feel? How did it feel when you first got there? Was it an absolute... I like this. I want to move here. This is how I am meant to be. But I've heard it really is. And I'm not talking about the beaches. I'm talking about the

SPEAKER_01: 26:37

whole... So I first went, I went Bangkok, Koh Samui, Koh Phangan, which is my soul. And I know a lot of people there and the gyms and the people, to DJs, to my massage guru is there. She's trained me for 20 years. And that's where I'm taking everyone in November this year. And when I first went, obviously there was no McDonald's, no Burger King, nothing commercial was there like Western world commercial. So it was very, very real and raw. People are divine and they make you feel really good, clearly. Obviously, they've got economic reasons to do that as well. But it's just the pace and what you realise is, and I always say this, redefining luxury. Like this morning, I've done boot camp on the beach and I've been for a swim. That's my luxury, not buying a handbag or doing this, that and the other or getting the next Louis Vuitton or whatever. You know, what is luxury for your soul? And over there, you realize when you look back over the world to the UK and Europe, that it's all just full of nonsense. And the nonsense is because we are marketed to in that way to make us feel insecure. And we have to feel value because we've got the Chanel handbag or whatever.

SPEAKER_00: 28:11

Yeah, it's like you will be a better person if you own this thing. And it's about the things. It's like, what do you actually need? Apart from, like we were saying, apart from things that nurture you and nourish you, everything else is materialism.

SPEAKER_01: 28:29

And as midlife women, you know, we've all done all that. You know, got the house, got the car, got the jewelry, got the this, been on the holiday, done the zhuzh, zhuzh, zhuzh. But let's say 50% of midlife women are now divorced. They've gone into another relationship. We've got blended families. You know, I don't have my own kids, but I've got, my partner's got two boys. They live in Australia. So, you know, and then I'm very, very close with my nieces and nephews. So we have to accommodate and deal with lots of different things. And money, what do we use our money for? What's the priority? What's the priority for us to feel good? What is the priority of us to be strong and feel aligned that? But Thailand is still now, even though McDonald's and Burger King and everything are there, the right places that aren't commercialized is just bliss. And I created Kick, 4 Minute Round Worker. I created it in Thailand. My program is based on my training, the warmups, all of it. It's all within my program. And it's holistic. It's yin and yang. It's hard and soft. It's all of it. And as midlife women, we... need to remember we have hormones and periods that are now going out we can't be full on all the time we've got to learn to relax we've got to learn calmness we've got to learn how to write in a journal and meditate whatever I hate that word meditate in journal but I meditate when I'm hitting the punch bag or skipping oh okay it's not just

SPEAKER_00: 30:28

about you get in the zone and yeah

SPEAKER_01: 30:31

And that's where I reach my, almost like that space where it's creative. And I'm like, oh God, yes. Like aha moment. I hate saying that word as well. But I can get that. People get it through swimming. People get it through running. I played the handpan. I get it through sound and vibration, healing vibration. I do this a lot with my clients. So they get their aha moments.

SPEAKER_00: 31:02

I suppose it's drowning out the noise, isn't it? Or not drowning it out, but zoning out so that you can actually focus your mind. And for us ladies at this time, the brain fog is a very real thing, isn't it? So actually to be able to just focus in and say, okay, brain switch off that bit switch off that bit I mean mindfulness is a huge thing for me and I've actually got my son goes for mindful walks now you know he's 23 but he he says mum it's brilliant it just zones and when he comes back he feels so creative then because he's a creative lad you know he his ideas start flowing and because it's literally like almost cleansed that's it all the rubbish that's going round and round and round and round. So I think now, then, it's a good time to delve deeper into your top tips for, as you say, combining physical and mental health, the whole package, the whole holistic approach. And it is about making a commitment to ourselves, isn't it? But in a positive way, like we said, because we're not denying ourselves. We're actually... feeding ourselves both in terms of nourishment and mental nurturing so a phrase that you use that i i think is so powerful is choose your pain now can you explain what i think i know and i know what i take from that but what what do you mean from that because i don't think you mean pain in terms of as it was it what you focus on decide what you're going to focus on

SPEAKER_01: 32:44

yeah so Take today, I could have chosen to stay in bed because I've got aches and pains. For example, I haven't, but I'm just using it as an example. I've got aches and pains or I'm drowning because I feel heavy emotion. So I can't get out of bed and I've got pain in my joints. And I've got pain. So I can choose to stay in bed this morning and I can choose to go to the doctor and go, oh my God, I've got pain. And then the doctor's going to put you on a pill. And then that pill is going to work maybe, maybe not. But that pill might give you result in something else that gives you another pain. then you've got to go and take another pill. To me, and then you're hobbling around and limping, then you're moaning, and then your partner has to look after you, and then you're depressed because you're moaning, and then you've got no energy because you're annoyed. That is pain. My pain is I'm going to get up in the morning and I'm going to do my kick-forming-around workout, or I'm going to go to the gym or I'm going to go and do yoga. I'm going to go and do something. I'm going to go down to the living room and I'm going to train my kick formula around workouts. And I'm going to write in my journal and I'm going to offload my mind and my emotion. I'm going to go for a walk, get out of the house. And then I'm going to make my kick high protein smoothie. I'm going to eat something that I'm not rushing. I'm going to take time. That, is painful right so i go choose your pain i want to go what i've just said because i know that that's hard for people at the beginning to choose that that's pain why do i want to go and do it's painful but also it's painful staying the same oh yeah it's hard to stay the same so i choose your pain do you want to choose your pain and stay the same Or do you want to choose your pain and play the game? So you're playing the game. The game. You've got to get up. You've got to move. You've got to put the time in. There's a great, what we do in martial arts is that, you know, we say we've got to go and do our road work. Got to go and do our road work. The road work is not my technique. It's not my lifting weights. It's the walking. It's the running. It's the bike. It's the road work. It's the road work. And when I do my road work, I go to the gym, I put podcasts on, I listen to Mel Robbins' Let Them Theory, I listen to blah, blah, blah, whatever. Midlife Unlimited. Midlife Unlimited. All of it. So I'm doing like double whammy. I'm like health hacking. Okay, I'm health hacking. It's helping me with my emotions. Another thing that I just want to tap on, Kate, was you know about this. I lost my brother to suicide September last year. So I lost my mum when I was 16. I've lost my brother now. He was just turned 50. And how do I deal with pain? Because we're talking about pain.

SPEAKER_00: 36:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 36:15

I want to take my pain into power. So when I have a life trauma like that, instead of going to the bottle or doing eating, overeat or whatever, I train more. I up-level my habits more because I need to work through my pain and turn my pain into power. I need to work through the trauma. So whenever I have like, stressful day or i've had a challenging conversation or you know i'm constantly in battle with my dad what do i do to reset my nervous system because i've had early childhood trauma i i have to i've had to learn how to regulate my nervous system and i can do it really quickly now and a lot of you listening will really understand that when you get triggered triggered by your mom your dad your your children this triggers and what happens when we have a trigger the heart rate goes up but it's spiking our nervous system so we so then we react and we shout and we scream and we like or we go for a drink or like right bugger it blah blah blah i've learned over my decades of healing how to self-regulate nervous system through a daily challenge or a life trauma so what i do and what how i coach my clients is that when something happens let's double down more it's going to help you more your recovery is quicker and all the time we're taking that pain and and building that up into power

SPEAKER_00: 37:59

no thank you for sharing that because that is And I know you've actually said before that anyone, we're going to give your contact details later on after I've asked you your big three questions. But anyone who'd like to reach out, you're always there to have the conversations because these are conversations that need having, Sophie, aren't

SPEAKER_01: 38:18

they? Yeah, because, you know, we're all dealing with people in our life. Mental health is so high on the agenda right now, and especially with men. They're dealing with other challenges than women. And, you know, my brother had it for a very long time. And so it's all challenging. But we need to have that outlet and speak to people that really understand mental ill health, suicide. If there's any suicide survivors out there, I'm always here to grab a call because I've been dealing with it, not only physically, with my mum and my brother who were my inner circle. I've had those tremendous losses. My brother and I were super close as well. And we knew all about his mental health issues. He never hid it, never hid it from the kids. We're all-

SPEAKER_00: 39:10

So you did talk about it. Oh yeah,

SPEAKER_01: 39:13

yeah. We're absolutely a tight unit, my family over here. And so I'm a bit like the second mum to the kids. And I'm very, very close with his partner who he had for 33 years. But, you know, there's not enough space out there to really go and talk about it. I've had friends commit suicide through mental health, through drugs, through addiction. I've saved people and they're still alive now. They're still in my life. You know, it's around us all the time. I don't even know what the statistics are now. of how many a minute. I

SPEAKER_00: 39:57

think it's as well, when you do encounter, when it happens to a friend or a colleague, we just don't know what to say. We just don't know what to say. I mean, sorry for your loss. This doesn't seem to cut it, does it? It just seems such a meaningless, not intentionally meaningless, but...

SPEAKER_01: 40:18

Yeah, it's hard to have that compassion and empathy when you've kind of not gone through it. And you're right, it's really, really difficult, isn't it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 40:30

It's that fear of saying the wrong thing that often can lead us to say nothing. And so, no, I thank you by opening the conversation. And I say we'll be giving your contact details in a bit. But to

SPEAKER_01: 40:46

know that... Yeah, what's really helped me and just really want to... put that out is that training has helped me deal with all of these things in life so i always say this is why i say fitness starts first

SPEAKER_00: 41:01

yeah

SPEAKER_01: 41:01

it's first because you get into a routine a health routine you get stronger in the body you get clarity in the mind you've got your food right you're sleeping better now now let's deal with the problems most people do it the other way around They're obese, they're drinking too much, they're eating wrong, they're not sleeping right, whatever, whatever, whatever. And they've got psychological problems. They go and sit on the shrink's couch trying to deal with their problems. Your body isn't even right. You're not even strong. My methodology is back to front because let's get you right whilst you're training. And that's how I coach my one to one clients who are going through massive life transformation. start with the body we get them real and raw they can open up they can feel vulnerable in a safe space and they've talked about all their stuff for one hour or two hour with me but actually they've worked out so they've left me fitter stronger they've rehydrated they've had a stretch they've built their muscle because in midlife we lose three percent muscle mass year on year so if you don't do resistance training now okay you're going to get what's called sacropenia And sacropenia is muscle loss and wastage. And then that's when you fall over, trip over something, your shoelace, and you go and catch yourself and you can't because you don't have enough muscle to hold yourself up. And now we've sprained the wrists. Now we've sprained the shoulder, the hip. Now you're in A&E. You know how terrible that is. Now you're having hip replacement and now you're three months out of life and you're not even strong enough to recover and that's it, gone. So I cannot state strongly enough the importance of being strong, getting strong for life in your body because we have to work out to build what we've losing year on year. Then we've got to work out a bit more so we can add muscle on.

SPEAKER_00: 43:02

Oh, I love that. It's so powerful. It's so powerful. And I say, we will be giving all your contact details in a minute because I know there are going to be loads of women listening and maybe even some men as well, Sophie. You never know. Sure. I mean, I train men. I've trained men. And I will say as well, I've not actually been a paying client of you. I like to be completely open and honest here, but I have been to your... Kit Connector sessions. I've sat there with my salted water. I've sat there doing my weights, haven't I? Doing my three minutes. Yeah. So there are so many ways that you can have some Sophie in your world or joy going to Sophie's world. And we will give more details in a minute. And I say they're on the show notes and you have your guest profile on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website. Oh, yes. But... Before we give more details of that, you don't escape because every episode I ask each of my fabulous female guests the same three questions. And it's your turn now, Sophie, so you can't run away. I'm glad we're not in the same room. I don't think I'm up to your Thai boxing skills. But your first question, maybe do you play music when you're doing your exercise? Does music come into it?

SPEAKER_01: 44:20

Yeah, well, I'm a musician. I've played the violin since I was six years old. I played in orchestras all around the UK when I was young. And when I was at boarding school, I played I was in all the symphony orchestras. And then I subsequently played the bongos and drums. I played in clubs in London, at festivals.

SPEAKER_00: 44:42

Well, I want to know then, question one, what is your midlife anthem? And do you actually play any of your instruments along to it?

SPEAKER_01: 44:50

right so one of my anthems is i heard you say hey hey and i love dance music i used to club all the time i was always on the podium i just love music because it's vibration it's energy i love dancing absolutely love it and that's that is one of my anthems but obviously rocky is the favorite

SPEAKER_00: 45:13

oh yeah running up those steps

SPEAKER_01: 45:15

that's it

SPEAKER_00: 45:16

Punch in the air.

SPEAKER_01: 45:19

But yeah, the music I play is I can train to classical music because I'm classically trained. So I love classical and I often play to the ham-pam because it's healing music. It's healing at hertz level 1111, 1111, which is healing energy for body. So when I deal with clients that are going through trauma, I I massage cranial with the Thai oil and I play handpan and I get them to play it because it's so healing. But also I train to dance music or anything that can like, you know, get me in my zone. I love music, love music.

SPEAKER_00: 46:04

I feel a night out coming on. I like the side of this. Now, when you get to the top of the Rocky Steps then, what, What midlife mantra are you shouting to yourself as you punch the air? Love it, love it.

SPEAKER_01: 46:20

So I've had this saying for decades and it still works. Everything takes two years. Oh. OK,

SPEAKER_00: 46:33

I've not heard that one before. I

SPEAKER_01: 46:35

know because it's mine. And I say it because... There's no rush in anything you're trying to do, whether it's making money, starting your new business, starting your Midlife Unlimited podcast, getting a super fit body, buying a house, making a baby, moving abroad. From when you begin, everything takes two years. So you get your little milestones every quarter, every quarter, every year. But you've got to have that vision. You've got to be patient. Because if you want it to really, really work, you've got to put the consistent work in and you will get your results. It took me three years to get my black belt. It took me three years to get grade six in the violin, for example. Wow. It took me another two years to... to whatever. People are out there, I want to make 10K months. I want to make 20K months. I want to do a million pound this year. You're not going to do it because unless something quick happens, but then that'll be lost. If I get a client who loses a load of weight, or if you take someone that loses a load of weight, like in Weight Watchers that has now gone bankrupt, by the way, you lose loads of weight. in two months, three months, but because you haven't got the daily habits, the mindset and the rituals in place for the mind, the heart and the soul and the body to catch up together, because the body always goes quicker than the mind. You still see that fuck person in the mirror. You put that weight back on. And that's why Weight Watchers was so successful back in the day because everyone was yo-yoing in and out, losing weight, going back on, losing weight. So everything takes two years. Consistently put the work in every day, every day. 80% of the time, that 80-20 rule, you will get your creative visualization result, whatever that is, 10K a month, 20K a month, lose 10K, lose 30K in weight. Be strong, whatever. Love that.

SPEAKER_00: 48:52

So before we give your contact details, one final question. What is the title of your autobiography? Can I guess?

SPEAKER_01: 49:02

Kicking Pain Into Your Power. Four minutes at a time.

SPEAKER_00: 49:10

Love it.

SPEAKER_01: 49:12

Love it.

SPEAKER_00: 49:13

Oh, you've been an absolute joy. I knew you would be. So I've been promising we're going to give you a contact detail. As I say... Your guest profile is on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website. All your contact details are in the show notes. But just talk listeners through how they can get in touch with you. Find out more about your Thailand retreat website, social links. Fire away. OK,

SPEAKER_01: 49:38

so my website is House of Kick dot com. House of Kick dot com. My Instagram is house underscore of underscore kick. LinkedIn is Sophie Pitaway, my name, just my name. Facebook is Sophie Pitaway. And when you're in the kick collective, you'll be in the kick collective on Facebook as well. That's it really. You can contact me for any of those.

SPEAKER_00: 50:15

excellent excellent and i say maybe i will see some of the listeners in the next meeting as well yeah sorry you said so

SPEAKER_01: 50:23

the kit connector show with the case talking connector yeah it's free and it's the last monday of every month so reach out to me on any of those platforms and i'll send you the link to fill out your email and then you will get the zoom link hopefully

SPEAKER_00: 50:41

it's a it's a great way to to come into your world i'm sure once you're in there

SPEAKER_01: 50:45

it's totally free it's 12 30 for 45 minutes and we just talk about health any problems any issues and i always give away a workout tip a kick formula round tip and a non-fat formula tip so you can implement for the next month so you just take it It'll bit by bit. And my Thailand retreat is in November. I'm taking people to Koh Phangan. And it's going to be mindset. It's going to be working your plan out for the next year of your health strategy. I'm going to take you to Thai boxing. I'm going to take you to my massage guru. I'm going to take you to my DJ on the beach for sunset. We're going to go around the islands. And it's going to be raw and fabulous.

SPEAKER_00: 51:31

It sounds fabulous. It sounds fabulous. Right. Well, everyone get in touch with Sophie there. And I'd like your feedback on today's episode as well. So it'd be fabulous if you could leave a review or you can email me or text me via the link in the show notes and come and join the Midlife Unlimited podcast Facebook group via the link in the show notes where you'll find the website link to for details of my exclusive VIP Midlife Metamorphosing I'm so excited about Thailand coaching offers. So thank you for joining me, Sophie. You've been an absolute star. It's been a pleasure. Thank you for listening. I look forward to tuning in next week because don't forget Midlife Unlimited has a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcasts. So here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and to living Midlife Unlimited. Thanks, Sophie. Take care. Bye.